


A Life Lost

by BurningSlowly



Series: Deal With Death [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Bullying, Christmas chapter, Cussing, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Heterochromia, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter is a little shit, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Master of Death Harry Potter, Time Travel, Violence, heterochromia! Harry, semi-canonical events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2020-08-20 09:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 99,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20225833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningSlowly/pseuds/BurningSlowly
Summary: The loss of Severus Snape pushes Harry to make a deal with Death.*This is a prequel story, however, it is not necessary to read the first installment to read this.





	1. The Deal

_ “What happens now?” _

_ Death waved his arm. A bluish light broke through the hall. “Go through that and you’ll return." _

_ He walked towards the light. He could almost hear his friends calling to him. _

_ "You won’t remember any of this. You get a second chance.” _

_ “What about you?” he asked, turning away from the light. _

_ “I am Death,” There was a sad smile on his face. “I’ve used up all my chances. All I can do is watch until I am called.” _

_ He looked at Death once more before stepping through the light. _

Harry closed the book with a disappointed huff. “That’s the ending?”

Severus scoffed. “What do you expect? Only a fool makes deals with Death.”

That response did little to fix his disappointment. He’d purposely picked the least darkly titled book off the shelves in hopes that it would be a decent read. “Don't you have more uplifting books?” 

“It would go against my image if I had those type of happily ever after nonsense you call literature” Severus said not even looking away from the Potions text in his hand. 

Harry laughed. Severus had made it very clear from the moment he saw one of the novels Hermione had lent him- the type that clearly was written with witches in mind- that he didn’t care for his choice in reading material. “Is it a crime to like romance?”

“It is when you try to push such rubbish into me.” Severus turned the page. 

It wasn’t his fault that Severus could tell right away when he’d tried to sneak a few of his favorite books onto the man’s bookshelves last week. He’d hoped that Severus would give it a try if he showed interest in the other books, but it appeared that wasn’t going to happen.

“Okay. Okay.” Harry moved from the book self towards Severus’s chair. “No romance for the scary potion professor” he whispered leaning over picking the book out of Severus’s hands. With his hands free, Severus pulled at his loose tie bringing him closer; onyx eyes meeting his own mismatched eyes. 

“Definitely no romance,” he said with a triumphant smile on his face.

Severus smirked. There was no hesitation as their lips met while he moved to straddle the man. They had spent so long fighting against one another for reasons that he had no idea of until the world had turned things upside down. Whenever Harry reflected it always seemed that one day they had gone from meaninglessly hating each other to fighting alongside each other. For years he’d interpreted Snapes' careful watch as something to be suspicious of, he had been so sure that one day this man was going to betray the trust that Dulmbedore had in him. Everything had pointed that way for so long, or so that’s what it seemed when nearly all his classmates swapped stories about his rough demeanor- really the man had never once said anything overtly kind in class to anyone. The rivalry between Slytherin house and Gryfindor had also propelled his negative view of Snape in the beginning and seeing Draco Malfoy- his own personal rival- excel in potions with a superior look on his face while he constantly needed Hermione to keep his potions from turning nuclear added to his dislike of Snape. And then he found out that through all his run-ins with Voldemort it was Snape that had saved him through actions in the background. Learning about Snape’s true loyalties made it incredibly difficult to truly hate the man. How can you hate someone who risks his life to save others? That was a question he struggled with for some time until the man had sat beside him at the top of the Astronomy Tower after Sirius’s death. Not one word was spoken at the time but just having the man sitting there had helped so much that from that day on Snape had become Severus in his mind. And now they were like this.

Nothing mattered when it was just them. They both needed that; needed this sense of calm in the chaos. What did it matter if the weight of the world sat on his shoulder? What did it matter that he was prophesied to save the wizarding world by defeating Voldemort? Neither of them were sure what the next day would bring, but when they were entangled like this tomorrow wasn't a thought. 

“Harry,” Severus placed a sturdy hand onto the lower part of his back. 

“Take me” he whispered pressing their bodies closer.

They didn't have the luxury of taking things slow the way Severus wanted. Any day they could be facing war. Before he died, he wanted to know that in the final days he hadn't stopped living out of fear. He needed to know that he hadn’t tossed away a chance at love. 

Hands pulled him back, reducing the closeness he desired. 

“How can you be such a git when we are like this?” he groaned.

“You make it easy with your lack of seduction.” 

“Oh?” he teased running his hands through Severus’s long hair. “Then show me how it's done.”

“Is that a challenge?” Severus whispered sending shivers up his spine. 

Skilled fingers dipped into their dance of familiar teasing pattern down his back until Severus’s hands stilled. Pain spread along Severus’s face as he seized his left forearm. 

“Severus!”

“I'm being summoned” Severus grunted through the pain. “I need to go.”

Seeing this pain was unbearable, each time he wished that Voldemort hadn’t this power over him. “Come back to me.” He pushed back some hair that clung to Severus’ set brow. 

“I will” Severus said looking deep into his eyes. He had to believe that Severus would come back as he always had. Keeping Severus here would only prolong his suffering. 

The second he removed himself Severus hurriedly grabbed his Death Eater gear and stormed out. 

This wasn't the first time he witnessed this but there was something different, a squirming feeling inside that protested Severus’s departure more than usual. He occupied himself tidying up the already immaculate bookshelf. As he picked up another book pain struck his head so hard that he grasped the shelf to keep himself upright. This blinding pain had to be because Voldemort was excited. That realization sent a cold sweat down his back. 

Tightly he shut his eyes trying to see what the Dark Lord was projecting into his mind. At first, it was only darkness then he saw the disheveled house they were in. Several Death Eaters were standing in a circle and someone was in its center on their knees. 

“My Lord” Severus’s ragged voice rose from the kneeled figure.

Harry's heart sunk. 

“Crucio!”

Severus fell into a heap of spazzing black mass. 

Pain throbbing against Harry’s skull as he tried to pull himself together. He had to sever this link, he needed to get to Severus. Severus needed him.

Voldemort stepped into the circle while the others watched Severus’s slumped form.“You thought you could fool us Ssseverusss?” Voldemort hissed turning his wand slightly. “You thought we would not see you for the traitor that you are?” Voldemort eyes shone gleefully as another Crucio hit Severus.

“SEVERUS” Harry screamed despite his words unable to reach. Severus’s body shook violently as Voldemort cast another Crucio. “STOP! STOP!” he cried as he crawled towards the door, each move sending the pain in his head to steadily increase. 

“Ah, hello Harry” Voldemort smiled, red eyes peering directly at him.

Crippling pain engulfed him blurring his vision as he kept crawling. Harry wasn’t going to allow Severus to die like this. Severus need help and he was going to get it even if his head felt like it was being crushed.

If he just got to someone anyone then...then everything would be alright.

With tears streaming down his face Harry kept crawling blindly, his fingers gripping the stone flooring to drag his tired body.

The last thing he saw was a green light before the link between him and Voldemort severed. There could only be one reason why the link would end now. 

Slowly he pulled himself up and out of Severus’s chambers. Using the walls to steady him he struggled down the hall to the Gryffindor tower. That green light...the killing curse, was something that not even Dumbledore could fix. Firelight danced as he ran as fast as his legs could possibly move. Out of breath he climbed the steps before wheezing the password to the Fat Lady and stepped through the portrait hole.

“H-Hermione” he panted falling onto all fours. Everything within him was screaming to fully collapse, but he couldn’t blackout now.

“What happened?” Hermione rose from the seat beside the fire. Ron looked at him with wide fearful eyes.

“Time-Turner,” he said when he felt his voice a little stronger.

“You need to rest,” Hermione said as she helped Ron lift him.

Harry shook his head, leaving him a little dizzy. “Time-Turner” he repeated with a bit more urgency. “Need it.”

“What you need that for mate? What happened?” Ron asked offering him a cup of water.

Smacking the drink away he stared at Hermione. “I need it NOW!”

“Harry!”

“Please,” he choked unable to hold back his sobs anymore. Ron and Hermione stared at him worried maybe even frightened of his odd behavior. 

They wouldn’t understand if he told them. They didn't know anything about him and Severus when the war was over, when everyone was safe, he was going to tell them the truth. Tell them how he fell in love with Severus. Tell them how and why he had hidden that secret from them. Tell them how he had found solace in the one person he'd least expect to.

“Please Hermione” he begged clutching her sleeve.

“Of course Harry.” Hermione’s hand shook as she reached for her wand. With a whispered spell against one of the bricks of the fireplace, she extracted the Time-Turner from its hiding place. 

“Thank you” he wept clutching the necklace. This was going to save Severus.

“Be careful” Ron said as he made to step out of the portrait hole. Although they didn't know why he needed this he was glad that they were going to let him do this alone. The world around him moved backwards in time in wild swirls. When a dark blur of robes started passing him he knew he was close to the time Severus had left him. This time he wouldn't allow Severus to go. Stopping the Time-Turner set things in proper motion once more bringing him face to face with Severus.

“Harry?” Severus looked at him with a stern questioning look. Harry stared at him the Death Eater mask in his grasp against the folds of his billowing cloak.

“Don’t go” he cried wanting to glue the man to this spot if he didn’t listen. “Please Severus turn back.”

Severus’s eyes looked at his chest where the Time-Turner laid. “You should not be messing with time Mr. Potter.”

A strangled chuckle escaped him. The short time without Severus had made him miss the man’s snarky remarks. Tears treaded down his face just thinking of what would happen if Severus continued. 

Severus winced clutching the Dark Mark. Harry knew the pain would increase but he wasn’t going to let him walk into his death.

“Don't leave” he pleaded. Severus had to understand why he was stopping him. “Go back” he said tugging on the Time-Turner. Without another word, Severus turned on his heels and returned from where he came.

***

In the early morning, a thunderous boom shook the castle. Death Eaters were trying to break through the wards around Hogwarts. A second boom set all those who hadn't woken from the first to scramble from their beds. No one was prepared as he left with Ron as his side he caught sight of the first and second years huddling together. Many pairs of eyes turned to him all asking what are you going to do. McGonagall pushed through the common room fireplace, her face more pallid then he had ever seen.

“Listen up everyone” she spoke in a strong voice. “Hogwarts is under attack.” Harry spotted a few of the first years start to tear up. “You are all to remain here. I'll secure this common room so that you’ll be safe until it's over.” McGonagall's eyes fell to him.

Harry knew he couldn’t wait out of the way like the others, the prophecy placed him to be the only one to stop Voldemort and now that the time came he couldn’t shy away from that. Gripping his wand and invisibility cloak he nodded to his Head of House. Taking one step forward he felt two more join him.

“We are going to get through this together” Hermione said with determination taking his hand. Ron nodded in agreement holding onto his other hand.

“I’ll fight!” Neville stood up.

“Me too!” added a seventh year and another stood. More and more sixth and seventh years rose to join in the center of the room.

“You all understand what is happening don’t you” McGonagall asked looking at the band of students. The group nodded. McGonagall looked at all of them with a tearful gaze. 

The next thing he knew Harry was scrambling through the hidden path under the Whomping Willow leading to the Shrieking Shack. Exhaustion pulled at his legs more than the roots that jutted out in the dark pathway.

“Lumos” he panted waving his wand but the light flickered on and off like a flashlight losing power. More than once he tripped smacking his head hard against the narrowing underground walls. The pain didn't matter he had to keep going Severus was waiting for him. Through fighting the Death Eaters that entered the castle there had been no time to seek out Severus. Knowing the man he would’ve been the first on the battlefield. Only once had they discussed what to do when this day came.

“I’m coming” he panted. Severus was going to be there just as they had agreed long ago.

Harry hadn't thought that the Death Eaters would have been driven out so efficiently with the continued efforts of the professors and the upper years from all four houses. When Aurors finally appeared the battle had been as good as won. And when he'd stood to fight Voldemort he felt so strong knowing that he hadn't gone to face the monster completely alone- Hermione and Ron were right beside him as they had been from the very beginning. Now the war was over. Voldemort was dead. Once he got to Severus everything would be perfect. They were at last safe.

“Severus” he panted bursting through the secret entrance of the shabby shack.

A wheezing sound coming from the far corner set off alarms in his head. His eyes followed the eerie sound landing upon Severus his brow knitted in intense pain.

“Severus!” Rushing to his side he searched for any injuries but he couldn't see any gashes or anything. There was no physical sign of the pain on the man’s face.

“H-harry,” Severus tried to give him a reassuring smile but there was far too much pain in those dark eyes. Sweat collected on his forehead his skin steadily lost color.

“What’s wrong?” A shaky hand reached for his face dabbing the sweat on his brow. 

“I thought we made it” Severus sadly chuckled. “How naive.”

“We did make it.” he grabbed Severus’s hand, it felt so cold. “We did make it!” he repeated gently squeezing his hand. “Voldemort is dead. We are free.”

Severus laughed a dark sorrowful laugh that couldn't possibly be mistaken for true laughter. There was no joy or relief that he had been so sure would come from his words. Severus started to shake as though freezing, but to Harry the room was so hot.

“You need help,” Harry made to run back for help but Severus pulled him back. 

“The Dark Lord it seems gave me a parting gift” Severus winced as he lifted his arm. Barring his left arm Harry could see the Dark Mark had taken on an acidic green color. The veins that ran alongside the mark were horrifically darkened. “A traitor's death.” Severus explained. Once he realized my true alliance he activated it..slowly poisoning me”

Pulling his eyes away from the discolored mark he looked into onyx eyes that held such little light. “Can’t you fix this?”

“It’s too late Harry. I tried everything I had,” Weakly Severus pointed to a small pile of empty vials lay a few inches away. “I'm glad I got to see you one last time,”

“Don’t say that! Please don’t!” He buried his face into Severus’s chest. “Don't I.. I.. You can’t! I...” Holding tight he cried listening to Severus' slowing breath and thumping heartbeat until all too suddenly it stopped. “Severus?” Pulling away he took in the way Severus’s body slumped. Everything in his heart lurched as he cradled Severus’s limp head. “I saved you before I,” He tugged the chain around his neck, pulling out the Time-Turner he had from the previous night. To his horror, the hourglass was damaged not even a grain of sand remained.

“NO! NO!”

Not knowing what else to fo he pulled out the resurrection stone. “Please” he begged the stone as he twisted it in his hand. The rock did nothing. No trace of magic buzzed between his fingers. “Bring him back!” he commanded tapping the elder wand against it. 

Nothing happened. 

“I NEED HIM! I LOVE HIM! PLEASE!” He jabbed the stupid useless rock again. He wanted to blast the thing into pieces. He couldn’t understand why nothing was working. Why had this have to happen?

Why?

Why? 

Why? 

Why? 

WHY?

WHY?

WHY?

The drop in temperature stirred him. A figure stood in the shrieking shack looming over them but he didn’t try to cast a single spell at it. Somehow he knew this figure was neither human or magical beast. He remembered seeing the night his parents died. It was Death. Death had come to take Severus away forever.

“Don’t,” his voice came out above a whisper. Death turned to him yet he couldn't see any facial features. “Don't take him” he said with more force holding tightly onto Severus.

_ I must _a voice whispered in his head.

“He doesn't deserve to die.” 

Death shook its head. _ He must. _

He had defied Death once and wasn't sure he could do it a second time but for Severus he would try. “I won’t let you!”

Death turned its head in a curious tilt.

“I...” He stared at the elder wand- he still had all three Deathly Hallows that made him the Master of Death, didn't it? “I’ll destroy the Deathly Hallows. If you don’t take him I will make sure they are destroyed.”

Death pointed to the resurrection stone. The stone began to crumble away to ash in his hand. _ Already spent. _

Harry understood he'd already stopped Severus’s Death once. “I still have two chances.”

Death nodded outstretching its long arms for the next Hallow. 

_ “Only fools make deals with Death” _ he remembered Severus saying. This was foolish, perhaps the most foolish thing he could do. It would be so easy to be tricked by Death. 

Turning away from Death he carded his fingers through Severus’s hair before cupping his face. Severus didn’t deserve to die. The man had risked so much for so long. If making a foolish deal would get him back then he would do so again and again. 

“I won't give you the next Hallow unless I’m given a fair shot at saving him” he said glaring at Death.

_ Fair? _

He tapped the broken Time-Turner around his neck. Maybe just maybe... “Time,” he said looking at Death. “Take me back in time so I can save him.”

_ Back? _

“Back enough so that I have time.”

Death nodded opening its hand once again.

“I’ll have enough time to save him?” he asked wearily of handing another Hallow over.

_ Yes. _

Unsure how trustworthy Death was he hesitated to hand over the invisibility cloak. Looking over at Severus’s lifeless body there was no other choice than to trust Death. Handing the invisibility cloak, Harry watched as the fabric began to unravel. His head grew lighter and lighter as the threads spilled onto the floor. A lurch in his stomach reminded him of the pull of a portkey but this was different, stronger. It was like being sucked into a dark hole. Fearful that he had been tricked Harry clung onto Severus. If he was going to be killed by Death itself he wanted to be near him. Clutching Severus’s limp hand he shut his eyes to the swaying feeling in his head. 

When the heavyweight of Severus’s hand disappeared he carefully opened his eyes. The Shrieking Shack wasn’t around him instead, he found himself looking up into a clear blue sky alone. 

Harry blinked once, twice, thrice and still nothing changed but the moving clouds above. The scent of water carried on the light breeze. Sitting up he recognized that he had been lying at the edge of the Great Lake. Inching to the water’s edge he looked as his reflection he still looked the same, messy hair, mismatched eyes he didn’t look as roughed up as he was moments ago. 

Why was he at the lake? Why was he wearing school robes that he hadn't before? He didn't think everything about the war and meeting Death had been a dream. It all felt too real. 

Looking over he still saw Hogwarts standing tall, not a trace of collapsed walls or fires that he remembered seeing in the midst of the battle. Harry reached for his wand to find that it still was the elder wand. He had done it he must've gone back before the start of the war. Not knowing how much time he had he ran towards the castle.

The sun looked too bright and warm over the grass that he trod on was nothing like he remembered the day the war had come to Hogwarts. Looking around there weren’t any students as he ran down the hall. where was everyone? It was possible that he had gone further than the day before the battle at Hogwarts.

“Mr. Potter” Harry stopped dead in his tracks. “What are you doing out of class?”

“I-” Words froze at a familiar-looking witch. He swore he knew that tight pinched look somewhere. As the brunette witch stormed closer her anger diminished into confusion. 

“I must be in the need of glasses,” she muttered to herself. “Ten points from Slytherin. I expect you to take up your meandering with your Head of House.”

Harry’s jaw went slack in part of what the witch said but at the realization that this was Professor McGonagall. The way she took points was the same, it was her face that differed, more youthful by years. 

“Do close your mouth. I won't hear any complaints.” McGonagall waved her hand. “Get to class or do you require an escort?” she asked when he didn’t automatically make a move.

“I..” Maybe an escort would be useful. He had no idea what class he was supposedly late for.

“Be on your way to Herbology or I will take ten more points” McGonagall warned.

Nodding he took off. The clomping of his shoes was not loud enough to wash out the millions of questions in his mind. For now, he hoped that Herbology hadn’t been changed from his year. _ Wait _ Harry thought. Why did he have to go to class? If he just waited then class would be let out and he would have time to understand what was going on. Sneaking around would’ve been easier with an invisibility cloak. “I should’ve given up the wand.”Harry sighed.

***

A bell chimed signaling the end of lessons and the hallway was filled with students. Harry was rather lucky that McGonagall hadn’t decided to check the nearest empty classroom to see he was hiding out.

“Aww come on Remus” He heard someone say as he leaned against the classroom door. Carefully he snuck out of the room. The small group of students he recognized from some old photos Sirius had given him. 

“Don't pull that with me” a young Remus admonished a young Sirius.

“What do we have to pull to make you say yes” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

Remus glared at his friends.

“Way to go Sirius” James said smacking Sirius in the back of the head.

“What did I say?” Sirius asked rubbing his head.

Harry watched the young Marauders. If they were here then... he looked around but the herd of blackened robes blended students. Unable to spot Severus he followed behind some other Slytherins. They would be able to lead him to the dormitories which were he was bound to see Severus.

Entering the common room he expected darted eyes and glares as if they could smell his intrusion but no one gave him a secondary glance. Aside from the large glass window that looked into the lake it wasn't all that different from the Gryffindor common room, there was still a fireplace that many younger students huddled around in comfortable chairs. Few were already scribbling on parchment in the corner. 

“You there.” Harry stared at a younger Professor Slughorn, he didn’t look as round or balding as he recalled. “Come along...now what was your name ol’ chap?”

Harry blinked “Harry.”

“Oh yes, yes.”

Knowing how anal Severus was about knowing whereabouts of the students when he was Head of House gave Harry the impression that all Heads kept tags on their students just as strictly as Severus had. This however didn’t appear the case for Slughorn who only cared for those who had significant talent or connection to those with power or fame. 

“Be a sport and carry a few things for me...” 

“Harry.”

“Right. Right.”

He didn't care much for Slughorn when he had made every effort to gain access to his own fame, but if he was in the past that meant he wasn’t famous yet. Without fame attached he was just another student unworthy of remembering to Slughorn.

“Be a sport and help take this to the classroom.” Slughorn placed two wooden boxes into his hands. “Careful not to break them. Of course, the vials are shatterproof.” Slughorn laughed.

“Yes, sir.”

Wobbling a bit under the weight of the boxes he followed Slughorn into the same potion class he had gone to many times. Once he’d asked Severus why potions had to be conducted in the dungeons. Severus said that it was due to the lowered temperature which prevented ingredients from spoiling quickly. Gripping the box a little tighter he tried not to think of Severus. He’d made a deal with Death for the man he loved. If he did things right then he could prevent his death. 

“Set them on my desk if you'd please” Slughorn motioned. 

Grunting he placed it on the table as instructed. The classroom wasn’t all that different from the way he remembered it, it was just missing Severus’s presence. Not one of the protective and monitoring charms he associated with the man was present. 

“Ah, there you are.” Slughorn clasped his hands joyfully together as a figure carrying a towering stack of books appeared from the back. Startled the stack swayed in the students arms. 

“Let me help you” he said plucking the books from the top of the stack. Removing the top books revealed a familiar straight black hair, hair that he had run his fingers through enough times for the tips of his fingers to hold sensory memory of the way those strands slipped through like silk. When he saw the face of the younger Severus he couldn’t help but smile. On a rare occasion, one which required a little firewhiskey, his Severus had shown him a few pictures of his youth. Onyx eyes, lacking the edge of secrets that Harry knew them to contain years later, looked around the room for something before setting in a heated glare at him. 

“Had to pull some assistance” Slughorn said to Severus. “You know um...” Slughorn stared at him with a blank look.

“Harry” he offered again.

Severus looked to Slughorn then back to him.

“Oh yes, funny how such a simple name slips from the mind.” Slughorn waved his hand as if to shoo away the fleeting memory of Harry. Severus' daggered glare was unrelenting. If it weren't for the occasional shifting of those eyes to Slughorn as he rambled on Harry was sure Severus would set him on fire.

“Right boys. You should move along. The second years will be down soon.” Slughorn motioned for the door.

When it didn't seem like Severus was going to make the first move he left first. A little later Severus emerged wand in had gripped so tightly that Harry wanted to run a soothing hand over it. 

“Where are the others?” Severus muttered eyes shifting across the unusually empty corridor.

“It’s just me” he smiled again. Hearing Severus's voice, not yet as low as he knew it made him want to laugh. 

“Decided to come after me on your own for once?”

He frowned at the tone, Severus sounded angry and scared. The unknown reason for those constant shifting eyes and gripped wand worried him.

“A half-arsed Polyjuce isn’t going to fool me Potter.”

In the same second he took a step forward Severus cast an expelliarmus. Light that sprung from Severus’s wand sent Harry back into the wall with so much force that the thud of his body echoed. Rubbing his head he felt something trickle down the side of his face. Onyx eyes widened to the size of saucer plates. 

“Come on Potter” Severus’s hands shook as more blood dripped down Harry’s face. “I won't fall for this.” There was genuine fear in that voice. “It's always been four on one.”

The increasing pain in his head prevented him from asking what that meant. Blood seeped through his hair. Eyes drooping he looked to the younger Severus. 

“Severus” he whispered before everything went black.


	2. Granger

The thudding in his head shifted from overbearing to a little pulse before disappearing altogether. Through slips of sight, he caught a black blur move in front of him.

“Severus?” he asked attempting to reach out to the blur.

Then something bright moved into his line of vision erasing the blackened blur completely. It burned to have the light shone in his tired eyes. Right now he wanted to return to sleep. If only the constant light waving in his eyes would go away. If he could just rest a little longer...

“You are very lucky,” a harsh voice said. 

Scrunching his eyes a few times set the world back into focus. Standing before him was a younger Madam Pomfrey which meant he was in the infirmary. 

“No matter what I somehow always end up here” he laughed at himself.

Madam Pomfrey’s face soured at his laugh. “You could have received major brain damage if I had not been called right away.” Her hand rested on her hip in the same way he saw her do a million times before. “What happened?” she asked tapping her foot a bit more impatient than he remembered her being. “Well,” she asked staring at him almost accusatory as if he had done this on purpose.

“I cast a spell with my wand facing the wrong way” he lied.

Madam Pomfrey’s face scrunched in annoyance. “Well, Mr...”

“P-” Harry paused he couldn’t be called Potter. “Granger.”

“Mr. Granger take care not to make that mistake in the future.”

“Yes, Madam Pomfrey.”

“Rest for now,” she said looking him over, her eyes lacking the worry that he’d often see when she use to mend him. “I’ll release you in an hour.” With that, she left him alone.

Adjusting himself to a comfortable position on the bed he felt the top of his head. A few bandages had been wrapped around for good measure. If he remembered correctly he had felt blood drip down his face before blacking out. He was more than thankful that magic could get him back together still it was practically comical how quickly he’d ended up in the infirmary.

Gingerly turning his head he looked to the privacy partition that separated him from the rest of the beds that occupied this space. It was all so typically, practically monotonous, yet it felt empty laying there. Before when he ended up in the infermary someone had always been there to yell at him for his stupid choices or consoled him. Ron would appear with things he stashed in his robes to help prevent boredom from sitting in while Hermione alternated from reporting on what he missed in class to lectures on how to avoid getting sent to the infirmary in the first place. And Severus, his Severus would hand him a potion without showing a glimmer of the worry Harry knew he felt. That was how it had been for so long. He nearly expected his best friends to come, expected Severus to claim he was being dramatic only to later inspect the wounds himself in the privacy of his own chambers.

A crash pulled him from his thoughts. The privacy curtain had been knocked over. A boy with tawny brown hair groaned from the floor.

“So sorry I tripped,” the boy said rubbing the back of his neck.

“I would help you up if Madam Pomfrey wouldn't yell at me for moving,” he said staring at the back of the boy’s head.

The boy turned to him. Deep jagged scars ran down his face, scars that he’d only ever seen on one person’s face. This was Remus Lupin. 

“James?” Remus asked looking at him fearfully.

“No, I'm Harry.”

Remus scrambled to his feet flustered. “I...” 

“It’s okay,” he said giving Remus a reassuring smile. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Remus said pulling the partition back into place. “How about you?”

“This is nothing you should’ve seen me after my first year” he chuckled. “I’m kind of a resident here.” He motioned widely about the infirmary.

Remus looked at him as if he were trying to piece together a puzzle. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before... I’m here a lot too.”

“I guess we’ve just missed each other until now.”

“I guess...” Remus turned his head quickly. “She’ll be coming. I have to go.”

“Bye Remus.”

Remus’s eyes held questions that were cut off by the footsteps of Madam Pomfrey.

“Mr. Lupin!”

Remus took off.

“That boy, always running off” she said tearing the curtain back. “You best not follow his example,” she said while wagging a finger.

“I won’t.”

***

It was dark when Madam Pomfrey finally released him. Harry had a feeling that Remus’s escape had made her keep him longer than necessary.

Noticing that his feet were taking him to Gryffindor Tower rather than the dungeons he paused. He still didn’t know the passwords and if he did would there be a bed available? At first, he thought of coming up with an excuse to remain in the infirmary but that wouldn’t do. There was the Chamber of Secrets, where no one would find him but that required dealing with Moaning Myrtle and possibly accidentally letting loose a Basilisk several years before that was supposed to happen again. Hiding in a classroom until morning was risky too.

Unable to remain frozen in the hallway he decided to make the lengthy trip to the Astronomy Tower. If he was lucky there wouldn’t be anyone sneaking a snog. Thinking about snogging reminded him of Severus. The Severus that had protected him at every turn, the one who he loved, the one who visited him in the infirmary, the one who loved him back, the one who had stabilized him in a world spinning out of control, the one who risked his life to spy on Voldemort, the one who died for him. 

Shivering he pulled the edges of his school robes closer. The breeze up here chilled every inch of the stone brick room. Slumping against the wall he thought about everything that he’d unknowingly left behind. His friends, his memories were as good as gone. 

“Foolish” he scoffed pulling his knees up to his chest.

He’d made a deal with Death without thinking it through, but he was going to make sure none of this was a waste. He would save Severus...somehow. 

***

Blinding light reflected off the large telescope that he laid beside the night before. Rubbing his tired eyes he wished he’d learned the ability to tell time by looking at the sky. Based on its bluish hue it was a possibility that he slept through breakfast. Missing breakfast was the least of his problems he had to figure out the Slytherin class schedule without bringing attention to the fact that he was a complete stranger in this time. What made it worse was that he’d been mistaken as his father three times now. Being told he looked like his father had always given him a sense of belonging, a connection to a parent he never knew, yet seeing the way Severus reacted to him had set off an uncomfortable squirm in his stomach.

_ “Focus on one task at a time”  _ Severus’s voice rang in his head. 

That advice had come after a break down in potions class after Sirius’s death. Things had just boiled over, every little thing had turned into a mess and he had enough. It was then, after his screaming and sobbing that he’d first seen Severus’s sarcastic git persona drop. At the time, Severus didn't belittle his actions as he’d expected. The man never as much said a word until he’d run out of tears and choked up swears. Understanding onyx eyes settled on him and without sarcasm without words spoken like daggers, Severus had given him advice he was going to live by; “ _ Focus on one task at a time, take it step by step. The littlest step forward is still progress _ .”

Scurrying from the tower Harry looked for a sign of any students bearing green piped robes. 

“You can't be serious” a female voice laughed.

“I am! I saw it” said another witch.

“You're always making up stories.”

“I do not!”

“Exaggerate then.” 

Harry caught sight of the two witches laughing. His eyes fell to the girl with flaming red hair. Her smiled looked much like his own. The only time he had seen his mother was in a few pictures Hagrid had given him at the end of his first year. He knew so little of her. The firmest memory of her was the sound of her screams accompanied by a flash of green light. But here she was alive, laughing as if there were no cares in life.

Neither girl noticed him as they wiped tears from his face. Following them was tempting yet he didn’t know if Slytherins would be paired with Gryffindors in their first class. Walking aimlessly wouldn’t do too much good either. He had to find Severus. 

Resting his head back against the stone wall he tried to think where he was supposed to go now. It was as if his Severus had recounted his school schedule before.

“I can do this. Think Harry.”

Internally he begged for a sign. Anything. Something. As if to answer him there was a shuffling sound behind the pillar to his left. Whatever or whoever stood still when he stared in that direction. Learning his lesson from the previous day he pulled out his wand. A young cat meowed as it stepped out into the hall.

“Ms. Norris.” He replaced his wand looking at the mangy feline that always alerted Filch of troublemakers.

“Meow.”

“I’m going.”

Ms. Norris meowed at him again so he followed the direction he saw his mother go. 

Once he was a decent distance away he slowed his pace. He needed time to think, needed to figure a few things out away from others..needed... Harry paused his train of thought he needed things and there was a place in this castle that could give him anything he needed. He could've kicked himself for being stupid enough to not have thought of the Room of Requirements yesterday. If he could just make it there then he would form a better plan.

***

Pacing back and forth outside of the plain wall would look suspicious if anyone were still roaming the halls. At last a door appeared. Harry rushed into it. The room stood rather plain, unlike those times he'd used it for Dumbeldore’s Army. On top of a desk sat what he desperately needed, a course schedule for Slytherins. 

“I could use a few books please.” A small stack of books appeared. Where the room got its supplies was a thought he didn’t linger on. “Thank you.”

With the schedule in tow, Harry rushed down the halls. Sprinting to transfiguration class reminded him of getting lost in his first year. Joining the queue outside of the doors he scanned the crowd for Severus. His jet black hair blended in with the sea of blackened robes as his head was bent over reading something in his hand.

“Come in” announced McGonagall ushering them in. It was still odd seeing her much younger he'd always know her strict eyes peering from squared glasses and tight but this version lacked her true and tried pinched face. 

“Oh, Mr...”

“Granger.”

She looked at him as if trying to figure out if he had been on her roster and simply forgot. Harry was sure that would be the impression he’d get from the rest of the staff for a while. 

“Yes,” she dismissed. “Get to your seat.”

There was no trouble taking up one of the empty spots near the front since the majority of the class pushed into the back. A few whispers spun around him but not nearly as much as he was used to. A little further down the front row, he saw Severus; his hair falling around his face as he began writing down what was upon the blackboard. 

“Today we shall see whom among you will be able to accomplish this task and who will have to begin from the basics of transfiguring toothpicks” McGonagall announced.

Harry felt like a genius being able to cast complicated spells that his classmates couldn’t conjure just yet. Being able to get things on the ‘first try’ t made him feel like a true Granger. Of course, if Hermione was actually here to see him she would give a rather lengthy lecture about his work ethic. It wasn’t his fault that he had done this curriculum before.

Familiar onyx eyes stared at him. He wondered if he should've been more inconspicuous but the Severus he knew had admired those with at least some wit. He hoped that Severus would say something but when the bell rang he slipped through the crowd ahead of him. Harry looked to his schedule he would have to try again to gain Severus’s attention. To his excitement Defense Against the Dark Arts was next. 

Entering he noticed the classroom ceiling was enchanted similarly to the Great Hall during his first year. Above a darkened night sky candles floated high casting interesting shadows of different creatures onto the ground below. The seats had been noticeably divided against the room to leave ample space at the front between them. At the Front stood a witch her hair hung in a large braid she didn't wear long flowing robes like McGonagall but fitted trousers with a wand holder strapped against her hip. She looked like a competent Defense teacher. But Harry couldn't help wonder what would happen to her since, for as long as he knew it, this was a cursed position. 

Once again he spotted Severus near the front, his books laid open with a quill ready to write at a moment's notice. More people seemed willing to take up the front desks in this class so he sat only one seat over from Severus. 

A bundle of laughter entered with a group of four boys from the back of the room. 

“Always front and center” He heard James’s mocking voice carry over the other students settling into their seats. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Severus pressed his face a fraction closer to his textbook. 

“Do quiet down” the professor called over the noise. The sound of chairs shifting into place and chatting came to an abrupt stop. “Now,” the professor looked over the class before turning on her heels in a way that seemed so familiar. 

He couldn’t help but look at Severus, whose eyes were glued to the professor.

“Let's see, who can tell me the name of this creature.” With a wave of her wand, one of the candles illuminated a shadow of what looked like a Doxy.

His hand shot up at the same time as Severus.

“Mr. Snape,”

“That is a Doxy or Biting Fairy.”

“Correct.”

“Shocking” James muttered from a few desks down.

“Mr. Potter,”

Harry tried his best not to react to the name. Here he was Granger, still he’d responded to being called Potter for years.

“Tell me if you can,” the professor tapped her wand against her arm. “What is the proper way to deal with Doxies?”

Turning around he saw James messing around with his quill. “Strike it down with a strong spell.”

Severus scoffed a little.

“Mr. Potter it is imperative that you realize that simply striking creatures or other wizards with a strong spell isn’t always the answer. For example, if you were hit a Doxy with any spell aside from a Knockback Jinx will only aggravate the creature. And why is that a problem?”

“Doxies have highly venomous poison in their teeth the more aggressive they get, the more deadly they become” Severus recited straight away.

“Exactly” the professor nodded in Severus’s direction.

“Know-it-all freak” James coughed. Sirius chuckled quietly besides him.

“The same could be said for any opponent,” the professor carried on apparently not hearing James’s comment. “If you enter a fight flinging spells left and right, you run the risk of increasing the potential of gaining injury or worse.”

James looked as if he couldn’t care less about what the professor was saying. “The best defense is a good offense, isn't it?”

“It’s not,” Harry said frustrated by James’s mocking tone. 

“And what would you suggest Mr,”

“Granger. Disarming an opponent can be just as powerful as striking back with a stronger spell.”

“And what would be the most common disarming spell?”

“Expelliarmus” he and Severus answered in unison.

Catching Severus’s eye he leaned a bit closer. He knew that spark of determination, it always showed up during their training when Severus saw him as a worthy opponent. Their arms shot into the air to answer unasked Defense questions. With a smile on his face they parried curses and counter curses. Despite Severus looked as displeased as ever he could tell the other was enjoying serving their knowledge like a tennis ball back and forth. Neither one of them was willing to let it drop. Their hand-raising forgotten in a seeming battle of wits.

“Waddiwasi!” he proclaimed only a few inches from Severus. Amongst the debate, the space between them had closed.

“That is not defensive magic” Severus argued.

“It can come in handy,” he shrugged.

“If you two are quite done” the professor tapped her wand against her hand. “Let us refocus onto today's lesson.”

Severus tinted cheeks hid behind his long hair covering his face. 

“Although I appreciate your studying do refrain from shouting answers in the future.” 

Throughout the lesson he caught Severus glaring at him several times. He was sure that if he gave some distance that Severus would approach him on his own. Giving space was important so he wouldn’t end up in the infirmary for a second time this week. The bell rang, in a split second Severus dashed out ahead of him.

“Patience” he reminded himself as he pulled his things together. This Severus didn’t know him yet.

“Quite a show Granger.”

Lifting his head he saw James leaning against his desk. Remus, Sirius, and Peter were standing behind him. For a brief moment looking at James up close felt like looking in a mirror. James’s hair was just untidy as his, they were roughly the same height, even their chins were similar, however, they weren’t exactly photocopies of one another. James wore supper think glasses that covered his brown eyes which were far different from his own mismatch eyes. 

James gawked at him until Peter squeaked “Didn’t he tell you!”

All four Marauders looked interested in their leader's doppelganger. Harry practically could see them itching to poke and prod him like some experiment.

“I don't think we've met,” James’s tone noticeably changed to something more welcomely yet it didn’t hide his displeasure. “I’m James Potter you must know my father he has done much work in the potion community. This is Remus, Sirius, and Peter” James said motioning to his friends.

“You sure gave Snivellrus a run for his money,” Sirus said still looking him over only to rest on his mismatched eyes every now and again looking more concern each time they shared eye contact. Harry knew they were sizing him up, seeing if he would but be inclined to join them. But he wasn't as desperate to make friends with anyone who showed interest as he might’ve been before. Based on the few times their path had crossed Harry was sure he had a good idea of the type of person James was. The way James carried himself made him come off as arrogant as Draco. Arrogance was one thing that he couldn’t handle all too well, yet there was a part of himself, the part that knew this kid would become his father, that wanted to be liked by James.

“It’s lunch” Peter reminded the group.

“We’ll see you around Granger” James waved. 

Collective stares didn’t stop until they were out of sight. Being the only one still in class Harry took a moment to digest what happened. Clearly James and the others were interested in him. Becoming a part of the Marauders was practically a reality. When his godfather use to tell him about the group of Gryffindors he’d wanted so badly to be apart of that, to get time to know his father, now that was possible. Strangely he didn’t think much about the invitation. Back on Privet Drive, he had dealt with groups of kids inviting him to “join them in” only for it to turn out a plan set up by his cousin Dudley so that more people could hammer their fists into him. Maybe that was why he was hesitant. Maybe that was why he saw James more like a Draco than a Ron- someone gathering people to be lackies rather than making friends. These feelings had to be due to his overthinking. Hadn’t everyone told him how great his father was? Hadn’t he hung on every word Sirus said about their school years? Hadn’t he admired Remus? Doubt crept in regarding the people he thought he knew. 

Stomach growling he finally trekked to the Great Hall, not much had changed here as well. Looking at the Gryffindor table he expected to see Ron and Hermione but their spots were taken by two blond witches snickering. There were much less familiar faces here then he was used to. He missed seeing his friends in the Great Hall. Thinking about them wouldn't help, technically they didn’t exist yet. Finding a space on the Slytherin table he sat amongst the sea of green robes. Glancing at the Head Table he saw professor McGonagall talking to Dumbledore. Blue twinkling eyes found him all too easily. Hurriedly he turned away from the all-knowing look to tear into the food on his plate. Between the Marauders and Dumbledore looking at him the need to blend in was more important now than ever.

***

A ripple moved through the surface of the lake. He imagined the giant squid thrashing about below. Classes for the day had ended and with it went the chance to be near Severus since he zipped out of every class as soon as it was done. There was homework to be done but he didn't feel like making the lengthy trip to the library. 

Without classes, he realized how lonely Hogwarts could be. Hermione wasn’t here to tell him not to procrastinate on his essays nor did he have Ron to challenge him to a game of wizard chess. In this time he was as friendless as he'd been before hopping on the Hogwarts Express for the first time. Until he could get Severus to trust him he was all alone. Hanging out with James could fill the time between classes even so he still held reservations over the whole thing. That’s why he decided to come here. There had been many times where his friends had come here to just take time to enjoy the peace and quiet. Perhaps it was too quiet now. The quiet gave far too much freedom for his doubts to grow in volume.

Picking up a flat pebble he tossed it skipping three small jumps before sinking into its depths. 

“What are you doing Granger?”

“Skipping stones” he smiled at Severus's glum face. “Care to join me?” He tossed another pebble watching it soar until swallowed up by the water. He didn't turn around but kept his ears open if Severus decided to leave or not. Paying no mind to the long silence between them he took yet another pebble.

“Why are you here?” Came Severus’s question.

Harry ran his thumb over the smoothed pebble. One of the things he loved about Severus was that the man had never lied to him. Once he had mastered occlumency they had been a hundred percent open with each other. No lies. No secrets lived between them as it had with the rest of the world. But this version of Severus he had to lie to. It would be too much to tell him the truth.

“I don't understand your question” The next pebble thrown sank immediately into the lake.

“You're not James Potter

“I never claimed that I was” he laughed.

“I would have remembered someone in my year, in my house who looked exactly like-”

Harry turned around. “Do I really look so much like him?” Why was that so bothersome all of a sudden? 

Severus's cheeks tinted a little as he nodded.

“What exactly makes us look alike? I don't want to be mistaken for him again” he rubbed his head.

Severus cheeks reddened a little more “Well your face...” Severus said studying him.

“What about it” he whispered as Severus got suddenly closer.

“Your jaws are alike.”

“Not much I can do about that. What else?” Being so close Harry wanted nothing more than to pull Severus into a kiss. Kissing Severus had often helped wash away his worries before. No, he couldn’t do that. This Severus wasn’t in love with him. This Severus didn’t even know him. Kissing this Severus would be like kissing a complete stranger.

Onyx eyes looked over his nose, mouth, cheeks before settling on his eyes. “Your eyes...”

Harry knew that in the sunlight his heterochromia was more noticeable than in the low lit classrooms. Severus continued to stare as if comparing one eye to the other.

“They’re completely different. Heterochromia.”

“Yup. My aunt always pointed out that it was a sign I was a freak” he nervously laughed breaking their eye contact. “You won't believe how many people get unnerved by mismatched eyes,” he said thinking of how Sirius looked at him back in class.

“It's not unnerving.”

“Thanks” he smiled.”...So what else makes me look like James Potter?”

Over and over onyx eyes took him in. The assessment was completely scientific like the way someone would stare at the inner workings of a dissected frog. Harry wished that the curiosity in those eyes were more passion-filled that he had gotten used to before... “Your hair is very much the same” Severus determined.

“Easy enough.” Picking up a sharp rock he transfigured it into scissors. “Here!” Severus’s eyes widened when he held out the scissors to him. “This way you’ll know for sure I’m not James when you see me from afar.”

“You trust me to cut your hair?” Severus looked at the scissors skeptically. “I could leave you bald.”

“Once my aunt chopped off all my hair except for my fringe so do your worse.” He placed the scissors into Severus’s hand.

“I won't,” Severus said handing back the scissors.

“Guess I’ll have a go then.” Harry pulled his fringe away from his face. A little shaky he brought the scissors into view. Practically cross-eyed he opened up the scissors.

“Stop. Give it to me before you stab yourself.”

Smiling he returned the scissors.

“Sit down” Severus grumbled.

“I trust you,” he said watching twitching fingers reach out to him.

“Why?” he heard Severus mutter to himself.

There was a sense of accomplishment when the first clump of hair fell to the ground.

“You still didn't tell me why you were here.”

“Here at Hogwarts? To learn like the rest of the students.”

Severus frowned. “Doesn’t explain why I haven't seen you before now.”

“I'm a transfer student” he lied. The second lie felt like a stone weighing him down. It was only a little white lie- he told many of those before, it was just a long time since he’d told them to Severus. The fact that this younger version didn’t know the promise of honesty they’d made to one another didn’t ease the feeling. Besides, he wasn’t sure if Hogwarts took in transfers.

“You know your way around for a brand new student.” The statement was punctuated by another snip of the scissors.

“I have a knack for exploring.” That was the truth.

“Reckless on top of a know it all?”

Harry chuckled. “Reckless yes. Hardly a know it all. Wait until you see me in potions I’m completely rubbish.”

“All your Pureblood tutoring did not help you with that?”

“Maybe if I did have tutoring. My mum's muggle-born, but I was raised by muggle relatives.” 

The sound of scissors snipping stopped.

“I’m done.”

Harry shook his head, it felt much lighter. Looking at himself in the reflection of the lake he admired the new haircut. Clearly it wasn't the work of a professional, his fringe was slightly uneven and the sides were much shorter than he anticipated. All in all, it wasn’t horrible. What mattered was that Severus had done it.

“Thanks. I would offer to cut your hair but I think you match with it long.”

“I need to go.” Severus scurried to grab his things before disappearing back towards the castle.

Sighing he ran his hand through his newly cut hair.

***

Harry remained by the lake until the sky began to change color. No one said a word to him as he made his way to the Great Hall. It was nearly unbearable loneliness to see how everyone else had at least one person to talk to. One person to share the latest gossip or complain over strict processors as they ate. If it weren't for the fact the room of requirements couldn't produce food he wouldn't have come here. Boisterous laughter from the Marauders at the Gryffindor table did not help the growing feeling that he was an outsider. Technically he was but this was Hogwarts. This had been his first true home. Even when dealing with Voldemort threats or snobbish remarks from Draco this place had been a constant comfort. Not even being the rumored Heir of Slytherin had made him feel this low. If he could just make one friend this place wouldn’t feel so foreign. 

Carefully he slipped into the Slytherin table, he was sure that action would become second nature soon enough. 

“Granger isn't it?” asked a boy who took up the opposite seat from him. There was something familiar about him yet he was sure they've never met before. “I’m Regulus Black,” he said offering his hand.

Now Harry could see it, the shared strict brow and cleft chin of Sirius. Harry took the offered hand without question. In his time Regulus was dead, killed for defecting against Voldemort. In a few years events that set that future in motion would play and he couldn't change that. He was brought here to save Severus. 

Regulus furrowed his brow at his sudden withdrawal. “You were quite the talk this afternoon.”

He shrugged. “I’m used to people talking about me.” He pulled some chicken onto his plate. Regulus sent a look over his head but he pretended to occupy himself with eating.

“Ah! Granger just the man I wanted to see!” A cheerful voice cut through the building tension around him. “Nearly didn't recognize you.” Slughorn clapped onto his shoulder making him awkwardly crane his head to see the professor “Don't mind me fellows.” Slughorn addressed the others who were trying not to be obviously eavesdropping. “I merely need to deliver a message.” Slughorn pulled a small paper from his pocket handing it to him.

“Thank you professor.”

“Enjoy your dinner” Slughorn smiled waddling off. 

Looking at the note wasn't necessary he knew only Dumbledore would send this. Tucking the note away he ate while he sideways watched Regulus keeping an eye on him.

***

It wasn't until he dashed into an empty stall of the boy's bathroom that he pulled the note out. Sure enough, Dumbledore's writing scrawled out:  _ Report to the Headmaster's office after morning classes. The password is fudge flies. _

Harry didn't know how he should react to being summoned. On one hand, he'd always trusted Dumbledore on the other he was unsure what would happen if he was kicked out of Hogwarts. Would he get kicked out? He was a student just not at this particular time. 

Looking at the note over and over he wondered if Dumbledore would be fooled if he said he was a transfer student that had been forgotten. Right now he regretted not blending in more. If he hadn’t made a ruckus in class then... 

He forced himself to take a breath. His Severus always warned about letting his mind getting overrun by emotion.  _ “Emotions prevented clear decision making.”  _ Harry had teased this little advice when they started snogging. The advice was true every now and then and right now he still had time to think of a plan. Dumbledore wanted to see him there was no getting out of that. If he remained calm then perhaps Dumbledore wouldn't bring up not remembering having a Granger at Hogwarts.

“-I don't know about this” a voice filled the empty bathroom. 

Thinking quickly he pulled his feet up so that whoever it was wouldn’t see him. 

“With your lack of spine perhaps you should’ve been put in Hufflepuff” another voice challenged.

The sound of something whipping through the air pulled at his curiosity. Peering out of the crack between the stall door he saw Regulus holding his wand against another boy’s neck.

“Don’t speak to me that way Mulciber.

“Touched a nerve have I?” Mulciber smirked. Even through the small crack Harry could tell there was something unnerving about the other boy.

“I have every mind to hex you.” Regulus pressed his wand more firmly against Mulciber’s throat.

Mulciber let out a single laugh.“Ever since Lucius and Narcissa left you've gone soft.”

“You have grown impatient.” Regulus countered. “If you continue doing this,”

Mulciber scoffed. “I have doubts about your willingness.”

“My will has never wavered. It is not to you I will pledge allegiance or take orders from.”

Mulciber muttered something that was quickly turned into a muffled groan of pain. 

“The Black family have always stood noble. My brother is a black sheep but it is  _ you _ who should know his place. Do you think  _ He  _ will be impressed with you insubordination?”

Mulciber’s face paled.

“We should go. You don't need any more reason to have the others watch your movements.”

Harry listened for the door to close before slowly lowering his legs. Their talk had to be about Death Eater business. That wasn’t something he could interfere with it. For now he would forget he ever heard a thing.

***

Sleep was nearly impossible when he returned to the Room of Requirements. On sleepless nights like this he would wrap the invisibility cloak around himself and roam the halls until his mind was as tired as his feet. He couldn’t do that anymore. The invisibility cloak had been given up to come here. Why was he even sent back this far in time? Maybe Death didn't truly have a reason for what it did. 

Running his hand through his shortened hair he thought about Severus. Laying on the bed the room had provided he wondered what was Severus doing if not sleeping like the others? If Severus was awake at this very moment what was he thinking about? What did Severus think about him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a lot longer than expected. I hope that you are enjoying it so far. I decided to take this story in a slightly different direction when I first had the idea so bear with me during the waiting between chapters as I have to edit a few thoughts that came to me this week.  
Also, I'm debating putting Severus's point of view in this. In the first story of this series (A Life Saved) I was challenging myself to keep to one point of view, but in this one I'm not sure if adding Severus's pov will make this particular story stronger.  
As all ways thank you for reading, giving kudos or comments.  
Until next time have a wonderful day/ week!


	3. Severus

Onyx eyes were glaring at him suspiciously again as he lingered at the end of the queue outside their morning potions class. It hardly bothered him, in fact, it was a bit calming to know the Severus was there. Feeling that gaze on him eased the sleepless hours he spent pacing the Room of Requirements until he managed to shut his eyes.

A yawn escaped from him as more people joined in the queue. 

“Haircut Granger?” James asked, placing a hand around his shoulder as if they had known each other for years.

The sudden closeness was uncomfortable. It far too easily resembled the way Dudley used to treat him before they played a game of chase the freak. This wasn’t in any way a sincere show of friendliness. There was little to no reason why James felt compelled to act this way. 

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Sirius and Remus muttering further away.

Moving his arms in a fake yawn he maneuvered out of the false friendly embrace. 

“Yup thought I needed a change” he said taking a step away from James.

“Good thing.” James puffed out his chest proudly as though it had been his idea. “ I can’t tell you the number of people who were asking if you were my secret twin” James half-heartedly chuckled. “ Could you imagine if you were? I mean it wouldn’t be too bad if you were in Gryffindor. Since you’re a transfer student it’s not your fault that you don't know any better. I’m sure if you could you would've chosen Gryffindor over Slytherin” James assured.

“Do you have a problem with Slytherin?” he asked just loud enough to draw a few eyes towards them.

James paid no attention to them. Harry wasn’t sure if that was because James didn’t care or enjoyed people looking at him.

“They are nothing compared to Gryffindor you'll see come Saturday at the Quidditch game! I haven't lost a game since I became Seeker. Seeker is the most important position you know. I hold a record for...”

Harry couldn’t roll his eyes hard enough for James to understand that he wasn't impressed by the way he was carrying on as if he were a one man Quidditch team. When people had spoken about his father they often mentioned his Seeker skills but never had he heard of it with so much arrogance. The more he listened the more he saw Draco in his father’s place. No, James was somehow worse.

“...so it's a good thing we don't look so much alike but whoever gave you that haircut needs to get more practice. You probably haven’t had the chance to look in a mirror. Looks completely stupid.” James laughed. “Really it’s the worst work I’ve ever seen. Like it was done blindfolded or something. I can help you-”

“No thank you” he gritted through his teeth. 

“Enter” Slughorn said pulling the door open. 

That was all he needed to put distance between himself and James. Taking his books a little forcefully he placed them on his table with a thud. The fact that James had rejoined his group at the back of the class helped him not snap his quill in two. 

“They should’ve told me he was such a little shit” he muttered as he tested the ink on the corner of his parchment.

“Good morning everyone” Slughorn announced adoring his purple hat. “Let's get settled.”

***

From his peripheral vision, Severus watched Granger muttering to himself angrily. If Granger wasn’t careful he would easily tear through the parchment he was currently stabbing with his quill- not that he cared. Granger was suspicious. 

Severus had learned very early on to be suspicious of people, especially someone who popped into existence wearing a face like James Potter. He wasn’t even completely convinced that somehow this was a second James. If there were two James Potters he would kill over. One proved enough to make his life here at Hogwarts miserable. But Granger wasn’t exactly like Potter; that was something he was struggling with every time those mismatched eyes fell to him. Similarities between the two were only in the physical sense and not as much since the haircut.

Severus still couldn’t believe he’d done that. Throughout that ordeal his hands were shaking so bad he was certain he would cut himself. Who would trust him with such a task as cutting their hair? Did Granger think he possessed an ounce of stylist knowledge? His father had never cared enough to get his hair cut before, it would’ve been too much of an embarrassment to be seen in public. How could Granger ask him to cut his hair? 

Severus glanced at his handy work. When Granger tilted his head he could make out just how asymmetrical his attempt was. 

He had tried his best. It would’ve been too easy to make Granger look like a complete idiot on purpose but he hadn’t done that. More than anyone he knew that people could be cruel without reason. That wasn’t the type of person he was.

Turning a fraction he could see Potter with his gang already goofing off. They never took studies seriously. It was a wonder how they hadn’t failed. They didn’t deserve to be here. Potter’s absence, in particular, would make Hogwarts a better place. His disappearance would make it a little less cruel.

Severus’s eyes fell back to Granger who was still tightly gripping his quill copying Slughorn's directions. Severus didn’t have to worry about his momentary slip in attention he’d already gone over today's lesson and made some corrections to his textbook. He spared one more glance before pretending to write useless information.

_ “Granger definitely isn’t like Potter”  _ he found himself thinking not for the first time. _ _

Granger wasn’t cruel to him despite having a reason. If anything Granger was too understanding, too forgiving. Not everyone would react to being sent to the infirmary as Granger did. 

_ “Unless he did receive brain damage from the impact,”  _ he thought lowering his head a little more. 

Truthfully he still felt awful about the incident. Apologizing would help, he knew that, yet he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. Already he learned that apologies couldn’t fix everything. And he still didn’t know Granger, for all he knew his classmate could be waiting to plan retaliation. Or perhaps Granger had other reasons not to slam him into a wall. 

There were whispers amongst members of Pureblood students, whispers of a man who was preparing to change the world. Some students were trying to recruit people to become his followers. He even knew people like Lucius who already had joined. Lucius had been kinder than most to him when he first arrived at Hogwarts...no one was kinder than Granger though. That’s what made all of this strange. No one was kind unless they wanted something and yet Granger hadn’t brought up what it was he wanted. It was all too suspicious, No one wanted to be around him for nothing. Not even Lily, his one and only true friend, wanted to be with him in the end. Friendships didn’t work out for him. He was too unlovable, too ugly, too poor, too unsettling, too strange, too weak. He was born that way, born broken. There was always something that divided him and others. Others, it seemed, could tell from a single look that he was defective. Granger...he was either different or very good at hiding his disgust towards him. It was easier to believe the latter. It was safer to be suspicious.

***

Harry’s mood didn’t improve one bit once he noticed Severus was long gone by the time the bell chimed. His notes were a complete mess since every time James’s laughter buzzed in his ear he punctured his parchment. Harry had no idea why the prat got under his skin. Not even Draco drove him this crazy. Maybe it was because all his life people had only said good things about his father. Maybe it was because he realized that he wanted nothing to do with James and that made him feel slightly guilty. But James was a prat, and arrogant, and-

“Hey,” Remus said awkwardly shifting on his feet besides his desk alone. 

Harry thought it was weird that the Marauders weren’t moving as one big group like the previous day. First James talking to him now Remus. If this pattern continued he’d have a one on one with Sirius and Peter, which he wasn’t too sure he wanted today. 

“I wanted to apologize for James if he offended you. Sometimes he speaks without thinking.”

Remus’s words cemented his decision on joining the Marauders. Swinging his bag over his shoulder he stood, meeting Remus eye to eye. “If he can't apologize himself how am I to know he actually means his apology.”

Remus’s jaw dropped as if contemplating what to tell James now that his master apology had been rejected. Not caring he left Remus to figure it out on his own. 

With potions done he needed to go see Dumbledore. All the way he trekked he kept reminding himself to stay calm. 

“ _ Staying calm would be easier if I didn’t have to deal with all this so early in the day” _ he thought bitterly. “Fudge flies” he said at the gargoyle blocking the entrance to the Headmasters office. 

Walking up the spiral staircase brought back so many memories. Just seeing the door to Dumbledore's office made him wish that His Severus would be there as he always was, waiting beside Dumbledore with that forced scowl he put on every time they saw one another in public. Knowing that wouldn’t be the case forced him to strengthen occlumency shields. “ _ Grief-made mental shields are stronger,” _ Severus once told him- he’d been too worried to ask what grief the man had carried back then- “ _ However using that numbing pain to mold mental walls does have repercussions; you become unable to move on _ .  _ Grief can consume you if you are not careful. _ ” Harry was starting to understand what Severus had meant by that. Forming this occlumency shield made him feel that he was carrying something horrible inside, like a heavy stone sitting in his chest growing heavier and heavier. Despite this feeling he needed to guard his mind.

“Come in” Dulmbeldore greeted watching him over to the chair in front of his desk, the very same chair that he would take up years from now whenever he visited. Everything was nearly the same except for a fewer trinkets laid about. “I'm delighted you could come” Dumbledore said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Somehow it made the man seem rather cold, calculating. That wasn’t something he was used to experiencing from the Headmaster.

Taking the seat he waited for Dumbledore to tell him why he was called in. In his time Severus had often warned him about giving away information until necessary especially when it came to the Headmaster. A slight pressure poked at his temple warning him that Dumbledore was trying to use legilimency but his shields were strong. This wasn’t the first time he needed to keep someone out of his head and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last.

“There’s no need to be so tense” Dulmbedore said lifting his hand. 

A tray of tea floated into view which Dulmbedore picked a cup from and held out to him. 

If he were in his own time he would’ve drank it right away. Often he needed the calming draught poured into the teas offered here, but this wasn’t his time. He couldn’t forget that there were things he knew that others shouldn’t find out about yet.

Making a show of placing his lips to the rim of the cup he didn’t dare swallow a single drop as he tilted it to his mouth.

“You seem to be a remarkable young man Mr. Granger. You remind me of another student...” Something about the way Dulmbedore’s hands steepled together made those words seem less fond as the man’s tone assumed. Harry remained still as he felt the pressure try once again to reach into his mind. He wouldn't let him in. Months of rigorous Occlumency lessons weren’t going to fail him.

“You must forgive me Mr. Granger,” Twinkling eyes lost its shine as he looked him over. “With your sudden appearance I felt we had to meet. It's not the first time someone has transferred to Hogwarts.”

By his tone Harry could tell Dulmbedore was fishing for information. If he told him the name of his supposed previous school it would be looked into right away. Any information he willing gave pushed Dumbledore closer to the realization that a Harry Granger didn’t exist in the Wizarding World. 

“How are you settling in?” Dumbledore asked obviously changing tactics.

“Good.” He pressed the edge of the teacup to his mouth careful not to accidentally drink its contents. He caught Dulmbedore’s hands twitched slightly.

“I’ve heard you were rather exuberant in one of your classes.”

He shrugged. “I thought it best to study before class.”

“A very noble practice.” Dumbledore flashed a half-hearted smile.

It was odd being able to see the strings that the man was trying to pull. Ever since he was eleven he’d been swept up in the complete wonder of the magic that surrounded him, viewing Dumbledore as some parental figure that pulled him from the Dursleys’ abusive home. And he did nearly everything he could for the man in his time. No sacrifice was too great when he received acknowledgment for his heroic recklessness. In his time he endured so much just returning to the Dursleys at the end of each year, but he did it because that was what Dulmbedore asked of him. This Dumbledore had no pretense to be a fraction of the kindly parental figure he knew. In this time he was a complete stranger perhaps even dangerous. This Dumbledore wouldn’t treat him like a son or the Chosen One. Here he was nothing more than a suspicious Slytherin.

“If you have any trouble you're welcomed to see me or speak with professor Slughorn.”

“Thank you” He returned the half-hearted smile before leaving.

He had to be more careful about bringing attention to himself. On his way to his next class he spotted Lily Evans chatting with the same girl as before.

“Oh,” she startled when she saw him. 

Already his thoughts on James ruined the mental image of a perfect father he'd carried around for years. If he didn’t interact with her... he wouldn’t have her memory ruined as well.

“Excuse me” he said moving straight past them not catching Lily's curious look.

***

“I want you to pair up” said Professor Sprout. The Hufflepuff students already started on the re-potting the Devil Snare snippings as his housemates paired up. Not having someone already to work with felt like being picked last for football. At first, he thought Severus might need a partner but Mulciber placed a pot in front of Severus so he guessed that meant he was taken.

“Need a partner Granger?” Regulus asked.

“I do.”

“Come, I have all our stuff over there.” Regulus motioned to an empty spot towards the back of the greenhouse.

“Thanks” he said following his partner. 

“It wouldn’t be good for you to lose us house points for standing around looking lost” Regulus smiled.

Although he saw Regulus threaten Mulciber yesterday and knowing without a doubt that Regulus was going to be a Death Eater he still felt genuine warmth in that smile.

Their area was perfectly laid out; not a single trowel was out of place. It seemed that Regulus was in his element as they began. 

“Aren't you a Fifth year?” he asked digging up soil.

“I am but I've excelled in a few courses so I managed to be placed in sixth-year classes.”

“I didn't see you at Defense or Potions.”

“I chose not to be in classes that overlapped with Sixth year Gryffindors” Regulus said with a hint of bitterness.

“Because of your brother?”

Immediately Regulus’s eyes narrowed. “What do you know about him.” There was a look about Regulus that suggested if he said the wrong thing he would find himself impaled by the trowel in his hand. 

“Only that he's the Gryffindor’s ladies man” he joked packing the soil firmly into the pot. 

“He's an obnoxious flirt” Regulus confirmed in a sigh.

“You really care about him don't you?”

He hadn't meant to say it out loud. When Sirius had told him about Regulus it was as if there had always been a wedge between them like a mutual dislike of the other; Sirius for his lack of upholding the Black family tradition and Regulus for becoming a Death Eater.

“He’s my brother. Stupid house rivalry doesn't change that.” Regulus pushed the snipping into the pot of soil. 

“So should I cheer for Gryffindor at the Quidditch game then?” he teased.

“If you want to be left outside the dorms for an entire month, be my guest.”

He chucked. “I won't do that then. I don't think James Potter needs anymore cheering on anyways.”

“Already over Potter?” Regulus asked taking another scoop of dirt. “ That's rather quick. Most don't see past the money or the good looks... I'll say that he is a decent Seeker.”

“I’m sure you are twice as good.”

Regulus smiled. “Thanks but I try not to get a big head especially before a game. It’s Potter’s overconfidence that allows me to catch the snitch before he does.”

“Funny he told me he's never lost a game.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Word to the wise don’t believe everything Potter says.”

“I’m looking forward to watching the game.”

“Did you see a lot of Quidditch games at your old school?”

“A little.”

“Where did you say you came from?”

“I didn’t.” He smirked, knowing that he had gracefully dodged that attempt at prying. “I like to retain some mystery.”

Regulus simply pushed the Devil Snare clipping further into the soil. “Give it some water.”

It would be problems if Regulus dug further. What could he do though? There were only so many schools that he could pretend to come from and he only really knew two besides Hogwarts; both of which he lacked, among other things, a proper accent to have come from there. 

Onyx eyes were looking at him again. If he were sure there would be no harm to speak the truth he would instantly. But he had to be careful if he was going to save Severus’s life.

***

Severus scowled, it was an action that he found himself doing more and more lately. Currently, his scowl was for two reasons one, Mulciber was one of the worst partners to be settled within Herbology and two, Granger appeared chummy with Regulus Black. The first problem would’ve been solved if Regulus had just taken Mulciber as a partner like usual. The two of them were rather close, or to be more accurate close proximity to the other. Severus knew both had ties in with Lucius Malfoy. They were all Purebloods, all highly proud of their blood superiority. Despite his own Halfblood status, Lucius had introduced them to him to the main families during his first year. If there was one thing he learned it was to stay away from Pureblood business, to get caught up in their devices was no better than walking around in the Forbidden Forest with raw meat hanging around your neck. When Lucius had graduated most of the Purebloods he’d been introduced to went along while the others quickly forgot he existed. That had been fine by him which was why being paired with Mulciber was the worst. 

Mulciber kept muttering things under his breath as they packed in the dirt in their pot. It was best not to pay attention to the ramblings. His attention was better spent divided between re-potting the Devil Snare and figuring out why Regulus wanted to speak with Granger. 

Entering Herbology today he was sure Granger would’ve jumped at the chance to partner up. The disappointment he felt while watching the two was strictly due to the lack of information he could get out of Granger during this time nothing else.

There was far too much strangeness about Granger. 

Why were both Potter and Regulus trying to gain his attention? Potter didn’t engage with Slytherins or try to make friends with them and Regulus didn’t separate from Mulciber unless necessary. Nothing made sense. How had this one person made the concrete things in his life loose rationale? 

“That’s enough dirt Snape” Mulciber grumbled. 

Severus lowered his trowel he studied Mulciber- he too looked peeved about being stuck in this situation. It was strange that he wasn’t cussing him out or hexing him. Talks about what Mulciber did to a third-year Muggleborn Hufflepuff the other day still circulated in the Common Room. Rumors were best things left unheard unless they were about people like Mulciber, then they weren’t rumors they were warnings.

Granger’s chuckle pulled his attention back. That small smile on his face didn’t sit well with him. He didn’t like any of this one bit.

***

That night Harry reflected on the day. It turned out Regulus wasn’t in any of his other classes besides Herbology meaning one less pair of suspicious eyes on him. Severus had the whole keeping an eye on him thing covered when they were in class. Harry wondered what exactly the other Slytherins were saying about him. There was no reason aside from his status as a transfer for them to talk about. There was no great feat he’d accomplished as a baby that required their admiration. Soon enough the gossip would end then he would blend right in. Time would take care of most people’s curiosities, but he still had Dumbledore, Severus, and now Regulus trying to dig things up. He could handle them all.    
One way or another, he was going to gain Severus’s trust, prove to Dumbledore that he was just a typical student, and avoid getting on Regulus’s bad side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you are enjoying the fic so far. I am working hard to establish a decent updating schedule.


	4. Quidditch

A boost of pride ran through him when he, at last, found Severus hiding out in the library on Saturday morning. It was such a nice morning, a perfect day of clear skies for today’s Quidditch game, which of course meant that Severus would be spending it here. There were just some things people didn’t grow out of he guessed. Harry was certain that pulling Severus out of the empty library, excluding the librarian Madam Pince, could be tricky.

“Are you going to watch the match today?” he asked when he got closer to Severus, who sat hunched over a book. 

Severus glared at him over the edge of his book. Harry couldn't wait until they got past all this glaring. There was so much more to Severus than glaring and being held up indoors. If he just got to the point where he held a little more of Severus’s trust then they could be friends. And then Hogwarts wouldn’t feel so dreadfully lonely. And maybe then he would be able to properly sleep instead of having his mind wander as he lay alone in the Room of Requirements. 

“I won't stop bothering you until you give me an answer,” he said leaning over the edge of the desk.

Severus glare hardened, but Harry knew he would win out in the end. He had dealt with an older and far more stubborn Severus. If there was an award for dealing with stubborn people he would have his wall lined with them. 

“I'm trying to study” Severus complained.

“It won't hurt not studying for a couple of hours.”

Severus tried to ignore him but he wouldn't let up. He took up the seat beside him. It did look as though Severus was planning on doing a whole bunch of studying before he showed up. There was even a to-do list sticking out from the bottom of a stack of books. Hermione would be proud of the self-disciplined scheduling. She wouldn’t be so agreeable with him trying to ruin that.

“Are you going to sit there staring at me until I agree?” 

“Maybe,” he said scooting close enough so he could see what Severus had been reading. There was a possibility that he too should be reading, although he truly didn’t care that much about completing homework at the moment. Homework was at the very bottom of his priorities list, not to mention Severus would’ve completed his homework ages ago. 

“Granger, why are you so insistent?” Severus huffed pulling the book to the side. 

“Everyone else is going,” he pointed out.

Severus scoffed. “That's exactly why it's the best time to get studying done _ alone. _”

“It’s one game.”

“No it isn't,” Severus said laying his book down with a muted thud. “ I can see your mind working. If I agree you'll be dragging me to every game.”

“Sharp as ever” he muttered.

Severs quirked a brow.

“Everyone is going” he repeated.

“Are you the type of person who would drink-”

“-poison if everyone else did?” he finished with a laugh. His Severus once said the exact same thing. It seemed that no matter what time it was Severus would always think he was so reckless that he would do just about anything. 

Severus’s brow raised even further.

“I'm not” he tried to assure him. Seeing that Severus was reaching to lift up his book again Harry placed a hand on the textbook. “Regulus said we are playing against Gryffindor. Don't you want to cheer on Slytherin?”

“No.” Severus pulled his book from under Harry’s hand.

“Come on,” he placed a hand onto Severus’s hand, which jerked under his touch. The sheer hate in Severus’s eyes should’ve made him let go but he kept his hand as it was. “Please I want to go with you.”

Shock and suspicion were clear on Severus’s face.“Why?”

“Because,” 

There were a million ways to complete that sentence; because he was sent to a time where he felt completely out of place and going to a game gave him a sense of comfort. Because he wanted to be beside Severus at every possible moment. Because he didn't like the idea of Severus alone in the library. Because he thought it would be enjoyable to spend some time together outside of the classroom. Because he didn’t want to go an entire year receiving that glare when all he wanted was what he lost in his own time.

Of all the reasons he ended up saying, “Because I like you.” 

The cutest shade of blush colored Severus’s pale face. The action made him rather proud; he’d never been able to get that sort of reaction so easily before. He wanted to kiss those thin lips but would it be like kissing a stranger with a shared face? His Severus and this version were different. This version didn’t have the memories that he shared with his older version. 

“Please come with me” he whispered leaning in a little.

Magic sparked in his hand giving off a light sting until it felt like a small fire was staring in his palm. “Ouch!” By the small welts on his hand he knew he'd been hit with a stinging hex. 

“You need to learn personal space Granger.”

“That was uncalled for Severus.”

“You better go or you'll be late to watch your precious game.”

“Come with me.”

“I will cast a stronger hex” Severus threatened.

“Would you join me if I said I was going to jinx Potter’s broom?”

“Don't even joke about that. You'd be expelled in a heartbeat.” Severus said sternly.

“Oh really?”

Harry stood up making his way out of the library.

“I'm serious Granger.” Severus said stuffing his things into his bag. Harry kept walking. “Dumbledore would personally guarantee it! Potter is his favorite.”Severus insisted tucking a few loose parchments further into his bag as he followed.“I’m serious.”

“I'm sure you are” he smirked knowing he had led him out of the library.

“Granger!”

He kept walking. He’d successfully gained Severus’s attention which meant he had to keep walking. It appeared that this Severus had more tunnel vision than his future self. As long as he kept walking Severus would follow. 

“Don't think he won't suspect you. Everyone knows Dumbledore doesn't care about Slytherins.”

“Is that so?”

They were already walking into the courtyard. Desperately he wanted to laugh at how easy this was. Never in a million years could he lead someone like this, especially not someone who was trained in manipulation and deception. But this Severus didn’t know those things yet. Things that shaped the future version of Severus wasn’t quite formed at this time. 

_ “Maybe I should call him Sev.” _he thought. That nickname felt right in his head. It helped separate who he was currently leading through the grounds and who- 

“A Gryffindor always favors a Gryffindor!”

“Makes sense.”

“You don't understand!” Sev went on. 

_ “Yes,” _ he thought. _ “Sev does fit better.” _

“He thinks them infallible. You _ will _get expelled.”

“Maybe he'll think twice about that since I do look like Potter.”

“You don't look like him that much” Severus huffed.

Shrugging Harry kept walking. They would be there soon as long as Sev didn’t decide to turn away. He was pretty sure that he wouldn’t. 

“Granger” frustration rumbled in Sev’s voice. 

“I won't jinx any brooms okay” he said looking over the red and green banners that decorated the entrance to the Quidditch pitch stands. “So,” he turned to see Sev. “will you come with me?” He pointed to the pitch.

Sev looked furious once he realized they had trekked all this way.

“Since you dragged me.” Sev flung his shoulder bag back. “I'm going to keep an eye on you.”

Chuckling he followed after Sev the sea of green nearly immediately swallowed him up as they waded their way to an open seat in the corner. Students and faculty alike were cheering at the top of their lungs.

“ANOTHER SCORE FOR GRYFFINDOR!” came the announcement overhead. 

As strange as it was to expect familiar faces on the Gryffindor team it felt stranger to be on the stands instead of on a broom. All of this felt a bit out of place. It felt like he wasn’t in the Hogwarts stands watching a school game. A part of that was being surrounded by green and silver instead of red and gold. If Ron saw him sitting in the Slytherin stans he might’ve died from shock. 

Severus huffed sitting as far back from the railing as possible, somehow finding the one secluded part amongst the masses.

“Don't you want to get closer?”

“No.” Severus forcefully pulled out his book.

“I thought you came to stop me from jinxing Potter. You won’t do a good job if you’re distracted by reading a book.”

Severus flipped his page with so much force he was sure that it ripped.

“Come on,” he took Severus’s hand. “It’s a shame not to at least watch.”

“If you don't remove your hand I will do far worse than a minor stinging hex” Severus warned.

“Okay, okay.” Letting go he turned his eyes back to the game.

Gryffindor just missed a goal releasing a whopping cheer from Slytherin. Ron would’ve cursed at the shoddy attempt and curse louder at the cheering. He could almost hear Hermione in his head yelling at Ron. He missed the two. It was best not to think about them, but how could anyone not think about friends that they had spent nearly every minute together up until a few days ago. Only a few days ago he was a student in Gryffindor surrounded by friends and Severus...

“SLYTHERIN HAS SCORED” the announcer said a little less enthusiastically.

Awkwardly he clapped along with the others. It was hard to know what to do. He had told Regulus that he would cheer for Slytherin but he had so many memories of cheers that filled the pitch when one of his Gryffindor teammates scored. 

Conflict of who to cheer for diminished when he saw James doing a very unnecessary victory lap around the pitch when Gryffindor scored next. If this was what he did every game Harry could understand why Sev wouldn't want to watch a game. 

“Sure you don't want me to...” he moved his finger in a small circle.

Severus tapped the cover of his book which read:_ Jinx, hexes, and Counter Curses. _ He supposed that meant Severus already knew how to break any jinx he dared to cast.

A collective gasp pulled them to their feet. 

“SLYTHERIN’S SEEKER REGULUS BLACK HAS BEEN KNOCKED OFF HIS BROOM!” the announcer’s voice boomed. 

Over the shoulders of the audience Harry could only make out the red blur zipping straight downwards. On tiptoes he peered over the others hoping that Regulus would be caught in time. 

“Come on. Come on dad.” he whispered pressing his hands together.

Suddenly there was a moment of complete silence as the two drifted further and further down. Snatching a pair of binoculars he pushed through the heads of his housemates. Now he could clearly see James; his hand outstretched as he sped towards the ground. 

Harry zoomed the binoculars in a bit more. “Please make it. Please. Please.”

Catching the other Seeker didn't seem to be Jame's concern as he reached out his hand not to Regulus but something just to the side of him. James’s fist curled around it before rising upwards with a gleeful shout while Regulus met the ground. 

“JAMES POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS” the announcer cheered, no longer concerned about Regulus.

Deafening cheers sprung from the Gryffindor side. Rising as high as he could Harry looked to see if Regulus was okay. Not even through the binoculars could he tell if Regulus was conscious but what he could tell was that no one had yet to check up on Regulus. Someone had to do something. Regulus could be horribly injured. 

“Doesn’t anyone care about him?” he asked, turning back to Severus.

Severus sneered while shoving his things back into his bag. He was mumbling something to himself that Harry couldn’t make out over the cheering from Gryffindor and the chatter of the others in the Slytherin stand. 

“Wait!” he called out as Severus disappeared down the stairway. “Wait.” He abandoned the binoculars in the pursuit of Severus. “Wait!”

Severus was already a few flights below. It was almost impressive how quickly Severus could move.

Rushing down the last steps he expected Severus to return to the castle instead he led them to Slytherin’s team tent.

“Oh.” Slughorn said pausing his conversation with another faculty member Harry didn’t recognize. “What are you two doing here? Has the game ended?” Slughorn flipped open his pocket watch. “Must mean Gryfindor won. Rotten luck.” Slughorn clicked his watch closed.

Severus scowled. “ Regulus Black was knocked off his broom.” 

“Oh, I should check on the lad shouldn't I?” Slughorn said in a way that sounded as though he had dealt with this sort of thing many times and had grown used to the fact of people falling off their brooms at dangerous heights. 

As Slughorn pulled the tent flaps back Harry caught the triumphant smirk on James's face as he was hoisted up by this fellow teammates. When Harry turned back Severus had disappeared so he pushed forward following Slughorn’s lead. The Slytherin team seemed equally disheartened at the lost and the current state of Regulus. 

Regulus wasn’t conscious; his arms and legs laid bent at horrific angles. The Slytherin team’s eyes caught sight of him, each showing that they were ready to beat down anyone who dared approach the half-circle they had formed around Regulus. Once they noticed the shared green robes they returned to glaring at the cheerful Gryffindor chanting “Gryfindor wins once more!” as they paraded James around the pitch. 

Slughorn pulled a few vials from his handbag reading the fine scribbled labels. 

“Will he be alright professor?”

Slughorn gave a little jump, clearly not noticing that he had been besides him. “Ah, yes Mr. Black will be right as rain.” Slughorn tipped a vial into Regulus's mouth before straightening himself. “A little something for the trip” he informed the group before levitating Regulus. 

Harry had to look away, the image of Regulus limply floating reminded too much of how professors and Aurors had levitated corpses after the war. Regulus would be alright he knew this wasn’t how the young man died. Even so...

“Professor, can I come with you?”

“I don't see why not. Good to have some company on the way back.”

Harry thought it was going to be a hassle pushing through crowds to get to the infirmary but the trip was smooth due to the joyous Gryffindor’s deciding to prolong the celebration at the pitch. Harry was almost certain that if he stayed he would’ve seen James offering signed photos. That thought put an awful taste in his mouth. He had been so sure that James would’ve stopped Regulus from falling. He expected some brave stunt at the last second, but James had cared only about the Snitch. 

The castle was unusually quiet on their walk to the infirmary. He avoided looking directly up or down as Regulus’s floating shadow was disturbing in its stillness.

_ “Why isn’t Slughorn more concerned?” _ he thought.

“How are things settling Mr. Granger?”

“Huh?” He blinked at Slughorn, who looked unbothered escorting a floating body. Slughorn should’ve been more bothered by this. Slughorn should’ve been angry at James for not catching Regulus. What Slughorn shouldn’t be concerned about was how he was doing. He wasn’t the one floating unconscious right now.

“Don't get many new students aside of the first years of course” Slughorn carried on, pulling his wand a little lower so Regulus wouldn’t accidentally get his robes on fire from the candles.

“Of course.”

It was lucky that Dumbledore had not alerted his presence to all the professors. If that happened, he would have to find another way to be by Severus, the only other place he knew Severus would eventually end up wasn't a place he wanted to get involved with just yet. 

He glanced at Regulus.

How deeply involved with the Death Eaters was he right now? Harry still felt a twinge of guilt knowing how things would end for him. He couldn’t risk telling Regulus the future.

“Horace” Madam Pomfrey greeted when they at last made it to the infirmary.

“Mr. Black had a bit of a fall. I gave something for the trip here” Slughorn calmly informed setting Regulus on a bed.

“And you?” she asked giving him a look that shouted ‘I don’t want to see you back here so soon’.

“Only came to see to Mr. Black’s wellbeing” Slughorn explained.

“Good.” She set upon Regulus, her wand going from one pattern to the next with muttered spells. “He’ll be fine after a night.” A few potions floated into her hand.

“We’ll leave you to it Poppy”

She simply waved her hand while muttering something about Quidditch. He wanted to stay but he knew that Madam Pomfrey wouldn’t allow it.

“I can’t say I’m too keen on returning to the dungeons.” Slughorn sighed. “They’ll be rather disappointed.”

Harry nodded.

“I can count on you not to lose your way, yes?” Slughorn began walking the other way before Harry could even respond.

Returning to a common room filled with others wasn't something he wanted to endure either. It was for the best that he return to the Room of Requirements.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
This story had to undergo some tweaks but I think I've worked out most of the kinks. I am now committed to an updating schedule which will make sure that this story is completed before the end of March of this year. The next chapter update will fall in mid-October. Dates that will 100% receive an update are: Oct 31, Dec 24, Jan1! Depending on how much time I have to work on this the final chapter may be updated on Feb 26 or it will be completed before then.  
Thank you to everyone who reads, gives kudos, and comments on this.  
Until next time have a wonderful day/ week! :)


	5. Regulus

As soon as he woke Harry went to the infirmary. It bothered him knowing Regulus was there all alone last night. If he still had the invisibility cloak he would've snuck in just to ease his mind. When he arrived he wasn’t the only one at the large doors. Sirius stood there shifting from one foot to the other. Sirius looked vaguely in his direction as he got closer to the door. By the way he never looked directly at his face Harry was sure that Sirius was creeped out by his mismatched eyes. 

“What’re you doing here Granger?”

“I wanted to check on Regulus” he answered truthfully.

Sirius didn't say anything but his face sure looked like he wanted to say something. Harry wondered what was it about these two. There was only so much he knew of Sirius before he died and far less about Regulus. 

Harry moved past to push the large heavy doors, holding it open for Sirius. Sirius stared at him as though opening doors for another person was an action beyond a Slytherin’s ability. “Well, aren’t you going in?”

Sirius stepped through the opening without looking at him and avoiding any chance of brushing up against him. 

It was an odd feeling being treated this way when he knew Sirius to be more comfortable around him; even messing up his hair when they use to see each other. Sirius was a great godfather for the time they had together. Sirius would constantly go out of his way for them to talk; sharing stories or just to check up on him...so Harry couldn’t understand the way this Sirius dragged his feet as though checking up on his own brother was a difficult task that he didn’t want to do.

Regulus was awake when they came to his bed. All Regulus’s bones had been reset and fully functioning based on the way he was picking at the little fuzz on the blanket.

Sirius looked to be struggling with deciding to approach his brother or stand back. Regulus continued picking at his blanket, barely noticed that his brother wasn’t right at his bedside. Neither one said a word. Harry felt trapped in between this awkward silence.

“How are you doing?” he asked once it was clear none of the brothers were going to talk first.

“Fine” Regulus said abit curtly. “Madame Pomfrey said you brought me in Granger.” Regulus at last looked at Sirius. “ How was the Gryffindor victory party?” he asked flatly.

“Regulus-” Sirius took a step forward looking ashamed.

“I’m alive so you can go back to your friends. I’m sure your leader will extend the celebration all week long. Wouldn’t want you to miss out on that.”

Sirius held his tongue. Harry guessed Sirius only did so because he was there. 

Regulus got up from the bed clearly not carrying if Sirius stood around or not. When Regulus began tightening his tie Sirius decided to go. Harry caught Regulus looking back at Sirius. A loud sigh came from Regulus.

“He really did want to make sure you were alright” he said a little unsure if his words would be welcomed or not. After all this was the same person who had no issue turning a wand onto Mulciber.

“Yeah after partying with his friends.” Regulus adjusted his robes a tad harshly.

“...He really did seemed worried.”

“Of course he was he.” Regulus sighed. “You don't have siblings do you Granger?”

“Only child” he admitted.

“You would understand if you had an older brother.” 

Would he? He’d been surrounded by Weasley brothers many times and he couldn’t recall any of them acting the way these two did.

“Sirius is...he’s...”

“A handful?” he offered recalling how Remus use to complain about keeping Sirius on a short leash.

“More than you know.” There was a beat of silence before Regulus asked “Why did you come with Slughorn here?”

“When Severus and I saw you fall we found Slughorn... You were out cold...” Images of Regulus’s lifeless body haunted him. This time Regulus was alright but one day that wouldn’t be the case. If he told Sirius that in a few years his younger brother would die would things change between the two? “I couldn't leave you like that.”

Regulus looked at him quizzically. “Snape doesn't attend games.”

“I sort of tricked him into going.”

“And there was talk that you didn't belong in Slytherin” Regulus laughed.

  


“You don't belong in Slytherin” Sev accused just before Charms class began. 

“But I got the robes and everything” he said slightly caught off guard. Severus hadn’t as much said hello this morning. 

“You weren't in the dorms” Sev proposed as proof.

“You’re mad about going to the game aren’t you.”

Sev’s scowl deepened as if he had just remembered getting dragged across campus. “I won't be tricked by you again,” Sev said defensively. “Why weren’t you in the dorms?”

“How do you know I wasn’t in the common room?”

“I checked several times.”

“Oh?” It was fun to tease Sev. His Severus was always far too stoned face to know if he actually got any reaction. Sev was easier to read and mess with.

“Where have you been sleeping this entire time?”

“I didn't realize you were so concerned about my whereabouts.”

Severus’s cheeks pinked a little but he couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or anger. 

“I don’t trust you Granger.”

He shrugged expecting Severus to find a seat far away from him yet he stood there eyes trained on his face. Years from now that look would become so stern that anyone met with it would be compelled to give up any information Severus wanted. But for now it held no swaying power whatsoever. So he stared back in a rather weak staring contest since he couldn't stop blinking.

“Where do you go?” Severus didn’t pause in his interrogation. “You owe me at least that for dragging me all the way to the game.”

“I won’t say sorry for that. It was a good game until-”

“Until Black got knocked out of the sky.” 

The staring contest ended the second he looked away. “Yeah” he rubbed the back of his head. “Regulus is better now. I checked up on him this morning.”

Severus crossed his arms slinking into the seat next to him. “You’re close to him?”

“Honestly I barely know him.”

Severus tapped his finger against his mouth. It had been a sign that he was thinking things over.

“Today we are going to begin our lessons on-” Professor Flitwick squeaked from the front of the classroom.

“I'm keeping my eye on you Granger” Severus said after sometime.

“Wouldn't want it any other way.”

  


He didn’t trust Granger. Severus was certain that someone like Granger couldn’t have been placed in Slytherin. His actions yesterday alone wouldn’t be seen as Slytherin traits. Granger practically lacked all traits that his fellow Housemates possessed. The bundle of snakes that he lived among wouldn’t put so much care over an individual. 

Within Slytherin there were groups, clusters of Purebloods that played well with one another in the same way any socialite party would. There was a solid hierarchy to the Purebloods outside of Hogwarts which naturally carried in and multiplied in the dungeons. According to what Lucius had taught him years ago Regulus Black held a rather high position on that hierarchy even so not a single member of his group would’ve paid Regulus a visit. In many ways there was an unspoken understanding that it was “eat or be eaten”. Severus didn’t know if it had always been this way but he could tell that Slughhorns attention to only the brightest, talentest, or wealthiest students furthered heightened the hierarchy. The one thing that united Slytherin house was the way the other houses viewed them- mistrustful, good for nothing. To survive in Slytherin you had to not care about anyone, to only look out for yourself.

Seeing Granger care about someone he claimed not to even know was odd, yet almost refreshing. It had to be because Granger was new and didn’t understand that caring could be a hindrance, could be seen as a weakness.

“He’s odd” Severus thought catching Granger’s small smile on his face. That made the count to ten, ten times he saw stupid Granger smiling during this class alone. “What is he smiling about anyway?” Granger was utterly odd there was no other way to perceived this sort of reaction. How else could you describe a person that seemed excited at the idea of being watched?

“You’re going to miss the whole lesson” Granger whispered motioning his mismatched eyes towards the front.

Almost hesitantly he focused his eyes back onto Professor Flitwick. 

“Completely odd.” No one acted that way unless they really had nothing to hide or was very good at hiding secrets. Severus was sure that he would figure out who exactly Granger was one way or another.

****

Harry expected another accusation or some sort of remark at the end of class but as before Sev left Charms quickly. 

Harry dreaded going to his next class; History of Magic had and always be the utmost boring subject. There was a good thing that there was a break between Charms and that snoozefest. 

“At least today I only have classes with Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws” he thought as he moved through the courtyard. 

As if his thoughts summoned them he saw a small crowd mostly dawning redpiped robes. James stood by the largest tree in the courtyard enthusiastically talking to a group of students who looked to be hanging on every word. Seeing James was the last thing he wanted today.

In between the pauses of the nightmarish image of Regulus lifeless in his dreams there was James always coming inches from saving Regulus. And all he could do was watch. Watch it over and over again the moment James decided a Snitch was worth more than another person. On some loops of the nightmare Regulus just laid there broken and bleeding on the ground while James happily danced around. 

“Granger!” James motioned with his hand to come closer. The group turned their eyes towards him. 

Holding back a groan he walked over with the simple plan to say hello then leave. 

“Saw the game didn't you?” James asked puffing out his chest in a ridiculous fashion. 

“I did.” He glanced at Sirius who still couldn't look at him directly. Remus was glancing between all of them while Pettigrew hung back, practically blending into the tree trunk.

“Pretty great don't you think?”

“If you think not caring that a player was injured is great then yeah, pretty great.”

James chuckled. “He’s fine. You can't blame me for his lack of skill.”

The crowded nodded in agreement. Not even Sirius said anything. 

Regulus was right he didn’t understand what it meant to have a brother, but how could Sirius not even object to what James was saying.

“Any amature could hang on to their broom.” James carried on encouraged by the nodding group.

Harry tucked his balled up fists in the folds of his robes. 

“Really how could Slytherin beat my team?”

“Your team?” he grinded through his teeth. 

“Of course,” James messed up his hair in an attempt to look cool. “Any team is worthless without a Seeker. Everyone knows that. Right?”

The crowd nodded again. 

Harry didn't know why he was allowing himself to stand by hearing such garbage. One player couldn’t carry a whole team by themselves. 

“The only reason that games last as long as they do is because I let the other Seekers have a chance. It wouldn't be as much fun if I caught the Snitch too early.” James pulled out the Snitch from his pocket. 

The crowd of younger years gazed at it as though James had held the sun. 

His fist tightened.

“Mr. Potter!” McGonagall’s voice stopped him from doing anything reckless. 

Harry looked at her before realizing she as talking to James instead of warning him about point deductions if he acted on his impulse to smash the Snitch into James’s smug face. 

McGonagall looked to the Snitch in his hand. “A moment if you please Mr. Potter.” Harry was disappointed that she didn’t sound upset at James for stealing the Snitch. 

“Sure thing” James smiled before turning to the Marauders saying “Don't wait up. She might be offering me an award.”

Having quiet enough of James Potter he darted away from the group. Really there wouldn't be enough space between him and James right now if he had walked to the end of the Earth. “Why does he have to be such an arrogant prat?” he thought.

“In a hurry Granger?”

Harry dug his heels into the ground ready to lash out his frustration at whoever wanted to talk to him before realizing it was Regulus. 

Regulus’s rested his head on the edge of one of the many windows of the greenhouse. He hadn’t realized how quickly he had made it here. 

“What's got you all riled up?”

“James Potter.” He sighed. There was a part of him that felt guilty for being so agitated. James was his father after all. 

“He's a pain to our entire House.” Regulus slipped back into the greenhouse.

Taking the action as an invitation Harry entered the greenhouse. “He was going on about how amazing he was at the game.”

“Expect that after every game.” Regulus levitated a few pots reorganizing them into their proper place. “Before you ask, I am allowed to be in the greenhouse alone.”

Harry looked around noticing that nothing was off limits to Regulus. Not even the cage that held snippings were locked up. “Professor Sprout must really trust you.”

“She does. So don't ruin anything” Regulus threatened as he moved to the other end of the greenhouse.

“I won’t.” Harry chuckled. “How are you feeling?”

“Slytherin isn't out of the game yet.” 

“That is not what I meant... You were sent to the infirmary while Potter boasted about catching the Snitch.”

“It’s not a big deal Granger. Playing Quidditch guarantees at least one trip to Madam Pomfrey.” Regulus levitated a few more pots. “And you shouldn't worry too much on what Potter or any of his friends do it's not worth it.”

“Worth what?”

Regulus was quiet for a minute before turning back to him. “It’s not worth losing us House points.”

Harry stared at Regulus. If being around Severus taught him anything it was knowing when people were holding something back.

Regulus went back to sorting pots.

There was something Regulus wasn’t telling him. Maybe it was Death Eater related. Maybe Regulus didn’t want him to get tangled with the Marauders because he knew they would be on different sides of the battlefield. No that couldn’t be it. Harry doubted that Regulus would know that the Marauders would eventually join the Order of the Phoenix to fight the Death Eaters. That would happen far later. And he couldn’t imagine Regulus fighting against Sirius. Despite what happened in the infirmary Harry was sure that the two cared about each other.

Out of the corner he saw the top of a familiar head peeking from the edge of the window. It took a lot not to laugh at how Sev was making good on his promise to keep an eye on him. That was a good thing he decided, it kept him close.

  


*****

Days had passed since getting dragged to the Quidditch game and Severus was nowhere closer to understanding who Granger was. As he said he kept an eye on the supposed transfer student at nearly every opportunity, still he wasn’t able to figure out where Granger went at the end of the day. Not once did he see him in the Slytherin common room or any of the dorms. Sneaking into the other years’ rooms had been risky, so was meticulously rummaging to find anything labeled as Granger’s, but nothing pointed to Granger once stepping foot in there.

Granger was not at all forthcoming on the night time disappearances or any of the strange things he noticed about him. Granger wouldn’t even say the name of his previous school. For a transfer student Granger fell into step far too easily. During some classes it even seemed like he was holding back from giving correct answers or purposefully doing charms wrong. The only exception was Potions, that meant Granger wasn’t an all out liar. Granger’s ability or lack thereof in Potions was dramatically apparent that he couldn’t understand how he managed to get placed in that class in the first place. 

It was too odd. 

The oddest thing by far was the way Granger would look at him. From the very first time they met Granger looked at him as though they knew each other for years. He didn’t like it. That look made him feel weird; something nameless but felt like a mix of guilt and nervousness. Whatever it was called, he felt it times ten when Granger glanced at him when he thought he wasn’t paying attention. It was when he caught those kind of looks that he felt the need to go anywhere other than where Granger was. Sometimes he would find himself heading towards the Forbidden Forest before coming to his senses.

As Severus scrubbed his hands in the bathroom he had to admit that teetering between avoiding and following Granger was getting ridiculous. He needed to uncover the mysteries surrounding Granger. 

Frankly, he didn't know exactly why he was avoiding Granger at this very moment. The reason why he avoided Potter was clear but nothing seemed clear when it came to Granger. That was probably what he did not like the most -the uncertainty of it all. 

The door to the bathroom opened with a loud creek pulling him from his thoughts. Lifting his head he saw Lupin staring at him as if he were a ghost.

“They're behind me” Lupin hurriedly whispered.

But it wasn't as all an efficient warning as the rest of Potter’s group ushered into the bathroom

“What's wrong Moony?” Black laughed. The second Black saw him the laughter died.

He stood tall against the hatred in those eyes. 

“Snillverus.” Potter’s face turned upward in a wicked smile.

There was an apologetic look in Lupin's eyes. His eyes fell to the Head Boy badge pinned to Lupin’s robes. How could Lupin be sorry for what was to come when he let it happen despite the responsibility of looking after students? Of course to this group he wasn't a student or a person. They probably didn’t see him as human. To them he was nothing but something to kick around when it amused them.

“It's been a while hasn't it Snillverus?” Potter asked pushing ahead of Lupin.

Behind, Black cracked his knuckles before setting them on his back pocket where his wand poked out. Petigrew looked comfortable as ever following his leaders.

“I figured it was too good to be true not seeing your ugly face outside of class but here we are” Black said taking another step forward.

Potter moved closer to his left. “Just had to bother Remus didn't you Snivelly?” 

Severus held his tongue. There was nothing he could say that would stop Potter; he had his mind made up about him since the first time he laid eyes on him. Severus wouldn't beg, he wouldn't concede to their cruelty, he would fight to make it out of this alive.

“I would've thought you'd be out of Hogwarts by now. No one wants you here.”

He knew that. That lesson was clear but he would be damned if he didn't finish his education because of people like Potter. He wouldn't give him the satisfaction. 

Black and Potter continued moving forward, backing him up further into the bathroom. Tuning out Potter’s rant of how the world was better off without him, Severus focused on the way Potter twirled the wand in his hand. Potter had the tendency to turn roughly six whole turns before he shot the first spell. Potter was already on his third twirl, fingers flexed among the edge of his wand meaning he could expect a nasty curse. On the sixth turn he was already shouting “Expelliarmus!” the very second Potter’s wand rose up. In the short confusion he rushed between Potter and Black.

“Stop him!” Potter ordered.

Pettigrew flung into action. “J-jelly legs j-jinx!”

Pettigrew’s fumbling of words made the spell easy to reflect, but something else caught a hold of his legs like rope. With a tumble he fell to the tiled floor. 

“Knock back jinx!” he called hoping to give himself a little more time to try to get his legs free. Pettigrew fell into Potter and Black in a pile. “Expelliarmus” he casted towards Lupin who had avoided getting knocked back. There would be no way to make it into the hall before the four regrouped so he dragged himself under the nearest stall. Once there he muttered the counter curse to regain feeling in his legs.

“Snillverus we aren't done” Black growled.

“What's your rush? Off so ruin someone else's life?”

“He's probably out to ruin Granger’s” Pettigriew added.

For some reason this seemed to anger Potter even more; his legs kicking against the stall door creating a loud Bang that echoed along the walls. 

“Granger doesn't know how much of a hideous worthless freak you are but rest assured I’ll make sure he knows everything. Then he’ll see it’s better to be with us.” Potter hissed. 

Anger boiled up within him. There was something about Granger knowing exactly what others thought about him enraged him. If Granger believed Potter then just like everyone else; Granger would pretend that he didn’t exist until it was beneficial to acknowledge him. And if Granger joined this group then it would be as bad as two Potters running around. He couldn't handle any of that.

As suspicious Granger was he didn't want to lose the kindness in those mismatched eyes or the annoying smiles. But wasn't it a matter of time before it did disappear? Wouldn’t Granger eventually stop wanting to sit by him or occasionally talk? 

Even if it was an inevitable outcome he didn’t want Potter to speed up that process. There was still so much he wanted to know about Granger. There was...

With an explosion Black rushed into the stall. Through coughs of debris Black beared over him ripping his wand away.

“You lost Snillverus” Sirius laughed.

His wand was tossed somewhere unseen. 

“You always lose because we are the good guys and the good guys always win against the vile filth like you.”

“You know, I think you could use a wash Snillverus.”

Thrashing his hands and legs didn't stop the four from seizing them and pinning him to the ground. Potter lifted the seat of the toilet as Black painfully grabbed his chin. The more he struggled the tighter the grip got.

“We’re doing you a favor Snillverus” Potter said with a false carrying tone. 

Black laughed as he moved to press down on the back of Severus’s head. Agonizingly his neck was crained down facing the water. 

“People wouldn’t hate you as much if you weren't so disgustingly greasy” was the last thing he heard before his whole head was submerged underwater.

***

Harry wondered through the halls, that tended to be his new routine. Whenever Sev fled and Regulus was off with Mulciber there was little else to do. Well not exactly, he could study or do homework, but he wanted to find out where Sev had run off to and why. It didn’t make much sense that some days he could always feel Sev’s eyes on him and other days saying “good morning” would scare him off. It was fine he supposed as long as they remained close-ish to one another. At least Sev would speak to him sometimes.

Someone who he wished wouldn’t speak to him so often was James. James had yet to give up on being ‘friendly’ to him. What James considered as friendly just happened to be not so subtle bashing of Slytherin followed up by “but you’re different so join us”. Harry couldn’t figure out why James was so bothered by the fact that he wasn’t swooning over him. No matter how may times James recounted his achievements or offered to study together he was not going to accept the invitation or become another fan of his. Many times he should’ve just told James straight to his face to “kindly fuck off” but it still felt wrong to say that to his future father. 

Boisterous laughter filtered into the halls as the Marauders just ahead of him. Acting quickly he ducked behind a stone pillar.

From a distance they did seem like a fun group of friends. The way Sirius wrapped an arm around both James and Remus reminded him so much of how he used to do the same with Ron and Hermione. And their laughter was almost contagious, but he couldn’t help but imagine that James was laughing over another one of his victories. 

“If only he wasn’t so arrogant,” he thought.

Making sure that the group was gone he stepped out from the pillar. Immediately he was glad that he hadn’t decided to turn around after seeing the group because Sev just stepped out of the boys bathroom.

“Sev!” he called making his way over to him.

Onyx eyes filled with what looked like anger caught his. 

“He can’t still be mad about the game can he?” he asked himself.

“Sev,” he said when he began to walk away. 

“What?” Sev asked testy. 

“Potter went that way.”

There was something about his words that made Sev’s eyes grow big for a fraction of a second then dull. Sev’s hands clenched and unclenched. Just above his wrists there was a hint of purple. “If, if you’re not doing anything right now-”

“I need to go.”

“I’ll see you in class!” he called after the rushing figure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me I had to edit on my phone so I hope there's no big mistakes left in here


	6. Roommates

The darkened ceiling wouldn’t provide him any comfort or answers, yet staring at it was all Harry had done for the past few hours. He couldn’t let go of the image of Sev’s purpled wrists. What could cause it wriggled in his mind in the same way that all worrying thoughts did; leading to various imaginary scenarios that only served to increase his concern. 

Mixed among this there was an underlying unpleasant realization that he hadn’t known His Severus as much as he had thought. The little things, like Severus’s favorite food or book, was something that he had felt so much pride in knowing. His Severus had shared things but they had hardly talked about his past. Amongst the rising of war, secret meetings, and classes there had been no time to really ask about the past. Nearly everything was simultaneously pushing them towards the end of the world and away from each other. 

The past hadn’t mattered so much then. It really didn’t because he was so sure that he knew all the important things and that there would be time after the war to fill in the holes in the stories His Severus would share when he asked. The present was all they had time for. They had tried to be a normal couple with moments spent together talking or sharing kisses. It had been enough to not hide their feelings from another. It had been enough to have moments where their role in a war that neither one had wanted to be a part of didn’t matter. He was so happy to be cared for, to be held, to feel love, that things that happened years ago didn’t matter. What he had was enough.

Being in the past now, watching Sev hiding his bruised wrists all throughout class set of an epiphany that he did want more. He wanted to know everything about Sev’s past. He wanted to find the cause of his bruises. He wanted to be close, far closer than they were in his time. He wanted to hold Sev, to take care of him, to be his friend.

_ “Snape doesn’t do friends.” _

That couldn’t be true. No one could get through life without at least one friend, that was something Harry was dead sure of. The friends that he made at Hogwarts had shaped him so much, without them...

Harry pulled his watch close trying to read the hands: 4:29 am.

These sleepless nights were not going away. The Room of Requirements was too quiet, too dark, too lonely. If it were any smaller it would feel just like the cupboard under the stairs of the Dursely’s home. 

Harry rolled onto his side trying to get a minimal comfortable position it hadn't worked any of the nights before and he was sure it wouldn't now.

5:00 am.

Despite the fact that he should’ve been asleep hours ago his eyes weren’t getting heavy in the slightest. And the dark ceiling still hadn’t given him anything helpful. 

_ “Maybe it can’t,”  _ he thought adjusting his pillow. 

There were limitations to this room. It couldn’t provide food. It wasn’t beyond reason to think that it also couldn’t provide answers to his questions.

There were a lot of questions and not all were about Sev. If he didn’t think about Sev then he thought about Regulus or about James. Frankly, he was tired of thinking about the same things over and over. Lulling over the same questions without getting any closer to answers.

The desk lamp turned on alleviating the darkness.

“Even you know I’m not going to get any sleep tonight” he said rolling off the bed. 

Doing homework was a better use of his time it would help distract.

Walking down the halls half-dead from lack of sleep and a head filled with a sense of Deja Vu from the text he read all night was very difficult. Harry was sure that he looked like a wreck. He felt like a wreck, it was as though everything inside of him was being yanked hard towards the ground. If he didn't walk into a wall on his way to the Great Hall he would consider that a victory. Sluggish he continued to drag his feet along the floor hoping that bit of pumpkin juice and a hot breakfast would help him not fall apart.

A pressure against his back sent him tripping forward.

“Woah!” a voice said grabbing onto his arm. “Take it easy Granger.” James smirked. 

_ “It just had to be him” _ he thought bitterly.

“Had a rough night?”

Harry tiredly blinked at James the twigs in sticking out of his hair had to be due to his imagination. Or had James just came back from the Forbidden Forest? Harry couldn’t remember if last night was a full moon or not. 

“If I weren't around you would have fallen on your face.” James puffed out his chest as if he expected to have an award pinned on it.

“You don't look that much better” he said not hiding an ounce of his annoyance. 

James looked a little stunned. “What?” James ran a hand through his hair. Once his fingers came across the twigs he began to chuckle. “Oh, this?” He tossed the twigs without care. “I could tell you a really great secret if you spend some time with me and my friends.”

“Pass.”

James’s mouth twitched. “You could use breakfast. I’m a pain when I’m hungry.”

“And every other time” he muttered under his breath.

“You could join me for breakfast.”

“No.”

James ran his hand through his hair again. “I don’t see why you insist on not joining us. It’s not like you have anyone.”

“I have-”

“Who Snillverus?” James hissed. “ Just because someone follows you around doesn't mean you should be their friend.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?”

“I am not.” James glared; all false politeness was momentarily forgotten. “I’m nothing like Snillverus! He’s a freak you know. A complete creep! You shouldn’t compare anyone to him especially someone who is trying to be nice. You’re still new. You don’t know anything. You don’t have any friends and I’m trying to help you. Spending time with Snillverus will ruin your life. I can tell you many stories about-”

“I don't want to hear it” Harry growled.

“Snilverus is disgusting the lowest of the low. Just because you’re in the same House doesn’t mean you have to show him pity. He doesn’t deserve it he-”

“I said I don't want to hear it” Harrys could feel his magic sizzle beneath his clenched fists. He should’ve walked away from the beginning. 

“You're better off-”

“I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

James started as if he had been slapped. Harry couldn’t imagine that anyone had told him to shut up before.

James let out a strangled chuckle “Granger you really woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

That was it. Storming off he didn’t listen to James calling after him. 

_ “Fucking arsehole!” _

Inside he could feel his magic ragging through him like a vicious current. If he didn’t calm down he'd be nothing more than a walking time bomb. 

Taking a deep breath he tried to exhale all the anger James had ignited. No amount of breathing exercises could dully calm him. He was livid at James nonsense, mentally exhausted, and fucking starving. But he needed to calm down. It wouldn't be fair if someone besides James got hit with his magic. This was something he could control. There had been times before when his emotions got the better of him. Times like that he had someone; Ron, Hermione, Severus to help stop him from erupting to a towering flame.

Closing his eyes he tried to focus on letting his magic go just a little, but it began to leak out of him. Magic swirled around him hot and tense. Immediately he stopped himself, forcing all his magic to pull back inside of him where it belonged. 

Panting from the exhaustion to reign in his outburst he stared at the floor. His feet now stood had a crater that went up to his ankles. Large cracks spread from it. Without a doubt, it would be noticeable. 

Bending down, he touched the damaged floor. “I’m sorry.” If anyone were around they would think him crazy for talking to the floor. Hermione had always said that Hogwarts was more than a building. She used to talk for far too long how  _ Hogwarts: A History stated _ that the castle held more magic than anyone knew. 

_ “I miss her.” _

“Mr. Granger,” 

Harry sighed. He’d know that voice even if he were blindfolded in a dark room. He looked at Dulmbedore’s smiling face. It all looked so fake like the man was doing his utmost best not to show that he still held suspicions of him. Harry had hoped that holding back in class would help the older wizard forget he was even here. After all, there had to be more pressing matters being a Headmaster than spying on one student. Then again he had to admit that he did look suspicious right now.

“It’s a lovely day isn't it?” Dumbledore said only giving the damaged floor half a glance. “I couldn't stop the urge to take a stroll.” Dumbledore held a hand out.

Harry knew what the motion meant. It was a way of the man telling him that they needed to talk. In his own time, when he was the Chosen One, he would practically jump at the chance to speak with Dumbledore. The man was wise beyond anyone he knew, kind, caring, always offering up some words of encouragement that helped him feel that he truly belonged in the Wizarding world. That Dumbledore he would- and did- follow anywhere without question without hesitation... This Dumbledore...

“I insist,” Dumbledore said in a tone that reinforced the feeling that this talk not optional.

“Yes Sir.”

“I hope you don't mind my prying but,” Harry very much did mind it and was sure Dulmbedore knew that. “Horace hasn't seen you in the common room or the dorms during his check-ins. I assured him that you were not roaming the halls at midnight.” Dumbledore stared at him.

Harry could feel the pressure in his mind as Dumbledore prodded at this occlumency shields. He would not let the man through. He would not be caught off guard. There was no telling what would happen if Dulmbedore knew the truth, knew the future.

“Hogwarts is an old mighty castle filled with unpredictable magic” Dulmbedore carried on. “It is dangerous if one were to roam unsupervised you understand.”

The pressure returned in his mind stronger, like someone trying to break down a door. “Yes,” he huffed. “I understand.” The pressure disappeared.

Dumbledore smiled. “Excellent then you won't mind I took the liberty of issuing a space in the dorms.”

“Thank-.” Before he could finish the pressure returned. Harry could feel his knees buckle a little. He’d never known Dulbedore to be so ruthless. If this kept up Harry was sure his head would split.

Before he knew what was happening he was handed off to Slughorn.

“I do wish you a wonderful year Mr. Granger.” 

As Dumbledore walked away he could feel the pressure in his head dull. This wouldn’t be the last time he endured this he was sure of that.

“Shall we get to it?” Slughorn smiled.

At least he was safer with Slughorn. Slughorn wouldn’t try to ransack his mind for information.

“Tell me Granger, what does your father do?” There was a gleeful hint to his words as if he were getting a scoop on the newest celebrity. 

Normally he would ignore it but he was tired. If he gave some information then maybe he wouldn’t have to endure brutal legilimency tactics. 

“I imagine he must be rather important to have you transfer so late in your education.”

“He sure thinks he's important” he muttered thinking about James’ smug face.  _ “I Should've punched him.” _

Slughorn's eyes glittered with interest. “Must be so important that I haven't heard the name Granger before. I know nearly all who are important in our world. Perhaps you will be of value to know Mr. Granger.”

He was sure Slughorn meant that as a compliment still, it rubbed him the wrong way. The man was a collector of famous people if he just told Slughorn he wasn't as important as he was making him in his head then he would be just as disinterested as before. But what would it mean if Slughorn wasn’t Dulmbedore’s personal spy. The residual pain in his head was a sure indicator that the Headmaster wouldn’t give up so easily.

“...You do show promise though I suggest you put a bit more work into your potions studies” Slughorn said as he opened the boy’s dorm.

“Yes sir.”

“Your bed is the second from the window.”

“Thank you, professor.”

“Do write to your father so he isn't too concerned about your wellbeing.”

“I'll be sure to tell him that I have a great Head of House to help me.”

Slughorn smiled. “Don't hesitate to call for me.” Slughorn waddled out. 

Now alone Harry took in the dorms they felt colder than the ones in Gryffindor tower, which was to be expected of living in the dungeons. All but two of the beds had their drapes pulled back. It was far cleaner than his old dorms or maybe he thought that way because Ron tended to leave his things all over his side and the House Elves refusing to clean because of Hermione hiding knitted hats everywhere she could think of.

Harry walked to the window that looked out into the lake just like the one in the common room did. The window gave off a greenish tint the closer he got to it. Harry wondered if it was the water or the magic that made it look that way. He was glad that the place was empty so he could enjoy the view of swaying plants that clung to the edges of the window. Whoever had the bed right besides it must’ve been really lucky to get it. 

As peaceful as staring at the window was he needed to get used to this place before anyone showed up. Continuing to inspect the room he noticed hefty trunks laid under every bed except for the one near the window. That helped ease the tension he felt for explaining why he didn't have a trunk full of things as well. Maybe he could sneak into the Room of Requirements for one but the hassle of lugging the thing made him think twice about that. 

Drawing back the curtains of the second to last bed he found his new bed littered with books and parchment with only enough space for someone to sit among it against the headboard. There were so many books, none smaller than a dictionary. Each book sat in a precise pile clearly organized by subject. On the top of one of the stacks sat a copy of  _ Advanced Potion Making _ .

For a moment he wrestled with the thought of getting hexed for disturbing the pile but this  _ was  _ going to be his bed now. Without doubt Slughorn would be checking in on him alot more now. Making up his mind to move the piles he picked up the copy of  _ Advanced Potion Making _ .

“Please be someone reasonable” he begged opening the cover to see who it belonged to. In fine handwriting said _this_ _book is the property of the Half-Blood Prince_. 

His heart fluttered at the name. “Thank Merlin” he sighed in relief. 

Tenderly he traced the letters over and over following the way they flowed into one another. This little thing, the way he could make out the deliberate pressure used to form the words based on how the ink thinned or thickened made him so happy. This handwriting he seen so many times helped him feel assured that things would be alright. He would get through to Sev somehow, he would withstand Dulmbedore’s attempts to get in his head, and he would stop himself from setting James’ robes on fire if the prat dared to say anything about Sev again.

“What are you doing?”

Swiftly he caught the book from falling as he jumped at the unexpected voice.

“It's not wise to steal from a fellow snake” Regulus warned.

“I was just moving some books. I'm officially moving in.” 

“Snape’s not going to like you touching his things.”

“I didn't realize you two were friends.”

Regulus scoffed. “I wouldn't say that. I don't think Snape does friends. For as long as I’ve been here I haven't seen him with anyone.” Regulus looked to the bed beside him. “For now you shouldn’t touch anything else.”

“That's good advice.” A bit hesitant he replaced the book on the stack. “I wouldn't want to piss him off if we are going to be roommates.” 

“Come along,” Regulus said picking up a broom that was propped up against the wall. “I could use someone to practice with.”

Although he wasn’t exactly in the mood he tended to feel better after flying around for a while. If James asked him he would turn it down right away. Regulus on the other hand was becoming the closest thing to a friend he had right now. So far there had been no reason to not like Regulus.

_ “Well he is going to be a Death Eater. That should be a reason.” _

Regulus began to pick at the lint on the end of his broom. “I’m not going to force you Granger but I would like to know if you are going to join me before it gets dark.”

“I’ll join you.”

***

Severus’s heart continued to pound with the shock long after the two’s footsteps vanished. He hadn't thought anyone would return to the dorms. The weather was nice which he expected his roommates to take advantage of. (Not everyone handled the lack of sunlight down here as well as he did.) The second he heard the door open he had rushed into his bed. It would be just his luck that Granger of all people would be the one who decided to finally show up. All this time he harped on the fact that Granger had not been in the dorms, even so, that didn’t mean he wanted him to move in the bed right next to him. Just seeing him touch his things like that irked him. How much stranger could Granger be looking at his book as if it were something he cherished. It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t as if Granger was great at Potions. Many times it didn’t even seem that Granger enjoyed Potions class. So why did he look at his book like that? How long would he have run his fingers against his book if Regulus Black hadn’t come in? Would he have just continued to watch Granger?

Regulus Black. Seeing the two of them together still rubbed him the wrong way. Ever since the Quidditch game there had been times he saw them talk in passing. Why did that irritate him so much? It wasn't as if Granger was spending time with Potter. Based on his reactions Granger didn't like Potter... Maybe that was what upset him about seeing Granger with Regulus. Granger didn't look like he was sucking twenty lemons whenever Regulus talked to him. It was stupid to feel like this. 

“Thinking so much about Granger is stupid.”

Pulling his curtains back he looked at the bed next to his. Having the free space had helped minimize the amount of time he spent outside of the dorms. He didn’t like the idea of not having his study area to go to when Potter and his gang occasionally popped up in the library.

Severus rubbed his wrists as he looked over his piled-up books.

A piece of paper jutted out from his copy of  _ Advanced Potion Making _ .

“If Granger ruined my book” he grumbled opening the cover gently.

What he initially thought was a bent page was a note reading: 

_ Hi, _

_ It looks like this bed is going to be mine now. _

_ If you could move your things that would be great.  _

_ I didn't want to make a mess by moving it myself.  _

_ Thanks, _

_ Harry _

_ “This is the absolute worst,” _ Severus thought staring at the name scrawled below. “ _ Harry.” _

***

“Since you don't have a broom of your own, you'll have to use the spare ones.” Regulus said opening up the broom closet near the Quidditch pitch. 

“I'm fine with that” Harry said running his hand over the old wooden handle on the broom. It reminded him so much of his first flying lesson with Madam Hooch. “So where should we start?” 

“How about a race?” 

Harry mounted the broom and kicked off the ground. Although the broom wasn't as smooth of a flight as his own he still felt the exuberant rush of hovering above everything. 

Regulus zipped past him. Rising to the challenge he pulled his broom closer speeding up as fast as the broom could go.

“Not bad Granger” Regulus yelled from ahead.

Leaning forward he picked up speed up a little more. Around and around the pitch they flew. Every time he passed Regulus he couldn't help but laugh. He’d missed flying. He missed doing something fun. He missed feeling so carefree.

***

Severus peered from the back of the Slytherin stands following the two zipping dots. There was better use of his time than sitting here, he knew that and yet he found himself coming to the exact place he knew Granger would be. 

“I'm such an idiot” he muttered. 

What could he possibly gain by watching Granger race Regulus? He could have studied or gone anywhere else,but he didn't want to leave. Severus told himself it was because the two couldn’t be trusted together. Granger didn’t know how dangerous Regulus could be, not that he really knew himself but Regulus was related to Sirius Black. Cruelty had to run in the family.

Granger was too kind, far more fitting in Hufflepuff than Slytherin, that concerned him. Where Regulus was Mulciber wasn't far behind and everyone knew what he did to Hufflepuffs. Severus felt that he had to warn Granger. Granger didn’t know Regulus enough to not fall into whatever scheme he had brewing. Purebloods rarely bothered with others unless it was for gains...or maybe Regulus was trying to recruit Granger into the group Lucius was apart of. 

There were many mysteries surrounding Granger but one thing Severus was sure of was that he wasn’t the type to get caught up in  _ that _ . It was for the best for both of them to stay out of that business. 

***

The feeling of eyes on him made Harry pause in mid lap. He was sure someone aside from Regulus was watching him.

“Give up already?” Regulus asked wiping the sweat off his forehead. 

“You win” he said scanning around them.

“You would make a pretty good Seeker with speed like that.”

“Maybe I should try out.” He still couldn’t see anyone looking at them. 

“You could. Mid-year our captain likes to scare us all by holding tryouts. Makes us step up our game.”

The way Regulus spoke without an arrogant tone surprised him a little. He was so used to James’s bragging about Quidditch that he half expected Regulus to snap at him for even trying out for Seeker. “Wouldn’t you be upset if I took over your position?”

“I'm not like Potter if there is someone better for the position then I have no problem taking on a new role but I don't think I’ll have to worry about getting replaced. I practice whenever possible.”

“I can tell.” He smiled. 

“You could be a backup for when Potter pulls another of his tricks.”

Harry was sure James would kill over if he beat him in a game. “I'll think about it.”

***

“Waste of time” Severus chastised himself as he took the stairs down. All they did was race and catch small balls. What did he think was going to happen Regulus Avada Kedavra-ing Granger out of the sky for no reason? It was a massive waste of time. There hadn’t even been a hint of hostility between them. Not as much as an elbowing during the race. And there hadn’t even been need of the cushioning charm that he had ready on his tongue the second he saw Granger take a very sharp turn. 

This was ridiculous.

He was ridiculous.

“Snape” Mulciber said. 

Even though he didn't want to acknowledge Mulciber he still nodded towards him. “Mulciber.”

Mulciber jutted his head upwards “What's with them?” 

Desperately he wanted to snap at Mulciber. His temper was short and he wasn’t obligated to report what he saw or his suspicions to Mulciber, however, he knew Mulciber’s temper was far shorter than his. 

“Who knows” he said flatly.

“There’s something off about him.” 

Typically he would’ve agreed. He felt that way since they met but to hear it from Mulciber made him want to toss out the evidence he was gathering in his head against Granger. Regulus having interest in Granger was one thing, having the attention of Mulciber was altogether different. For now Granger was a mystery and that meant he would be assumed by most to be a Pureblood- even he had assumed that based on his sudden transfer. If he exposed Granger as a Halfblood Mulciber might decide to put him in his place. Granger didn't deserve that, he didn't want Granger to put up with Mulciber... or Potter. Especially Potter.

Mulciber walked off abruptly ending their conversation. Not wanting to stay around if Mulciber would change his mind he continued his descent. 

***

Like all good things, practice with Regulus couldn’t last forever. One sight of Mulciber hanging off the edge of the stands had ended things nearly instantly. Regulus had flown off with the invitation to practice again sometime leaving him with the option to continue on his own or return to the castle. 

“Hey Granger!” 

_ “I should’ve stayed at the pitch” _ he thought seeing James waving at him.

At this moment he would’ve preferred staying with Regulus. Being around Mulciber wasn’t enjoyable but anything might’ve been better than dealing with James. Just hearing that voice made him want to punch James straight in the nose, or set his robes on fire, or tell him off, or...

“Come over Granger.” James flashed a smile that Harry was sure was somehow supposed to help him forget about this morning’s discussion. 

Harry looked at the Marauders standing behind James. Remus looked a little more shaken than before. There was even a sling over one of his shoulders, which Sirius was very careful of as he stood beside him. Pettigrew stood the furthest back eyes darting all over the place. 

“Don’t look that way Granger. I forgive you for your outburst.”

Harry could feel his magic flicker. “How generous of you.”

Sirius eyed him as James made his way over.

“Being generous is something we all should strive to be.”

He snorted. 

James’s smile faltered. “You know, I have this funny feeling that you don't like me which is impossible. What’s not to like?”

Harry could have a handful of reasons right off the top of his head.

“Really you shouldn't be so upset at me. I’m the good guy here.”

“Why do you want me to like you?” he snapped.

“I think that you would be better off with me and my friends.You don't seem like the rest of the Slytherin scum. There are just people you shouldn't get stuck with. ”

“You’re right. I don’t want to get stuck with you.” Harry moved as fast as he could without running. 

“Wait Granger!” Remus called running after him. 

“Did he send you to apologize again?”

“He's not a bad person.” Why did it sound like Remus was trying to convince himself? “He’s a good friend.”

“Based on what I see he isn’t as great as he tells everyone.”

Once again he left Remus speechless. 

***

Severus watched the swaying of the lake’s plant life. It was another perk of being ostracized. That’s what he had been for the longest time ,left alone, ignored, forgotten... It was better to be alone. So why was he so hung up on Granger? Why did he find himself constantly seeking him out? And that sense of protectiveness that came over him when he spoke to Mulciber, where had that come from?

“He's such an arsehole!” Granger’s voice interrupted the tranquil silence.

He turned around to see Granger on the verge of tears. The image made him want to confront its cause which was strange. He’d seen many weeping students- mostly First years missing their families- and never once felt he should try to speak to them much less console them. He didn’t think he would know how to console anyone. Perhaps it was that so far all he'd seen of Granger was confidence, dopey smiles, and annoying ability to let things roll off his back. Still he shouldn't feel so strongly to this stranger. That’s what he was a stranger. A mystery that he may never fully unravel. 

“Oh, you're here” Granger said, a little smile crept onto his face as he wiped his eyes. “Did you get my note?” Granger walked over to the window’s ledge where he sat.

“I did” he said looking back to the window. He wouldn’t look at Granger until he was certain that he wouldn’t cry or he stopped feeling the urge to ask what happened.

“Could I sit with you?” 

Uncharacteristically he shrugged. No one had ever asked to sit with him before. When someone did sit beside him it was not due to choice.

Granger sat down a few inches on the ledge of the window. Sparing a glance he noticed that Granger had stopped tearing up, which made sitting by him easier. He liked Granger better when he didn’t have tears in his eyes. 

_ “Like?” _ he thought turning back to the lake. When was the last time he ever liked another person?  _ “Lily” _ he answered himself. 

Lily had been the only person he liked, his only friend and though they were not close anymore he still wanted her to be happy. He still liked her even if it hurt to care about her. Potter had taken the one person he cared for. It would be only a matter of time for Granger to follow the pattern. Potter knew it. No one would choose him over anyone, anything else. He was everyone’s ultimate last choice no matter what they said. 

Lily had been settled with him, being the only wizard she knew before Hogearts. Of course she had been kind to him back then. Granger was kind as he remembered Lily being. 

Kind people had their limits. 

“I’m sorry” Granger’s whisper floated over the silence. “I’m probably bothering you.”

_ “You are” _ he thought. 

“I just feel better knowing that you're not far away.”

_ “You do? What does that mean?” _

Granger pressed a hand to the cool glass. In its reflection Severus could barely make out the saddened look on his face.

Seeing Granger sad bothered him far more than seeing him talking to Regulus or having Potter begging for his attention. Having a sad Granger felt like the world was slowly crumbling. None of that made sense. 

“I need to get used to you bothering me” he said unable to take that look on Granger’s face.

Granger laughed making the room grow lighter. “I guess you're right.” 

Mismatched eyes turned to him, with the greenish tint of the water they looked almost the same forrest green but he knew that Granger’s left eye was actually a deep blue and the right a more emerald.They were beautiful in their difference. Granger was...was so close.

“I don't want you to get sick of me too quickly.”

He scoffed pressing back to the cobblestone.

Granger smiled a little wider erasing all evidence that he had come in tearing up. He still wanted to know the reason. If he had stuck around the Quidditch pitch he would've known. If he hadn't decided to retreat to the dorms he could have done something. 

_ “Why would I?”  _ he asked himself as he rubbed his wrist.

In life you had to fight for yourself there wasn't going to be someone arriving to help you out when you needed it the most. You couldn’t wait for a hero to save you. That was a lesson he got beaten into him over and over. Life was unfair, cruel, and vicious. Kind caring people were few and far between. Granger was an outlier who would either be converted to cruelty or swallowed by the world. He wanted to prevent Granger from falling into the traps he had.

_ “Why do I want to protect him?” _

Severus searched his head for answers. There had to be answers. Was it because Granger was new? Because he was kind? Maybe it was that they both were half-bloods in a majority Pureblood house; that was it. That had to be it! That was a reasonable conclusion to the nonsense he experienced every time he looked at him. He wanted to protect Granger because they were alike. No, only their blood status was alike. Nothing else connected them.

He wasn't as good as Granger was. Sometimes when he looked at Granger he couldn't help but think the Sorting Hat had made a mistake. Maybe the whole universe made the mistake of them crossing paths. It didn't seem all correct even so it didn't feel horrifically wrong to be near Granger. It didn't feel like he was going to fall into a trap. The tightrope he walked around everyone else disappeared when it was just the two of them like this. It unnerved him. It put far too many thoughts into this head. It drove him mad to not know what game Granger was playing. Granger was suspicious, potentially dangerous. No, Granger was kind and potentially in danger. How could he come to terms with his battling ideas of this person? 

***

Harry was frustrated, so frustrated at Remus for trying to reason that James was a good person. Frustrated at Sirius for not standing up for his own brother. Above all he was frustrated at himself from holding back. He hated being in this time. He hated learning first hand what an unbelievable dick James was. He hated feeling that he couldn't right all the wrongs. Hated getting to know Regulus when a few years from now he would wind up dead. He hated not being able to talk to his mum out of fear that she too was a jerk. Hated the way Dumbledore made him feel like he was this threat to all of humanity. Hated knowing he had a long way to go until the distance between him and Sev would be bridged. And hated not knowing how those bruises on Sev’s wrist appeared.

It was all too much. These feelings that he pushed down were not staying as still any more. If Sev wasn’t here he was sure he would have gone off far worse than this morning. 

The only time he felt grounded was with Sev. With Sev in sight things felt a little more manageable. 

“Thanks for letting me bother you.” Harry smiled. “I’ll leave you alone if you want me to leave.” He didn't want to go. Where would he go? 

After what he told Remus there was good chance James would be more instant on trying to get on his good side. Harry didn't understand James’ obsession with him. He hadn't even seen the prat look at any other Slytherin the way he looked at him- like he was nothing more than a quest to conquer. Having a relationship with James was out of the question. James said that he had no one and that was sort of true. With Regulus there were limitations to their relationship. However with Sev he knew where he stood right now. 

For now it was better to have silence between them with occasional remarks and suspicious looks than moments where he felt that he had to be worried about him slipping away, or worse avoided completely like how Sev did with James. 

Even if Sev didn’t know it he had been through this with him before. 

If they remained like this nothing bad would happen, that's what he believed.

Did he want Granger to leave? If Granger left wouldn't he just think about him over and over? It was better to have him close right? If Granger was close he could protect him. 

Accio-ing a book Severus pulled his knees up to prop up the text. If he were going to let Granger stay he better do more than stare at him the whole time.

“If you're too noisy I will kick you out” he said turning his page.

“Thanks Sev.”

He could feel his face heat up a little. He really needed to put an end to the nickname. 

Ducking his head he focused on the book in his hand.

Only once he got past the chapters assigned did he look up from his book. Granger had been very quiet the whole time now he knew why. Across from him Granger was sound asleep. 

_ “He's less annoying when he's asleep.” _

It was strange utterly strange how he didn’t want to get rid of Granger. If anyone else asked to be by him he would send them away. 

“Why?” he whispered bridging the gap between them. There were too many questions surrounding Granger and not enough answers. That irritated him. It intrigued him. 

His hands found their way to Granger’s shortened hair on their own.

It still baffled him that he had been asked to cut it, even more so that he did it. Granger put far too much trust into him. No one else trusted him.

A small smile pulled across Granger’s face as he threaded his fingers through his hair.

“Sev.”

Quickly he withdrew his hand. 

The nickname brought up memories he tried to forget. Lily had once called him that back when she still thought he was a decent person. Back before she fell for James’s charm. Back when he thought he deserved a friend like her. Did he deserve something like that again? 

Harry felt a hand run through his hair. That meant he had to wake up didn't it?

“Sev” he pleaded not wanting to let go of this peaceful rest. He hadn’t slept this good since he arrived in this time.

The hand disappeared pulling him further from sleeps grasp. Against his will his eyes opened. Sev wasn't besides him anymore. Stretching he made a mental note to never sleep with his back against the wall again. 

“You are still here” He said noticing Sev writing on his bed. “What time is it?” he yawned as he made his way over to the bed.

“Dinner is about to begin” Sev finally said continuing to write.

“Let's go!”

“Granger,” Sev grumbled. “You’re being a pest.”

“You're the one who said you had to get use to me bothering you.” 

Harry laughed at Sev’s scowling face as he reached out a hand to him. 

“Isn’t it better to say yes now rather than after I ask a million of times?” Severus looked at his hand. “ You know I will.”

“Fine.” Sev stood without holding his offered hand. “Stop smiling.”

“I can't help it.”

“No one else has that problem.”

Harry laughed. 

Harry couldnt believe that Sev was walking with him to the Great Hall or to be more accurate he was power walking to keep up. He wished that Sev would slow down just a little bit. 

Not even arriving at the Great Hall out of breath could dampen his joy. Eating together felt like a momentous step forward. It really was difficult not to smile the whole way to the Slytherin table but he didn't want to risk Sev getting angry with him. Following Sev they sat so far at the end of the table that he could nearly reach over to where the professors sat. Dumbledore's eyes trailed his movements like a hawk. In the excitement, he had forgotten that he would be here too. If Dulmbedore tried to professor his mind he would grin and bear it. Nothing was going to tear him away from this moment with Sev.

“You don't have to sit so close” Sev hissed under his breath.

He moved over a little.

With the clap of Dumbledore's hand food appeared on the tables.

Severus picked at the food in front of him. He should've been starving after missing breakfast and lunch but there was an odd squirm tightening in his gut. Turning his head a little he saw Potter and his gang looking at him no, they were looking at Granger who of course was completely oblivious to them. This was a bad sign. He shouldn't have been talked into letting Granger stay in the dorms, or walk with him to dinner, or sit together. Potter would get the wrong idea that Granger meant something to him like Lily had. Potter was like any spoiled child whatever he wanted he took and it didn't matter if it were personal objects or the only person you once called a friend.

“Are you alright?” Granger asked looking at him with worried eyes.

How could he be alright? Being stupid enough to sit with Granger all but guaranteed another encounter with the Marauders before the end of the week. He would be ready for them next time. A few more books on the subject of creating spells and he was sure he could create his own spell to defend against the four. But doing this,sitting together was nothing short of poking a bear. 

“Sev?” Granger whispered turning his squirming feeling into something more fluttering.

_ “It’s probably hunger” _ he told himself lifting a forkful of mash potatoes into his mouth. It was best that Potter didn't see him interact with Granger. The less they interacted the less beatings he would get later on.

“You're scowling again” Granger pointed out.

“Just eat Granger” he said out the side of his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HALLOWEEN!  
I hope you all enjoy a lovely day/ night.  
I did my best to make this chapter a bit more uplifting after leaving off the previous one on a harsh note.


	7. Friends

Laughter boomed, seemingly bouncing from every direction. No matter how hard Severus covered his ears he couldn't block out the sound. This laughter belonged to Potter who stood over him, using every ounce of strength to pin him to the ground. His wand was gone, it was always gone at moments like this. All he could do was try to block out the laughter. Soon Potter would get bored and leave. Then the laughing would stop. 

A different laugh joined the first this one sounding more smooth light. It held a hint of comforting?    
“Granger?” he asked craning his neck upwards. 

There stood Granger right besides Potter laughing. Something inside his chest felt like it was being viciously tugged as he looked at Granger's twisted face. It barely resembled the way Granger typically laughed.   
“Your friend is here Snillverus you should say hello.”   
Granger laughed peering down at him as though he was a worm.   
“What's wrong Snillverus?” Granger asked in a falsely sweet tone. “Thought I would choose you?”    
“I hadn't even mentioned about Evans,” Potter told Granger, who looked completely captivated by Potter’s words.   
“Don’t!” he begged. 

“Evans thought he was such a _creep_.”   
“She didn't!” He wanted Granger to look at him. He could explain. 

“The way he should stalk her was more than alarming...”

“THAT’S NOT TRUE!”

This was all wrong. Granger wasn’t himself. Why was he listening to Potter?

“...and the things he said to her. He deserves exactly what happened.”

His whole body recoiled as Potter kicked him in the stomach.“He deserves to have every shitty thing he did to her times ten.” 

Granger just stood back, his face devoid of any emotion. 

“I’M ONLY” Potter continued to kick harder and harder. “HELPING TO” He wanted to scream. “MAKE SURE HE GETS” He couldn’t move.“WHAT” He couldn’t breathe. “HE” He couldn’t breathe. “DESERVES!”    
“Stop” Granger whispered.

Potter backed up. Granger looked like he had just come back to his senses. Severus wondered if Potter had been controlling him. Slowly he bent down looking over his wrecked body.

“You poor pitiful thing.” Granger pressed his nails into his bruised wrist. “Alone in the world. Were you hoping that I wouldn’t find out that you are a pathetic, worthless, greasy little no one?”   
“I...”   
“Sev.” Granger’s voice sounded far away different from the one in front of him. “Sev.” The voice sounded scared.   
He opened his eyes. 

Of course, it had to be a dream. He knew Granger wouldn’t say those things.

“Sev-”   
That voice wasn't a dreamlike haze it was real. 

How could he forget for a fraction of a moment the way Granger made a display over getting to occupy the bed right next to his?    
“Granger” he hisses in the darkened dorm. 

“Sev.”

_ “Why is he calling my name?” _

_ _ If he kept calling the others would wake. Dealing with tired Slytherins were not good at all. If Mulciber caught word...

“Sev”   
Tearing the curtain back he saw Granger curled up on himself, gripping the pillow for dear life.   
Gently he touched Granger’s shoulders. In the split-second Granger’s sleep-filled eyes caught his he felt himself was being pulled into his mind.

It must've been his own sleepless state that allowed his legilimency to take hold. Usually, he was so careful of this natural talent. People never took well to invaded their minds. 

Granger’s mind was a mess of images of Hogwarts clashed with warped faces before settling to an image of Granger in a dark room sobbing with something cradled in his arms. 

“Severus” the hoarse whisper tore out his heart. 

Coming closer he saw that Granger wasn't holding something but someone. Dead eyes looked at him, his own eyes.    
A numbness filled him as he harshly pulled out of Granger’s mind.    
“Severus. Severus.” Granger was sobbing too loudly.   
With shaky hands, he placed them on Granger’s arms   
“It-It's a dream” he whispered, reminding himself that he was still alive. “A dream.”   
Granger pulled him closer. Severus was sure Granger was still asleep. If this was like sleepwalking he couldn’t shake him awake. “I'll protect you. I’ll save you.”   
Severus wanted to believe that but this was just talk of a frightened person. When the morning came the dream and promise would disappear. 

***

As always, things with Sev was one step forward and two steps back. If becoming Sev’s friend was made easy Harry wouldn't know what to do with himself. The joy he felt just sitting at dinner together the night before had been a bit overwhelming. When they got past the glare and avoiding tactics Sev was employing he was sure he would cry tears of joy. 

“What are you doing Granger?” Regulus asked as they passed each other in the hallway.

“No Mulciber?” he asked noticing that the other was missing. 

“We are not attached at the hip.” Regulus rolled his eyes.“Trust me it’s best that Mulciber isn't constantly around.”

Harry nodded. If the two had a row he was not going to bring it up. He hadn’t forgotten how quick Regulus had turned a wand on Mulciber before.

“What are you doing?”

“I was looking for Sev.”

“He actually lets you call him that?”

“More or less.”

Regulus shook his head in disbelief. 

“You said that Sev doesn’t do friends what did you mean by that?... I think that even you would like him as a friend.”

Regulus chuckled. “You don't get it. Snape is smart he earns house points left and right but I have never seen him actually engage with people. My brother warned me not to get involved with him, then again, my brother thinks the very one in Slytherin is evil. He couldn’t be happier to be placed in Gryffindor.” Regulus adjusted his bag. “He hated the idea of being like the rest of our family,” he said softer.

Harry didn't know what to say it seemed like that last thought wasn't supposed to be said out loud. He could hardly imagine Regulus talking this way with Mulciber. 

“I tried to talk to him once,” Regulus continued. “ just to piss off my brother but he wouldn't even say a word. I thought it was just me but he's that way with everyone. I don’t see why you would purposefully try to befriend someone who clearly doesn’t want friends.”

Harry shrugged.

“You're odd you know that.”

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

Regulus laughed. “I haven't decided on if it is or not.” Regulus looked at his watch with a sour face. “I need to meet with Mulciber have fun getting rejected by Snape.”

“Regulus,”

More than ever he wanted to warn Regulus that he would die soon if he didn't leave his Death Eater friends but he couldn't, he just couldn't. Regulus was not at all what he knew Death Eaters to be, it seemed almost impossible to think of Regulus as someone who would kill in the name of blood supremacy. Maybe Regulus was caught up in something without knowing where it would lead. Regulus couldn’t be saved, he knew that... It was just, talking to Regulus getting to know him on a small level helped him not feel completely alone here. Harry wanted to pull Regulus back from the horrible fate that awaited him if only for a little while. 

Harry touched the Elder Wand tucked in his pocket. He had only one more chance to save Sev if things went wrong. He couldn’t use up that chance for Regulus. The deal had been made to save Sev and Harry didn’t know what Death would do if he tried.

“What is it Granger?”

“If you ever want to join us,”

“I’ll stop you there. For one Snape currently might tolerate you but you shouldn't go inviting others to sit with him. That's just asking to get hexed. I heard he knows more _ Dark magic  _ than anyone” Regulus said before walking away.

Through the crack of the open door Severus watched Regulus walk away. He could’ve cast a spell to help him hear the two but he did he really want to know what they said? It was better not to get involved with anyone. It was better not to know what was said about him. It was better to be alone. Sharing that one meal with Granger was a huge mistake. 

Half the night he was kept up thinking about how he had all but painted an even larger target on his back. Potter had been eyeing him up this morning which meant it was only a matter of time before he would be trapped by the group of Gryffindors. If he was lucky Granger wouldn’t be around when it happened. He was never the lucky one- Potter would see to it that Granger would have front row seats to his humiliation. All that could be avoided if he stopped trying to figure out the mystery of Granger.

Leaving Granger to the hands of Potter was not going to happen. Besides, he still had to keep an eye on him so that Mulciber didn’t pull anything. 

“You know,” Granger said appearing in front of him. “It would be easier to keep an eye on me if we just spent more time together.”

Standing a little straighter as he pushed past the door.

“Wait, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Not necessary.” He walked faster. “ _ Didn't he ever learn to pick up his feet properly? _ ” The clomping of Granger’s feet following him was so annoying. “Why are you pestering me?”

“I told you I wanted to talk. This is no way to treat a friend.” 

_ Friend _ the word made him quicken his step. He didn't have friends. No one would be his friend, he’d made sure of it. If there were no friends then there was no heartache when they left. There were no bittersweet memories and no mistakes that couldn’t be taken back. No apologies left unheard. There was no threat of another person getting treated like shit just because they were associated with him.

No one wanted to be close to him. He didn't want that. So why was Granger following him? Why did he want Granger to follow him? Why did being near Granger always confuse him? Five seconds ago he was readying to protect the idiot from harm and now... Now he just wanted to do that from a nice distance in the background. 

“Slow down please.”

Why did he want to give in to the request? 

It was stupid to think that giving in to this person was going to help things. Every time he gave into Granger it only confused him more.

Did he even want to be close to someone like he had with Lily? 

Somehow this was different. Granger made everything different, turning the whole world upsidedown with that stupid smile, pestering him to be in the same place as each other, and talking to him as if he were an actual person.

He didn’t deserve that.

No, he didn’t want that. Granger was too much to deal with. 

Turning on his heels he faced Granger ready to snap; ready to rid Granger of his life before he could build up this notion that they were friends. “Granger-” 

Every word choked in his throat the moment he saw bright red hair moving down the corridor. It had been so long since he saw Lily, her hair catching the sun in the exact way it had when they first met. Despite being in a few classes together he never looked at her or spoke to her since the day they stopped being friends. She didn't want to see him or hear him and he honored that request. Lily hadn’t deserved what he had done. 

The regret of losing her came back at full force. Apologies piled up on this tongue yet he knew none would be said out loud. She had already told him that there wasn't anything he could say or do. Somethings couldn't be fixed no matter how hard you tried. 

Fear crept into Harry's heart the moment he saw Sev’s demeanor shift. He'd been ready for snapping but in an instant, Sev turned into a statue. Thinking it was some sort of danger he readied his wand but all he could see was Lily Evans strolling down the hall. 

“Sev?” 

Severus didn't respond.

The way he was looking at her... was it fear? He didn't want to think of what would make Sev look at her like this. Not even James made Sev drawback like this. 

Lily's green eyes caught his one second and the next he felt himself being pulled into a run.

The sound of panting pulled Severus out of his mind. The panting came from Granger who was sitting beside him. 

_ “Why?” _ he thought releasing his grip on Granger’s hand. 

Running was a mistake; he was sure Granger would ask him about it now. If Granger asked why he had dragged Granger away he would lie, even though the truth was simple; he didn’t want Granger to speak with her. Potter could say hundreds of horrible things about him but Lily could tell him the truth. And he was sure that Granger would stop trying to be his friend if that happened. 

Severus stood up ignoring the concerned mismatched eyes and the pain of guilt that came with it.  _ “It would hurt if he left me too. He will one day.” _

Those thoughts scared him. They weren't friends no matter how insistent Granger was on the subject. There wasn’t a need for him to be in Granger's life. No one needed or wanted someone as broken as him to be their friend. 

“Sev?” 

Running away was delaying the inevitable. He knew one day Granger would find out if not from Potter then from Lily. He had to walk away from the idiotic notion that he could matter to someone. It was best to cut his loses now.

It never got easier to watch Sev walk away from him. Yesterday he was sure they were on the right track to becoming friends but...That look on Sev’s face frightened him as much as the bruises that still hadn’t disappeared from his wrists. He didn’t understand any of it. 

There had to be a reason for Sev running off like he did. 

Those bruises had to come from something. 

It didn't take long to find Lily, her red hair looked dangerously like fire as she sat in the open corridor reading.

Harry found that he couldn't approach her. It wasn't by some spell that glued him in place rather it was his own fear. 

He rather face off a thousand prattish James then discover that his mother could be cruel. All he'd even known of her was her love that saved him from Voldemort. Just seeing her sitting there he couldn't imagine her calling Sev by horrible names like James. But he didn’t know her at all. He didn’t know anyone as well as he thought he did. 

“You don't have to hide you know,” Lily said lifting her eyes to him. “It’s Granger isn't it?” There was no trace of malice only curiosity in her voice. “I’ve seen you a few times.” Her eyes moved along his face whatever conclusion she came up to about his looks went unvoiced.

“It’s not my place to ask but,” In the brief pause he readied himself for the same words James had spouted yesterday. “are you his friend?” There was a tinge of sorrow in her question.

“Are you going to tell me not to be his friend?” he asked tensely. 

Lily bit her lip.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't stand here one more second if this was how this would happen. If Lily told him how horrible Sev was he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Why were so many people convinced that Sev was bad? Why did they think that he didn't need friendship? The person he knew Sev to be deserved friendship, deserved to not be left all alone. What did any of these people know? They didn’t know how caring Sev could be under his scowling face. 

_ “Stop looking at me like that”  _ he thought watching her bite her lip.    
If she just came out and said what she wanted about Sev then he could hate her just like he did with James. If she just stopped looking at him like this then he would forget about her being the one who raised him and took care for him. If she just spoke then he wouldn’t feel so trapped, he would know for once and for all that both of his parents weren’t what he thought. It mattered to him to know.

“Granger!” James strutted towards them. The rest of the Marauders were nowhere to be seen. “Enjoying the weather?” James' tone was lighter than usual as he sat next to Lily.

“Yeah,” 

There was something about the way she looked at James that made him feel that there really was love between them. James typically acted like a complete prat but Harry could tell that he only had eyes for her. The way that they held each other's hands, the sideways looks, the light blush on Lily’s cheeks reminded him of the way he had been with his Severus. It was beautiful yet it didn't eclipse the harsh things James said about Sev or the fact he saw nothing wrong with not stopping Regulus at the Quidditch game. He couldn’t understand how someone who say horrible things could look at her like this.

“Would you like to join us?”

“No I...I need to get some work done.”

“Maybe some other time then Granger.” James leaned closer to Lily not bothered that he hadn’t left yet.

This was love...the same love that led these two to marry, to have him, to save his life. It was all too confusing deciding how good his parents really were. If James didn’t hold some goodness then Lily wouldn’t look at him like this. She wouldn’t have married someone horrible. They had to be good. Everyone had told him so. He wanted, no he needed them to be good people.

“Snillverus” Sirius Black’s voice grated on his ears. 

Punishment for dining with Granger had shown up quicker than he expected. 

His eyes scanned the surroundings. Black wouldn’t come to him alone Potter at the very least had to be close waiting to jump in. The one thing he could count on was that Lupin’s wand arm had been in a sling the day before. Whatever the group had done it had limited the number of people he had to defend against.

“Guess that wash did help.” Black harshly chuckled. 

Pettigrew’s annoying snicker came from the nearby pillar. Severus knew Pettigrew’s limitations as well as Black did. Pettigrew was a follower; he wouldn’t act without orders.

_ “Where is Potter?” _ It was getting difficult to keep a level head. Potter would never miss the opportunity to gang up on him, which meant he was hiding somewhere. “ _ Behind?”  _ He couldn’t risk turning to check. If Potter was behind he would make himself known soon- the prat couldn’t help lecture about his flawed existence.  _ “Focus”  _ he scolded himself. Distraction could cost him this fight. 

Black stepped closer; his anger well contained in the scolding look that he returned with full force. He wouldn’t be tricked into making the first move he needed every available second for the spell he had been creating for moments like this. A lack of focus would make his spell unstable. Accidently killing Black was one thing he would not allow. There would be no justice in that.

“You really want to have your arse kicked don't you Snillverus?” Black cracked his knuckles. 

Severus stood his ground. “Do you get a kick out of ruining others lives,”

An image of Lily flashed in his head.

“or are you just a masochistic fuck? Either way-”

Whipping his wand out he sent a Petrificus Totalus in the direction of Pettigrew’s snickering. There was hardly time to hear the thud as Black lunged at him. Wild arms attempted to grab his wand but he was far quicker. With his wand pointedly pressed to his neck Black completely froze. Severus kept his ears open for Potter but there was no sound of him.

Potter wouldn’t let Black stand with a wand pointed at his jugular. The majority of the school believed he was filled with dark magic that casting the killing curse wouldn’t matter. 

Fear sparked in Black’s eyes. That meant he was acting on his own. 

A grin inched on his face. 

Without Potter he had the upper hand this time. Aiming his wand at the ground he created a hole just big enough for Black’s feet to get caught in. 

Rage filled Black’s face once he noticed he had been beaten. “You're going to regret doing this! You’re nothing but filth!”

“You’re nothing without your owner” He hissed from a few inches of his face. 

Walking away he knew that he would pay for this but he couldn’t care. He was sure that what he had with Granger would be over in a matter of minutes. Lily would tell him everything and that would be the end. What did it matter if Black went whimpering back to Potter? Potter had hardly needed a motive to treat him like shit before. Maybe Potter would be kind enough to knock the thought of Granger out of his head the next time their paths crossed.

***

The thought of Lily and James in love had been a happy thought, it no longer was. How many times had he stared at pictures of them dreaming about the way they were? How many wishes did he make to be reunited with them? How many times did he try to soak up any information about them to better build the image in his head? There had been no doubt about them before. They were the epitome of good, they had been in love, they had been taken away from him too early; that was what he had been told over and over. 

“Mr. Granger.”

_ “Not him” _ he thought meeting twinkling eyes behind half-moon glasses. He didn’t need this right now. Why couldn’t Dumbledore leave him alone? 

“You seem troubled.”

He was. 

“Would you care to talk about it?” The calm voice brought back memories of receiving advice from Dumbledore. He wanted to talk things through with him. Dumbledore had seemed to know all the answers. “Why don’t you come to my office.”

He wanted to go to his office. Dumbledore could help, he felt so sure about that. 

_ “Wait”  _ he steadied his legs that had begun to walk without his knowledge.  _ “Why would I go with him? This isn’t the same Dumbledore I know.”  _

Dumbledore tilted his head slightly. “Is there something wrong?” 

Harry could feel his feet trying to inch forward.  _ “This is-” _ All thought was struck down by the tight pressure of Dumbledore trying to invade his mind again. He fought back both the invasion and the imperious curse the Headmaster had wordlessly cast on him. He couldn’t believe the old coot thought it was necessary to do this. What sort of secrets did the bastard think he had?

“You are rather troubled aren’t you Mr. Granger?” Dumbledore asked perhaps more gruff than intended for he tacked on a half-smile at the end of his sentence.

“I am not troubled or trouble,” he stared at Dumbledore dead in the eye. “Sir.”

Pressure began to build up in his head. Pulsating pain nearly drove out his ability to see the old coot smirking at him. It hurt far worse than it had before. Any more and his head would explode from the pressure.

For a brief second he saw a memory of Sev sitting next to him besides the Slytherin dorm window. With as much force as he could muster he forced his mental shields to push Dumbledore from his mind.

“Take care to remain that way.” Dumbledore bowed his head before leaving.

_ “Fuck.” _ he thought fighting to hold himself upright. 

_ “Why does he look like that” _ was the first thing that came to mind when Severus saw Granger again. 

The paling of his face accompanied by his stumbling into the dorm struck Severus directly in the heart. Black had said he would regret what he did but he didn’t think that they would attack Granger. Granger hadn’t done a thing to the group aside from rejecting Potter over and over- perhaps Potter had enough. 

Without delay, he sprung from the window’s ledge to prevent the teetering fool from falling face forward.

It was the wrong thing to do considering that Granger had without a doubt knew about him now. But he couldn’t sit there and let him collapse, especially if Granger’s current state was his fault. 

Granger’s body rested against his chest as they silently inched towards the bed.

Severus was sure that when Granger regained his composure the lash of anger would come. And before long that anger would morph into blame that he’d carry around. Blame was to be expected. Everything would be blamed on him. It was his fault for not keeping him at a distance like everyone else. 

“Thanks, Sev” Granger whispered. 

He refused to believe that after speaking with Lily that Granger would thank him for this. Thanks didn’t make sense if he was the reason for Granger’s disheveled appearance. “ _ What happened to you? _ ” 

Without warning, Granger burst into tight laughter as he tumbled into the bed. Shielding his eyes in the crook of his elbow Granger laid on the bed before saying “I’m just lightheaded.”

The way Granger looked couldn't be due to just lightheadedness. Being lightheaded didn’t explain the slight tremors in his shoulders. Nor did it explain the ever so quiet mumbling he couldn’t make out no matter how close he was.

“Sev?” Granger asked without removing his arm. 

Not being able to see Granger’s face clearly bothered him. 

He leaned a little on the bed just so Granger would know he was still there.  _ “Why does he still want me here?” _

Fingers gently laid on top of his. The urge to hold Granger’s hand properly remained in check as he silently stared at it. It was better than staring at the arm covering Granger's eyes.

“I'm sorry. I just need a minute.”

A minute then what? Then would he be angry? Would he stop covering his face? After a minute would their supposed friendship dissolve? 

The minute grew long remaining besides Granger; far longer than this morning when he had clung onto his nightshirt after that nightmare. It had been one of the hardest moments of his life not pulling the still sleeping figure away from him. Seeing his own dead eyes look straight at him hadn’t left his head in the time spent waiting for Granger to release him. Perhaps it never would. He should've asked questions about the nightmare. In the last seconds when Granger seemed to fall into a peaceful sleep and he wriggled free he had come to the decision that it was for the best to forget it or at least pretend to forget. 

With a sharp intake of breath, Granger lowered his arm to reveal still somewhat tearful eyes. 

He hated seeing Granger like this. If Black did anything he was going to-

“Thank you. I’m feeling better now.” Granger’s eyes looked from his hand up to his face. “Are you alright?”

_“What kind of question is that?” _he thought taking in the way watery mismatched eyes glittered. “I’m fine.” 

“You know, I think we both could use some food.”

“I-” Granger gently squeezed his hand before rising off the bed. 

“Come on or all the food will be eaten.”

He should’ve mentioned that the House Elves wouldn’t run low on food. He should’ve cut to the discussion about Lily right away. He should’ve asked why for a second time he’d seen Granger tear up. Instead, he followed Granger out of the dorms without another word.

Harry was glad that Sev hadn't outright denied his invitation to eat together again. For one, it helped to have someone to walk in with as James and Sirius watched him the whole way to the Slytherin table, plus he liked the reassurance that Sev was eating something. This whole time he should've been focusing more on Sev. He wouldn't be able to save him if he was caught up in figuring the fuck out if Lily and James were good. Doubting himself wasn't going to do anything either. 

Severus watched Granger a little more carefully and it seemed that he was doing the same. It drove him mad the way Granger sheepishly smiled when he caught him nudging a roll onto his empty plate. He couldn't say for sure that this was out of character for Granger but it was unexpected. It was as if Granger was actively been more friendly. The opposite should’ve been happening. Granger should’ve been acting more like the version in his nightmare than... well this.

“You should eat too” Granger whispered.

This kindness was off-putting.  _ “I don’t deserve it.” _

A handful of grapes joined the roll on his plate. 

Something told him that Granger would keep placing food on his plate if he didn’t start eating. 

_ “It’s not like it’s poisoned” _ he thought taking a bite of the roll.

Feeling eyes on his wrists he lowered the roll. He wasn’t blind or dumb enough not to notice that Granger had been observing his wrists ever since his run-in with Potter. Covertly he pulled down his sleeves. They didn't need to have this conversation, not here, not ever.

Sparing a glance at the Gryffindor table he saw Lily surrounded by Potter and his gang. She was smiling. She looked happy to be there even as Potter leaned close to her. When had she ever looked that way with him? How could someone as rotten as Potter make her happy?

Potter’s eyes zeroed in on him. 

Tugging his sleeve a little more he returned to his plate where there now was a leg of chicken amongst the roll and grapes.

For the remainder of the meal Granger didn’t sneak any more food onto his plate or said a single word. He didn't like Granger so silent, he looked almost miserable.

_ "I make him miserable." _ the thought inched its way into his head.  _ “I destroy other people's lives by being in them.” _

Such thoughts didn’t vanish as they readied for bed. They didn’t quiet as the lights were turned off. And they wouldn’t be tuned out by watching the swaying shadows from the large window. These thoughts were not a stranger to him. He knew they demanded confirmation. They wanted to hear the very words out of Granger’s mouth. 

Harry focused on the curtain that blocked Sev from view. Even though he made up his mind on focusing more on Sev he still couldn’t help wonder about what Lily had done to receive that look during dinner. Lily had to have meant something to Sev; there was no other explanation. 

"Granger," Sev’s voice whispered through the curtain. 

Their beds were close enough that he could push those curtains back but he needed them to be closed. He needed the slight separation for now.

"I didn't talk to her."

There was a long pause before Sev asked: "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to hear anything about you from someone else.”

He could hear Sev moving closer.“Why?” 

_ “Because I couldn’t handle hearing horrible things from her. Because I don’t want to know what she was to you right now. Because my Severus never said a word about any of this.” _ He could feel the tears start to well up inside of him again. “Because we are friends.” 

“I don't have friends.” The bed creaked slightly as Sev’s shadow moved away from the curtain. “I don't need them.”

“Isn't it lonely without at least one person on your side?”

  
  
  


****

_ ‘Isn't it lonely without at least one person on your side’ _ , those words had rung in his head all throughout the night. Even in his dreams, Granger told him the same thing while holding his hand. 

Why should he give any thought to that nonsense? He wasn't lonely. How could he be lonely after all this time? Maybe Granger had meant himself. 

Was Granger lonely? That was ridiculous, Granger was far better than he was at socializing he could have anyone to be his friend. And wasn’t he chummy with Regulus Black? So why would he still claim to be friends with him? 

_ ‘Isn't it lonely?’ _

It had been lonely without Lily, even so, he grew used to it. He’d been alone ever since...

“....Snape. Mr. Snape”

“What?” he asked staring at professor Slughorn, who looked disappointed. Slughorn was very candid when a student did something unpleasant; if not verbally it was clearly written across his rounded face. That sort of face he received many times from other professors, never from Slughorn.

Potions were his strongest skill and when he offered correct answers he would receive praise. outside of this classroom he rarely received that or any acknowledge meant that he existed, earning points helped him feel like a person, someone contributing to something and in those little moment his housemates knew he would help them beat Gryffindor to the House Cup.

Getting House points was more important than wasting class time thinking of Granger again. 

He looked to the chalkboard which read  _ Medical potions: Mandrake Restorative Draught, Cure for Boils, Skele-Gro, Sleeping Draught, Dittany.  _

Knowledge about the potions came to him as easily as flipping open a book however that didn’t help him figure out what Slughorn was asking of him. It might have not been a question about one of the things listed. 

“What is a potion that can cure bad thoughts and memories?” Granger whispered loudly across the table. 

“Dr. Ubbly's Oblivious Unction” he answered unable to take the tapping of Slughorn’s foot. 

“Correct.” Slughorn turned to place the potion onto the list.

It was a hard question most of his classmates wouldn’t have gotten it. That particular potion was only mentioned in a small note section of their text. There still had to be far more testing on it to even prove what it claimed to do. That question would’ve been worth at least ten points. 

“It is important to be attentive at all times” Slughorn said to the classroom generally but he knew that it was directed to him. So did Potter if the snickering behind his back was any indication. 

He should’ve gotten those points. Those points would have wiped the smirk off of Potter's face. 

“Great job.” Granger whispered as he scribbled onto his notes. 

Severus was caught between hating Granger for distracting him in the first place and thankful for him repeating the question. 

“We shall be moving on to the brewing portion of today” Slughorn announced wiping the blackboard clean.

Brewing was something that he could get done without distraction regardless of the puppy dog look Granger was now giving him. If he produced a proper potion then he could earn the points he had missed out on. 

  
  


Potions was a disaster. The subject had always been more difficult for him than Charms or Defense but today his head was sorely not into whatever he was supposed to be brewing. His head was filled with thoughts about Sev and his ears were hyper-focused on James’s voice muttering nearby. Every third word seemed to be Snillverus. He couldn’t stand the way his voice pierced his ears like the high hum of a mosquito. Unfortunately, there was no way that he could punch James in the face without getting set with detention. Knowing his luck Dumbledore would insist that he should spend detention in his office. Grin and baring it only resulted in a horrific yellow substance that he was sure would not help cure anything. 

“That’ll be all for today. Turn in your samples.”

To no surprise Sev was the first one to Slughorn’s desk and out the door. He half expected James to approach him, but he too left class rather quickly.

Cautiously he approached Slughorn’s desk with the pitiful potion. He had been lucky that his cauldron hadn’t exploded but didn’t want to chance whatever he made to leave its thin glass confinement. 

**“** Professor,”

“Oh, Granger.” Slughorn looked up from a beautiful teal potion that had Sev’s name written on it. 

_ “It was supposed to be teal?” _ he questioned looking back to his own vial. This hadn’t been the first time he turned in something less than adequate. Harry was sure that Slughorn’s interest in him was the only thing keeping him in this class. He had to do better before someone found it fit to remove him.

“Is there something I can do for you?”

“There is actually. Since I didn't do so well today-”

“I am sorry but I cannot change your grade,” Slughorn said rather loudly before his voice dropped to a whisper. “It is not wise to ask such a thing when others can hear ol’ boy.” 

Slughorn picked up his vial and swirled it around. Harry was horrified at the way it began to bubble. Potions shouldn’t bubble at the littlest of movement. 

Slughorn carefully placed the vial down further away from the others. “I'm sure we can sort something out so your father won't be distraught at your lower academics in Potions.” 

“I accept my grade professor I wouldn't ask for it to be changed.”

“Yes, yes of course.” Slughorn’s forehead beaded with sweat. “I hear you are doing well in all other subjects...”

“I have been studying my text but despite your excellent teaching I still have difficulty.”

“Ah yes!” Slughorn brightened up a bit. “Potions are a delicate thing better to have practice then read you know. You must have not gotten much practice in your old school. N-no offense to your last schooling” Slughorn started to sweat a little more. “ Your father must’ve placed you in the best.”

“If it’s possible professor, I would like some extra lessons.”

Slughorn dabbed his forehead. “Extra lessons? Well you see I am rather busy being the Head of House and my Slug Club, you are most welcome to come to the next event” he added in as an afterthought. “I would not want you to write to your father saying that I am being unfair. I_ am_ rather busy.”

“I understand professor.”

“You know!” Slughorn croaked. “Mr. Snape uses the classroom here and there. Brilliant with potions that one. I’m sure I could set something up.”

“I appreciate that professor.”

  
  


***

The universe was conspiring against him Severus decided after leaving Slughorn’s office that afternoon. Why Granger was coming into every aspect of his existence had to be some elaborate joke the universe was playing on him. For all the reasons not to get close, he kept finding Granger at every turn. 

Not once had anyone asked to use the potions classroom while he was there. No matter how well he did in the class no one dared come up to him and ask to receive tutoring. It was just his luck Granger would be the first to do just that. Of course, Slughorn wasn’t completely wrong when he mentioned that Granger was in need of more practice, his work was more than often shoddy. 

“So where do we start?” Granger asked giving that innocent look as if he had no clue that he had invaded his own personal space. 

Not even Potter tried to mess with him when he occupied this room. Potter knew better he supposed.to mess with someone around a simmering cauldron, especially when that someone knew the exact ingredients that could set a mild potion into a raging volcano of destruction. Granger knew none of this. The oddest thing about Granger was how he knew so much and so little at the same time. 

He double-checked the instructions for the salve that Slughorn had directed him to help Granger with. If Granger wasn’t such a mess he would’ve been cursing the favoritism their Head of House showed. This wasn’t even the potion they had done in class. In fact, it was far lower-skilled than anything they had been working on.

“Start by chopping up the ingredients we need” he ordered irritated that Granger clearly had known about this long enough to fetch the portions of ingredients and hadn’t thought to mention to him. 

This was ridiculous. Severus wanted to get to fixing his own experimental potions but here he was dealing with Granger who had clearly interpreted the direction of _ chopped  _ as  _ mangel _ .

“Stop.”

Granger placed down the knife. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Look at your Dittany” he pointed out the leaves that had all but been shredded to pieces. “You are being too forceful with your cutting.” He picked up his own knife and a pinch of dittany. “With plants you don't want to put too much force or you will lose much of its properties.”

“Why don't we just throw a handful of them in instead of cutting them?”

It took a second to realize that was a serious question. “You really don't know anything about potions do you?”

“I know somethings I'm just rubbish at it.”

He scoffed. “I expect to see some improvement if I have to waste my time here with you.” 

“I'll do my best.” Granger picked up his knife again and began chopping the dittany plant more gently, still not as precise with the size of his cuttings but it was better. 

Granger looked at him. He nodded. 

“Now the meadowsweet.” 

***

Harry felt very proud when the liquid in his cauldron had started to coagulate like it was supposed to. He was lucky that Slughorn had chosen an easier and quicker brew. It did smell awful though. 

“Hey Sev, will this explode if I add in something to make it smell better?”

“In this state it would be highly unlikely to explode” Severus said eyeing him warily. 

“Awesome. Could you take over the stirring for a little bit?”

Severus took over right away as if a second left unstirred would make the salve spontaneously combust. 

Picking up his wand he accio-ed some lavender. Sev’s eyes watched over the way he plucked and ground the lavender. Gently he sprinkled the powder into the salve. With two full stirs, the salve took on a lighter color and smelled much better.

“It's about done” Sev said looking rather thankful for a lack of explosion.

Harry pulled out two pocket-sized tins. Neither of them spoke as they poured the almost gelatinous mess into the tins. 

“Do you think it works?” he asked after spooning the last bit from the cauldron.

“You did follow directions so it should be usable.” Severus pricked the point of his index finger with a knife. A single bead of blood proved that he had broken skin. Using his uninjured finger he took some salve and placed it over the cut. Nearly instantly it disappeared. “Not bad Granger you may be able to pass Potions yet.”

He beamed at the words.

“It was unnecessary you know,” Sev said closing the second tin. “Adding in lavender for cosmetic purposes won’t boost your grade.”

“I know” he said placing one tin onto Slughorn's desk. 

“Nor does making twice the amount necessary.” Sev held the second tin out to him. “It's only useful for small cuts and bruises. Anything too deep won’t be affected by it aside from the lavender smell I suppose.”

Harry glanced at Sev’s right hand the one he remembered seeing a few bruises the other day. 

“I’m getting tired of holding this out to you” Severus said. Really was Granger expecting him to hold it for the rest of the day?

“Keep it.” Mismatched eyes looked directly into his and he could feel something...there was yet a word to describe what this was. “I made the extra for you. You know as a thank you. You said it was not bad so I don't feel worried about giving it to you.”

Words lacked for a moment. He could point out that he could make his own salve or lie and say that he didn’t need it. Instead, he looked to the tin in his hand.

“I hope you don't mind the lavender I thought you’d like it more than its original nasty smell.”

The lavender had been for him? 

“I bet you could do a lot more than slaves without me bothering you.” Granger said as he cleaned up his workspace. “I’ll leave you for now but I’m coming back if you are late for dinner.”

There was no space to argue as Granger left quickly. 

If Granger had stayed he wouldn’t have minded it as much as he might’ve before.

Severus looked at the tin of salve. The tin that had been made for him. When was the last time anyone had made something for him? 

Rolling up his sleeves he looked at the purpled bruises that covered his arm where Black and Potter had forcefully held him. There had been days when every inch of his covered body took on this hue. Bruises were nothing to him, they would fade on their own just like all the other times. Still he dipped a finger into the salve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work has been hectic but I got this chapter done!  
Super sorry for not responding to your lovely comments on time.   
Only a few chapters left to power through! Wish me luck!  
As always, have a great day/ week/ month.


	8. Changes

Denying that his opinions of Granger had changed was pointless. Granger was steadily becoming something close to a friend as he had in years. The nickname that he still used to address him didn’t sting as much as it once did. Many times he found himself actively listening for the whispered “Sev” when Granger tried to gain his attention. However, Severus wasn’t sure that it was wise to fully accept the title of friends, even in his mind, when that reality still relied on Granger not speaking with Lily to know his past and avoiding Potter. Both events were still a strong possibility. 

When it came to ruining his life Potter wasn’t known to give up easily. 

Severus kept his eyes on the text in his hand as the chair to the side of him slid across the library floor. At the very least he wanted to finish reading the final paragraph before Granger began to pull him into a whispered conversation that always was just soft enough to avoid them getting kicked out of the Library by Madam Pince. 

Not sitting alone in the library was yet another little thing he had grown used to. Much like the way he put up with food sneaking into his plate or being dragged to every mealtime when he had been capable of surviving on far less. There was no reason to say out loud that he had accepted Granger for the pestering nuances he was. And he wasn’t about to admit that every now and again he thought such pestering was...nice.

_ “He’s too quiet,” _ he thought as he reread the last few words of his book without gaining any of its meaning. Sighing he lifted his head from the book only to duck straight back to it.

_ “What does he want?” _ Having Regulus Black sitting across from him wasn't something he planned on. The fact that Regulus had simply walked up and taken a seat on his table was worth suspicion. Regulus had no reason to remotely interact with him. 

Casting a glance around, he noted that this section of the library was as empty as it had been when he came in earlier. It wasn’t as if this was the only table available, which meant Regulus wanted something. 

Doing his utmost best to conceal the fact he was watching the Slytherin he waited.

_ “Quiet.” _

Regulus was quieter than Granger could ever be in the library. When Granger was here he wouldn't stop bothering him with questions or watch him read. Unlike Granger Regulus did appear to actually be reading. If Regulus wasn't going to be a bother he would put up with him sitting on his table. 

Minutes passed before Regulus decided to speak: “Snape,”

Severus wondered if he had been rehearsing in his head whatever he was about to say. He should’ve prepared too. Once and only once had Regulus attempt to have a conversation with him before. Of course, this situation should’ve been seen coming when Granger took to talking with Regulus. The friendly idiot had probably told Regulus that he was in search of friends or some nonsense along those lines. 

Admittedly Regulus Black wasn’t the worst of the worst. Regulus did have more brains than many of the Purebloods that sat on the top of their hierarchy. Clearly he had taken  _ all _ of the brains in the Black family. 

Severus sneered at the thought of Black.

The relation to Sirius Black was one thing he could never exclude from his idea of Regulus.

“Snape,” Regulus began again, pinching the pages of his book. “Where’s Granger?”

“Without a doubt he will show up soon.” 

This whole situation made him uncertain. He had been so sure that at any moment the trust that Granger had foolishly relinquished to Regulus would be used against him. That hadn’t happened yet. Not even a whisper about Granger had passed among the common room in the past weeks. Either Regulus was biding his time or didn’t have the inclination to target him.

If that changed...

“And Mulciber?” he asked with another glance around.

He hadn’t forgotten about Mulciber’s comment about Granger. Nothing had been spoken about Mulciber for a while now as well. That had to be in part because of Regulus keeping him on a short leash.

“We had a row.”    
The details were none of his business, even so, it hardly made sense for Regulus to come to him after a fight with his....well he didn’t know what Regulus thought of Mulciber. 

“Just because I deal with Granger daily doesn’t mean I hold his sensibilities.”

“I wanted some quiet” Regulus said absentmindedly flipping the pages of his book. “You have no idea what it's like dealing with him.”   
Nor did he want to. The less anyone interacted with Mulciber the better they were off. Still, he didn’t believe wanting quiet was the reason Regulus had approached him. Finding quiet didn’t require him to be near or them having this withdrawn conversation.

“If you are not going to tell me why you are here leave.”

“Mulciber,” Regulus shook his head. “Forget I said anything.” 

“Black,” he said pausing Regulus tucking his book under his arm. “If Mulciber-”

“I have him under control,” Regulus said seriously.

Severus nodded. Despite Regulus being the brother of Sirius Black and he still didn’t hold much trust in him; he had to put an ounce of faith that his words were true. 

  
“Well, well,” Potter’s voice sung not a mere five minutes after Regulus had left. “You do love to stick your abnormally large nose in where it shouldn't belong don't you Snillverus?” Potter rested his hip against the table as though they were having a friendly discussion. “Sirius won't be too glad to hear that you're spending time with his little brother.” The large reference book  _ Spells of the Middle Ages _ was lifted from his table. Potter gave it a curious glance bouncing it slightly in his hand. 

Severus remained seated focusing to hear if the others were nearby. Potter rarely showed his face in here which meant he wasn’t alone. Potter’s words at least referred to Black being elsewhere. If Black was here as well he wouldn’t have waited until Regulus had left to curse him. 

“Speaking of Sirius,” Potter said stilling the book in his hand. “I haven't forgotten to pay you back for what you did.”    
With a _ thump,  _ the book struck his hand.

Holding back his wince he glowered at Potter.    
“Granger isn't good enough for you?” A sharp pain radiated up his elbow as Potter pressed his full weight onto the book. “Or has your spell on him finally ended?”   
Gritting his teeth he swallowed the pain as Potter eased up only to return his weight onto the book. 

“I should tell the Headmaster about your use of Dark Magic on fellow students.”

Severus knew Potter would never make such a serious accusation, it would cost him his favorite thing to treat like shit. Who else would Potter and his gang toss around like a rag doll? 

_ “Granger” _ a small voice whispered in the back of his head.    
“I should’ve known you would be so disgustingly pitiful to use Dark Magic to gain a friend” Potter spat in his face.   
“I did nothing” he growled lowly.   
“I'm supposed to believe that?” Potter said loud enough to earn a harsh “shh” from Madam Pince who was restocking books nearby.    
“There's no way that he would constantly choose you over me if he weren't under some spell.” Potter heatedly whispered, rocking his weight to further crush his fingers.

Feeling in his fingers were numbing completely.    
He scoffed. “Who would’ve guessed you would be jealous of me.” 

In a flash Potter pulled out his wand. “What was that Snillverus?” he barked.

“Mr. Potter!” Madam Pince intercepted. “If you can not remain quiet remove yourself from this library.”

“Sorry Madam Prince.” Potter flashed his manipulative smile which did nothing to change the pinched look on her face. 

“Do I need to ban you just like your rowdy friends?” she asked her eyes scanning the table yet not noticing that his hand was wedged painfully under large reference book or that Potter had quickly tucked his wand into his sleeve. 

Potter ran a hand through his hair. “Of course not.” 

“Keep it down” she hissed returning to her shelving.

Without her eyes on him, Potter’s false smile fell away.

“You think you’re so smart.” Potter seethed under his breath. “There’s more than one way to break the spell you’ve put on Granger.”

Focusing his magic he sent the most painful stinging hex that he could with his hand crushed.

“FUCK!” 

Madam Pince gave no warnings as she took Potter by the ear. 

The enjoyment of seeing the arsehole being pulled away was minimized by Potter’s threat. 

For years he had done best not to actively provoke Potter’s wrath. When had he gotten so reckless? 

  
  


Harry sprinted to the library. He should’ve been there ages go but Slughorn had decided to talk his ear off for an eternity about his improvement in potions. 

“I'm sure your father will be impressed no doubt.” Slughorn had said puffing up like a proud round bird. “Yes, I think that a continuation will surely bring you up to advancement. Unless Mr. Snape-”

How could he not spend an hour reassuring Slughorn that he actually did enjoy the time with Sev? 

“He’s rather gifted thought abrasive one might say like Graphorn Horns. You know,” Slughorn had told him, dabbing the sweat on his brow.

Which had led to a mini lecture about Graphorn Horns and the struggle of incorporating it into potions before some person, Harry had already forgotten the name of, figured out how to properly grind them. 

All Harry could think of during all of that was getting to where Sev was. He liked to think that ever since their first potions tutoring lesson they’d gotten closer. There were small changes like the way Sev no longer fussed, at least verbally, about his insistence that they eat three times a day. And Harry had noticed that Sev didn’t look at him so suspiciously anymore.

_ “It’s about time.” _

Madam Pince shot him a dirty look as he not so quietly entered the library. More cautious of his noise level he walked to the furthest part of the library that Severus often occupied. Every time he saw Sev here he thought about that Saturday he had tricked Sev into seeing the Quidditch game. He wasn’t sure if they would ever see another game.

“Sorry I am late” he winced a little at the thud his bag made as it hit the table. A sigh of relief escaped him as Madam Pince didn’t appear to toss him out. “Slughorn was going to keep me for an eternity if I hadn’t mentioned I was going to study.”

“I managed to get more work done without you here.”

“That’s a little harsh.”

The scent of lavender filled his nose as he leaned over to see what Sev had been working on. Slipping into the seat beside him, he was sure the scent came from Sev. His hand reached for Sev’s which immediately jerked back.

“Let me see.” 

Sev hid his hands under the table. “I don't need you to treat me like a helpless infant.”

“I am not. Just let me see.” This hiding was starting to worry him. 

Sev furrowed his eyebrows. “It doesn't require your concern.”

Without another word, Harry laid out his hand. Until Sev placed his own in his hand he wasn’t going to put it down. 

Severus eyed his open hand. One thing about Granger’s caring nature was that it made him stubborn. Those mismatched eyes were constantly checking him over as if everything could be solved with some lavender scented salve. 

_ “It does help” _ he thought feeling the cool substance on his hand under the table. 

Granger’s hand moved a little closer. 

“People get bruises from everyday activities it doesn’t require this much attention.”   
“I want to be there for you like you're always there for me,” Granger said under his breath.   
When had he ‘been there’ for Granger? Did he mean the time he came in the dorms in near tears? He never found out what that was about. 

“I don’t see what’s the harm in you showing me” Granger insisted, his hand started to shake a little.   
“There's people's attention you shouldn't draw.”   
“Like Potter?” Granger’s nose scrunched in disgust. “I would feel far better if he didn't give me any attention.”

Curling his fingers Granger motioned for his hand. 

Reluctantly he placed his left hand into Granger’s care. He was more than grateful that the salve had done enough to mask the red rectangular mark that had appeared when he was able to free his hand from under the book. Severus knew that Granger would question him if the current state of his hand had been worse.

Gently his hand was turned over. “You think he would take the hint that I don't want to be his friend. Arrogant toerag.” Every inch of his hand was inspected.

“He isn't the only one. Getting involved with me with Regulus.”   
“Regulus wouldn't do anything.” Granger ran fingers over the back of his hand. The way those fingers moved along the ridges of his knuckles made his palms tingle. “You were always so paranoid.”    
There it was again; that weird sense that Granger knew more about him that he had shared. Or a different version of himself. That couldn’t be possible. That didn’t make sense; neither did the way his heart began to beat slightly faster at the slow moving fingers against him.

Harry wasn’t at all pleased that the back of Sev’s hand was pinker than usual but he was thankful that Sev hadn’t been stubborn enough to not put the salve on.    
“You worry too much,” he said looking up at that tense face. “Keep it up and you'll start having gray hair,” he slipped his hands into Sev’s hair. “and deep-set wrinkles from all this scowling.” Playfully he poked Sev right between his eyebrows. “That being said, it’s time for food.”    
Sev removed his hand from him, his face slightly more pinked. “I need to study,” Sev said quickly.

“I thought you said you got work done without me.”

“There are still things I need to read up on.”

“I bet you've read every book in this place.” He motioned wildly around him. “What else would be there to study?”

Sev shot him a look that screamed ``stop acting like an idiot``. 

Trying to demotivate Sev from studying he laid his hands over his books.

“Granger.”

Harry clung to the edge of the book as Sev tried to pull it out from under him. 

“Let's make a deal to come back later.”

“The library will be closed by the time you decide it’s ‘later’.” Sev said trying again to pull the book.

“If you want to study things from the restricted section it's best to just break in at night.”    
Sev stared at him open-mouthed.

“That seemed to gain your attention.” Doing his best to stifle his laughter before Madam Pince heard, he ran a finger over Sev’s still cold hand. “Food before break-ins.”    
“You shouldn't make such jokes. If it gets to the Headmaster,”   
_ “Then he'll what? Try to Imperio me and break into my mind again?” _ He thought bitterly.

“You can lecture me more about this on our way to get some food.”

  
  


Severus knew he was in for it the second they entered the Great Hall. Daggered looks skewered him from the first step past the large doors. Sirius Black was baring his teeth in a very canine fashion as Petigrew whispered something to Lupin. Ominously Potter was missing from their group.

Severus wondered if he was with Lily again. He’d been thinking more about them. Ever since Potter insinuated that he used Dark Magic to gain Granger’s attention he wondered if Potter had done that to Lily. Severus wasn’t the only one who knew a spell that could take away a person’s will, everyone knew about them, it was in their text after all under  _ Unforgivable Curses _ . Despite the chance that Potter could charm his way out of life sentence in Azkaban if he dared tried to use the spell, Severus knew Potter prided himself about being above anyone who would study Dark Magic. 

That point had once been a heated topic between Lily and himself. She hadn’t cared for his curiosity...

The truth was Severus himself had been the one to all but throw Lily into Potter’s arms after what happened. It was his fault. It would forever be his fault for losing her.

He never deserved her kindness in the first place. 

Suddenly his stomach felt heavy. Every step he took he could feel Black’s eyes burrowing into him. Potter’s words echoed in his head: “There is more than one way to break the spell on Granger”. His robes felt too heavy against his chest.

_ “They wouldn't do anything here. Not where the professors are”  _ he reminded himself as the air caught in the back of his throat.

“Sev?” Granger asked, mismatched eyes trained on his face. “You don’t look well.”

Jerkily he batted away Granger’s hand as it tried to reach for him. He felt like he was going to vomit any second.

“I will be back,” he said moving out of the Great Hall as fast as possible without running.

_ “Why?” _ He asked himself as he pushed through the door to the boy’s bathroom. He had dealt with Black’s glares before, and Potter’s threats and Lily hadn’t spoken to him in years. A part of him knew he should’ve been over these ridiculous reactions. He knew how Potter and his minions acted, he could and had defended himself on multiple occasions. Having himself get worked up was irrational especially now. 

Bringing his left hand to his face he inhaled the fine scent of lavender that had remained. The scent helped pause his racing thoughts for a moment.

His mind needed to be quiet. If he didn’t get himself together then Granger would come demanding to know what was wrong. 

“Granger.” Inhaling the scent again he recalled how they had made the salve. Recounted every minuscule step. Then he thought about the horrible way Granger chopped ingredients, the way his hand gripped the knife’s handle too hard and pressed too rough on the cutting board. But that very same hand touched his own hand with featherlight pressure and when he took his hand it was never constricting.

“Sna-”

His wand was in his hand before Lupin could even finish saying his name. Lupin lifted the hand that wasn’t in a sling in the air. 

He always found it suspicious when Lupin was periodically bandaged up. Often he wondered if the meeker of the group took beatings as he did. If that was true he would’ve expected Lupin to leave it wasn’t weak, only a coward.

“What do you want Lupin?” he spat wand trained right between Lupins shoulder socket. A flick and he wouldn’t have to worry about the other turning a wand on him for a while. Keeping his hand steady he waited for the first move. 

“James is planning something.”

“Isn't that what you join in or do you do as little of that as the actual act?” he sneered.

Lupin’s shoulders slumped as he looked to the tiled floors. “Tonight,” Lupin began to lower his hand.

“Don't” he warned stepping forward so that the tip of his wand was only a few inches away from his delicate joint. 

Lupin’s arm straightened, his eyes focused on the end of Severus’s wand. “Tonight at midnight,” Lupin met his eyes. “defense classroom. He wanted me to give you the message.” Lupin was wearing that apologetic look he always did in situations like these. 

Those unspoken apologies were as flimsy as these warnings. 

“Good to know you’ve been reduced to messenger.” He sneered as he pushed past him. 

  
  
  


****

The halls looked sinister in the dark. In every shadow Potter could be hiding waiting to attack. It had been so long since he had risked detention to sneak out of the dorms.

Back then he had been trying to find out what Potter was hiding. Months had been wasted trying to figure out what the group did in the middle of the night. Each time he felt that he was getting close he lost sight of them or Filch would appear around the corner. The task of getting Potter expelled was fruitless but he had been so sure that if he could provide some evidence to his reckless rule-breaking then... He should’ve known that was nothing more than a dream. With Dumbledore's blessing Potter was untouchable. 

Going out to meet Potter was a trap- no question about it. Perhaps it was Potter’s plan to get him tossed into detention until Granger agreed to join him. But that would be too simple for Potter. If Potter just asked politely he was sure Dumbledore would all but hand Granger over gift wrapped. Everyone would bend over backward for Potter. 

_ “Why am I doing this?”  _

This was ridiculous, a stupid effort to once again stop Potter. But if Potter was going to do something to Granger if he didn’t comply...

Scuffing of boots against the ground pricked his ears. 

“Over here,” a voice called from the dark.

“Granger?”

“Shh,” Hands reached out and tucked him into the corner as the scuffing got closer.

In the dark alcove he could feel Granger pressing up against him. Tickling of air breathed against his chin. He didn’t realize that he was only a few inches taller than Granger when he didn’t slouch as he often did. Fingers brushed up his arm keeping him in place against the wall. 

_ “He’s so close.” _ The tingling sensation in his palms increased along with the sound of his beating heart. Why was it so loud? 

“I think he’s gone,” Granger said, the mint-scented air now tickling his neck. Granger shifted poking his head out of the alcove. 

“W-what are you doing here?” he whispered. 

“I couldn’t let you break into the library without me.” Granger teased stepping out into the hall.

“That isn’t what I'm doing” he grumbled. “Go back to bed.”

“And miss out on this adventure?”

“This isn’t an adventure.”

“It could be.” Granger moved on ahead of him without any regard with being seen by Filch or any of the professors that monitored the halls at night. 

“Granger” he harshly whispered. “ _ This idiot is going to get caught, _ ” he thought hurrying after him.

At the very least Granger’s feet weren’t obscenely loud as he moved down the halls, not towards the Defense classroom where he was supposed to meet Potter and nowhere near the dungeons. Speeding up he took hold of Granger’s hand. 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Somewhere we can have a better midnight adventure.”

“I already told you-”

“Shh.” Granger playfully tugged his arm. 

There was something in the way that Granger pulled him along made him think that this wasn’t the first time that he’d done this. It was a big chance that it wasn’t considering he had been who knew where every night until just recently. 

Waking up to find Sev’s bed empty had caused Harry to bolt out of the dorms with little thought aside of grabbing his robe and wand. Sneaking out was a huge risk without his usual precautions. Slughorn could find out that he was roaming the halls just as Dumbledore feared and then he would have to endure what came next.

They should return to the dorms. It was the safest option for them if they didn’t want to end up in detention, but he couldn't really find it in himself to care. Being out at night filled him with a freedom that he had missed ever since arriving here. Going to the dorms didn't seem as thrilling as sharing this sort of freedom with Sev. 

Hearing clunky footsteps around the corner he pulled Sev along behind the outside wall. Sev’s furrowed brow was almost enough to make him laugh. He had pulled these sort of stunts for years but Sev didn’t know that. 

“I told you I like to explore didn't I” he smiled.

The footsteps, of who he guessed was Professor Sprout based on the large hat silhouette rounding the corner, softened.

Hogwarts offered so many hidden passageways that he was sure they wouldn’t get caught.

“It’s late so I don't think many will be up,” Granger said as they came to a wall with a large tapestry against it. 

Questions that he had been collecting along the way didn’t leave his mind as Granger let go of his hand and seamlessly fell through a tapestry. Cautiously he reached a hand to it. The tapestry fell away as though made of smoke. Stepping through it he once again saw Granger looking at him with a wide smile.

How he had managed to find such a secret so quickly both impressed him and worried him. What other paths did Hogwarts possess and did Potter know about it? 

Granger rapped on the small door that sat behind the tapestry before pushing through. 

Two large eyes looked at them. The House-elf attached to those eyes blinked as it continued to polish some silver with the edge of its baggy potato sack dress.

“Sorry to bother you so late,” Granger said noting the elf.

“Late.” The elf repeated polishing its silver more wildly. 

Granger bent down to the elf’s level. “My name is Harry and that’s Severus. What’s your name?”

“B-bippy Sir,” she said her large eyes darting over to him then back to Granger.

“I know it is late but would it be alright if I used a stove for a bit?”

The elf nodded slowly. “Anything Bippy can do it, sir?” She asked snapping into the compulsive obedience that House-elves were known for.

“Could I get a few slices of bread and some eggs? Oh, and milk.”

Bippy scattered to fetch the things Granger had asked for.

“What do you think you’re doing Granger?”

Harry pulled out a bowl and a pan.“Haven't you heard about midnight snacks?” 

“How do you know your way around the kitchen?”

“It didn’t change,” he muttered happily. Even the cinnamon and sugar remained in the same place as it was in his time. 

“What?” 

“Most kitchens are organized the same way.”

“Here you are” Bippy said placing the ingredients on the counter beside the stove. 

“Thank you very much. I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Are you sure?” Sev asked watching Bippy scurry back to the silverware.

“I can cook simple things.” Carefully he cracked the egg on the edge of the bowl. “It’s one of my chores back home.”

“Then how are you so bad at potions?”

“To be fair adding in extra cinnamon won't cause you to turn purple or make your mixture explode.”

Whisking the flour and sugar into the eggs he was very aware of the way Sev was watching his hands. It was peaceful to be like this; just the two of them in the kitchen.

“You have improved in potions” Sev commented following his hands as he spooned some butter.

With a sizzle the glob of butter met his hot pan.

A low grumble from Sev’s stomach sounded as he placed the mixture dipped slice of bread onto the pan. Cinnamon peppered the air as he pressed the bread down just enough to get a more crisp edge to the french toast. 

“Why were you out?” Sev asked over his grumbling stomach.

“You were not in bed.” Mindful of how long the slice had been faced down he flipped it over. “I wanted to make sure that you were alright.” 

Would he have been alright if he hadn’t been pulled along by Granger? What was Potter doing at this moment? Was Potter standing in the Defense classroom waiting for him or had this all been a trick? What would happen tomorrow if Potter had spent this time waiting for a duel?

“Could you give this to Bippy?” Granger asked holding out a plate with the finished slice of french toast.

Taking the plate he approached the House-elf, who remained polishing the same silverware she had been early.  _ “She probably doesn’t want Granger to accidentally burn down the kitchen.” _

“Something you need” yelped Bippy. 

Severus stuck out the plate.“He wanted you to have this.”

The elf wearily eyed the meal. This had to be a strange gesture to the elf.

Severus lowered his voice so that only Bippy could hear. “He may insert himself into places he shouldn't but he wouldn’t bring you harm.”

Bippy looked him straight in the eyes. “And you?”

“I wouldn’t.” For a few reasons he wouldn’t harm a House-elf for one these creatures took care of many of the inner workings of Hogwarts and secondly he saw no sense in harming an innocent creature. Other students, more so the Purebloods that had several House-elves back home, wouldn’t think anything about hurting them. Mulciber for sure would be all too happy to torture one for fun. 

With a nod Bippy accepted the plate. 

“Here we go” Granger said handing him his own plate.

Discovering Granger could actually cook was a little of a shock. Taking the first bite of his french toast he had half expected it to taste unremarkable yet it was perfect. If he hadn’t watched the process he would've thought he had used magic to make it. Not even his House-elves could cook this well without some magical assistance. 

“What do you think?”

“It's adequate.”

“I’ll accept that” Granger smiled tucking into his own food.

Harry thanked Bippy one more time before they left the kitchens. With stomachs full, they should head back to the dorms to avoid being spotted. By now it had to be one in the morning. “ _ That leaves us a little more time” _ he reasoned with himself. 

“One more stop.”

Sev nodded. 

“Perfect!”

He moved ahead, hand trailing over the stone walls until he found the area that led to a passageway that would cut their trip in half. Together they moved along the narrowed way. 

“A little more” he assured checking to see that Filch or Professor Sprout was nearby. 

“I am not getting in a boat with you at two in the morning” Severus declared when they had traveled down the steps that led to the boathouse.

“No boating today. Maybe next time” Granger said suddenly stopping to look up from where they had come from. “I don't think well be seen here.”

Granger pulled off his robe and laid it onto the ground. Practiced swish of his wand turned the clothing into a large blanket that covered the stairs. 

“Join me.” Granger patted the cushioned steps. 

_ “Fighting it would be nonsensical at this point _ ” he thought watching Granger recline back onto the steps gazing at the sky above. 

The air wasn’t too chilly laying near Granger. 

“It's beautiful isn’t it?”

Admiring the stars wasn’t something he did much back home nor could they be seen from under the dungeons. With tonight’s clear sky he could make out the bright lights that stamped the sky. 

“I was never any good at astronomy but I did like looking at them.” Granger stuck his finger out to the sky moving it in the air in an attempt to connect them.

“You should know the bare minimum” he scooted closer jutting his own finger to the sky, “These stars,” He traced a few points. “make up the Big Dipper or Plough. And right next to it is the Little Dipper.” Slightly he turned his head to see if Granger was following along. There was something in Granger’s eyes that set butterflies in his stomach.  _ “Why are you looking at me like that?” _

“I'm glad you are here.”

That squirming feeling doubled at the realization of how close they were to one another again.

“How much longer do we have to stay here?”

“Just a little more” Granger yawned moving even closer, his head coming almost to rest on his chest. “Tell me more about the constellations I should know.”

Clearing his throat he looked to the sky trying to ignore the way Granger was pressing up against his side. “At the end of the Little Dipper is the north star also known as Polaris....” 

Harry could listen to Sev map out the sky for centuries. For whatever reason Sev had chosen to sneak out tonight right now he was glad that had happened.

*****

_ Chirp! Chirp! _

The squawking of birds sounded far too close for Severus’s liking. In the dungeons sense for time did lead many to have alarms but never birds. 

_ Chirp! Chirp! _

Severus shut his eyes tight against the bright light that accompanied the aggravating sound of the birds. 

_ Chirp! Chirp! _

_ “Will they turn that off?”  _

Groaning he resigned himself to waking. Pushing up into a sitting position he realized that he had been lying on had been stairs instead of his bed. 

“Granger” he signed looking at the sleeping face curled up beside him.

How they had not been discovered after spending all night out was a question better left unanswered. For now, they had to sneak back into the castle. 

Looking down he frowned at Granger’s pajama-clad form. It was another issue they had to take care of before they were spotted. 

  
  


A splash of water woke Harry from a peaceful sleep. Hastily wiping water from his face he saw Sev standing over him with the deepest frown he’d seen.

“We didn’t make it back to the dorms last night” Sev informed, his frown elongating a few more centimeters.

The birds nesting in the trees that bordered the stairs drew his attention. “I hadn’t thought we would stay out all night.” 

“Idiot.”

Surely they’d owed themselves detention if a professor caught them. 

“I shouldn't have let you talk me into this” Sev muttered transforming the blanket back unto Harry's robes.

“You worry too much Sev.” Harry stretched thinking of a way to get back into the castle undetected.

“I will not be tossed in detention because of your recklessness.”

“You were the one who snuck out first” he pointed out. 

Sev began muttering under his breath as he paced back and forth on the stairs.

“Really there’s no reason to get so worked up-”

With a pop sound, Bippy appeared.

They both looked at each other unsure.

“Y-you called?” she asked Sev. 

“Bippy,” Sev looked to her as if he had finally pieced together a difficult problem. “Could you please bring our school things? It's found next to the two beds near the window assigned to Severus Snape and Harry Granger.”

“Right away!” Bippy vanished with a snap.

“We are never going to do this again” Severus admonished the far too cheery Granger. 

Granger was smiling again.

Every time Granger smiled like this he couldn’t contain that squirming feeling in his stomach. How could someone smile so much? Did he not understand how stupid they had been to stay out all night? Did he not care about getting tossed into detention? If it weren’t for Bippy answering his unconscious summoning then they would’ve had little choice in facing punishment.

“I think that was the first time I heard you use my first name” 

The tingling sensation in his palms returned. Severus wondered if he should be more concerned about the way these strange symptoms appeared in moments like this with Granger.

Bippy popped back with two bags and their uniform.

“Thank you Bippy” Granger didn’t hesitate in tugging off his shirt. A glimpse of his toned back made Severus’s heart momentarily stop. 

“Have you no decency” he asked fighting the urge to let his eyes follow the movement of Granger’s fingers hooking the edge of his pajama bottoms. 

“I guess not,” Granger said turning to him without a hint of embarrassment for standing half-naked out in the open.

Unable to handle the thumping of his heart, Severus dashed into the cover of trees to change. Quickly he threw on his fresh button-up.  _ “Idiot exposing himself like that”  _ he thought hastily buttoning his shirt up to the very top to hide the scars that littered his body. Minor bruises were enough to set off Granger’s overprotective actions he didn’t want to face what he would say about the scars, there wasn’t anything that could be done about them anyway. 

Harry watched the birds fluttering about the trees as he waited for Sev. Their night spent together made him hopeful of what was to come.

“This is the first time were walking to class together!”

The slight tilt in his voice was all the indication that Severus needed to know that Granger had yet to stop smiling. The sheer brightness radiating off of Granger made him feel that it was going to attract someone at any minute. After managing to not be seen coming up from the stairways to the boathouse he would be mortified at getting caught now.

“It's nothing to get all worked up about,” he said, silently thanking Merlin that they had made it into the covered archway. Slowing down he moved behind a few students. Until they got to class the anxious patter in his chest was not going to go away.

“I think it is it means we are officially friends.”

“Don’t say that” he hissed.   
“Why not?”

“Because-”

Before he could finish that thought his leg gave out from underneath him. Immediately Granger pulled back on his robes. It wasn’t enough to stop them from falling to the floor in a tangle of robes. 

Severus could swear he heard someone mutter “Snillverus” mixed in with the snickering before he managed to pull the edge of Granger’s robe’s sleeve away from his face.

Mismatched eyes sparkled at him.  _ “Even in situations like this he smiles.”  _ His face felt like it was getting hotter.

“I think that's a sign you should just accept that we are friends” Granger laughed as he helped him up. 

***

“Whatever you've done is outstanding” Regulus commented once Professor Sprout was done giving her instructions to the class.

Harry paused from opening the seed packet to look at Regulus.“What are you talking about?”

“I haven’t seen Snape let anyone walk with him to class” Regulus slightly tilted his head in the direction of Sev. 

Harry didn’t look. Sev was perfectly clear that he didn’t need to make a big deal of walking together. “If you spend all of class staring at me this will never happen again” Sev had warned.

“I didn't do anything.” He tore open the pack of seeds, handing one to Regulus.

“Considering I’m still standing after sitting at the same table as him in the library for a few minutes I’d say you did do something,” Regulus said submerging the seed into the shallow basin between them. 

“You sat with Sev?”

“Yesterday.” Regulus confirmed. Tiny stems began to sprout from the seed.“I was surprised that you weren’t there.”

“Slughorn had called me to his office” he complained.

“He does have an interest in you.”

_ “Interest in reporting my actions to Dumbledore.” _

Leaves shot up from the basin. Together they reached in to pull the aquatic plant free. Its long tendrils fought their tugs as if it were afraid to leave its temporary home.

“He’s interesting,” Regulus said hauling the still wriggling plant over the edge of a large aquarium looking container.

“Slughorn?” he asked, helping to push the stubborn plant.

“Snape” Regulus corrected with a sigh of relief as the plant took to the larger body of water. “I thought it would be interesting to see what he would do. After all this time of you hanging around I guess he’s gotten used to being....more sociable if you could call it that.” Regulus began to walk back to their table.

“Did something happen” he asked recalling that Sev had mentioned Regulus the other day.

“He spoke to me and it wasn’t ‘get out’ or ‘leave me alone’.” Regulus dropped another seed into the basin. “It's like watching someone tame a wild dragon.” Regulus looked to Sev then back to the sprouting plant. “No perhaps a Hippogriff.” He could see leaves touching the cusp of the water. “Mulciber is more like a dragon. A headstrong dragon that won't listen to reason. Probably lacks the capacity for it” Regulus said bitterly.

“I’m sure he could listen to reason” he said uncertainty thick in his voice as they yanked the second plant from the basin.

“You've never had a conversation with him.” Regulus huffed, capturing a loose tendril around his arm. “For your sake don't attempt it.”

He had little intention of doing so. He knew the sort of person Mulciber was in the future.

“You can always,” he panted as the second plant took to the aquarium. “hang out with Sev and me. You said he didn’t tell you to go away so he might not be too mad if you spent some time with us.” 

Regulus contemplated his offer. Harry hoped he would say yes.

“Unfortunately,” Regulus said glancing at Mulciber. “I’m responsible of him.”

  
  


“Filthy mudblood.” Mulciber muttered under his breath as the tendril of the Gillyweed hit him in the face. Severus was quickly finding out that particular phrase was Mulciber’s favorite swear. It had already been uttered ten times since class started. 

“Snape” Mulciber growled. 

Mulicber had left the Gillyweed in the basin too long now it wouldn’t even budge against Mulciber’s brute force. Acting quickly he wrapped some twine around the tendrils that Mulciber was trying to strangle to no avail. Managing to get the loose coils bound did very little to reduce the aggravation painted on Mulciber’s face. Seething was putting it lightly the way Mulicber hurled the bound Gillyweed into the tank causing water to cover the two Hufflepuffs that had been standing nearby.

“Serves them right” Mulicber smirked at the drenched students. Severus carefully added a new seed to their basin. 

Mulciber’s mood dropped as Granger and Regulus carried their Gillyweed over to the tank. 

Whatever hold Regulus had on Mulciber felt like it was weakening. 

“Black, Granger, a moment after class if you please” Professor Sprout asked just before she excused the rest of the class.

Sev stopped by his table as the others cleared out of the greenhouse. A furrowed brow rested on his face as though he wanted to communicate something without Regulus hearing it.

“ Let’s meet up by the courtyard later” he suggested. 

“Why?”

“I want to show you something”

“Granger,”

“Just agree please.” 

Sev sighed. “Fine.”

Sev turned to Regulus with a stern face. Regulus’s response was only a slight tilt of his head which Sev returned before leaving.

Harry watched Sev walk out of the greenhouse door. After the night they spent together he wanted to be with him even more. 

“You’ll see him soon enough” Regulus said just as Professor Sprout approached them.

“Mr. Granger I need you to deliver a few things to Professor Slughorn.”

“Yes, professor.”

“Black I’m entrusting you to make sure everything on this list is accounted for while I go fetch some supplies.” 

“Yes, professor.”

“Excellent!” she smiled. “Make sure your brother out there does not cause any trouble” she said giving a little wave goodbye.

“Brother?”

They moved to the window.

Sirius was standing alone a few feet away from the greenhouses. He waved at Professor Sprout as she passed before turning his eyes back to the greenhouse. 

“What is he doing here?” Regulus mumbled. 

Based on the way Regulus didn’t automatically go outside he guessed the two had yet to make up. Biting his tongue he fitted the jars of plants that Regulus handed to him into a wooden crate. With every other snip Regulus got for him he looked out the window. 

“Maybe,” he spoke up after the fifth time Regulus had paused to check if Sirius was still there. “Maybe you should go talk to him. He is your brother.”

“A lousy one,” Regulus muttered handing the last jar to him. Slipping his wand away Regulus went outside. 

From the window Harry watched as Regulus made his way to Sirius. Although he couldn’t make out what they were saying he could tell that their conversation wasn’t all too friendly. Sirius’s face was enclosing on Regulus. “HIM!” he caught Sirius’s yell followed by Regulus’s “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” 

Ducking his head he moved further back into the greenhouse, comparing the list to the jars packed. What was happening outside had nothing to do with him. 

A minute later the door to the greenhouse opened.

“Everything alright Reg-” 

“My brother left,” Sirius said leaning in the doorway.

“And you’re not going to go after him” he grumbled towards the ground.

“What was that?” Sirius stepped forward.

“Why are you here?”

“I'm here because,” Sirius began irritatedly. He rubbed the stubble on his chin. “Just accept his apology and join us.”

“Us?” Harry looked at Sirius only for him to avoid his eye contact. “You clearly don't like me. You can't even look me in the eye.” 

Sirius lifted his head, lip curled in a sneer, but still refused to look at him.

“Potter can give me half-arsed apologies, excuses all he wants it won’t change a thing. No matter who he sends my answer won’t be different. How many times do I have to say I don't want to be apart of his group?”

Sirius spoke through gritted teeth “But you want to be with Snillverus?”

“I do,” he said clearly without any trace of reluctance that Sirius might have been looking for.

Sirius strained to stare him in the eye. “You're making the wrong choice.”

“I don't think I am.”

“Very well Granger.” Sirius marched out of the room.

Picking up the crate he made his way to Slughorn’s office. The walk helped him cool down from yet another masterful attempt by James to apologize. 

Using his foot he carefully kicked the office door.

“Just a moment. Just a moment” Slughorn called out from the other side before tugging the door open enough that he could see that there was someone sitting across of his large desk. “Ah, Mr. Granger,” Slughorn swung the door wider. “Do come in I was just speaking with,”

Braids of bright red hair caught his eye the second Slughorn waddled so he was no longer obstructing who was sitting there.  _ “Lily” _

“Ms. Evans.” Slughorn waddled to resume his seat behind his desk.

Lily turned to him, lightly biting her bottom lip.

“Ms. Evans is a member of my Slug Club. Quiet gifted with a knack for potions that’s been nurtured well” Slughorn said proudly. “You should attend one of my parties; perhaps my holiday soiree coming up.” Not missing a beat Slughorn turned to Lily. “You will be there won't you Ms. Evans?”

“Yes,” she said twisting the bottom of her braids in her hand.

“There you have it! Should I put you down on the guest list as well Granger?” 

“I will think about it” he said to be polite when really he wanted to say that he wouldn't be able to handle a party where he would have to watch Lily and James be together.

Slughorn clapped his hands “Very good. So, how may I help you Granger?”

“Professor Sprout asked me to give these to you” he motioned the crate in his hands.

“Ah yes,” Slughorn took the crate without difficulty, placing it right over the essays on his desk. Harry couldn’t help think how angry Sev would’ve been to see the edges of the paper crumpled under the crate. Lily too looked as though she wanted to say something.

“An excellent job Granger five points to Slytherin.” Slughorn beamed before looking sheepishly towards Lily. “Do not fret Ms. Evans I’m sure you will gain points for your House before the day is out.” 

Taking Lily’s small nod as agreement Slughorn began to pluck jars from the crate. 

“You know I do think you have a great head on your shoulder Mr. Granger,” Slughorn said setting down a jar of DevilSnare clippings. “You must if Professor Sprout is letting you assist in these delicate matters. She is rather particular, of course, I put in a good word. I simply had to,” 

Slughorn pushed more papers aside to make room for another jar. “The Headmaster will be happy to note that you are considerate individual wouldn’t you say so Ms. Evans?”

The end of her braids had begun to come out with all her twisting. “Yes professor” she said with little enthusiasm. 

“It’s like I always say-”

“Excuse me professor,” he butted in before they had to sit through another long rambling. “but I had hoped to get a bit of studying in before end of break.”

Slughorn pulled his pocket watch close to his face. “Goodness it's true what they say about how time flies when you're having a grand time” he chuckled to himself. “I shall see both of you in class.” Slughorn clapped his hands again as if the action was to make them disappear.

Together they left the room, a thick uncomfortable silence looming between them. 

Excitement should’ve been bouncing in his chest at the thought of meeting up with Sev. There wasn’t much time until their next class but Harry was sure that he could show off one more Hogwarts secret that “he shouldn't have known about” before the bells chimed. 

If he hurried he could talk Sev into exploring the castle at night again. Even if Sev said they wouldn’t do such a thing again he knew that once Sev got a hint of knowledge he chased it until he had understood it as much as possible. 

His feet itched to break out into a run towards their meeting place yet he had fallen in step with Lily. They both kept their eyes straight. 

_ “I just have to wait until she turns the other way” _ he thought listening to the click of her heels beside him. It was almost strange to hear her footsteps when Sev hardly made a sound at all. 

“Hey,” Lily said barely loud enough to be heard. “We didn’t get to really talk last time.”

They hadn’t. Harry still didn’t want to have whatever conversation she had been thinking over in her head.

“Se-Snape,”   
Stopping dead in his tracks. “Are you going to tell me to leave him alone too?” he asked with a bit more bite than he intended.   
She took a slight step back. “No...it's not...” Her forest green eyes held his. 

He had been so proud to have been born with one eye of a similar shade. For years it was the only thing he had of her. Even with the way Aunt petunia shrieked to never look at her with “those freakish eyes” he always dreamt that his own mother would’ve adored his difference. 

“Do you think that you’re good?” she asked still staring transfixed on his eyes. “A good person I mean?”

It was an honest question; something that he had wondered about her too.

Her eyes dropped to her braid she had begun to twist again. “I wasn't as good as he thought. All he ever saw of me was someone too good. I'm not perfect. No one is....” Her fingers poked through the twists of her braids, pulling them looser.

Harry didn’t know what to say.

“He never understood that.” Lily began pulling her braids rougher. “I got tired of being placed on some pedestal only to be pushed away for being too good.” One side of her braid completely fell free. “He pushes and pushes until the breaking point” her hands shook. “ He's so stubborn, so set in his own thoughts... but after everything,” Lily held onto her arm to steady the shaking. “I don’t think he is evil; he isn't a lost cause.” In a barely audible whisper as if she were ashamed for even the walls to hear she said: “We meant a lot to each other.”   
There was something about those last words that made his stomach bubble in jealous anger. 

“I’m sorry I need to go” he said letting his feet finally run to Sev.

  
  


The birch tree that sat in the courtyard was one place that Severus didn’t care to be around. It served as a constant reminder of the day he lost Lily to Potter. If he could he would’ve chopped down this tree. He would’ve burnt it to the ground and spit on its ashes. But that wouldn’t have fixed things, taking his anger out of the old tree wouldn’t reverse time.

Severus ran a hand along the bark. This was the first time he had ever gotten so close to it. Typically Potter and his gang would be here prattling about nonsense. Curiosity swept his hand all over the old tree.

On many sleepless nights he’d wondered if there had been a reason for Potter to constantly position himself here. After what Granger had shown him with the tapestry leading to the kitchens it was possible that this tree  _ was _ special. If he found the right divot or branch perhaps it too led through a passageway. Maybe that was what Granger was going to show him. 

“Snil-lver-us” Potter’s sing-song call oozed with thinly veiled hatred.

As soon as he saw Potter’s twisted smile he ran,sprinting with all his might. He knew what was to come next and he didn't fancy an audience this time.

“You think you are going to get away?” Black said appearing his wand already drawn out. Looking his way proved to be a mistake as simultaneously his legs and hands were rendered useless. His only solace as he felt his face ground into the dirt was that Granger wasn’t here to witness this. 

“Does this seem familiar?” Potter taunted, kicking more dirt in his eyes.

“I think the last time he was up in the air” Black corrected.

Forcibly his body was yanked by his ankles to hang upside down. There was nothing around to grip onto even if he did have feeling in his hands. 

This is exactly how he had been that day, helplessly hanging upside down. He could almost see where Lily had stood that day. He could almost hear the words that he had shouted in anger and smell the blood that followed his cast spell.

“I warned you that Sirius wasn’t going to be happy” Potter spoke in a condescending tone bringing Severus back to the present. 

Like a rag doll his body was sharply pulled back and forth in the air. When Black got tired of that Severus felt his queasy lightheaded body bob up and down. Barely aware of his dizzying surroundings he made out Potter saying “Regulus” and “Granger”. 

_ “Lebracorpus” _ he thought pushing his magic into the wordless spell.

The side of his face took the brunt of the impact as he fell the short distance. Sound muted for a moment in his crushed ear. 

Haunting laughter broke out from the group. Hands seized his hair pulling his face up to meet their merciless glee. 

_ “LANGLOCK” _ he shouted in his mind without worry that someone innocent could get hurt if things went wrong.

Pettigrew yelped grabbing his mouth. The two looked to Pettigrew as he shook his head, tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth.

In any other situation Severus would’ve been proud of his experimental spell working.

“Learned a new spell have you Snillverus?” 

With a jut of Potter’s chin, Black yanked his hair further back making it hard to have the eye contact he needed to perform the spell wordlessly.

“Come on do share with us this great spell you created.” Potter reached his hands toward him. Instinctually he snapped his teeth, barely nicking his skin before Potter's hand retreated. 

He couldn’t let Potter take this new spell.

_ “Lang-” _

Balling up Severus’s hair in his hand in a single motion Black slammed Severus’s head into the dirt. Darkness filled his vision one second and in the next he was once again he was yanked into the air. 

“Break your spell on them!” Black demanded in a low growl. 

Within an instant of hitting the ground again Black was behind him clutching the back of his neck. 

“What Dark Magic are you using?” Black raged, one of his hands shaking a fistful of his hair while the other remained tightening on his neck. Clumps of hair tore from his scalp as he tried to squirm out of Black’s grip. 

“Sirius,” Potter commanded, loosening Black’s grip ever so slightly. With the toe of his shoe Potter lifted Severus’s face. “Break the spell and this will stop. Or do you want Granger to suffer too?”

“GET AWAY!” a voice roared.

With a sound like a whip, Black tumbled off of him as Pettigrew fell back onto Potter.

Every inch of his body was trembling with rage. Harry could feel his magic bubbling inside of him like molten lava and this time he was not going to push it down. 

Sev’s half-lidded eyes gazed at him as he came closer. Deep-set purple mixed with red slashes marked his face. Dirt splattered on his disheveled hair.

The rage surged stronger, relentlessly demanding vengeance against the three Gryffindors that were rising to their feet. He didn’t care who it was he was fighting. It didn’t matter how skrewed up the future could be from him losing control like this. All that mattered was now. And right now he was going to RIP THEM IN TWO!

Straining his sore neck Severus looked at Granger. Last time it had been Lily in his place looking down at him. Pity had shone in her eyes. He expected to see that in Granger’s now. As much as he didn’t want to see it he rather see pity than amusement at his misery. 

When he caught Granger’s momentary gaze neither pity or amusement could be found, instead there was a fire in those eyes. A glare hotter than anything like he ever seen on Granger’s face before bore into the trio. His teeth bared as though he were going to use them to rip the others in front of him. 

It was a sight that sent a chill up his spine.

Unable to take the pain his head returned to the ground. Dirt stung his eyes and bits of grass stuck in his mouth but he couldn’t be bothered by that.

“Granger,” Potter said stunned.

Fire sprung up from the ground around him. Smoke filled his nostrils making his head feel even lighter than it already was. The fire didn’t inch closer to him, it remained upward like a small wall daring Potter to cross it.

The pause in spell casting was over the second Black regained his wand. Pettigrew followed Potter’s lead as he joined in, his spells weakly cast with his tongue still glued to the roof of his mouth. Words barely left Granger’s clenched jaw as bright spurts of light reflected off of each of their wands.

_ “I can’t let Granger fight alone.” _

Shouted spells and the  _ zing _ of their ricochet had to be blocked out. Focusing he wordlessly cast the counter cure to rid him of the restrictions on his legs and arms. 

Springing to his feet he flung a spell straight at Black’s face. His joining in the fight went without comment by Granger who looked as though he were going to kill the three Gryffindors where they stood. The fire besides their feet remained controlled despite the way they reflected spell after spell. 

He hadn’t known that Granger had possessed this much power. Or this much anger.

“Granger you don’t have to do this,” Potter said suddenly raising his hands in the air. The other two joined their leader’s motion of surrender.

He refused to be tricked into lowering his wand. 

“This is all one big misunderstanding” Potter continued. 

Aside from his breathing rising and falling so quickly Granger remained silent, Severus couldn't tell if it was due to exhaustion or anger etched into his face. 

Potter's step closer caused the firewall to grow a few inches in height.   
“All this fighting between us isn’t necessary.” Potter said eyeing the flames.“We,” Potter said, his eyes moved to Black and Pettigrew. “are the good guys.”

The flames quivered slightly.

“This is the side you should be on too, Granger. You’re one of the good ones.”

Slowly the flames started to lower.

Out of his peripheral vision he tried to make out the look on Granger’s face. The rough angry edge in his face had begun to fade like the flames at their feet.

Potter took a step forward, this time the flames did not come for him. “We are the good guys Granger. You just can’t see it from where you are.” Potter’s eyes swept over him. “I'll leave Snape alone if you join me.” 

“You'll leave him alone?” Granger’s voice wavered.

“Yes. Join us and this senseless fighting ends.” 

Granger’s wand arm fell to his side. The fire that served as a barrier blew out completely.

Severus could feel his hand shaking as Granger walked over the darkened line left by the flames to Potter. This was it; this was when he would be left to fight alone again. 

_ “I always fighting alone _ ” He reminded himself against the coldness that had taken hold of him. 

He would survive even though it felt like his throat was in a vice grip seeing Potter’s triumphant smile. 

Gripping his wand impossibly tight he watched Granger’s hand raise. In a split second a fist collided with Potter’s face sending him stumbling back. Blood spilled between Potter’s fingers as he held it up to his face. Everyone stood shocked unable to piece together that Granger had without a doubt broken Potter’s nose. 

“If you Fucking dare,” Granger growled, his bloody fist-shaking beside him. “Lay a hand on Sev again I. will. not. hold. back.” The cold way Granger spoke was more than proof that he’d meant those words.

Scurrying Pettigrew pulled Black towards Potter.

“You are going to pay Granger!” Black snapped as he helped carry Potter off. 

Granger stood fist bunched and bloody glaring at them. Severus had never seen so much rage in him before. It was simultaneously heartbreaking and frightening. 

The moment the group left their sight Granger crumbled to the ground. 

“Granger” he raced to the small distance to his side. Granger’s shoulders shook, his breath hitching. “What’s wrong?” Frantically he searched for signs for anything that would cause Granger to tear up. “Where are you hurt?”

Full-blown tears rushed from Granger’s eyes.

He couldn’t understand what was going on. If Granger was hurt they couldn't go to the infirmary right now or they'd face Potter again. It didn't make sense he hadn't seen any spell hit him.

His hand shook as it hovered above Granger’s hunched shoulder. “ _ Would it be alright to touch him? Would it make it worse?” _

Risking it he placed his hand down only for Granger to immediately pull into him. His face burying into his chest. Hot tears splattered his dirt-covered robes that muffled Granger’s words. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked pulling him away.

Mismatched eyes bursting with tears stared at him. 

_ “It's always been four on one”  _ Severus had said that to him when he thought he was James.  _ Four on one. _

Shame crawled over Harry. For years he had endured bullying from Dudley and his friends; he should have recognized the signs of Sev’s withdrawal and the offhand comments. As much as he could say that he had no reason to suspect things were this bad since His Severus had always kept to himself...and James had said rude things about Sev but he hadn’t thought they would escalate to this... Those were weak excuses. 

How could he not tell this was happening?

Air constricted in his windpipe glancing at the scarlet marks that streaked across Sev’s cheeks. A trickle of blood fell from his swollen lips. 

He should've put things together sooner.

He should’ve seen it. 

He should’ve known.

_ “Why didn’t you tell me?” _

His entire body was trembling and he was not able to hold it back. 

_ “James deserved far more than a punch in the nose for this!”  _

How could he not have seen that James would escalate to physically harming Sev? Was it because he still wanted to believe that there was good in the person who would become his father?

For as much as he hated hearing James badmouth Sev at every turn, Harry knew that deep deep down that he could forgive that. This, hunting down Sev like an animal, could never be forgiven. He would never stop hating his father for this! All this hatred. this anger, this shame, he wouldn’t let go. He couldn’t let go.

He forced himself to look at the injuries that he hadn’t been able to stop. 

This was his fault. Sirius had warned him. James couldn’t have his friendship and Sev paid the price for that. 

The image of James’s foot against Sev’s face still burned in his mind. What had happened before that he didn’t want to imagine. 

“He has to pay. They all have to pay for this!” he said, his voice shaking. “We are going straight to Dumbledore!”

“No” Sev wiped the blood from his mouth.

Harry could understand Sev’s secrecy. When Dudley's friends beat him up for the first time neither his Aunt or Uncle blinked an eye at his bruises or split lip. And any chance that someone else pointed them out he lied. Hiding those things became second nature. Not even Ron and Hermione knew the worst of it, but he had space between the time at Hogwarts and the beating. 

More blood trickled from Sev’s mouth.

“We have to tell him! This has to be stopped!”Granger protested.

“Potter is the golden boy” Severus snapped, his hands balled into white-knuckled fists. “This isn’t the first time he’s done this and it won't be the last.”

The ground jostled under them. Dragged breathing came from Granger, his hands ripping through the earth.

“Granger, I am fine.” Careful of his bruised cheek he wiped the dripping blood from his mouth.

“You’re not fine” Granger cried. The earth shook violently once more.

Severus pulled a glamour over his face; it would have to do for now. “Let's get to class” he said forcing himself to stand up. “I never let Potter interfere with my studies and I won’t start now” he growled. “Granger,” he said softer to the still shaky Slytherin. “I’m not seriously hurt.”

Eyes devoid of all light looked to him. “You could have been.”

The school bell chimed cutting through the beat of silence that had fallen between them.

Holding out his hand to Granger he waited. “We can walk to class together” he tried to get the brightness back into him. 

All of this wasn’t necessary. Potter wouldn’t go through the trouble to kill him.

“Please,” he said softly. “come to class.”

He couldn’t leave Granger here not like this, not looking as though the world had caved in around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy turkey eating day!  
I know this isn't exactly the happiest of chapters, but I hope that you enjoyed it.  
It took so many tries to get through writing this. So big thank you for reading!  
Your supporting this story by leaving kudos and comments they always make my day and help motivate me to write.


	9. Hogsmeade

Sitting in class was torturous. Nothing other than the thought of marching to the infirmary to add a black eye to the broken nose he had given James stuck in his head. And then there was Sev who went about writing notes on defensive magic that professor Soledad had put up on the board without any sign of what he had just gone through. 

He couldn't take this! Someone had to be told what James and Sirius had done. They had to be held accountable! They had to receive some sort of punishment for the pain they inflicted on Sev. 

_ “I should’ve done more.”  _ The edge of his quill pierced his blank parchment. 

“Focus” Sev whispered out of the side of his mouth. 

How could he focus on a lecture when he knew that under his glamour Sev’s face was covered in bruises and scrapes? Injuries that he had because of James- his future father. The pompous prat fucking arsehole.

How could he do anything besides think of what might have happened if he hadn't shown up in time? If he had talked to Lily a little longer, if he hadn’t lied to Slughorn about studying, how much worse would Sev have been off. Would Sev even had told him about this if he hadn't seen it first hand? 

That unshakable sense of betrayal for not knowing any of the shit James had done to Sev behind his back felt like a shard of glass slowly inching closer to his heart. It didn’t matter that this Sev still didn’t view him as a friend but it fucking  _ did _ matter than  _ His _ Severus -the one he had spent so much time with, the one he had kissed and held in his arms with promises of a better future, the one he watched die- never once opened up to this. It almost made what they had between them feel like this lie. A lie that made him question, if only for a moment, the reason why he had come to this time; why he made this deal with Death?

But Harry hated knowing that His Severus would’ve simply said “there wasn’t anything you could do” if they had ever gotten to talking about the past. They hadn’t known one another then.

_ “I’m here now.” _

The creek of the door made everyone’s head turn. 

“Oh, Mr. Potter and company” Severus ducked his head at Professor Soledad’s words. Silently he cursed magic for being efficient enough to repair the damage to Potter and Pettigrew’s state. Their absence had only bid him half a class. Typically that would mean swift retribution.

“So glad that you could join us.” Professor Soledad turned on her heels walking briskly back to add onto the blackboard. Her dismissal of any of their excuses was one of the many things he respected about her. It also made seeing Potter looking unscathed bearable.

The tiniest hint of smoke rose to his nose. Sparks of fire danced along Granger’s fingertips. Half of the blank parchment he had been skewering with his quill began to darken in color. 

Leaning over he covered Granger’s hands. 

“Don’t” he whispered, feeling the faintest of heat beneath his hands. He wasn’t going to let Granger chance getting kicked out of Hogwarts for making a scene. It was a miracle in itself that Potter hadn’t gone running to Dumbledore about their fight. 

Surging power he felt rising from Granger was nearly mesmerizing as it traveled up his arm. Knowing that he wasn’t completely outmatched with this sort of power by his side should’ve held some sort of comfort but this vengeful look didn’t match the person he knew Granger to be. Kind people didn’t threaten to burn people down. But Granger had done that for him. At this moment he knew that if he removed his hand Granger would burn down everything around them. That wasn’t who Granger was.

“Don’t” he whispered again coercing Granger’s daggered glare at Potter to wane.

Seconds ticked by slowly before Granger’s eyes dropped down at last to their hands. 

Miniscule shakes moved his shoulders up and down. Severus had to look away, he couldn’t handle seeing tears shed for him again. It made him feel... helpless in a way that he had never experienced before. 

_ “I’m not worth this.” _

A thousand Calming Draughts wouldn’t be able to cure the violent mood swings that plagued Harry. It was as if his mind couldn’t decide how to react. If he wasn’t raging at the sight of James he was digging up every hint of abuse that he had overlooked and chastising himself for thinking that there could’ve been any other reason behind them. When it seemed like there was no more room in his head or his heart for the anger it all flooded with sadness, turning his body cold as ice.

Harry knew this wasn’t what Sev deserved especially after everything. Sev needed him to be strong to be...Sev deserved the happier version of himself that he had been up until now.

That person was still there under all this shit. Under all this self-hatred for not being there before any of this happened. 

Could he go back to the way things were before he knew? Before he felt all this guilt and shame that made him want to remove any resemblance of his parents he had. 

It wouldn't be enough. Nothing he did, nothing he smashed or screamed would make this better.

If Death had sent him further back then he could’ve done more. He could have spared all this pain. Years of pain that His Severus never spoke about. 

How could he just let go of that? He had to pretend for Sev’s sake but every time he saw James he could barely contain the boiling rage.

_ We are the good guys _ James’s voice echoed in his head.

If people like James were deemed good then he didn't want any part of that. James didn’t deserve to be happy. Didn’t deserve an ounce of good in his life!

_ Are you good?  _ Lily’s voice followed.

His eyes found her sitting so happily among the other Gryffindors. 

She had no right to say those things to him. He was good. He actually cared for Sev. 

_ We meant a lot to each other. _

If she cared so much for Sev why didn’t she do more? Why would she end up with James?

  
  


The edge that Granger held hadn’t disappeared once separated from Potter at the end of class. The tension that radiated from every inch of him was well justified, reasonable, which made it all that more difficult for Severus to witness.

During meals no roll or ears of corn nudged its way onto this plate. Granger did little but stare at his plate looking miles away. Not even Regulus’ inquisitive look snapped him out of it. 

This was wrong. Granger was supposed to be annoyingly carefree. Seeing him go from enraged to an empty husk made Severus feel that he was responsible for damaging him.

The person who had dragged him to the kitchens befriending a Houseelf only to spend hours under the stars felt like a completely different person than the one who was currently walking beside him. On any other day Granger would be bouncing with joy at going to the potions classroom for their tutoring sessions. 

_ “I'm not worth this,”  _ he thought looking at the empty face.  _ “I’m ruining his life.” _

  
  


“Granger,” Sev whispered.

Harry blinked his tired eyes which had been staring at their cauldron for who knows how long. “What is it?” he asked, keeping his eyes on their brew. 

“Forget about Potter.”

Rage flickered in his chest. “I can’t” he gritted through his teeth. 

“People like Potter will always exist.”

That was such a half-arsed excuse. Same _ bullshit _ that he thought when he received his first beatings from his cousin. There was no excuse for Sev to endure this abuse. No one deserved to be treated like this! 

“THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING I CAN DO!” Painfully hard he slammed his hands into the table. 

Sev winced. 

“We need to tell someone!” he pleaded, looking for the first time in a while at Sev’s face.

“No one cares Granger” Sev said, defeatedly looking at his hands.

“So what, am I supposed to do nothing?”

“YES! I...” Sev touched the back of his own hand in the very place he had questioned about the use of salve not too long ago. 

  
  


A flicker of flames ran against Granger’s hands again. 

There wasn’t much he could think to do aside from wiping Granger’s memories of Potter to bring back the person he had slowly gotten to know. 

Looking at Granger’s face he knew he couldn’t alter his mind. But this had to stop. All this outward anger would make it all that easier for Dumbledore to expel Granger. And if that happened he wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt of ruining yet another person’s life.

“I’m asking you as my...friend,”

  
  


All the anger wouldn’t disappear from that single word yet Harry knew he had to do better than this. Sev deserved so much better. 

“Please Granger,”

Slowly the flames settled back into Granger’s skin. Mismatched eyes blinked at him in disbelief. 

He was very aware of his word choice. After what he had witnessed, after punching James in the face for him, Granger deserved to hear those words he’d been trying to gain.

“Drop your glamour” Granger instructed in a voice so hollow and distant that Severus compiled without a word.

It couldn't have been a pretty sight. His lips still felt like it was bleeding and the pulsing in his face had died down since class but that didn’t mean his skin hadn’t taken on all sorts of hunes from his fall. 

Granger’s eyes raked over him “you,” he choked on the word. 

_ “This was the wrong thing to do.”  _

“You,” Granger choked out again. “Salve.”

Nodding he pulled out the tin with the smallest of hope that this time things could be fixed by its contents.

An unspoken emotion flashed across mismatched eyes as Granger opened the tin. Dipping his fingers into the salve he brought one index finger to Severus’ right cheek. He shivered, from the contact or the coolness of the salve he didn’t know. Evening tinted the windows providing minimal light that enhanced the way Granger’s finger smoothed the salve over his face. Then Granger paused, cupping his reddened cheek and stared at him so deeply that he could almost fall into his thoughts again. 

“Don't hide this from me anymore” Granger whispered.

A thumb ran over the bottom of his swollen lip; he hissed at the sting of the cut. Fingers reached further up his face covering up his forehead with the healing paste. An “I'm sorry” as soft as a wind blow floated to his ears as his hair was gingerly carded through. 

“I’m not letting you go through this alone ever again.” 

For so long, practically every day of his life, he had fought on his own. No one was going to jump in and save him, that's what he believed. That had been his reality until Granger showed up. Granger had come in and turned so much of his world upside down and only now he was noticing that it was for the better. The universe had messed up to put Granger in his path but he wouldn’t allow anyone to take him back. 

  
  


*********

“As friends, I propose that we get out of this place,” Granger announced weeks later. “Tadah!” In a grand gesture, he unfurled a flyer reading  _ Hogsmeade weekend _ .

The whole presentation was unnecessary. News of the event had been buzzing in nearly every inch of the castle all week. Even Potter and his gang bypassed the tight lipped comments and sideways glares during class in favor of discussing their weekend plans. 

Going to the little wizarding village was a staple amongst school events but as someone ostracized he hadn’t once partaken. Not even when Lily was still willing to be seen with him did they go. And he never risked going alone. There had been too many factors. Potter and his gang could easily corner him in some unknown shop and spell him to the ceiling. It had always been the safest bet to remain in the castle and study. 

_ Hogsmeade weekend  _ he read the flyer once more before turning his gaze onto Granger.

“So...” Granger said eagerly.

“So?”

“Comeon Sev don’t be like that?” Granger shook the flyer with vigor. “What do you say?”

Instinctually he answered “No.” 

“The right answer is yes.” The flyer was laid over the book in his hands. “We could use a few hours out of the dungeons.”

To get out would be a definite change. Severus was worried that he had been caging granger here in the dungeons. The limited time spent outside had been his insistence-all in some effort to minimize the rage he had seen in Granger that day. In his mind there was no better way to help return Granger back to normal than hiding away. When it was just them it seemed to work, at the very least Granger’s eyes wouldn’t shine with hate or his hands curl into fists. Even so, seeing Granger in a sense bound to these limitations, he couldn’t help but think that he was stifling the brightness that Granger had. 

“You don’t have to be with me.” The words slipped out in a mutter that Granger all too keenly picked up.

“Severus Snape,” Granger said, taking his hands. With the pad of his thumbs Granger ran them over his knuckles. “I’m going to tell you this once more. I'm not going to leave you no matter what.”

Those words were meant- he could tell by the way Granger looked him straight in the eye. A promise of that magnitude was hard for him to swallow. 

“You really want to go?” Sev asked.

He did. If he didn’t go then he would be stuck thinking about James. 

How much longer could he go without cursing James before he exploded again? 

Thanks to James’ loudmouth he knew all of his plans and could move around it. For even just a few minutes he had to get away from Hogwarts. He wanted to feel free of worrying that he would end up doing something awful if James went after Sev again. So far none of the Marauders even dared to get within five feet of them while outside of class. 

Harry looked to Sev’s hands. No secret bruises had popped up since the last time. 

_ “He promised not to hide it,” _ he thought rubbing the back of Sev’s hands.  _ “I promised to let things with James go.” _ Lifting his eyes back to Sev he could see the furrowed brow lessen ever so slightly.  _ “We can’t let him stop us from living. For a day I don’t want to think about James.” _

“I do.”

***

Tightening the ratted scarf around his neck Severus shuffled along in the line of admittance to the wizarding village of Hogsmead. Clutching his permission slip he approached Slughorn who was suspiciously looking like Father Christmas with his red suit. 

“Ah, Mr. Snape,” he said giving a little startled jump. “Didn’t expect to see you.”

Lamenting having to go through his Head of House and not some other professor he handed him his permission slip. For once it wasn’t a waste of his mother’s effort to sign the damn thing.

Slughorn only gave it a cursory glance before spotting Granger right behind him. “Mr. Granger I should've suspected that you would be the cause of dragging Mr. Snape out.” Slughorn waved around his permission slip before handing it back.

“We _ are _ friends,” Granger said lightly bumping his shoulder as he moved to stand beside him. 

“Yes yes,” Slughorn said looking between the two of them.

Fighting back the urge to frown at Slughorn’s uncomfortable yet trying to remain polite tone he tucked his permission slip into his robe pocket. He hadn’t understood Granger’s insistence that they needed to go through Slughorn when less chatty professors like professor Soledad were right there checking other students' forms. If they weren’t lucky Slughorn would keep them here until dusk. 

“ Have you given any thought to my christmas  _ soiree _ ?” Slughorn winked. “You are most welcome to bring a guest.”

Internally he groaned. A Quidditch game and Hogsmeade was more than enough to be dragged to. Slughorn’s club hardly was a place he wanted to be in, not that Slughorn ever had invited him before. It wasn’t enough that he was gifted in academics; he lacked the social skills mandatory for such things. That was perfectly fine with him. Besides he heard that Lily was a member.

“We have other plans, don’t we?”

He nodded.

“A shame” Slughorn tsked. “Perhaps another time. I would like to know what you’ve been getting up to in your tutoring sessions.” And then as if recalling some inside joke Slughorn chuckled. “Enjoy your time boys.” 

“He didn’t even check your permission slip” he said as they crossed the stone bridge towards the village. 

“Good thing too,” Granger flashed a mischievous smirk as he moved in close so that only he could hear his next words: “because I don't have one.”

  
  


Taking in the fresh air eased the weight on his shoulders. Harry was determined that today would be a great day. 

“So, where would you want to go first?”

“I’ve never been here” Sev admitted his face not quite hiding his embarrassment. 

Sev began to pick up the pace, he had to take longer strides just to keep up.

“No problem. There’s tons of places to check out.”

“How would you know?” Sev asked casting a suspicious look that he hadn’t seen in some time over his shoulder. “You’ve never been here either.”

“It wouldn’t be much of a popular trip if there was only one shop,” he said. When it seemed that this answer was acceptable to Sev he continued. “I heard there’s a sweet shop.”

“Sweets?” Sev asked in a disapproving tone.

“What’s wrong with sweets?”

“It’s a waste of time and money.” 

“You just wait until we get to Honeydukes” he declared turning himself around so that he was walking backward. “It’s got mountains of candy! And... and they are all really good.”

“So you’ve heard.”

“Who would lie about candy?”

“Granger,” Sev scoffed shaking his head. “You are-” Without warning Sev paused in mid-step. Spinning back around he stopped right in front of Sev, eyes darting around for the Marauders. All he could see was the top of blond hair at the end of the stone bridge. 

“Sev?” he asked at the exact moment a male voice called “Severus.”

Not liking how familiar yet distant the way the man said Sev’s name he looked to the blond man.

“Severus!” the blond man pleasantly hissed as he came closer to them. 

It didn't take long to recognize this was Lucius Malfoy; he looked very much like Draco although with more height and longer hair. Further behind stood Mulicbier, arms firmly crossed over his chest.

Sev nodded in acknowledgment towards Malfoy.

“My,” Lucius stepped in the middle of the bridge’s end blocking their way into the village. “What they say is true.” Malfoy’s silver eyes looked him up and down. “Forgive me,” Malfoy rested a hand on his hip. “I am Lucius Malfoy” he smiled the false politeness so obvious from the way those silver eyes constantly shifted to Sev as if to say “who is this?”. 

He didn't care for Malfoy in his own time and he was sure a younger version wasn't all that much better.

“Severus and I were...  _ close _ in our years of Hogwarts together.”

_ “Close?” _

  
  


Severus stepped between them, momentarily breaking Lucius’s gaze towards Granger.

“It is rare to see you out of the castle Severus.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked, keeping his voice flat without emotion.

Lucius smirked flipping his hair back. “I needed to speak with a few dear old friends,” he motioned vaguely in Mulciber’s direction.

Based on the solid snarled impression on Mulciber’s face he didn’t feel “friend” would be an accurate term in this situation. 

Lucius longingly looked up the path from where they came. “I must say I miss my school days,” 

That wasn't the whole truth he could feel it. If Lucius was back that meant something was coming. Someone like Lucius wouldn’t drop by to reconnect with classmates. Severus suspected that his presence had to do with the many whispers about recruitment for Voldemort’s followers. 

Severus looked to Harry; he didn't like the way Lucius eyed him. Based on the way Harry stood stiffly beside him Severus knew he wasn’t all that thrilled to be around Lucius. 

“It would be nice to catch up, Severus.”

Conflicted would be the best way he could sum up standing before Lucius again after so long. Although Severus knew Lucius hadn’t appeared for a friendly call, he had been the first to welcome him into Slytherin after he was placed there as a first-year. It was this person who had encouraged him to gain as much knowledge as he could even sneaking a few restricted books to him in their last year together. It was because of Lucius that he knew of more Dark Magic than anyone but he never fit in with Lucius’s friends being a half-blood. Still, Lucius’s tolerance had once been enough to assure him that despite his lower standing he could contribute to Slytherin. Without his influence, most of that feeling had disappeared.

He could feel his hands nervously twitching at his side; they never did that around Harry.  _ “Harry.” _

Being with Harry he didn’t feel tolerated. It was Harry who actually showed up when he needed help, who encouraged him to be a little more cautious of his studies. Who made him feel...

“I need to pick up a few things” he said at last forcing himself to come off as indifferent. 

“That is quite alright I wouldn't want to impose,” Lucius pulled a small white card from his pocket. “Here.” Almost as if the command were a switch his hand took it. Despite not being Lucuis’s trusted messenger for a while it seemed that this action was ingrained. 

“Keep it with you for the next time we meet”

_ “Next time?” _

“Oh,” Lucius said as if he had forgotten Harry was standing right there. He produced one more card and gave it to Harry “your friend can come too.” Lucius waved a hand as he walked off.

Severus looked the card over but there were no markings or distinct trace of magic. Pocketing the thing he resigned himself to figure out what it exactly was later. 

Once Lucius Malfoy was out of sight it felt like the world was setting back into motion. The little card given he would hold on just in case but now was supposed to be a time for them to be normal students, just boys playing in the snow and wasting money on sweets. Money which he had gotten from the Room of Requirements and he hoped that it came directly from James’ pocket.

_ “Don't think about him” _ he reminded himself.

This was supposed to be a James free day for him. 

“Come on Sev” he nudged Sev’s arm a little. 

Severus blinked at him as though he were trying to remember just when he'd gotten there.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No” Severus muttered pulling his scarf a little more snug around his neck.

“I think there is an apothecary somewhere we could go there first if you want.”

“Don't you want your precious candy?”

“It can wait.”

The festive decor clashed with his mixed feelings about today. Granger too looked a little rattled by the quick encounter with Lucius. Whatever Lucius was concocting he wasn’t going to be a part of it. He hadn't been a part of it for a while. The sort of people Lucius surrounded himself wouldn’t accept him anyway- he had to keep reminding himself of that. 

“See I knew there was one” Granger said a little too cheery. 

Severus felt like Granger was pushing to be so happy. And he been far too lenient in going along with Granger’s suggestions. They were both trying to get the hang of this friendship, putting everything in about as normal as they could. Severus couldn't remember if it had been so hard to have a friend before.

“J. Pippin’s Potions” Granger read the sign above the doorway.

With a clink of a bell they pushed the heavy front door knocking a patch of snow on top of their heads. 

Laughter burst from Granger with such volume that it made him snicker before noticing an older wizard was gawking at them. Granger didn’t care about the old man his face scrunching up in a wide smile as small flakes of snow had gathered on his eyelashes, making his differently colored eyes look all that more noticeable. The icy fall seemed to be what they both needed as the air around them softened. As crazy as it was for him to think Granger looked much more like himself after shaking the access snow off his hair than he had in days.

“Let me help.” Granger reached over brushing off the snow that had fallen on his shoulder. It hadn’t been long since Granger had stood so close to him or looked at him with this caring glace, but he was finding that more and more he wanted to be closer. Much closer, which was completely ridiculous. 

It felt good to laugh. Since fighting the Marauders there had been this feeling that he wouldn’t be able to genuinely laugh or smile again. The thought of even having a moment of real joy seemed impossible after that day. Even suggesting they go to Hogsmead felt so forced despite it being something he would’ve done. Being alone with Sev with no James or Lucius insight helped. 

“You are going to have to tell me what to get” Harry said pulling away.

“You’re going to buy something here?” Sev asked, his questioning brow getting lost in his hair that had fallen a tad more into his face than usual. 

“I'm a terrible gift-giver” he admitted. That combined with Severus’s stubbornness of not telling him what he wanted had always made this time of the year stressful. Harry hoped that Sev wasn’t set in that habit just yet.

“By gift you mean?”

“An actual gift” he said picking up a murky green vial. “Though I wouldn’t be against buying something to slip into Potter’s drink” he muttered to himself as he placed it back. “Christmas will sneak up on us before we know it.” He plucked a vial that has purple swirl liquid, a strange twisted plant with multicolored petals was printed on its label. It was pretty but he didn’t think it would be useful for sev.

“So,” he looked at Sev who was crouched looking at a silvery potion. “What should I get you?”

“Me?” Sev asked looking up at him with this expression that could only be interpreted as shock. 

“I’m going to get you something whether you like it or not Sev. It doesn’t have to be potions I just need an idea or twenty.”

Severus didn’t know how to take this. The last time he received a gift had been his mother’s hand me down books when he first set off to Hogwarts. They were good books only a bit outdated and it wasn’t as if they had money to waste on gifts whether it was Christmas or not.

If it weren’t for the determination clearly written on Granger's face he would’ve told him this. He had to offer up some idea of what he wanted. Potions were things that he could brew himself. He had no need for golden cauldrons or fancy stirring spoons when the ones at Hogwarts were just as efficient. 

If he were wealthy he would buy his own shop just like this one but with more selections. Shelves filled with potions he created and a few defense books that he would update with his additions. Granger couldn't afford that nor did he want to be gifted something of that magnitude. Something like that he wanted to work for himself. 

Standing he walked over to the display of vials.  _ Shatterproof, fire-resistant  _ read the sign beneath them. “These are fine” he said. It was always helpful to have spare vials and they were the cheapest thing in the store. 

“Vials?” Granger asked inspecting the glass “I'm sure you can do better than that but I'll add it to the list.” Granger pulled out a pocket-size piece of paper. Digging through his bag he came back empty-handed. “I forgot my quill, just a moment.” Granger approached the man at the counter Severus watched as he received a quill hastily writing on the parchment. 

Smirking to himself he looked through the potions stored around. One label caught his eye immediately:  Dr. Ubbly's Oblivious Unction . It was said to cure bad thoughts.

“Found something else?”

“No.” 

“What about this one?” Granger asked picking up a random vial.

“That’s erumpent potion, it’s highly explosive.”

Granger eyed it wearily as he placed it gently down. 

“This shop needs organizing everything is mixed up. And a potion like that should be harder for idiots to gain access to.”

“Maybe you should ask Pippins to work here then you can do all the rearranging.” 

“Perhaps” he said thinking about working in a potion shop that desperately needed assistance. How anyone could stand shopping in this mess was beyond him. 

“On to the next store?”

They entered a herbology shop named Dogweed and DeathCap. With a name like that Harry was surprised to see there were actually students in this shop. A mix of Hufflepuffs

and Ravenclaws were gathered around what looked like a huge venus flytrap with yellow and pink polka dots.

Tugging Sev’s sleeve he motioned with his head towards the strange plant life.

Joining the buzzing crowd he saw a sign reading:  _ blooms twice a day. _ Hanging to the side of it below was a countdown ticking ticking

.8...7...6..5..4...3..2..1

Steadily the top of the plant began to split apart. Its leaves uncurled at the crowd's feet. Falling completely open in the center of the large thing sat buds as big as two fists bright red like rubies.

A woman wearing a plaid apron and periwinkle gloves stepped to the plant carefully moving the buds into a large bucket by her feet.

The crowd started to disburse so they moved to one of the rows of something called a Wiggenbush.

“Granger,” Regulus called out.

“You just missed it.”

“You probably mean the blooming. I’ve seen it a few times before, it's one of this place’s selling points.”

“What is it?”

“It's a cross between a Borage and a Shrivelfig. Taking on an interest in herbology?”

“Hardly.” Sev said earning a small shake of Regulus's head.

“I'm sure he could use a few things for your potion studies.”

“I'm actually trying to find gifts. What would you like? I need to get a gift for you too.”

“Apparently he is a terrible gift-giver” Sev explained.

“I really am. Once I gifted someone a sock.”

“You mean a pair of socks” Regulus corrected.

“No just one. Somehow I lost the other side before I could wrap it and I just went with it.”

“That's the saddest thing I've ever heard” Regulus chuckled. “Well you can take socks off the list Snape and I are set with the ones we have.”

Sev nodded a little. 

It was odd to be with these two out of the greenhouse at Hogwarts. With the lavish flora around it almost made him forget that they were not at school. 

“I'll have to think about what I would want” Regulus said tapping his chin with his index finger.“Let's test those horrible gift skills go pick something out.”

Granger trotted off another row.

Discussing gifts that Granger was going to buy for them was not an occurrence he thought would ever take place. There was seldom a tight group of friends.

“You don’t have to make that face,” Regulus said as Granger disappeared from view.

What sort of face was he making?

“ I swear the way you two act... There's nothing that will eat him in here.”

“I'm surprised to see you here.” 

“Why wouldn't I be at a herbology store?”

“Because I saw Mulciber with Lucius Malfoy.”

“I know.”

“You know and yet you are calming looking at plants” he hissed.

“I asked Malfoy to speak with him.”

“So you invited him here?”

“I did not. He’s here on other matters....” Regulus picked up a plant pretending to examine its leaves. “He asked about you.”

“And what did you tell him?”

“Nothing. He seemed to know what he needed already.” Regulus pulled out a white card, carefully holding it in his palm so only he could see it. “You got one as well?”

He nodded.

“I didn't think you would be associated with Malfoy.”

Severus understood what Regulus meant. Regulus was a Pureblood after all.

“I haven't been in a long time.”

Regulus slipped the card back into his pocket. “If that's the case leave it to me.”

“Okay I got something!” Granger said rushing back with his hands hidden behind his back. “Is everything okay?”

“We were debating about properties of Burboge leaves in potions”Regulus smoothly lied. “Go on I want to see what you picked out.”

“Okay,” Granger revealed his hand. Inside laid a smooth round object with several swirls. “Well?”

“That is a rock.”

The confident smile faded from Granger’s face. “It can't be,” he turned the rock over. “I found it by the lilies. I thought it was their bulbs of something.” There was no denying that it was indeed a rock.

“Well, I picked the nicest rock.”

“You truly are horrible” Regulus laughed.

  
  


Harry was glad that Regulus had decided to stick around for a little while. Even more so he was happy to see that Sev hadn’t scowled at him the entire time they walked around the store. He was getting a decent idea of what to get Regulus since he was much more verbal about which plants were worth the time and money. More than half of his explanations went over his head but he understood that Regulus didn’t care too much for aquatic plants or ones with vines that you could get tangled in. That narrowed down his list significantly. 

“He’s a tough one I imagine” Regulus whispered tilting his head over to Sev who stood reading the labels on each plant that was stacked up in the window under the sign reading  _ holiday sale _ . 

“He always has been” he muttered to himself. 

Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw messy brown hair. Without thinking he moved for his wand. James had kept his distance for a while but he knew they would face off once more. It was only a matter of time. James probably thought he could get away with attacking Sev here. Harry wasn’t going to allow it. 

The thumping in his chest slowly subsided when he realized it wasn't James but a mousy looking Ravenclaw.

“You alright Granger?”

“Yeah...” He looked down at his hand, a small bead of blood rested between his thumb and pointer finger from holding the spiny plant.

Regulus quickly looked over his shoulder then to his cut. 

“Here,” careful to hide his wand from view regulus whispered a healing spell. “I can’t have him thinking I hurt you when he wasn’t looking.”

Harry stared at Regulus's face. There were hints of Sirius in there but unlike his brother Regulus hadn’t been cruel to Sev for the fun of it. And yet Regulus was the one who would become a Death Eater and Sirius was going to become his godfather. That seemed even more wrong than it had been when he first fell into this time. 

A bundle of what could only be described as irrational hate curled in Severus’s chest as he witnessed Granger standing so close to Regulus looking at him with some undetermined expression. He shouldn't have been watching them out of the corner of his eye yet he couldn't stop himself. This strange anger he wanted to reason was because Regulus should’ve been wrangling Mulciber instead of standing so close to Granger.

Abandoning the plants that he wouldn’t consider owning in the dorms he approached them. 

“There's nothing I would like in this place.”

Granger blinked as though coming out of a daydream. “Really, nothing.... I guess we should go to the next store. Are you coming Regulus?”

Behind Granger's back he narrowed his eyes at Regulus. 

“I think I should go find Mulciber before he gets into trouble.” 

“We’ll see you back at the castle.”

Regulus waved goodbye. 

“Must you be so friendly?” 

“Must you be so glum?” Granger slipped into stride with him. “We’re gift shopping.”

I would be fine without a gift

“Let's make a deal,”

He could feel his eyebrow raise.

“Relax,” Granger's fingers brushed up against his as they left the store. “We can stop after one more store if...”

“If?”

“If you call me by my name from now on.”

“I do that all the time” he irritatedly sighed.

“You know I meant my first name.” The smallest of smiles brushed against Granger’s face.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” Granger agreed, their boots slogging through the overturned snow on the ground. Soon it would be more unbearably cold as it was now. 

Kicking some snow off his boot he contemplated what was taking him so long to say the name. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know it, Granger had written it on that note he stuck in his potions book- a note that for some inexplicable reason he had kept instead of throwing it out. Granger’s first name wasn’t even difficult, quite standard as names went. Despite those two things he wasn't all that ready to say it. 

_ “It's only a name”  _ he thought catching the sideways glance granger was giving him, his cheeks a slight pink from the cold his dark scarf highlighting those eyes. Why was he so fixated on the way those eyes were looking at him?

_ “He uses my first name, some of it” _ he tried to reason. Not in recent memory had Granger addressed him by his last name. 

_ “Friends use first names”  _ he tried to reason against the sweating of his palms beneath his gloves. He’d called Lily by her first name. He could do this. It wasn’t as though Granger had asked the impossible from him. 

And he would do it if only to stop the expectant glimmer in those eyes. 

It was only a name. Five letters. Two syllables. Simple.

He could feel his mouth move without a sound. Clearing his throat he tried again. “Harry.”

The way Granger lightened up it was as though he had just presented him with the worlds greatest gift. Not even the stringed holiday lights looked as bright as Granger was right now. 

“Again?” he asked quietly 

“Harry.” 

His heart paused momentarily at the way Harry suddenly pulled him close in a hug. “This wasn’t a part of the deal” he said because they would start attracting attention if he didn’t let go. 

“Alright, only because it’s cold out here. Last stop Honeydukes then back to school.

Honeydukes it turned out was one of his favorite stores. The striped pink wallpaper would’ve nauseated him if it weren’t overrun by various colorful sweets. His mouth watered at the large slabs of fudge and the whiff of chocolate from the cauldron cakes. Passing the purple puffs of sugar called candy floss his stomach growled for a taste of it. It all looked far more appealing here than when he saw students waving them around in the Great Hall.

“We have to get at least a chocolate frog” Harry said handing him a blue hexagonal box with gold foiling. He’d seen them on the candy trolly of the Hogwarts Express but never thought to waste money on it. 

“What about Bernie Bots” Harry said mostly to himself.

“How much candy are you going to buy?” he asked, trying not to see how expensive this chocolate frog was. 

“Well, that depends on how much you want.”

“I don't want any” he lied. 

“We both know that's not true.” Harry swooped up a lime green basket and handed it to him. “We are going to fill up this basket. Before he could argue Harry disappeared to a display of red striped boxes. 

Resigning himself to his task Severus placed the chocolate frog into the basket. The basket wasn’t abnormally large or even magically enhanced to carry more, for that he was grateful. Deciding that he should at least put one thing he  _ did _ want to try he moved to the candy floss. 

A handful of third years were plucking bags of the pink fluff without a care, some had as many as ten stacked in their arms. He couldn’t see himself that fond of the stuff. Placing the one bag into the basket he was glad to notice that it took up a decent amount of space. If he took another two it would’ve been more than halfway filled. 

“One box of Bertie Botts!” Harry announced placing the striped box into the basket. “Fudge Flies,” A brown package with an illustration of flies was added in. “Jelly slugs.” A gold foiled red box jammed between the others. 

“It looks filled” he commented.

“Hardly,” Harry reached into the basket straightening the boxes along the inner perimeter of the basket, careful of his candy floss. “There” he exclaimed at the open space. “Enough to grab a few things from the front.” 

Sighing he followed Harry to the glass case at the front. 

“What can I get for you?'' an elderly woman asked.

“Pumpkin pasties, caldron cake , and..” Harry’s eyes skimmed over the pastries completely ignoring the fudge. 

“Butterbeer fudge,” he said pointing to the golden brick. 

“Will that be all”

“I think so,” Harry said.

With a nod and a tap of her wand three pink boxes floated over onto the counter. 

Tossing the other sweets beside it they were rung up and he had to hold back his comments about the price in front of the woman. Harry looked unbothered handing her the amount she had totaled.

“That was far too much” he commented once out of Honeydukes. “I shouldn’t have said anything about the fudge.”

“It’s not that much” Harry disagreed. 

He could name several things more worthy of that price tag but he bit his tongue.

“If you feel so bad then you have to help me eat them all.”

“Fine” he said taking the bag that had the pastries and fudge. 

  
  


“So do you think we should skip dinner and eat all of this tonight?” Harry asked as they came back to Hogwarts

“That doesn’t seem like a wise decision.”

“You agreed that we would eat it all” he reminded, shaking the HoneyDukes bag.

“Not all tonight. Besides I want to get some studying done.”

“Studying is all you can think about.”

“We went out as agreed.”

“You enjoyed it too. Don’t lie to me.”

Sev looked away with a small smile. 

“Come on say it and I might let you go study in peace for a moment.”

“I hardly need your permission” Sev smirked. 

“Oh?” Harry reached into the bag Sev was carrying to pull out the box of fudge. 

“Granger!”

“Come on say it.” he laughed walking ahead.

“Will you stop acting like an idiot for five seconds?” Sev chased after him. Reaching for the box in his hand Harry tried to sway it away but Sev was quicker. 

“Just say that you had a good time” he whispered because he didn’t want to hurt his ears that were so close from the way he reached over. 

Onyx eyes stared into his and for a split second Harry could’ve sworn that he saw something in them. 

The box of fudge rested at Sev’s side. 

“I...” Sev cleared his throat. “I did.”

Smiling he ran his hand through Sev’s hair. “Was that so hard?”

“Can I go study now?”

“Fine. But I’ll pick you up for dinner.” He took the second bag from Sev. “I’ll make sure not to eat anything without you.”

Sighing Sev turned away. “You could study too”he mumbled, as he walked off.

Lugging the sweets carefully he started to hum to himself. At the sound of clicking heels stopped him.

“Granger,” Lily smiled awkwardly. “I,” Her hair was pinned up with frosted flowers that popped against her red hair. Her dress sparkled with the tiniest of her movements. “Oh,” she said catching that he was looking at her. “Bit much isn’t it, just that tonight is Slughorn's party...”

The rest of her words drifted out. He couldn’t believe that she was talking to him. For days he ignored her. Whatever she once meant to Sev it didn’t make up for anything. It didn’t erase the anger he felt rising up. The weight of it felt unbearable as he looked at her.

He couldn't believe that she would care for James. What did she see in him? How did anyone see him as anything besides horrible? 

“Granger?”

“You’re right you're not as good as he thinks you are or anyone.” The words came out hot and bitter. The handles of the bag crushed in his hand. “Good people don't do what you did” he grit his teeth.

Lily’s eyes grew wide. “What did I do?”

“Nothing!” Harry snapped. “You did nothing! How can you just be happy after leaving him?” Did she not feel any guilt? Didn’t she have flashes of bright bruises and split lips in her memories as he did?

“What are you talking about?” She shook her curled hair. 

“You abandoned him!”

No amount of makeup in the world could cover up the way Lily’s brows knit together in frustration and her cheeks tinted red. “Is that what he told you? Am I the bad one now?”

“He didn’t.”

“So that’s your own conclusion then.” Her hands rested on her hips. He was sure that she was holding back from grabbing her wand. Truthfully he was too.

“What happened between us was years ago.” She gripped her own forearm. “I am allowed to be happy. Who are you to judge me?”

“I am your- forget it!” He tried to walk past her.

“No, tell me why you have the right to get up in my face about something that didn’t even concern you? What makes you so much better than me?”

“When you care about someone you should help them see they're worth being cared for  _ Not _ abandon them. And at least I’m not dating an abusive arsehole!”

“James isn’t like that!”

“Maybe you’re seeing him on a  _ fucking _ pedestal.”

“Mr. Granger!”

Harry hated Dulmbedores’ ability to pop up at the worst possible moment. Those twinkling eyes were cold as they looked down behind his half-moon glasses “That is no way to speak to Ms. Evans or any student for that matter. I think that you and I should have a conversation in my office.”

“Headmaster-”

“No Ms. Evans,” Dumbledore raised his hand slightly. Lily shut her mouth. “it is important for all students to know that such actions won't be tolerated.”

_ “But vicious bullying will?” _ he thought angrily not even hiding the heated glare at Dumbledore.

All of the anger on Lily’s face fell to something more apologetic. 

That only angered him more. 

“To my office.” Dumbledore's voice barely kept his calm caring tone.

In the heavy silence of their walk Harry rushed to reinforce his mental shields. He wasn’t naive enough to think that he wouldn't try to rip apart any weakness to figure out why Harry had yelled at Lily.

“Candy canes” Dumbledore spoke in a hurried gruff to the gargoyle.

With the first step up pressure in his head hit hard almost sending him falling back. 

“Do watch your step Mr. Granger” Dumbledore said, steadying him. “Now,” he said guiding Harry to the door and all but tossing him into a seat. “Why would you use such profanity at Ms. Evans. From my knowledge I believe she has gone without a single ill word said of her or to her,” Dumbledore waved his hand summoning tea once again. “That was until just a moment ago.”

Dumbledore stirred his tea eyeing him over the cup’s brim.

“It was a misunderstanding.”

In a snap pressure built up in his head. Unrelentingly it stabbed, prodding at his mind unforgivingly. Holding back his groan he pushed the sensation away. This time it wasn’t enough as a flicker of Sev appeared _ “A Gryffindor always favors a Gryffindor!” _

When he finally pushed Dumbledore out of his mind Harry found that the handles of the chair he was gripping had splintered, cutting his palms. 

“Ah,” Dumbledore leaned back into his chair. “so is this just House rivalry that has caused such a disturbance?” he asked nonchalantly.

If he could scream his head off or punch Dumbledore in the face he would’ve done so at this very moment. 

“I may have been a Gryffindor in my youth but I do care for all Houses. A Headmaster must.”

“I don’t believe you do, sir.”

“All Houses are treated equal, each possessing strength in their own rights. Healthy rivalry amongst them is what we strive for here at Hogwarts. It builds character, motivates individuals,” Dulmbedore paused his speech, looking around at the portraits on the wall. “If a student takes such silly notions of House supremacy to heart I will re-educate them on their purpose.”

“Then you must talk to James Potter quite often” he spat.

Dumbledore tilted back in his chair with a hearty laugh. “James Potter is a model student- well maybe a bit more adventurous than most.” He ran a hand through his beard as though recalling on some fond memory.

“You want to know what your model student is really like?” He slammed his hands on the table looking straight into those eyes that hardly held any care for him left. “Go on. I have a memory that you can see. Go on” he challenged.

“Mr. Granger it is against school rules for professors to infiltrate student minds.” Dumbledore took a sip from his tea.

Without thinking Harry swiped it straight out of Dumbledore's hand. Hitting the ground with a sharp  _ clang  _ he knew that he had broken it. He wanted to break everything in this room. 

Dumbledore stood drawing every bit of his height over Harry. Cold eyes peered down on him yet he refused to back down.

“You once assured me that you were not going to be trouble.” Dumbledore raised his hand. Harry readied for the spell to hit but instead shattered pieces of the cup floated back and mended in Dumbledore's hand. “The holidays are just around the corner and your mind should be on more positive things. And so in the holiday spirit, you are free to go. Though I suggest you tread lightly Mr. Granger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting.   
Next chapter will include Christmas and planned to be done by Dec 24th!   
Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!


	10. (The Christmas chapter)

Severus felt on edge, that wasn’t a new feeling by any stretch of the imagination but typically around this time of the year he didn’t feel this way. The last of the students who had to revise their classwork before break had officially moved out the night before. Just like the other years, the Slytherin dorms were nearly completely empty. Most of his Housemates came from Pureblood families who threw extravagant parties around the holidays, he only knew of this from the constant talk around it. 

He preferred to stay back at Hogwarts. There weren't any festivities waiting for him at home clearing him of any obligation to show his face at Spinner's End until summer. Over the years the holidays flew by with little care, he would use the time to perfect his skills and take in the freedom of not having Potter or his gang waiting to harass him. Not even Lily stayed during the holidays. 

Normally he would be more relaxed without them around but this year he wasn’t alone in the dorms. Granger had stayed back and he wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about that. Although he was enjoying Granger’s company more and the stormy version of him had seemed to die down significantly due to Potter’s avoidance of them both, that didn’t mean he wanted to keep Granger away from his family. He was sure that there had to be a loving family waiting for Granger's return, wherever it was he had come from. Even so, Granger hadn’t left like the others, not even the lack of Potter around convinced him to go. 

“Oh, you’re up.” Granger said poking his head through the curtains of his bed. 

He had been up for hours trying to think of a way to get Granger to his family for the holidays now that the train was long gone. Most of his ideas fell flat or simply had far too much risk involved. Severus was sure it wouldn’t be appreciated if he accidentally splinched Granger in an attempt of sideways apparation. 

“Did you want to get breakfast? I'm starving”

“Granger-”

“Harry.” Granger cut him off. “I already told you to call me by my first name.”

Severus' eyes narrowed slightly. It still felt.. Well odd to call him by his first name. 

“Come on Sev you said it before.” Granger moved closer. Granger was always getting too close. “Please, Sev.”

“Why is it such a big deal what I call you?”

“Because,” Granger’s eyes turned down for a moment. “I like hearing my real name.”

What did that mean? 

Before he could ask that out loud Granger splayed himself on his bed. “Or you can give me a nickname if that’s easier.”

That wouldn’t be easy in the slightest. 

Granger was a pest the most annoying caring pest. Looking at him like a dog waiting for a treat. 

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And will always be.” Granger smiled.

_ “He’s so strange.” _

“Come on,” he tapped Severus’s hand. 

“If I say your name you will answer my questions?”

“Alright, but I get to ask a few things too.”

He frowned a little at that addition. It was to be expected after that run-in with Lucius. 

“I am allowed to not answer anything I deem intrusive.”

“Always so serious” Granger chuckled poking his forehead. “Yes, you can reject a question.”

He stood from the bed.

“Where are you going?”

“You said that you were starving. We should eat. Come on h-Harry.”

Quickly he left the dorm hiding the blush on his cheeks. Harry's clomping feet followed after him.

The Great Hall was reduced to a few tables. There were fewer students than Harry had ever seen. Including him and Sev, there were about eight students left. Quickly Harry scanned the Head table McGonagall was chatting amongst Professor Flitwick and Professor Sprout. Dumbledore was missing along with a few other professors. The lack of their Headmaster didn’t worry him as it might’ve in his own time. For all he cared, Dulmbedore could go jump into a freezing lake.

It had taken him so long to calm down after their talk. It would be too much to ask that Dulmbedore would leave Hogwarts like the Marauders and Lily did for the break, nonetheless, he would prefer not to have the old coot ruining this time he had with Sev.

“ I don’t see Slughorn.” 

“He left” Sev said taking a bite of his toast. 

“He doesn’t stay around for the holidays? What about the other Slytherin students?”

Sev continued to chew his toast before finally saying “Usually I'm the only Slytherin that stays back.”

“Well, it's a good thing I'm here so you won't be lonely this year.”

Sev took a spoonful of his oatmeal in response. 

“So... what do you do during the break?”Harry asked shortly after they finished their _very _quiet breakfast. It would never stop being strange to lack the white noise of hundreds of students talking over each other in the Great Hall.

Sev looked at him in a way that clearly said “really?” in the deepest of sarcastic tone. 

“You can count this as one of my questions,” he said hoping that it would ease Sev into answering other sorts of questions he had in mind.

“It's quiet when there’s no one in the dorms so I refresh my studies and spend time in the potions labs.”

Instead of pointing out that was what Sev did practically every day, he asked “What are you studying now? It can’t be just for class.”

“That’s two questions in a row Granger.”

“Harry” he corrected, leading them outside. It was too early in his opinion to start studying.

Severus sighed. This first name thing clearly wasn’t going to be stopped so soon. 

Following Harry they cut through the lawn. 

“I've been studying on creating my own spells.”

“What kind of spells?”

That was another question. He should’ve been irritated that Harry wasn’t abiding by the rule of taking turns. He wanted to ask all his questions not spend the day talking about himself. Yet Harry did look genuinely interested in the subject, it had been so long since someone showed interest in things he found fascinating. 

“I’ve been looking through a range of them.” When Harry deemed a suitable spot to stop he sat beside him before continuing. “Depending on the type of spell you are trying to create there are certain basics that you use. For example, a healing spell would need more flowing and careful movements than a spell used to attack an opponent. And of course, you can’t just cobble some words together and wave your wand expecting to make something happen. I found that it’s better to build off an already established spell to begin with and then adapt it to your needs. It’s especially important when creating defensive spells. Once you make a spell you have to think of its reversal. They’re hard to figure out but once you get it right-What?” 

Harry was resting his head on his hand smiling widely at him. Those eyes were glimmering again.

“I like seeing you like this so engaged.”

He could feel his cheeks grow hot. “It’s my turn to ask a question.”

“Go ahead.” 

It felt strange having this moment to ask the millions of questions in his mind about Harry. Some questions probably didn’t matter so much anymore but they still stuck around. They wouldn’t be let go until he had the answer.

“I can ask anything I want?”

Harry nodded.

“Where did you go every night before you were forced to live in the dorms like the rest of us?”

Harry shook his head. “You never do let go of things do you?”

“If you’re not going to answer,” he huffed.

“If it matters so much to you I'll tell you” Harry scooted closer lowering his voice into a whisper. “There's a place in the castle that no one really knows about-”

“Then how do you know about it?”

“I discovered it. I told you I am good at finding my way around. Anyway, after spending my first night in the infirmary I had to find somewhere to sleep and I just stumbled on it.”

The infirmary. He still hadn’t apologized about that night. That was something he should've done. Harry was waiting for an apology this whole time, wasn’t he? He deserved an apology. Was it too late?

“We have all break I can show you the place if you like. That could be fun the two of us roaming around. We wouldn’t get in trouble.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“What?” Harry blinked at him. 

“I'm sorry for sending you to the infirmary on your first day. I never meant to... I should've apologized before.”

Harry patted his hand. “I forgave you ages ago. Come on, hit me with another question. If you don't ask then I will.”

That's right he had more questions. Why couldn’t he think about them? Why did he want to reach for Harry’s hand that pulled away? 

“Sev?”

“Where did you transfer from?”

“That’s... a little complicated” Harry ran a hand through his hair parting his fringe to show off the jagged scar on his forehead. 

_ “Did he always have that?” _

“I guess you could say I was self-taught.”

“Self-taught? You didn’t go to any school? You seem to be ahead if not on the same grade level in your spells aside from your potions work when you got here. How could you not be behind?”

“Just because you rarely see me studying doesn't mean that I don't do it.”

That got him to chuckle a little. He really couldn’t see Harry being the studious sort.

“I do study!” Harry gently pushed him. 

“You can prove it to me tomorrow.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Harry chuckled scooting a little closer. 

The tips of Harry's fingers brushed up against his sending a tingle sensation through his hand. 

“Your forehead?”

“I'm surprised you haven’t noticed until now.” Harry lifted his fringe once more. 

He’d always been so focused on Harry’s eyes.

“You can touch it if you like” Harry said a little self consciously. 

Turning his body to look at it more head-on he inched closer. “Are you sure?”

Harry nodded, eyes looking down at his hand.

Slowly he brought up his hand to Harry’s face just as he had done with the salve a few days ago. With the tip of his finger he traced the deep groove that ran down to the top of his brow like a lightning bolt.

  
“How did you get that?” Sev asked as he dropped his hand.

He held his tongue for a moment knowing that he would have to lie again. Sev couldn’t know that years from now a helpless one year old would defeat the dark wizard Voldemort only to be left with a scar and be labeled with fame for doing so. 

Harry touched his scar.

This one thing that had set him to be the Chosen One. It had set him apart from others more than his different colored eyes. It was something that Dumbledore had always pointed to as proof he was special, destined for greatness. 

A sour taste filled his mouth.  
“My uncle. He wasn’t a very nice man,” he decided to say at last. 

It wasn't a full lie his uncle had been rough with him; leaving his own scars from tossing plates at him to the marks of the belt clasp striking him whenever he didn’t do things up to his uncle’s standards. 

“You're uncle?” Sev asked in a way that it seemed that Sev didn’t know if he was joking or not.

“He has a thing about magic. So does my aunt and cousin.”  
“You don’t live with your parents?”

“Stuck with muggles. Don’t tell Slughorn,” he sadly chuckled. “He’s been trying to figure out how important my father is. It would kill him to know I don’t really have any wizarding world connections.”

“What happened to your parents?”  
For a brief second he regretted saying that Sev could ask him anything. Being in this time confused things so much. The James and Lily he saw here was nothing like the parents he had created in his mind, but it still hurt to think that he’d spent years dreaming that they would miraculously come to save him from the Dursleys. 

“They died when I was one.”

Sev’s mouth clamped in a tight line. 

“It was a long time ago...”

A hand slipped into his. Together they silently looked out over the lake. 

  
  


Severus had been trying to figure out what to say within this breath of silence. Based on how kind, how good Harry was he couldn’t imagine anything terrible happening to him. Severus knew what it was like to live with a Muggle who loathed magic. Knowing that made him all the more sure that Harry didn’t belong by his side. Their home life held this similarity and yet he was the only one who seemed to have come out of it bitter and ugly. 

Severus thought about the way flames had flickered in Harry’s fingers at the sight of Potter proving that there was hatred in him. Had that always been dormant or had he brought out that ugliness out of Harry? Either way, he didn’t want it to be true. None of the horrible things Harry shared with him should be true- but they had to be. Harry wouldn't lie about it. Why would anyone lie about dead parents and abusive families?

Glancing at the fringe that covered the jagged scar he now knew that Harry hadn’t pitied him when he witnessed Potter’s abuse because he understood. He understood this sort of pain and frustration. Severus hated that Harry understood. More so he hated that he couldn’t do a thing about Harry’s family as he had done with Potter.

Harry broke the silence.“What is Lily Evans to you?” 

“She ... she was,” 

He knew that this would be asked one day. The question had been hiding in the background for far too long. There had been times after their fall out that he had asked himself what she was. 

“I grew up with her.” A feeling of coldness sprouted in his chest. “She was the first witch I met that was my age. We were friends.” 

“What happened?”

“I hurt her.” He could see it as if it were happening before his eyes the moment his spell had struck her. The way her sleeve had turned from white to seeping with crimson red. He could hear the slur he had shouted in anger. For hours he begged for her forgiveness.

“Sev,” A hand settled his shaking body. 

“She was hurt so bad. If Potter hadn’t taken her to the infirmary right away,” It was the only moment that he thanked Potter for being at Hogwarts. Potter may have been the cause of his magic lashing out but he hadn’t stood there gawking at Lily’s pain-filled face. 

It was an accident but it was one that would have happened in a matter of time. She shouldn't have been so close to him. 

Shouldn't have befriended him.

No one should’ve been so close to him.

He didn’t deserve any ounce of the kindness she’d given. 

She had every right to think him horrible after that. 

Faintly he could feel a hand squeeze his. “It’s alright Sev.”

He shook his head. It wasn’t alright then and it still wasn’t now. 

“Breathe Sev,”

Air entered his lungs in a shaky breath. He could feel Harry’s heartbeat against his back as two arms wrapped around him. 

“I'm sorry” Harry whispered against his shoulder. Those arms around him tightened a fraction.

Stillness came over him. Regaining strength in his voice he spoke “It was a long time ago” he repeated Harry’s own words.

“It still hurts.” Harry’s words struck deep.“Losing someone always hurts.”

This wasn't how they should be spending their first day of break. Dredging up the past like this would only make things between them awkward. 

Even if he questioned why a muggle family who hated magic would let Harry come to Hogwarts it was for the best not to ask. _ “Maybe he ran away.” _ It was best not to think about that possibility for that meant there wasn’t a place for Harry to go once the year ended. And it wasn’t as if he could offer his own pitiful home on Spinner's End. His father wouldn’t stop at a whipping if he brought home someone with magic.

“I think I'm ready to be forced into eating all that sugar you bought” he said trying to shake the mental image of his father from his head.

“Great!” Harry beamed. “I want to see your face when we eat Bertie Botts!” Harry reached into his robes pulling out the stripped pentagram box. 

“You carried those around?”

“Don't worry I brought the fudge too. Winner gets the largest piece” he smiled as he produced a pink box. “Now, there is a mix of good bean flavors like candy floss and bad ones like rotten egg” Harry explained as he poured a handful into Severus’s palm.

Severus eyed the striped box warily. It stated _every flavor_ and knowing wizards they would put effort into something so ridiculous as getting the taste of rotten egg into a jelly bean. 

“You can’t back out now” Harry chuckled.

The restored brightness in his face was almost enough for Severus not to frown at the mix of colored beans in his hand. 

“Okay,” Harry scooted closer. Knees touching they faced off as though in some strange duel. Truthfully he would rather do that then eat questionable sweets. “We each take one bean from the other and eat it at the same time. You are not allowed to spit it out until you guess the flavor. The one who spits out the least wins. Ready?”

Nodding he reached over to pick a solid pink bean which looked more flattering than the spotted one Harry pulled. 

“3, 2, 1.”

Tossing the bean in his mouth he chewed quickly only to slow down a second later. It tasted sweet like the smell of the pink fluff that he saw at Honeydukes. “Candy floss!”

Harry’s face scrunched in disgust saying “Dirt” before promptly spitting the brown spotted bean out.

_ “Spotted are the bad ones.” _ He smirked. “Again?”

They each took another bean. This time Harry took a solid pink bean and he took a solid white one. 

“Candy floss!” Harry exclaimed in a millisecond.

Biting down on his own bean he was hit with the unmistakable taste of “Soap!” he spat.

  
  


Bursting into laughter Harry tried not to drop the beans in his hand. Sev was glaring down the soap flavor bean was as if it had betrayed him.

“Again” Sev said picking a yellow bean with brown spots.

Assessing the ones in Sev’s hand he picked the solid blue he knew was blueberry. 

“Banana” Sev sighed in relief.

“Blueberry.” 

Sev searched his hand, Harry could almost see his mind working to figure out a way to determine which ones were good and which were bad. Making up his mind he took an orange spotted with red. 

“What?” Sev asked.

He must’ve made a face. Anyone who recognized it would have. The bean was one of the worst flavors you could get.

“Nothing” Being fair he picked the rotten egg flavor.

Taking the tiniest bite overloaded his mouth with the putrid taste. “Rotten egg.” He let the thing fall from his mouth.

Sev didn’t look like he fared any better, his face turning white as he continued to chew.

“Spit it out!” 

“What is this?” Sev grimaced. “Vomit?”

“Yes!” 

Without delay the bean flew from Sev’s mouth. 

“That’s disgusting!” Sev continued to spit onto the grass.

“Here!” He handed a dark red bean. “It's cinnamon.”

Snatching the bean Sev chewed hard. “Why would anyone invent a flavor like vomit?”

“Do you want to stop playing?”

“No.” Sev’s chewing became less furious. “I’m going to win this silly game then eat all the fudge.” he said taking a red bean. “And we are never playing this game again.”

Harry laughed.

  
  
  


********

Severus glared at the decor that seemed to have multiplied in the night. Garland framed the large window that looked into the lake. Fairy lights dotted the ceiling above like trapped multi-colored fireflies. Harry seemed to be enjoying it commenting how nice it looked. He would argue otherwise. This was a waste of time, energy and magic. Until now the decoration had been tolerable- a few wreaths and holly over the castle. But being December 23 apparently meant letting the House-elves go crazy with the decorations.

The Common room was worse than their dorms. Nearly everything was covered in fairy lights. The walls, the pictures, not even the fireplace was devoid of them. Whatever wasn’t consumed by lights were wrapped up in wrapping paper. If it weren’t for magic there would be ample reason to fear a fire breaking out from having a gift-wrapped couch so close to open flames.

“Why are you scowling again?” Harry asked, offering his scarf. 

Wrapping it around his neck tightly he glared at the sparse leaves with white berries that hung above the exit. 

“Do you have a problem with mistletoe?”

“It’s a ridiculous tradition.” 

“It's not so bad.” 

“Being told to kiss while standing under it is nonsense.”

“Be glad that we weren’t also set with carolers.”

Severus shuttered at the thought of being bombarded by singing. 

“Come on,” Harry stood directly under the mistletoe. “It’s not charmed.” he demonstrated moving his legs to show they hadn’t stuck to the floor. “Just ignore it.” 

Ignoring it was easier said than done. Outside of the dungeons the castle had been overrun by decorations. 

He didn’t understand who all this trouble was for. Did the other students care if there were more streamers floating in the high ceiling or that there was another giant pine tree just outside of the Great Hall filled with ornaments the size of human heads? And why did there have to be mistletoe above the doorway to the Great Hall?

“It’s unnecessary” he said watching as a Hufflepuff girl shyly waited under the mistletoe outside the Great Hall for a Ravenclaw to kiss her. It was a stupid tradition that even if he were magically bound to do he wouldn’t comply. 

“Have you ever kissed Lily?”

“No!” tearing his eyes away from the Hufflepuff he stabbed at his oatmeal. “It was never like that with her,” he mumbled noting the hint of hurt on Harry’s face.

“Really?”

“Gra- Harry” he continued to jab at his oatmeal.

“I'm sorry.” Harry’s hand touched his, stilling his movement. “I just thought-”

“It wouldn’t be right to kiss her.”

“Because she was your friend?” 

“Because I...” He didn’t like where this was going. That way Harry was looking at him...

“Dam” he groaned at the spilled oatmeal. 

“You don't want to kiss a witch?” Harry offered.

He kept his eyes on the mess in front of him. 

The wizarding world was accepting of homosexuality ( how could it not be when there were half-giants and centaurs) but the muggle world still didn’t feel that way. His father didn’t feel so much as tolerable of anything he was. It was one thing to be a wizard it was another to be gay as well. It wasn’t alright for him to be a homosexual; not as a poor, ugly, odd person. If he had wealth like Lucius, or athleticism like Regulus Black, or...

“ It’s alright.” Harry turned to his plate, a small smile on his lips.

“So, have you ever thought about kissing a wizard?” Harry was quite proud of himself for not asking until they had finished breakfast and were in the library. Not even Madam Pince was around to shh them.

“Granger” Sev growled.

“Harry” he corrected again.

“Harry drop it.”

“Please, it'll be another one of my questions.”

“When does this game end?”

“When we both run out of questions. There I answered yours so...” 

Sev’s tight lip made him so curious. No one he knew had gone without at least thinking about kissing someone. 

“Of course I've thought about it” Sev grumbled in frustration. “That's all I could ever do.”

“I’ve always said you think too much. Sometimes you just have to act.”

“That sounds like a Gryffindor thing.”

Harry shrugged. “All I know is that life is too short. You might regret never getting to be spontaneous while you can.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“ Of course it is. I could go and kiss someone first if you want me to.”

“What I want,” Sev flipped open his book. “ is to study like you promised we would today.”

“Fine.”

Severus was getting fed up with mistletoe being strung above every door. It made it all the more difficult to deter Harry from bringing up the topic. Kissing hadn’t crossed his mind for so long. There had been no reason to think about that sort of thing. 

“I'll die of boredom” Harry muttered to the book in front of him. Each word drew more attention to Harry’s lips. They looked more full than his own thin ones. 

Who would ever kiss him? People hardly acknowledged him. 

“Stop talking” he hushed.

Harry's lips pressed into a pout. 

_ “Dam it” _ he thought trying to get his mind onto the words in front of him and not Harry’s pouting lips. 

Puff of air ran across his neck.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked, fighting to keep his eyes on his book.

Harry chuckled moving back into his seat.

Studying on holiday felt like the biggest waste in the world. If he annoyed Sev just enough they could be out doing something more fun. It wasn't as if Sev really needed the studying and he was getting by well enough. 

“What are you reading?”

“I’m counting this as another question.”

“Fair enough.”

“It's about spells created throughout time.” 

Craning his neck some more he recognized a spell written in think ink: the _imperious curse_. He could feel his cheek twitch a little at the memory of Dumbledore trying to use it on him. 

“Isn’t it considered Dark Magic?”

“At the time it was created to be used for defense. People took advantage of it to the point that it was banned as an unforgivable curse. People are the ones who determine if magic is dark or not. It's the intent put behind a spell that counts. With effort even a household spell could be used to harm someone. That’s why Dark Magic is ever-changing; a spell that is acceptable today could be considered dark in the future. Magic is malleable and that makes it harder to defend against it.”

“That’s why you create your own spells to defend against it?”

“You can’t defend yourself against something you don't understand.”

“Did Potter ever-”

“Like the majority of the school, Potter refrains from Dark Magic.”

“Okay.” Harry relaxed into the chair. Just the thought of James going around crucio-ing Sev made him want to vomit. 

“I haven't either” Sev said quickly as though to discourage him from asking.

“Good.” He could feel tears in his eyes. 

If Sev went on the path to the Death Eaters there would be no choice but for Sev to use unforgivable curses. Blinking the tears away he looked at Sev. “Tell me more about the spells you are creating.”

Severus launched into the breakdown of his spells that he had been working on for some time. From the very beginning of testing out what spells to build off from to tweaking wand movements Harry remained attentive, the sadden look never crossing his eyes again.

In moments like that he wondered what Harry was thinking about. For both their sake he hoped it wasn't Potter. Now was the one time that he didn’t have to think of Potter. He didn’t have to watch his step or make sure he was alone in bathrooms. When the holidays were over that would return but the hyper fixation on Potter hadn’t been as much since Harry remained with him. 

“That’s amazing!” Harry said with no trace of mockery or half-listening. 

Once again his eyes traveled to Harry's lips. Like a magnet, he could feel himself being pulled closer to him. Their fingers that were already touching at the edge of his book, seemed too far away. He wanted to be closer.

_ “It is alright to be close,” _ he thought. _ “We are friends.” _ That didn’t sit right. Never once when he was friends with Lily did he feel like this. She never got as close as Harry did. She never looked at him with this undefinable look. 

His heartbeat grew louder as he let his hand slide over Harry’s. 

A thud of a book falling off the table made him drawback. 

“We,” he coughed to clear the squeak from his throat. “We can stop studying for now.”

“Oh,” Harry sounded... disappointed? “Sure.”

Harry needed a second to set his head back into place. The pressure in his chest that had only moments ago felt like thrumming joy had died down into disappointment. He should’ve known better and yet he could’ve sworn Sev was going to kiss him. It had to be in his head. 

“What do you-” they said at the same time.

The edges of Sev’s cheeks were taking on a cute shade of pink. 

“Since we accomplished the bare minimum studying you can choose what to do next,”Sev said not completely hiding behind his neutral tone.

“Yesterday you asked about where I stayed for a few nights. Do you want to see it?”

“Yes.”

Harry led them up the stairs to what he called the Room of Requirements. Severus scrutinized the wall that they stood in front of. It was a wall that he had passed many times and nothing had deemed it different than any other wall, yet Harry had already proven that there were secrets tucked into Hogwarts. Exploring would help ease the curiosity and distract him from thoughts of kissing. 

“How does this work?” he asked, keeping his eyes firmly on the wall.

“Stand back '' Harry instructed. Something was mumbled under his breath as he paced the floor Which didn’t sound like any spell he knew.

After a few paces, a door emerged from the wall. Harry threw a smile at him as he held out his hand. He took his hand only to prevent the door from disappearing without him. Not thinking about the way Harry's fingers flexed before curling around his they stepped into the room.

The room was large and mostly empty. On one side of it sat a direct replica of a dormitory bed.

“This is the Room of Requirements” Harry explained. “If you need something the room can make it.”

“It can produce anything?”

Harry went to flop on the bed. “Most things aside from food.”

“And you found this?”

“By mere luck.” 

“How does it work?”

Flipping over, Harry rested his head in his hand. “You have to ask it for what you want and you must be very specific about it.”

A room that could provide anything? He would’ve killed to live in this place where he wouldn’t have to worry about money or Potter. The only downside was the lack of food.

“Where does it get things from?”

“I never figured that out.”

Deciding to test out the room, Severus thought about the restricted section in the library. There had been a book that he never was able to gain even with Lucius Malfoy's assistance. Shaking the mental image of Malfoy away he focused on the book. It's leather-bound face the inscription on its spine. 

Suddenly there was a weight in his hand. Opening his eyes he saw the book he had been thinking about. 

“What did you ask for?” Harry whispered, his lips so close to his ear that his shoulders raised against the sensation. 

“It’s nothing,” he said, looking at the chained book in his hand. “I was just testing it.” To have this sort of book around Harry didn’t feel right. “I don’t need this” he whispered to the room hoping that it would restore it to its original spot before Madam Pince alerted Dumbledore. That was definitely not what he needed.

As if it were made of mist the book disappeared. 

Looking up from his now empty hands he met Harry's gaze. 

“I didn’t know you could do that.”

Above Harry he could see mistletoe sprouting from the ceiling. He frowned at the room’s antics. 

“Apparently this room pulls items from elsewhere,” he said not paying attention to the way the mistletoe seemed to be multiplying. 

Looking up at the mistletoe covered ceiling Harry chuckled. “You’re right.” 

*****

Thoughts of kissing still hadn’t left his mind the next day. Severus decided to blame Harry for bringing it up and the Elves for the abundance of mistletoe that had invaded the school. He was getting fed up with the way his nerves sparked at the idea of kissing and the fixation on Harry's lips. Nothing seemed to distract him long enough to forget the fluttering in his stomach or the sweat of his palms.

To top off all of this he knew Harry was planning to drag him into some festive activity. Nearly all afternoon Harry had been humming to himself while hiding behind his bed curtains. 

Severus tried to jot down his note as Harry’s head poked out of the curtain. 

“Still studying?”

Looking at his ragged notebook he was ashamed to find that he had written kissing in the middle of his notes.

“Are you done with whatever you’re hiding?”

“Yup.” Carefully not to show what was on his bed, Harry slipped from behind the curtain. “Right now though we are going outside.”

“We were outside in the cold yesterday.”

Harry sat on the edge of his bed.“I didn’t hear you complaining while you ate all the fudge.” 

“I’m going to endure only two more days of this nonsense.”

“Hate to break it to you but you’re going to have days where I drag you outside of the dungeons for ‘nonsense’ whether it's Christmas or not. It’s all there in our friendship contract.”

“Idiot” he muttered.

“We are going to build a snowman and that’s that.”

The cold air nipped at them as they walked over the snowy grass. Harry wondered if there was a charm around Hogwarts that made the snowfall perfectly around for Christmas. Whereas at Hogsmeade the ground turned to sludge, here it was a nice blanket of white. 

Hogwarts in winter was beautiful.

Perhaps the decoration was a little too much, but he’d always liked that. Since his first year he loved seeing all the lights and holly without fearing that he would get hit for starting. Aunt Petunia hated him staring with his freakish eyes at her decoration- she probably thought it his constant staring would tarnish their beauty. Uncle Vernon ordered him to keep his eyes on the ground “if he knew what was good for him” whenever she complained.

December 24th had always been hard for him. Seeing Dudley snacking on cookies that he couldn’t as much touch and helping decorate the tree uncle Vernon forced him to lug in. On Christmas day Dudley would get everything he wanted from Father Christmas while he remained the boy under the cupboard. Back then he had always made the same Christmas wish - to be with his parents.

“You're sure you want to build a snowman?” Sev shivered beside him.

“Here,” he cast a warming charm on Sev’s thin coat. “We’ll make it very quick.”

“Just tell me what I have to do.”

Refraining from making the comment that Sev hadn’t done this before he bent down to scoop some snow. “We just have to roll up some snow.” He grinned as he started on a ball.

Together they packed up the tight ball before rolling it on the ground. On their knees they pushed the snow patting it here and there to keep its rounded shape. When it became tall enough they moved on to create a second ball. 

Severus shook his hands a few times before helping to place the middle section of the snowman. 

“See,” he said once their masterpiece was complete. “Button eyes and all before sunset.”

Severus stood back to assess their work. In a word it could be called sloppy. Nothing was symmetrical. The sides of their snowman bulge in odd places. 

“What do you think?”

He shook his freezing hands. “It's fine.” 

“Are you okay? You keep shaking your hands.” Harry took hold of his hands. 

“It's cold.”

Peeling off his gloves Harry gasped at the bright red that covered them. 

It was to be expected his gloves were old hand me downs with a faulty protection charm to block out the cold of the snow. They should’ve been tossed away years ago but his mother had given it to him. 

“I’m sorry.” Seemingly forgetting that they had warming charms Harry breathed warm air onto his hands before rubbing them together. 

“It’s not so-” the sharp look Harry gave him made him shut up.

Continuing to rub his hands together, Severus tried not to focus on the way Harry’s lips rounded as he blew on his cold hands. If Hogwarts wasn’t so empty they would have attracted a crowd standing in the cold like this. 

“Can you feel it?”

Feel what? The fluttering in his stomach? Feel the way his heart skipped each time Harry touched him? Or this growing want to be closer to him?

“Can you feel your fingers again?”

“Yes.”

“I have an idea.” 

His eyebrow raised. 

“Don't look at me like that.”

“Your ideas are questionable.”

“Have I steered you wrong before?”

“It’s only a matter of time.”

The way Harry's face scrunched in a laugh tugged at his own lips a little. Severus couldn’t remember when he last allowed himself to actually smile. Harry made it look so easy laughing and smiling. It was alright to be like that wasn't it? He could let himself enjoy being with Harry without worrying about others judging them. Potter wasn't here. There wouldn’t be any punishment for this time together. Harry had chosen him. That meant he could let his guard down a bit more, didn’t it?

“What's your idea?”

Harry’s smile took a turn of mischief. Already he regretted this decision. 

“Are you scared?”

“No.” It was the truth he did not fear what would come. Despite all his efforts he did trusted Harry.

“Come on Sev,” Harry said pushing the door to Slughorn's office open.  
“This seems foolish.” 

Sneaking into Slughorn's office definitely wasn’t what he had expected.  
“He's not here.”  
It wasn't right how easy it was to get in here. The door hadn’t even been locked. If he were head of Slytherin he would put far more security measures.  
Harry pulled out his wand.

“What do you think you're doing?”  
“I'm going to accio some of his whiskey.”  
This had to be the most idiotic reason for breaking in. “Leaving your magical signature all over will make it easier to catch you!” Of course being two of eight students remaining at Hogwarts it would be just as easy to pin them as the ones breaking in. 

Appearing to think things over Harry pulled out Slughorn’s chair. Wobbling on tiptoes for the bottle on the high shelf Severus stood back ready to catch him.  
Did every teenager do this sort of thing or was this another side of Harry that he hadn’t known about?  
“Here we are!” Harry swung the bottle a little slush in the brown liquid.  
He couldn't believe he was doing this. Why were they doing this?

“One drink to toast.”  
Nervously he watched Harry fill up two glasses. The way his anxiety was rising it was as if he were being asked to drink poison. It didn't smell appetizing.  
“It might taste bad” Harry warned.  
“Then why drink it?”  
“I don't know” Harry looked at him as if he were supposed to have an answer.  
He looked at the cups. 

Never had he felt inclined to drink. Drinking made idiots out of most people and that was one thing he refused to be seen as.  
“You don't have to drink it if you don't want to.”  
This had to be the sorriest example of peer pressure in history. This really was all of his own volition. Harry would never force him to do anything.

One drink; he could handle that.  
Taking the glass he downed it right away. A grimace crunched his face from the burn that ran down his throat. It still tasted better than the awful jelly beans they had eaten the other day.  
“What?” he asked Harry who looked in total Awe of him.  
“I don't think you should’ve done that.”  
As if his words were a trigger, suddenly his head felt far too light. With the flip of his neck his head wobbled too and fro like an untethered balloon. The world wasn't exactly spinning but he felt floating along.  
“I have to sit down.”

Two hands guided him to Slughorn’s chair.  
“How can you drink that?”

“I'm not sure.” Harry took a sip. “You use to drink this all the time.” He downed the rest of the drink.  
That last sentence had to be the drink talking he never touched a drip of this before. And if he did Harry wouldn't have been there.  
“Now you are as lightweight as I am.” Harry giggled.  
Did that mean he felt like this too? 

He could still think logically bit his head felt so far away from his body. He liked this.  
Harry's pupils eclipsed nearly every inch of his mismatched eyes. He missed their beautiful colors.   
  


  
“I think this might be stronger than normal whiskey” Harry laughed. _ “Magically enhanced alcohol? Slughorn should've made it harder to get it.” _He leaned against the chair.

“Is this what you do every Christmas Eve?” 

“No. At my aunt's I wasn't allowed to do anything festive. Usually they throw this big party with cakes and decorations to show off to their friends. They always lock me in my room. When anyone asks they just say I'm their cat.”

“My parents don't do any of this festive stuff.”

Standing he held out his hand. “You know that surprise I was working on earlier?”

“Yes?”

“Let’s go see it.”

Abandoning the whiskey they moved into the potions classroom. 

All the desks had been pushed to the side so that only in the center was a table long enough for them to have a small feast. Not one Christmas decor was mounted on the walls, only a tiny Christmas tree served as their centerpiece.

“I made sure that there was no mistletoe in sight.” He said pulling Sev along. “Trust me I would’ve loved to make the place up but considering the rest of the castle is exploding with festive cheer I thought this would be a nice break from it all.” 

“Thank you.” 

Harry paused for a moment. He’d expected Sev to say something about it not being safe to eat in a potions classroom. Or that having a feast for themselves was too much. 

“I ordered more of the butterbeer fudge you like.”

For a split second his heart stopped as Sev actually smiled.

*****

“Happy Christmas!” Harry chimed flopping onto his bed only nearly avoiding hitting him with his elbow. 

“Must you be so annoying first thing in the morning?”

“You can’t be a grump today. It’s Christmas.” 

Pulling the pillow out from under him he placed it over his face to mute the exasperated groans. Two hands lifted the pillow from him. 

“Wake up.” 

“It’s just another day Harry. There’s no reason to go through this trouble.” He refused to open his eyes to the stupid happy smile Harry surely had on this morning. 

“I'm not letting you spend Christmas alone in bed.” 

He could feel the creek of the mattress spring as Harry shifted. Severus tried not to imagine what he might be doing. 

“I'm not going to leave until you wake up and come with me. 

“Har-” his voice faded as he opened his eyes to see Harry’s face inches above his. His hair stood out every which way and the first two buttons of his pajama shirt were undone allowing him to see the rim of his collarbone and a peek of his chest as he leaned over him. 

“Got you to open your eyes” Harry smiled drawing Severus’s attention to his lips yet again.

His heart throbbed as his hands itched to pull Harry to him. 

Harry bounced on the bed lightly alerting him to the fact that he was laying between Harry's knees. Knees that were brushing against his blanket covered thighs from the bouncing. 

“Stop that!”

“Not until you wake up.”

“I am up” he argued trying to stop his body as much as possible from reacting to the movement of the bed. 

Harry wanted to laugh at the face Sev was making at this moment. He couldn’t help teasing him. Sev looked downright fed up with him yet he couldn’t stop. It was Christmas and he was sure that this pestering would be forgiven after he received his gift. 

“Wake up” he said pressing into the mattress so that the springs made Sev’s long hair flop onto his scowling face. 

“Harry,” Sev growled lifting from the bed so quickly that he fell back to avoid hitting their heads. 

Arms stopped him from fully toppling off the bed. Sev’s long hair framed his features as he looked straight down at him, his eyes holding his own in a moment of silence. The awkward bend of his body was forgotten as he brought up a hand to push some strands of Sev’s hair behind his ear. 

“Sev-” his words halted as lips met his. Shock ran through him. In his time Severus had always been too stubborn to make the first move. Sev was more daring meeting their lips in a kiss that was chaste but held weight behind it. The pressing of their bodies together urged him to meet the almost desperate way Sev’s lips were moving against his, but the kiss broke too quickly.  
  


Realization of what he had done came crashing hard making him rush backwards on the bed. Half-lidded eyes looked up at him.  
He kissed Harry. He kissed a boy! He kissed Harry! What was wrong with him? This was all wrong he shouldn’t have. Harry wouldn't have wanted that. 

All the teasing it was just teasing...now he messed things up. Harry was sure to be horrified no, disgusted by what he’d done. He shouldn't have done it he shouldn't have. Yet he wanted to do it again and again. No, this was crazy. Harry always made things so crazy. Being around him any longer would drive him to insanity. 

“I...” his voice sounded all wrong.  
Harry was still lying there his chest even more visible now. 

Bounding from the bed he stood watching Harry move to rest on his elbow. More than anything he wanted to return and capture those lips. But the shocked look in those eyes sent his feet out of the room, down the stairs, to the common room, past all the stupid decorations. 

He had to get far away.  
“Bippy” he called finding the nearest open room. 

With a pop the House elf arrived. I need my robes and things. “Please” he tacked on noting the strange way his voice was sounding. 

“Yes, sir.”

He waited for her to return feeling his chest rise and fall. All he could think about was that look on Harry's face. Harry had been rightfully shocked, maybe even alarmed. He himself was alarmed. What was he thinking?  
It was a slip in judgment a moment that he couldn't take back besides a memory charm. 

_ “That's not a bad idea” _ he thought. “No, I'm not so good at those. It won't work.”

With a pop Bippy returned with his robes and bookbag. 

“Thank you,” he said, taking the things with still shaky hands.

“Alright sir?”

Severus thought to ask if she saw Harry. Ask if he was angry or ashamed of what happened. He couldn’t ask that of her. Also he didn’t want to know the answer.

“Everything is fine.” he said in a neutral voice.

Her questioning eyes remained on him for a moment longer before she snapped away.  
Sev rushed to his potion books. 

“A potion.” 

Potions could solve nearly everything. There had to be something to make this better. The only thing he could find remotely close to reducing this need to kiss Harry again was the cure for Amorentia, the world's strongest love potion. It disgusted him to know that a potion like that existed. Amorentia didn’t make people fall in love for real it was more like an obsession. 

Maybe Harry put some in his pumpkin juice.

No, Harry wouldn't do that. He couldn't blame this on Harry.

It was himself who always messed up. This was his own fault. Even though kissing Harry felt good, like taking the first bite of a perfectly cooked pie... Even if pressing up against him warmed him better than any warming charm... It was not worth ruining the friendship they had. 

“There has to be a way to fix this.”  
  


Harry laid on Sev’s bed in a state of shock and excitement. He hadn’t felt this surge of elation in so long. Although Sev had run out he half expected him to come back and snog him for the rest of the day. That was fantasy, he knew that wouldn’t happen no matter how long he remained laying here waiting for it. 

“ I was his first kiss.” Touching his lips he smiled. “Bippy?” He asked seeing the small elf quietly moving about the room as though she were not supposed to be there. 

She yelped clearly not noticing that he was still there. 

“Sir alright?” She asked

“I’m fine. Is Sev?”

“He looked shaken” Bippy worried.

“Thank you for keeping an eye on him.”

Bippy nodded. “Bippy cares for friends.”

Friends. The word brought on a hint of shame to his happiness at their kiss. Sev had taken so long to accept friendship their kiss might’ve been too much too soon. 

  
The Room of Requirements was truly remarkable. Severus had gone with the hope that it could provide a better solution to his mistake than wiping their memories. The room had provided many books that he found intriguing but ultimately there was nothing. But it did hide him away from Harry. A few hours had already gone by. Guilt gnawed at him for not finding a solution other than hiding. He couldn’t go the rest of the year avoiding Potter and Harry.

“Sev?” the familiar voice called out to him.

Whatever he did he couldn’t turn around, he couldn’t face Harry without thinking about that kiss. 

“You know,” Harry’s voice was so close to him. Still, he refused to look. What sort of expression was on his face? What was his own supposed to look like?

“It's okay that you k-”

“Don't say another word” he interrupted. His face had to be blazing pink. The beating of his heart was so loud in his ears.  
“Okay.” 

Inching away as Harry sat next to him he wondered how he could stand to be here. Wasn’t he upset? Harry might not even be gay. And if he was that didn’t automatically mean that this would work out.  
“You've always been this way haven't you?” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Harry’s hands wring a little. This feeling that he had would ease if he could let himself hold Harry’s hand again. Not having that little comfort irritated him. All because of his impulse action they wouldn’t do that anymore.

“I don't want to ruin what we had.” Harry filled the pregnant pause. “I don't want you avoiding me because you're embarrassed.”  
“I'm not.”  
“You haven’t looked at me.”

This was ridiculous. Severus knew he was being ridiculous. 

“If you don't want to talk about it... if you want me to forget I will.”

Was that what he really wanted? 

“For the record, I didn't mind it at all.”  
“You're teasing me.”  
Harry shrugged. “You won't know if you never stop avoiding me.”

Slowly he raised his eyes. Once again everything that he thought should be in those mismatched eyes were absent. There was not a single trace of anger or disgust. 

“May I give you my present?” Harry asked retrieving a small gift wrapped in silver paper. “I made sure it wasn’t a rock,”he said with a small smile.

Hesitantly he took it. It wasn’t out of fear of what the gift was but the fear of what he would do if the sadness that flickered in Harry’s eyes didn’t go away. Or if his heart wouldn’t settle.

Ripping the paper he revealed a sleek gray bound book. Protective charms hummed under his touch. They felt like Harry’s magic.

“It’s a special book. It will never run out of pages so it’ll be good for all your new spell creations. Also it can open up to whatever page you ask it to so you’ll always have the right page....”

Running his hand over the book’s cover he couldn’t believe this was his. Harry had given him a gift. If he really thought about it Harry had given him so much especially in these past days. What had he given in return?

“This is too much.”

“It really isn’t. You’re worth so much more than you realize.” Harry’s hand touched his before jerking back. “Sorry.”

Constantly Severus found himself standing in his own way, doubting that Harry would be his friend, would defend him. If Harry said that he didn’t mind the kiss that had to be the truth. 

More sure than he had been in his life he took Harry’s hand. Risking even more embarrassment he inched closer. Meeting those bright eyes he willed himself not to run away again. “I don’t want you to forget. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Neither do I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays to all that celebrate.  
I have been so excited to re-read all the comments on this fic and seeing how much this story had grown from its original idea. Only three more chapters left I can't believe it.  
Thank you, everyone! I will see you in the new year for the next update.  
Have a safe holiday season.


	11. Spells and kisses

“I don’t want to lose you” He’d said those words out loud to Harry. Even though he felt devastated when Lily had broken off their tentative friendship, not once did he tell her the words that had slipped through as he met Harry’s eyes. Maybe it was because he was too afraid to say something so vulnerable to her. Maybe deep down he knew that she wouldn’t have felt the same. Maybe she would’ve left his words to go unanswered, unlike Harry who responded without missing a beat.

He’d almost moved to hold Harry after his response “Neither do I” which barely held back the ache in his voice. He’d almost kissed him just to vanish the traces of loss present in the way he stared at him. 

I don't want to lose you.

What did that actually mean for them? What were they supposed to do after saying those words?

Take it slow.

It had been months before he had accepted to call Granger Harry and consider him a friend. Was he supposed to wait even longer until they became... what exactly? Standing so close together he didn't want to wait. How could he wait after knowing how right it felt to be like that with Harry? To kiss. To hold each other. Other people didn’t wait. Tons of his classmates could be found snogging as if the world were about to end on any particular day. 

Suddenly he wasn't so against the mistletoe that hung about. But he didn't act on this impulse and by the time he thought to the decor he once distasted vanished from the castle.

If Harry was honest with himself he was  _ dying  _ from the days that had bled into one another without any other change to his and Sev’s relationship. The only thing that assured him that kiss hadn't been a dream was the way Sev casually glanced at his lips here and there when they studied or walked along the grounds together. 

“Why can't time just stop?” he complained.

“It wouldn't be wise. Time shouldn’t be altered in any way” Sev said, his fingers twitching towards his own.

Slipping his fingers over Sev’s he felt Sev relax against his chair. 

“Let’s go to the Room of Requirements.”

“Done with studying already?” he teased wiggling his eyebrows. “This has to be a record.”

“If you prefer to continue studying,”

“No. Let’s go.” 

The Room of Requirements hadn't turned into the usual dorm setup when Sev led them through. Instead it appeared more along the lines of a training room. Three dummies stood in the middle. Although it wasn’t what he was expecting he was down for a bit of exercise. 

Stripping off his jumper he couldn't help laughing at Sev obviously staring at his exposed midriff.

“Felt the need for target practice,” he asked tugging his shirt back down.

“I...” Sev cleared his throat. “I never got you a gift.”

“Christmas was days ago.”

Sev’s cheeks pinked. “I know that. I was still perfecting the spell.”

“You made a spell for me?” He stared in disbelief at Sev’s reddening face.

“It’s nothing.”

“Nothing? Did you forget that you explained the whole lengthy process for me?”

Pulling his wand out he muttered, “This spell isn’t advanced.”

“We’ll see.” He stood back eyes glued to what Sev was going to show him.

Sev tapped his wand in his palm before stepping up to the dummies. Flashing a nervous grin over his shoulder Sev straightened his stance. A calm settled around him even the way he pivoted his foot seemed to be meaningful. Quicker than anything imaginable Sev whipped his wand through the air leaving all the dummies disarmed. 

“That was amazing! You have to teach me!”

Sev tilted his head in an invitation to come stand next to him. “First you hold out your hand like this,” he instructed. 

“Like this?” he asked trying to match the slight bent angle.

“No.” Sev took his wrist gently, turning it a little. “Then you extend.” Sev guided his arm forward then up into a small circle before swishing left and right. 

Severus stood back. Observing Harry's movement while pressed up next to him was nearly impossible. “I think you have wand movements down.”

“It feels like expelliarmus.”

Severus smirked. “That’s what I built it out of but it's mixed with another spell.” Stepping ahead he readied himself much slower. He spoke the spell in his head a small ball of fire completing the wand movement slower would allow Harry to watch the flame bounce from each of the dummies hands disarming them in the process. 

“What?” Harry asked moving to the dummies. “They're not even scorched.”

“I've been reading up on magical fire after seeing the way you used it.”

Harry looked down at the elder wand. 

“It took many trials to get control of it '' Severus continued as he rearmed the dummies.

“You really are amazing,” Harry whispered.

Keeping his eyes trained on the dummies ahead he tried not to react to the sound of Harry coming closer. 

“You should be able to master this in no time.” For all the power he’d witnessed from Harry he hadn’t been exactly sure if this spell would seem weak. 

“I hope,” Harry slid between him and the dummy so that their eyes met again. “that doesn't mean you will stop teaching me when that happens.”

He wanted to kiss him. Ever since their first kiss he craved it more and more like he was starving for this sort of connection his entire life and only now knew Harry could provide it.

He could feel his voice break as he spoke, “We could learn a lot from each other.” 

Harry’s mouth turned upwards in a smirk in his eyes becoming half lifted as he leaned against the dummy his tongue poked out running along his bottom lip.

_ “He's doing this on purpose,” _ he thought.

Not taking it anymore he pressed his lips onto Harry’s.

Being with Harry made him throw caution to the wind. As Harry's fingers threaded through his hair he knew it was because he felt safe with him. Safe enough to teach him a spell that if anyone else knew might be used against him. Safe enough to want to be something to Harry, to not be alone. It had been so long since he felt safe at Hogwarts.

This blissful sensation couldn't last. Harry seemed to come to the same realization as they broke the kiss. Their second kiss just a few days apart from the first. Joy filled his punching chest looking at the spark in Harry’s eyes and the feel of his breath heavy and hot against him.

“I’m sorry” he panted. “We shouldn’t have done that in the middle of practice.”

“Are you saying we can continue after practice?” 

It took every ounce of control left within him not to capture those reddened lips again.

  
  


“Again!” Sev instructed hours later.

“You are loving this aren't you?” Harry huffed gripping his wand at the angle Sev had taught him. A ball of fire rose from the tip of his wand. With a swish, the flame sputtered out.

“Why are you having problems?” 

He looked to the elder wand again, it was because the power Sev had seen wasn't strictly from him. It was the wand taking on his anger. Right now he was the furthest from anger. How could anyone be angry after a snog?

“Maybe I need motivation” he teased.

“You need focus.” Sev steadied his hand, his shyness forgotten as he held him in place. “Your movement is slightly off.” Sev guided the movement once more.

“Sev,”

“You can't get sloppy on this” he warned. “It could be dangerous if you,” Sev let go of his arm. “You might hurt yourself or someone else.”

Nodding he faced off the three dummies once again. Inhaling he blocked out everything but his targets. Counting down he struck.

All three were disarmed. 

Sev smirked.

“I did it!”

“A few more practices and you should be able to do it quicker.”

“You are a great teacher in Defense as well as Potions.”

Sev shook his head.

“I mean it.”

“I don't think I could teach. No one would listen to me.”

“You've just gotta work on that whole ‘listen up or you'll be sorry’ vibe McGonagall has then you'll do fine.”

Teaching had always been an afterthought, a profession lower on his list. He wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of speaking to anyone let alone a full classroom, but he enjoyed learning. And maybe instructing after today with Harry. 

He wouldn't mind teaching so much if Harry was there to help. Together they could cover topics that many professors skimmed on. Not even professor Soledad expanded knowledge far enough from their text. If he really thought about it he could see himself in her position standing in front of the class walking them through defensive spells. Or just as easily he could see Harry there and he could take over Slughorn's post- Merlin knew Slytherin needed a better Head of House and potions professor.

“What is it?” he asked, catching Harry looking at his wand yet again.

“Have you ever wanted to save someone so badly that you would've done anything?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, taken aback from the sudden question.

“If someone you knew died would you try to stop that from happening? Would you find a way to bring them back?”

“If you’re talking about necromancy stop.” Covering Harry’s hands he spoke quietly. That sort of magic was amongst the darkest ever created. Even attempting it was said to taint someone’s soul ten times more than using the killing curse.

“It's not real” he lied. 

“You’ve looked into it haven't you?”

“I know all Dark magic” he muttered 

He could feel Harry staring at him. 

“You don't want to get involved with that sort of magic.”

“You said it wasn't real.”

“What you want isn't real” he corrected. “You could never bring back a person to life even if you reanimated their corpse. It's wrong.”

“What about making a deal with Death?”

“What fairytales are you reading?” he tried to tease only to notice Harry’s hands shaking slightly in his grasp.

“If you could, would you do it? If someone you loved could be saved by making a deal,”

“No. No one should have to make a deal with Death.”

Harry’s silence worried him.

Had Harry come to Hogwarts to learn necromancy? Making a deal with death was unfathomable for him but if he were Harry if he had lost loving parents so young he might have considered it.

“Harry,”

“I’m sorry it was just a silly question.”

“Necromancy could never be worth it. Don’t ever attempt it.”

“I shouldn't have brought it up.”

“Promise me,” he said looking Harry straight in the eye. 

“I promise.” Harry reached up to cradle his face. “Let’s go get some food.”

*****

Talking about Death was not necessary. Harry knew he shouldn’t have brought it up but it had wriggled in his mind began to sound like a timer ticking down the seconds until the end. Lying in bed all he could think about was Death- that shadowy figure lurking about somewhere. And he only had one more Deathly Hallow to bargain with. He couldn't forget that he was brought here for a reason. One day Death was going to come back. It was going to try to take Sev away from him. It was going to take away the moments of happiness, Sev’s small smile, the faint touches, everything. 

“Harry” Sev’s voice called out in the dark.

“Yes?”

“Come,” Sev whispered.

“Is everything okay?” he asked looking over to Sev’s shadowed face. 

Sev appeared to think about something before sitting upon his bed. “Come here.”

Hesitantly he crawled onto Sev’s bed. 

“You have nightmares sometimes.” Sev said, still looking towards his now empty bed.

“I can put up a silencing charm”

“If you did then I wouldn't know to wake you.”

“It's fine. I've had nightmares for a long time. Before you ask,” he said quickly knowing that he would try to say something. “Sleep potions only help so much.”

“I could make something stronger.”

“I'm fine Sev. Goodnight.” As he tried to get up from the bed Sev grabbed his hand. 

“Stay.” 

Scooting back he made room for Harry. Severus was sure Harry had been silencing himself at night. If death was always in his dreams he couldn’t let that continue. 

Harry looked at the space he provided. In the dim light, he couldn't tell exactly what expression he had on. Was it the same empty sadness that he saw after their spell practice? If it was how could he stop him from making that look?

“Are you sure” came the whispered response.

“I wouldn't suggest it if I wasn't,” he said filling his voice with more confidence than he truly had.

Creaking with his weight the mattress adjusted to the two of them. Laying side by side only so much space offering a barrier between them.

Harry turned to face him. His heart fluttered nervously at the way that minimal light perfectly highlighted Harry's face. They were so close and yet not close enough.

“Could I move closer?” Harry asked.

“Yes.”

The little space once between them was gone as Harry nearly flushed his whole body up against his.

A sound barely above a whisper, something that sounded like “I missed this.” was muttered against his chest.

“Go to sleep.”

He watched as Harry's eyes lowered before shutting completely.

His hand waved wanting to touch him but still unsure of how much farther he could be with Harry. Placing back his arm to his side he too closed his eyes.

*****

Footsteps almost heavy enough to be stomping rose him from sleep. With a jolt, he sat up wand in hand. In a millisecond later Harry called out his name as the curtains drew back. 

“Well, this is a surprise” Regulus stood smirking at the end of his bed.

“What are you doing here?”

Regulus’s eyes looked the two of them up and down.

“Quit your gawking” he snapped.

“You’re lucky I'm the one how came in. I think anyone else would die from shock.”

_ “What I wouldn’t give to curse him right now.” _

“It’s good to see you Regulus.” Harry gently pushed his arm down. “But why are you here?”

“First round of students come back today.”

There was something about Regulus's arrival that didn't sit completely well with him. Hardly anyone came back so early.

“Already?” Harry asked, disappointment evident in his voice. “Well, at least we can get breakfast together.”

“Breakfast? Try lunch it's nearly noon.”

_ “I’ve never slept in that late in my life,” _ he thought appalled at his actions.

“Whatever you two were up to must've tired you out,” Regulus smirked.

If it weren’t for Harry scrambling off the bed he would’ve cursed Regulus.

“We better get ready,” Harry said, his shirt already more than halfway unbuttoned.

“I’ll meet you in the common room.” Regulus excused himself.

As Severus changed he chastised himself for not paying closer attention to the days. If Regulus was here that meant so was Sirius Black. And where Sirius was Potter wasn't far behind. The sanctuary that the castle had been with just him and Harry was gone. Other students would return to their dorms and roam the halls. They might not even get another chance to return to the Room of Requirements to practice. Suddenly he regretted spending so much time studying instead of letting Harry drag him around the school in pursuit of Hogwart secrets.

“So a new development between you and Snape.” Regulus teased as he walked into the common room ahead of Sev. 

It turned out that Regulus wasn’t the only Slytherin back. A few students were chatting on the couch near the fireplace each showing off their lavish gifts. 

He gave a noncommittal shrug. “How was your holiday?”

“What’s a family get together without arguments. Thank you for the plant you gifted me.” His eyes traveled past him. “Lunch gentlemen?” Regulus pushed up from his chair.

He wanted to delve into what Regulus said but thought better of it. There wasn't anything he could do about it anyway. 

With the students returning, Sev’s tense demeanor came back with a vengeance. It hurt to even look at the way he hunched up his shoulders as they walked into the Great Hall. His back remained completely stiff even as they started to pick at their food.

Regulus too picked up on it sending Harry a look that said; 'what's wrong with him’.

Truthfully he didn’t know. When they came in he scanned up and down the Gryffindor table but none of the Marauders or lily was there. Not even Mucliber had reappeared yet.

“If you're embarrassed about this morning there is no need to be so. I find it rather cute.” Regulus said causing Sev to choke on his pumpkin juice.

“Cute?” Sev glared.

“With the way you two were eyeing each other before the break it’s about time you got together. I thought I would grow old before you got up the nerve.”

“That- I-” Sev stammered before refocusing his attention onto his food.

“Since there’s no getting anything out of that one,” Regulus turned to Harry. “Tell me what is it exactly I've missed?”

“Nothing really. Most of the break was spent studying.”

“I’m rather disappointed in you Granger. I was expecting far more.”

Harry laughed. “We could do something all together. How does a midnight boat ride sound?”

“Never cared for boats. You two go ahead, it should be romantic.”

“We won't be going on any boat rides. The professors won't be as lenient now that others are back” Sev objected.

“Perhaps Snape is right,” Regulus’s eyes looked to the Head Table. “Dumbledore has been staring at Granger 

Harry didn't need to look to know Regulus wasn’t joking. The light feeling of someone scratching against his head was more than enough of a warning that Dulmbedore was watching him. 

Gazing towards the Head Table he did see the Headmaster peering their way. Eyes behind half-moon glasses were locked on Harry, not with a cheerful smile like the one he gave Potter now and then, but the same distrustful stare he remembered were directed at Lucius when he gave him messages to pass on. 

Why was he looking at Harry like that? 

A churn of his stomach made him push away his plate. 

Had Dumbledore overheard them talking about necromancy?

No that couldn’t be it. They had been protected in the Room of Requirements.

He was overthinking things. There wasn’t a logical reason why Dumbledore would look at Harry like that.

***

“Where is your brother?” Severus asked Regulus once they got time alone together.

Regulus’s early appearance couldn't be anything aside from a warning. 

“Don't believe I came back to check on you?”

“Is it Mulciber?” he asked, cutting to the chase.

“I told you I have him under control. You should be more concerned about my brother. Granger’s name came up quite a lot over the holiday.”

It made him sick just thinking of Black talking about Harry. 

“He was convinced he was under the imperious curse.”

“Your brother is an imbecile.”

“He has his moments,” Regulus said in a tone that suggested he shouldn’t say anything more about Sirius. Witnessing Regulus cut down others he was sure another insult would cost him a nasty hex. 

“This,” Regulus held out a blank envelope. “is for you.”

From the quality of the paper alone he could identify the sender to be Lucius. No one else would send him a message like this. Even back in his first year Lucius had used this sort of fine paper to make the messages he was told to give out.

“You might say you lost ties but it doesn't appear that way.”

“I’ll be sure to reject this.”

Regulus nodded. “Do take care. Outside of this castle, the world is changing.”

  
  
  


****

Potter’s return came noisy, his booming laughter seemingly taking up every available space within the Great Hall the following day. All three of Potter’s lackeys were in attendance as well; their eyes falling to him and Harry. Almost instinctively they reached for each other's hand as if to hold the other back from drawing their wand. Furry still shone in Sirius' eyes but Potter looked to be thinking something over. Both were not good.

Throughout the day Harry waited. For what exactly he wasn't sure. But there just had to be something coming. James was back and yet aside from a sideways glance there was nothing between them. In his mind Harry expected some sort of duel right in the middle of the Great Hall or right before class. 

But it looked as though the Marauders were still keeping their distance. That was perfectly fine with him. If the remainder of the year could be this way that wouldn’t bother him in the slightest.

“That will be it for today” McGonagall announced seconds before the bell chimed.

As he packed his book he saw Lily’s bright red hair move into view. An ice-cold glare hit him when their eyes connected. Even though he knew why it hurt to see the anger in those familiar eyes. 

****

Sitting in front of the Common Room fire Severus looked over the letter Regulus had given him the day before. This letter couldn't have been a good sign. Discarding it would be the most logical course of action. It could be tossed into the fire and forgotten. 

“This is the right thing to do.”His hand wavered over the open flames, its heat warming up his cold fingers. 

_ “Is it?”  _ a voice in the back of his head asked.

He didn’t even know what was in the letter. What if it was important? What if it held answers to his concerns about Mulciber. 

“Sev?” Harry asked in a yawn.

Slipping the letter back into his pocket he looked at Harry. His hair was sticking up every which way showing off his jagged scar and his pajama top was hardly hanging on to him with only one button properly in place.

“What are you doing up?”

“I couldn't sleep.”

“What is it? Is it Potter?” Harry asked his hand forming into fists. 

“No. He hasn’t bothered me since that day” There was no need to clarify Harry understood. 

“Good.” Harry moved to sit on the rug beside him.

The letter in his pocket might as well have been made of hot coal from the way it burned him to keep it secret.

“What is it?” 

What could he say? Could he tell Harry that he worried why Lucius Malfoy was trying to gain his attention after years of nothing? Or that Sirius Black was still unchecked just like Mulciber? Or that he didn't know why out of the blue Dumbledore had begun to look at Harry with so much distrust? Or that their brief talk about death hadn’t exactly left him. Or.....

He pinched the bridge of his nose striving off the swirling thoughts that would result in a headache.

“Is it us?”

The question made him snap his attention back onto Harry.

“It wouldn't be the first time you pulled away.” Harry shook his head, his voice coming back a light lighter. “I said we could take it slow if you don't want me to-”

“It’s not that.” What he had with Harry was one of the few things he felt sure about. 

“Oh, I thought with Regulus teasing that you might-”

“It’s not that.”

“Could I sit with you until you're ready to go back to bed?”

“Yes.”

Harry sat as close as physically possible, their hands rested comfortably within each other.

“I am worried” he confessed to the fire. “About not having as much time to explore the castle now that we have to go back to learning.”

“Is that seriously all you can think about?”

“I could think about other things.” He smirked. “What did you have in mind?” he whispered into Sev’s ear.

The blush spread on Sev’s face made him smile even wider. 

“You are impossible.”

“Is that so?” He slid his hand further up Sev’s arm. 

Sev‘s hands cupped his face as he leaned him back just enough for Harry to see the way the fire reflected in his eyes. His thumb rubbed over his scar. 

“We should get to bed.” Sev spoke softly as he moved his fingers along the side of Harry's face.

“Yes, we should.”

Harry reached for the buttons in front of him. Managing to pull enough open to slip his hand beneath the fabric he felt the rise pulse of Sev’s heart. There was no need to ask for what he wanted at the moment as thin lips descended upon his own. Hands were guiding him slowly back against the rug underneath them. The heat from the fire besides them only added to the warmth that spread through him as Sev too tugged his pajama top open- although a bit more wildly than he had. But Harry couldn’t care if he found a button or two missing with the way Sev was hungrily kissing him. Kissing as if this would be their last. 

A flash of the last kiss he shared with His Severus flashed in his mind.

_ “Don’t think about that.” _

Bunching up his hands he tried to return to bliss. To get swept up in the way Sev was touching him. 

He couldn’t. Something felt wrong like the end was coming closer.

“Harry?” Sev panted breaking the kiss. 

Air shakily entered his lungs. If he could formulate words they would’ve been to curse the fates for making him stop this. Why couldn’t he just enjoy this?

“Harry?” Sev asked again lust shifting into confusion as he looked down at him.

Something wasn’t right. 

“Did I hurt you?”

Closing his eyes he shook his head. 

He had to have done something wrong. When Harry's lips had stopped kissing back he didn’t understand. Fear shone in Harry's eyes right before he managed to break their kiss. It was like Harry had seen something terrible.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know” Harry said his voice tight as if he were about to cry. “I feel like you are slipping away.”

“I am right here.” 

Harry gripped his hand tightly just as he did in the middle of nightmares. Nightmares that he only partially knew were filled with death. Through Harry's own eyes he’d seen his own death. Was that what crossed his mind now? That horrific dream?

“I'm sorry. I must be tired.”

“Rest” he whispered against the top of Harry’s head. With light strokes, he ran his hands up and down Harry's arm. He wouldn’t allow them to go back to the dorms like this. 

***

“How are the love birds this morning?” Regulus teased mercilessly as he collected the tools from the Herbology shed in the greenhouse.

“This sort of behavior is beneath you” he hissed under his breath. 

Regulus smirked. “Take it your rendezvous didn’t go as planned last night?”

Sev eyes narrowed. Last night was hardly anything planned. He didn’t even remember them making it back to their beds and yet they had woken up there. He suspected Bippy had something to do with it. Either way, he didn’t want Regulus announcing it to the whole school especially after Harry’s drawing back. 

_ “Whatever that was,” _ he thought, looking back over to Harry. 

“A thank you is in order.” Regulus continued to look smug.

“For what exactly?” he asked in a scowl. 

“I did manage to levitate you both back into bed before Slughorn or anyone else caught you.” 

One look at Regulus’s face and he knew he was serious. “Why would you do that?”

“Why indeed.” Regulus tapped his chin in mimicked thought. “Perhaps it was to avoid losing House points. Or it could be that I’ve grown to like both of you.”

“Or you just wanted to hold this over me.”

“Blackmail does sound nice.” Regulus stifled his laughter at the way Mulciber was looking at them. 

“What were you talking about?” Harry asked as Regulus came back with their things. 

“Snape was telling me how much he loves you.”

“You really enjoy making him uncomfortable don’t you.”

“It has its charm to make him get flustered,” Regulus admitted glancing at Sev muttering to himself.

“We are friends right Regulus?” he asked watching Sev’s brow furrow as he sifted soil. 

“I think so.”

“As a friend, I’m going to tell you this once.” His serious tone pulled Regulus’s attention back to him. “Don’t do anything that will hurt him.”

Regulus smiled. “A threat. Now that's what I call love.” 

***

The world had to have gone mad. Utterly mad for him, Severus Snape to actually have a boyfriend. That’s what he and Harry were according to Regulus who for a week straight paraded around the term, inserting it whether it was necessary or not. And for some unknown reason, Hogwarts had begun to feel more like a home to him again. Not even Potter was popping up to ruin this feeling. At every turn he expected Potter to say something. To taunt him for holding Harry’s hand under the table when they ate sometimes. Or showering him with Howlers screeching how disgusting it was for them to lean up close to one another whenever he thought it was safe to do so. 

School had grown quiet, at least when he blocked out Regulus’s teasing. Even Muliciber seemed to be under control just as Regulus had said. 

The world had gone mad in the best possible way. 

“Sev Regulus wanted us to meet at the Quidditch Pitch. Are you coming or are you going to spend the whole day writing in that thing?”

Closing the notebook he looked up at Harry who was dressed in shorts and a baggy shirt. “I will bring it along.”

“You don’t want to fly for once? We could go tandem.”

“I’d rather eat vomit flavored Bertie Botts.”

“That is harsh. Do you think I’m that terrible of a flyer?”

Although he’d only seen Harry fly once he couldn’t consider him to be bad in the slightest. Harry would’ve done well to join the Quidditch team. Severus suspected this invitation to practice flying was Regulus’s way of slowly convincing him to join for next year. 

Next year was an odd thought. Ever since coming to Hogwarts and dealing with James Potter he only thought ahead so much. Not since this year did he really think about what school could be like. Just like everyone else he now had people to go with around the castle and Hogsmeade weekends. For once he could see himself participating more than just in classes. Next year he could have all of the things that his fellow classmates had since year one. And after he graduated he and Harry could be happy together couldn’t they?

“I’m sure you are a great flyer.”

Harry tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “Good.” Leaning close their lips met all too briefly.

“Regulus will be annoyed if we are late.”

  
  


Whatever was making Sev look at him this way he wanted to keep it with him at all times. So much light was in the obsidian eyes he loved. Maybe it was the sun that shined perfectly today. A perfect day to end a perfect week. 

“Lovebirds could we get to flying” regulus groaned floating above them. 

“What’s it going to be Sev? Tandem or will you fly on your own?” 

Sev lingered back staring at the broom on the ground. "I don't care for flying" he admitted.

"Tandem it is." He smiled, setting the broom between his legs. "Come on," he said patting the end of the broom. 

Sliding in behind him Harry felt Sev's arms wrap around him tight.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

Kicking off from the ground he felt Sev's finger grip tighten almost painfully around his stomach.

The wind tousled his hair in a rush as they rose higher. Flying hadn't been in his routine for a while he missed this feeling of being limitless. Now that things had settled down he wanted to convince Sev to join him to see another game. 

"A quick race around the track. Loser has to pay for lunch at the next Hogsmeade weekend." Regulus announced before rushing off.

Leaning forward he sped up causing Sev's grip to tighten.

"SLOW DOWN!" Sev yelled back over the wind.

"We can't let him win" he protested speeding up even more. 

Despite the death grip Sev had he couldn't be happier at this moment. 

Slowly he felt Sev's grip ease up just enough that he couldn't feel his fingernails dig into him as they passed Regulus.

"Not bad Granger," Regulus said flying side by side of them. 

Wind whipped around them as they fought to get ahead of each other. Regulus diverged from the straight path falling out of his view for a moment.

The full of Sev's body clung to him. "You are never going to bet me to do this again" Sev shouted.

"Then I better make the most of this" he laughed zipping around.

"You're slowing down" Regulus taunted diving down from above, cutting them off.

He felt Sev's head rest against his back. He probably had his eyes shut tight, he could feel the words being mumbled into his back.

_ "I'm going to fall" _ Severus though.  _ "I'm going to fall." _

He trusted Harry not to purposefully toss him off the broom but he couldn’t stop thinking about how high they were and how utterly idiotic it was to give someone the chance to drop him from this height. This race did little to prevent his sweaty palms from losing their grip. 

Why did he think that this would be okay? He'd stopped flying as soon as he was able to. On a broom he was just so awkward on the damn thing. It was better to sit back and watch this craziness from a safe distance.

They felt like they were going higher. Clutching his eyes so hard he waited for all of this to be over. 

"You can open your eyes now." Harry said when it felt like they stopped.

The sight in front of him was breathtaking. Hogwarts in all her glory stood on a backdrop of the afternoon sky. From up here, he could appreciate more of the sky’s lush pinks and oranges. It was beautiful yet oh so terrifying when he remembered how high they were to achieve this sort of view.

Harry maneuvered himself just enough for him to see him smile. “We won the race.” 

Despite the joy in his voice all Severus wanted to do was touch solid ground again. “Take me back down.”

“You want to pass up all of this?” Harry motioned to the wide landscape.

“I don't like heights,” he said returning to white knuckle the hem of Harry's shirt. 

“Sorry, I thought you.. you would like this.”

Their descent was slower and more careful. It was almost peaceful when Harry moved at this slow pace and he could feel his hair catch the wind gently as he leaned against Harry's strong back. If flying was more like this then he wouldn't mind it so much.

“Is this better?” Harry asked softly, no longer having to yell over the wind. 

“Much” he muttered into his shoulder. He could almost fall asleep listening to Harry's breathing. 

“You really should tell me important things like this.”

“It’s an irrational fear” he lied knowing that there was logic to this aversion.

“You know what could help make you less afraid,”

“What?”

Harry stopped to hover close to the banister of the Slytherin seating area. 

“What are you doing?” he asked as Harry gently pulled his arms away from his waist.

“Trust me.”

Harry guided his hands to the back of the broom; he could feel the beginning of its bristles under his touch. Without Harry to hold on he latched onto the bristled ends. Remaining as still as possible he watched with horror as Harry used the side of the banister to swing his leg around so that he was sitting sideways. 

It couldn't be safe to sit like that no matter how many times he'd seen muggles depict witches flying around like that. He was going to fall. They were going to fall. Why was he doing this?

“Sev lean forward.”

Heart pounding he did what he was told half expecting the shift to cause them to plummet to the ground below. 

A hand smoothed his windswept hair. The sureness Harry had on his face eased somewhat the sensation of his stomach dropping.

“I got you” was whispered before lips were on his.

Bristles below his touch seemed to lose their necessity as an anchor as he reached for Harry. Plump lips parted ever so slightly as he tilted his head. 

“Better?”Harry whispered against his ear. 

Boldly he removed his second hand from the back of the broom to bring Harry’s lips back. The motion caused the broom to dip just enough for him to return to his senses of dread.

“GROUND NOW” he ordered grasping anything that would keep them from flipping over.

“Okay.” Harry eased them down. “For a minute you liked it.”

“I like being alive more” he hissed thankful that they finally were back on land.

“I’ll make it up to you.”

Sev was in a pouting mood throughout the rest of the evening. Not that Harry could really blame him. Harry couldn’t even get him to do anything aside from mutter about not flying again. He would have to come up with something very good to make up for scaring him. If 

“Granger,” Regulus called him over just before he followed Sev into the Slytherin common room.

“What is it Regulus?” 

“Meet me tonight in the Defense classroom at eleven alone.”

“Alone?”

“Snape wouldn’t understand.”

“What is this about?” he asked, nervous that it was something related to the Death Eaters. If it was he definitely didn’t want Sev there. 

“I'll tell you tonight.”

“Okay. But you need to help me figure out how to make up for flying practice today.”

“I have to go meet up with Mulciber. See you at eleven.”

Sifting through his school bad Severus tried to find his notebook. There had to be something to take his mind off the horrific flying he endured several hours ago. Amongst the books he saw a plain envelope. 

Over the week he had forgotten about Lucius’s letter. 

“Sev?” Harry knocked on his bed curtains. “Can I come in or are you never going to forgive me?”

Of course, he wasn’t going to hold this against him. Harry probably did have them in a safe place. It was just being up there without anything to really ground him and the fear of what would happen if they had slipped off the broom because he couldn’t keep his hands off Harry. Somewhere in that mess of fear he actually liked being in the air with Harry. If only he had more control over them not falling then he would suggest it again.

“Are you ignoring me?”

“I’m not.”

Without permission, Harry pushed through the curtains. “Organizing,” Harry sighed. “You always do that when you’re upset.”

“I wasn’t organizing and I don’t do that.”

“You do.” Harry sat at the edge of the bed. “I will make it up to you.”

“It’s nothing” he sighed feeling a strange twinge of guilt.

“What’s that?” Harry pointed to the blank envelope.

“Lucius Malfoy sent me this.”

The corners of Harry’s mouth turned into a frown. “You didn’t open it?”

“Malfoy is... a particular person. I wasn’t sure if I would like what it said.”

“What would it say?”

“I don’t know.” 

For all the time he spent with Lucius he didn’t know what the man really thought. There were times Lucius would say things as though quoting someone, probably the man he now followed. 

“Could I open it?” 

What if it was something about Dark Arts or a message that he was supposed to pass on? Severus didn’t want Harry to be caught up in whatever Lucius wanted. 

“If it’s anything horrible we can burn it and forget about it. I promise.”

“We open it together,” he said after a shaky pause.

Both pinching opposite ends of the envelope they tore it, Harry a little more forceful than he probably expected. 

Inside was a Christmas card. Its shiny glossed cover had a painting of a fully decorated Christmas tree. Opening it up it held a short message in prefect script:

_ At this time of year, it is good to reunite with old friends. _

_ -L. Malfoy _

“A little late for a Christmas card.” Harry moved back so that he wasn’t reading over his shoulder. 

It was odd but just like the blank card Lucius had given him before he couldn’t sense any magic within it. There was a strange blot of ink at the end of the message. For someone like Lucius who crafted his letters so meticulously it had to mean something. 

“Alright that’s enough of that,” Harry said snatching the letter out of his hand.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s late. I’m tired. You’re cranky so it’s time for sleep.”

“Harry,” he sighed. “It’s hardly late. We’ve stayed up far later than this.” It couldn’t have been nine yet.

“Sleep is important” Harry argued placing things back into his school bag.

“You are making a mess.”

“This will be here in the morning for you to clean up.” 

“Harry,”

“Shhh” Harry hushed pulling him into bed. 

Seeing that there was no way of getting out of it he laid next to Harry. 

  
  
  


***

The Defense room was downright eerie at night. Standing around with the shadows of Dark creatures hovering around would make anyone freak out a little. And yet he had been standing around for what felt like an eternity in the cold classroom. It was warmer sleeping besides Sev back in the dungeons. 

_ “Regulus was supposed to be here.”  _ Harry tilted his watch to the firelight to get a better reading on his watch. 

11:30 pm _ . _

“If he wanted to meet up he should’ve done it by now” he grumbled. 

Whatever it was Regulus had to tell him he wanted to hear it ten times more after seeing Lucius’ Christmas card. Something didn’t sit right with that. 

Having enough of waiting Harry returned to the dorms. Tiptoeing he snuck past all his sleeping roommates. If he was extra careful he could sneak back into bed without earning a handful of questioning. Drawing back the curtains his heart plummeted to the ground. Severus was not there. Placing a hand on the sheets he noted that it didn’t feel warm.

“Potter.” He knew that this had to be James's doing. It was only a matter of time before James got bored again. And it didn’t take geniuses to brew polyjuice potion.

Spelling his shoes silent he ran out, up the stairs from the dungeons. 

Ruffling up his hair to look more like James, he hoped that the fat lady guarding the entrance to the Gryffindor rooms would let him.

“Out again Potter? Get in.” she chided swinging open.

Not wasting a second he stormed through the common room up to the boys' dormitory. 

The moment his eyes caught sight of James he gripped his pajama collar throwing up a silencing charm around them for extra measure.

“What?” James yelped, his tired eyes squinting to focus on him. “Already cheating on your boyfriend Granger?”

“Where is he?” he gritted through his teeth in a harsh whisper.

“How did you get in?”

“So help me if you don't tell me,” Harry pressed his wand right under James' Adam's apple. 

James’s eyes grew wide. “Have you gone completely mental?” he shrieked.

“Where is Sev?”

“Shouldn't he be with you?”

His grip loosened against James's collar. “You don't know where he is?”

James rubbed his neck. “I was asleep until you came.” James reached for his glasses. “Fucking mental” he muttered.

“You didn’t send me to meet in the Defense room?”

“Defense room?” James muttered to himself before pausing to look out the window. “Sirius.” In a split second, James's face turned stark white. "He wouldn't." 

Ripping the sheets from himself, James flew off the bed. Frantically he searched the foot of his bed before swearing “fuck it” under his breath.

James bounded for the door shoeless Harry followed quickly.

“What's happening?”

“We have to stop Snape!” Genuine fear rang in his voice unsettling Harry to the core. 

Severus approached the gnarled tree cautiously. The whomping willow wasn’t like any other tree it had a mind of its own- swaying its clublike branches in a warning. 

He looked at the letter he found shortly after discovering Harry was absent from his bed.

_ Meet me by the Whomping Willow. _

Why he had been told to meet here was odd but Harry could be impulsive and reckless enough to invite him out so late at night to make things up to him.

“And after he made a big deal of going to sleep early.” Shaking his head he pushed the note back into his pocket.

A full moon illuminated the whomping willow in an unworldly beautiful way. All that was missing was Harry waiting under the massive tree for him.

“Harry?” 

One of the branches shook. 

“Harry! We shouldn’t be out so late.”

The sound of something fluttering against the wind drew his attention to another note wedged between a rock.

_ Use the stick to touch the spot in the middle of the willow. _

_ “Another Hogwarts secret?” _ He smiled to himself. 

Picking up the stick he aimed for the center. On his third try he managed to strike it. 

_ “How did he know about this?” _ he thought as gazed at the opening that emerged beneath the now motionless tree. 

Down he went. Excitement ran through him at the possibilities that would be on the other side of this dirt passageway. Regardless of what it was this certainly was better than flying.

A ladder dirtied but yet obviously used laid against the wall at the end of the path. Slowly he climbed lifting his hand to rest against what had to be a trap door from the other side. Pushing it up he saw floorboards and a battered chair to his right. Squirming up he expected to hear Harry’s voice congratulating him on making it. Instead he heard strangled breathing. “S..s”

Frightened he went towards the sound. 

“Snape?” Lupin gasped. His shirt had been ripped droplets of blood splattered where he was clawing at himself.

“What happened to you?” He took a step forward.

“Don’t!” Lupin dropped to his knees, face twisted in pain. “You shouldn’t be here.” Lupin's words began to muffle as though something in his mouth was preventing him from speaking clearly.

Through heavy breathing, a low growl rumbled.

“Lupin...”

Lupin’s eyes turned to the color of amber. Sharp teeth protruded from his mouth.

Bones snapping out of place sent him fumbling back. 

“You’re a...”

A howl of pain shook the walls around them. Fur covered lupin.

Witnessing the transformation glued him into his place on the floor.

The werewolf reared its head, amber eyes locked on him. 

“Fuck!” James swore as they ran past the castle walls. 

“What do you mean we have to stop Sev?” he called after James. “Where is he?”

“The Whomping Willow.”

As if the ground had given away from under him he stumbled. Jutting his eyes up to the sky what he feared stared down at him. It was a full moon.

Pushing his trembling legs he ran ahead of James. Nothing was going to stop him from saving Sev not even the danger of getting hit by the aggravated tree or the werewolf he knew was going to be on the other side.

Squeezing his way through the narrow passage he didn’t care about the bruises that would result from hitting his shin so many times against the shadowed rocks or the cuts from the sharped roots that he ripped through. Blasting through the trap door he scrambled up wand ready to do what was necessary. 

“Sev!”

A deep howl preceded the sharp pain against his back from hitting the wall. 

The werewolf in front of him snarled. Drool pooled at the end of its muzzle.

“Remus” he groaned in pain. 

The werewolf sniffed him.

“Stop!” James yelled, pulling its attention away. 

The werewolf howled running towards James, only to narrowly miss. 

“Get Snape the fuck out of here!” James yelled casting spells towards the werewolf.

“Sev!”

Crawling on his hands and knees he dodged the pieces of furniture that Lupin cut through with his claws. 

Rasping from behind the old battered bed guided his destination. 

He tried to ignore the streaks of blood that ran across the floor that stopped where Sev was laying panicked curled up on himself as much as possible.

“Harry.” Sev’s eye doubled in size before couching roughly. Blood fell onto the palm of his hand as he pulled it away. 

“I’m getting you out of here.” With shaky hands he gripped Sev. 

“I can’t... move my... leg” Sev coughed.

Hoisting Sev’s arm over his shoulder he used every ounce of strength he had to pull them back into the tunnel. Narrowly he avoided a stag tossed towards them. 

The stag reared its head snorting at him before charging once again at the werewolf. 

“Hang on '' he cradled Sev’s head as they slipped through the trapdoor. The path was too thin to levitate Sev without causing more harm. Keeping his eyes forward he tried not to think about the wetness of Sev’s blood seeping through his clothes or the harshed breathing so close to his ear.

Forcing his way out he collapsed to the grass away from the Whomping Willow.

A shadowed figure floated unnaturally into view.

“No” his voice shook as he met the void face of Death.

This couldn’t be it. It couldn’t. Death had to be tricking him again. But if he didn't do anything...

  
“No Sev. No. I'm not losing you again” He could hear Harry cry.   
Again? he wanted to ask but things were fuzzy. Every sound was dipping in and out like the busted radio he used to listen to back home. He would've liked to listen to some music with Harry. 

He wanted to apologize to Lily again for being a horrible friend. 

He wanted to be able to feel the hands clutching him, to clearly see the mismatch eyes in the moonlight. But this felt like the end.

A darkened image appeared beside Harry. Against the moonlight its darkened features looked less frightening as he thought death might’ve been. He was going to die with many regrets but that had been the reality from the start hadn't it?    
“THIS IS BULLSHIT!” Harry swore. For a second he thought it was towards him but the hazy blur refocused on Harry speaking to death. It made no sense.    
“This isn't fair!” Harry protested. 

Death held out its hand. It had to be a hand for him, to take him away, away from Harry but also away from the pain. 

And he would take that hand if he could raise his battered arm; or if Harry didn't place something else in death's hand. If his mouth could work he would ask what he had done before the world tilted and slid out of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, how dare I do this to you all. I can see you all bringing out the pitchforks for me updating this chapter on his birthday.  
I'm sorry. I really am. Please forgive me I had to get it out.  
Two more chapters to write, that is if I survive the angry mob.  
Until next time....


	12. An Outstretched Hand

Harry’s hand shook as though the Elder wand weighed a thousand pounds in his hand. Death loomed over him, its faceless void staring at him. Waiting.

“This isn’t fair!” That was all he could say as Death uncurled its hand to him.

This couldn’t be the end. It just couldn’t. He wouldn’t let it end here. This had to be a trick. 

Death reached forward. The end of the Elderwand nearly touched its palm before he thought to draw back. 

Death hadn’t played fair. Why should he?

“You are not taking him!” he spat before pressing the Elder wand against the frightful gash along Sev’s leg. “Please. Please. Please” he begged the Elder wand as he searched his head for the healing spells he’d read during their studying. “Ferula” he whispered, pushing as much magic as he could. Bandages sprung up wrapping the injured leg. 

Touching Sev’s hands, Harry noticed that they were almost as cold as ice. 

Death remained beside him watching as he ripped open what was left of Sev’s tattered shirt to see where else he was bleeding from. Another gash sliced Sev’s side across his stomach.

“Episkey!” The gash stopped bleeding for a second before resuming. Again he tried with the same effect. 

Death took a step closer. Its hand remained unfurled in his peripheral vision.

His heart pounded painfully in his throat as he tried to bandage it instead but blood kept spotting through. Panicked, he pressed his hands against the wound. 

Taking in a shuddering breath he looked to Death. 

Death leaned down. The edges of his long cloak skimming his shoulder. 

Careful of his wounds he laid over Sev hoping that it somehow would shield him against Death.

Death couldn’t take him. Not now. 

“Granger!” Raising his head he saw a figure crawling up from the Whopping Willow.

“James!”He cried.

Death had turned to look back at the Gryffindor running towards them. 

The reflection of the full moon in his cracked glasses hid his eyes but he could tell that James was terrified of what he saw.

“Help me!” he cried.

Snapping out of it James kneeled to the side of him. “Remove your hands.” 

“He’ll die!”

“Granger you have to trust me.”

Harry didn’t know if he really could. But he couldn't let Death win. 

Slowly he removed his blood covered hands. He almost punched James for cutting the bandages free.

“ _ Vulnera Sanentur _ ” James said with a forced calm. 

His whole body tensed as he watched the gash sew itself back up.

Death tried to reach for him with its hands clawed like talons before turning away. If Death had a face Harry was sure that it would’ve held the hottest glare.

“Hurry. I don’t know how long it will hold.” James said moving to lift Sev up. “He needs to get to Madam Pomfrey.”

***

As the sun began to filter into the infirmary Harry remained exactly where he had been for the past several hours, sitting next to Sev’s bed. The hurricane of emotions that had muttered the desperate moments when he’d first come in with Sev dropped in his arms were slowly settling with each rise and fall of Sev’s chest. Little by little he was recalling the way Madam Pomfrey shrieked at the sight of all three of them covered in dirt and blood. Remembered how she had to spell him clean because he wouldn’t allow himself to leave Sev’s side. 

“Mr. Granger, you cannot remain here.” Madam Pomfrey tried to reason with him for the millionth time.

“I’m not leaving.” Even if he had to spell himself to the ground he wouldn’t leave.

“He won’t wake for some time. He’d lost a lot of blood.”

He continued to watch. It felt as if taking his eyes off of him would be enough for Death to return.

***

“Granger,” James appeared hours later, standing just a bit out of his peripheral vision. 

“What do you want?” he asked through grounded teeth. 

Sitting here had left him with little but to think on everything that he led up to this point. How the Marauders had mercilessly bullied Sev. How he had thought the worst was behind them. How Sirius so easily tricked them. How helpless he was seeing Sev again bleeding in his arms. How Sev might not have been in this position if it weren’t for James. 

“Neither of us want you here Potter” he snapped. 

Blaming James helped him not turn his wand against himself for Sev’s current state. This was his fault. 

“This,” James said quietly as if he didn’t want anyone to hear. “This shouldn't have happened. ”

James moved to stand at the edge of Sev’s bed. “Snape shouldn’t have been there.”

“Wrong place wrong time is that your excuse?” he snarled aiming his wand at James. “You provoked Sirius didn’t you?” It was hard to keep his arm from shaking. “You knew what he was doing.”

“I didn't,” James protessed. “Sirius said he wanted to get back at him but I told him not to.”

“You had no problems attacking him before” he said, jabbing the end of his wand against James for good measure.

“I never wanted him dead.”

“You could've fooled me.”

James looked down at his feet. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. Sirius didn’t... he said it was supposed to be a prank.”

“If you mean that, tell Dumbledore why Sev’s here. Tell him how Sirius's “prank” nearly  _ killed _ someone!”

“I will,” James said softly as if knowing that Harry was gearing up to hex him if he didn’t agree. “I'm sorry.”

The apology stunned him. He expected James to never admit that he was partially to blame for all of this. 

“It’s not enough, but I am sorry for it getting to this point.”

Lowering his wand he focused back to the rise and fall of Sev’s chest.

“How did you know that spell?” he asked. “How did you know it would’ve saved him?”

“He taught it to me. Back in third year he cast something that backfired and hit Lily.... Even Madam Pomfrey couldn’t stop Lily's wounds from reopening... When I saw him outside the infirmary....” James’ hand curled into a fist before opening again. “I wasn’t sure I could trust him, but it had saved her life.”

With heavy steps James left him. 

****

Two days had gone by and yet Harry remained beside Sev. In the quiet infirmary he could hear Madam Pomfrey’s whispering but he didn’t dare leave his spot.

“You look like shit” Regulus said, slipping through the privacy curtain. 

_ “No thanks to your brother” _ he thought bitterly. 

He was glad that Regulus hadn’t shown up until now. Dealing with James was more than enough; the last thing he wanted was to talk with Regulus. He still felt completely stupid for not knowing that the Regulus he spoke to was a polyjuiced-up Sirius or whatever he had done... He should’ve known the real Regulus wouldn’t have asked to meet up so late. Why hadn’t he seen the red flag before? 

_ “This is all my fault.” _

“I’ve been wondering where you two were. I thought you eloped or something.” Regulus nudged him. 

As always he kept his eyes to Sev’s breathing.  _ “Why isn’t he waking up?” _

“I wish that you two did run off...” Regulus placed a hand onto Harry’s shoulder. 

Turning his eyes away from Sev for the first time in a while he looked at Regulus. There was something about the way his eyes drifted to Sev that made Harry think he wanted to say something more. 

This wasn’t how he wanted things to turn out. Just a few days ago Regulus was playfully teasing them about being close. Hours had gone on internally debating whether Regulus was playing them the entire time, but he couldn’t accept that. It wasn’t fair to blame Regulus for Sirius’s actions. 

“The Headmaster wants to see you” Regulus said in a low serious voice that didn’t sound at all correct coming from him.

“I don't want to see him.”

“Granger,”

There was no need for Regulus to tell him that the Headmaster would continue to send for him. Harry had half the mind to ignore the call until Dulmbedore had to come to the infirmary himself and see Sev laying here. If he saw the damage caused by his Gryffindor students then he would have to do something. 

“I’ll make sure to look after him while you’re gone.”

Squeezing Sev’s hand he rose from his chair. “If you-”

“If I do anything I’m sure you will hex my arse. I won’t leave his side.”

“Enter” Dumbledore called as he raised his hand to the office door. “Mr. Granger, tea?” he asked, a little less cheerful as he usually did. 

“No.” He fell into the chair. Suddenly his eyes felt heavy with sleep and his body ached, but he couldn't fall asleep peacefully here when he didn’t know if Sev would be alright without him. Nor could he sleep with Dumbledore sitting across from him, his fingers steepled against his desk. 

“I have heard that Mr. Snape has been in an accident.”

Gripping the handles of the chair it took every ounce of will not to hurl himself over Dumbledore’s desk and start ramming his fists into his face. “It wasn’t an accident.”

“Mr. Potter has told me all about it. Now I am settled with the most unfortunate task of deciding how to move forward from this accident.”

“It wasn’t an accident,” he said louder. 

“This was an accident that could’ve been avoided and  _ had  _ been for several years now.” 

Jumping to his feet he glared the old man down. “This wasn’t an accident! Sev was sent to get attacked by Lupin!” 

Something flickered in Dumbledore’s eyes. “So you knew about Mr. Lupin's condition?” He leaned back running a hand through his beard.

“Yes,” he said hesitantly. Somehow all the frustration that had empowered him felt shaky under the sharp look in Dumbledore's eyes.

“Tell me Mr. Granger, how did you figure that out?” 

“It wasn’t that difficult. We do study Werewolves in Defense class.”

“I see.” Dumbledore stroked his beard. “Knowing this, what should become of Mr. Lupin?” With a wave of his hand Dulmbedore produced a cup of tea. Slowly he stirred it while maintaining the icy stare. “As Headmaster I am tasked with doing what is right by the students. So tell me, is it right that Mr. Lupin should get expelled from the  _ only _ school that will take him? After he worked so hard to be one of the top students, a Head Boy no less, is it right to take that away a year before he can graduate? Is it right to strip away any sense of a future for him? Is it right to reprimand him for events that currently weigh heavily on him?”

He hadn’t even thought about Remus over the past days.

“Mr. Snape was the one who sought him out,” 

He didn’t! He didn’t even know about Lupin.”

Harry wanted nothing more than to smack the tea out of Dulmbedore’s hands as he took a sip.

“SEV ALMOST DIED!”

“But he didn't thanks to James Potter, who you accused of harassing Mr. Snape.”

“He did! He does!”

“Does his heroic act not count due to past quarrels? What would become of him if he could not graduate?” Dulmbedore stood. “What would become of you Mr. Granger?”

“Me?” A pressure struck him in his head as Dulmbedore walked out from behind his desk.

“I have a claim that you provoked this accident.” 

“What are you,” he groaned as he forced his mental shields up. “talking about?”

“It was because of your letter that Mr. Snape went to the Whomping Willow.”

“Letter? Sirius-” 

“To be thorough I spoke with Mr. Black as well. He says that he tried to stop Mr. Snape from getting further.” 

The pressure inside his head doubled. Spots popped in his blurring vision of Dulmbedore’s stark blue eyes. 

“A very select few knew about Mr. Lupin’s condition and his whereabouts during the full moon. So how did Mr. Snape know the way in?”

In a vice grip he was steered back down into his chair. Under the pressure it was so hard to think.

“You have quite a vast knowledge of things you shouldn’t, don't you Mr. Granger?”

“I,” Everything was so fuzzy except those piercing eyes. 

“It doesn't look good for anyone on either side. I do not wish to expel anyone. Least of all Mr. Snape,” Dumbledore let go. “Although this is his second offense regarding these boys as witnesses.”

“What?” He could barely wrap his head around what he was saying now.

“You were not present but in his third year Mr. Snape had cast a rather nasty curse which hit Ms. Evans. Thank Merlin that Pomfrey was able to heal it. First that, now this... I do worry. Expulsion is a serious matter,”

“You can’t expel Sev!”

“Then what am I to do Mr. Granger?”

***

Severus’ eyelids felt so heavy as he tried to blink away his sleep. 

Why was he so tired? Why did his body ache? 

“You’re awake!” 

“What are you doing here Regulus?” he groaned, closing his eyes to the unsettling light. 

“I’ll go get Madam Pomfrey.”

_ “Madam Pomfrey?” _ he thought resting a hand on his chest. The feel of bandages sent him sitting up so violently that he groaned. 

Why was he bandaged up?

“My Mr. Snape you got into it this time” Madam Pomfrey said while carting along a few potions. 

His head felt hazy. What was the last thing he could remember? 

“Drink this” she ordered, handing him a potion he recognized was used to treat body aches. 

As he drank down the potion he wondered where Harry was. Harry wouldn’t have left him alone. The pain receded but his mind still felt untethered. 

_ “Where is he? Where did Regulus go?” _

“Another” Madam Pomfrey ordered a little sternly. 

This potion didn’t come in a vial but a gobblet that hid its color. The taste and smell was undefinable. Reflexively he spat it out.

“That won't do Mr. Snape.” She tilted the goblet against his lips again. 

Her eyes looked frightened, not like her usual emotionless eyes. Any time he had been sent here she had never looked at him with so much concern. Typically she treated him like it was chore to reset a bone or mend a cut. That’s why he had stopped coming to her as soon as he learned basic healing spells.

_ “What was happening?” _

“You must drink,'' she urged. 

Heart picking up speed he let the rancid taste cover his tongue. Forcing the goblets contents down she nodded. Silently she moved her wand over him. Nothing about her movements helped him understand what was happening nor did her sigh once she finished. 

“Rest Mr. Snape.”

“Where,” he coughed. “Where is Harry?”

“Mr. Granger will return shortly no doubt.” Before he could ask anything else she slid through the privacy curtains.

Pressing his hands to the back of his forehead he tried to refocus the haze in his mind. 

“Madam Pomfrey” Dumbledore greeted as he pulled Harry along through the floo. “How is Mr. Snape?”

“He has woken up.” 

Despite the urge to run to his side Harry remained glued in place. 

“And what were the results?”

“It was a negative. But I can't be certain-”

“I will see to it, Pomfrey” Dumbledore said, stepping out of the matron’s office.

“What are you going to do to him?'' he asked, his voice tight in his throat.

“Mr. Granger, must I remind you what we had spoken about” he said harshly.

“No sir.”

“Mr. Snape” Dumbledore offered a sad smile.

Something was wrong. Not once had Dumlbedore paid him a visit. He wished that he had his wand or Harry to help defend himself against the bad feeling that had settled in his stomach.

“There is no reason to be concerned,” Dumbledore said with a chuckle. “I only wanted to chat with you,” he said standing beside his bed. “Mr. Snape, what happened?” 

_ “So something did happen,” _ he thought, looking to the Headmaster. Before he could voice any questions he felt a pressure enter his head. Flashes of blood and teeth ran across his mind before he could shove the sensation away.

_ “Legilimency” _ he seethed avoiding those twinkling eyes. 

“You two are quite talented in this.” Dumbledore commented, almost sounding impressed behind his annoyance. “However it is important that I see your memories.”

“You can't do this,” Severus argued, keeping his gaze away. “It’s against the rules.”

“You are in no position to speak about rules Mr. Snape. Both you and Mr. Granger are facing expulsion.”

_ “Harry? What did Harry do?”  _

He couldn’t remember.

Harry wouldn’t have done anything severe enough.... “ _ Have you ever wanted to save someone so badly that you would've done anything?” _ Harry’s words echoed in his head.

“What did he-” He tried to speak but the words fell away as the pressure pushed through his mind and then his vision turned black once more.

“What did you do to him!” Harry shouted, rushing to Sev’s limp body. 

Dumbledore gave a sideways look as he moved passed. “Pomfrey it appears that he was not bitten.”

“Thank Merlin” she sighed, crumpling a list of what he guessed was other potions against her chest. 

“I expect he shall make a speedy recovery and,” Dumbledore's cold eyes settled onto him. “I expect that this will be the end of any trouble regarding you both.”

Harry held Sev’s hand tight. 

With heavy silence Dumbledore strolled out of the infirmary. 

“He’ll be alright?” he asked Madam Pomfrey once the doors closed.

“You heard Dumbledore Mr. Snape will be fine.” Her eyes narrowed at him. “You were the cause of this trouble?”

It didn't matter if he pleaded innocent now. This was his fault. “Yes.”

“Then it's up to you to administer this” she said not so gently placing a jar onto the bed beside him. “I trust you can do at least this much to clean up your mistakes. You're lucky that no one was killed.”

Squeezing Sev’s hand he held back his tears. “I know.” 

When Severus opened his eyes he found himself in the infirmary. The last thing he remembered... was...

Blank, his mind felt empty like a blank slate. It was odd. There were always countless thoughts floating around; thoughts about Harry, potions, school, or less preferable things like Potter. Now it was too quiet.

He tried to figure out why he was here but there was nothing. From the lack of sore or stiff feeling in his body he knew that meant he had already been treated. 

_ “Treated for what?” _ he thought.

Furrowing his eyebrows he became aware of something weighing in his hand. Tilting his head he saw Harry holding his hand. 

“Harry? Harry? Harry.”He hissed, shaking him from his hand.

Mismatched eyes sprung open. “Sev you’re awake.” 

“What happ-”

“How are you?” Harry asked over his own question.

“I’m fine...Potter did he do something?”

A bit jumpy Harry scooted impossibly closer to his bed. “What makes you think that?”

“Because I'm here” he deadpanned.

Harry chuckled but it sounded wrong, like it was painful to make that noise. There was something off about the way he was looking at him too. 

Harry’s eyes drifted to the floor. “It is completely my fault that you are here,”

Why did it sound like Harry was struggling to keep his normal tone? 

“We were practicing that spell and I messed up.” 

That didn’t sound right at all. 

“I'm not sure what exactly happened.” His shoulders rose at the crack in his voice. “I’m sorry.”

Why couldn't he remember? It had to be bad for him to forget. 

“It happens,” he said, unable to take one more second of the pain in Harry’s voice.

“Madame Pomfrey said I had to help you with this.” Harry lifted a jar of salve but this was much heavier duty medical cream than the ones they had made in class. If he needed this then he had been in bad shape. 

“How long was I out?”

“Two days.” 

It was short enough time to catch up on anything he missed. 

“The sooner I get out of here the better” he said pushing himself out of the bed against Harry's worried filled eyes. “This is nothing Harry.”

“How can you say that?” Harry said in a voice just above a whisper. 

Staring down at his hospital gown was not a pretty sight. Splotches of brownish red he knew was dried blood remained all around. They needed to apply the cream as soon as possible. If his wounds opened up he would be forced to remain in here. Madame Pomfrey hadn’t cared for him just as much as any other professor in Hogwarts and he didn’t care to be observed by the matron.

“I can do it myself.” he said, seeing Harry's face pale as he took a step away from the bed.

“No,” Harry hugged the jar to himself. “I need to do this.”

“It needs water to adhere and activate...I need to shower” he explained.

Awkwardly he walked with Harry at his side to the attached bathroom. The singular shower had a bench that he sat down nearly immediately. Bunching up the gown he was acutely aware that this would be the first time he ever willingly showed his torso to anyone. 

“I have a lot of scars” he muttered to the shower wall. 

Harry kneeled beside him placing his hands onto his. 

This is where he expected Harry to make some joke to lighten up the situation but when he looked back to him he appeared to be so far away. 

Slowly he helped pull the dirty gown from Sev. With all his might he forced his mind to occlude all the swirling memories; memories of Sev’s older self bloodied in his arms, the memories of what took place in the shrieking shack a few days ago, the memories of the talk with Dumbledore. Sev couldn't know any of these things.

Lies, more lies that he had to maintain to keep Sev safe. Despite the feeling of his insides turning to stone he would endure anything to keep Sev alive and here within his arms. 

Scars had been a normal thing in Severus’s life. Not one day had gone without getting cut from the shards of his father’s tossed beer bottles or getting nicked from branches when he used to run around with Lily. There were so many that littered his skin that he was sure one day there would be no space left untouched. Even though he had received worrisome marks from spells backlashing at him or experimental potions burning him he wasn’t at all prepared for what he saw once the dirty gown fell away. Angered inflamed red skin circled around the large stitches that tapered around his stomach. His leg held several shades of bruising among the large sealed gash that lived there. 

Whatever had happened it had cut him down so deeply that Madam Pomfrey thought he needed magical and muggle means to heal properly. 

It didn’t make sense. If he received this from Harry’s misspell he should’ve been burnt not sliced. The slices weren’t even, they almost looked like he had been attacked by a creature.

“Does it hurt?” Harry's hallowed voice bounced off the tiled walls.

He shook his head.

Harry couldn’t have done this so why was his memory blank?

This didn’t make sense. 

This couldn’t have been Harry’s fault. 

Harry would’ve never done something like this.

Picking up a cloth he stuck it under the running water, over his sensitive flesh that he could barely register as he cleaned himself before allowing Harry to wash his back.

Carefully Harry ran his fingers against the start of his stitch just to the edge of his belly button. Dipping into the jar Harry ran his fingers all the way up to his rib. Then added some onto his back. 

This didn’t make any sense. There was no logical way that would result in an injury like this from the spells they were working on. 

“I’m sorry.” 

The water beneath his feet turned red before fading back to clear. “You didn’t do this.” 

Harry’s hand paused against his back. So tentatively he felt Harry’s head rest against his shoulder blade, his breath as cold as the water that rained down on them. The wetness that slid down his back might’ve been tears.

“Who did this?”

“I told you it was my fault.” 

That couldn’t be right.

It just couldn’t.

***

Snarls rumbled the darkness around him. Severus stumbled as something unseen caught his leg. The scent of blood overwhelmed his senses dulling the throbbing of the wound that seemed unable to close against the strange hands that pressed hard against it. 

“Sev,” Harry’s voice pulled him from the odd dream. 

_ “What was that snarling?” _ It sounded familiar yet....

Harry stood against the window looking out into the lake. For the briefest of seconds he thought he saw a darkened shadow standing next to him, its arm just within reach of touching Harry before he moved. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice still felt tight but he knew that he wasn’t like Harry. He didn’t experience night terrors that made him scream into the night or call out for help. 

“Did I wake you?” Harry whispered. 

“No.” 

Without a word Harry crawled into his bed immediately bringing him into a hug. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Shaking the residual dream and the suspicion he still felt around ending up in the infirmary he held onto Harry. 

_ “It was only a nightmare.” _

***

Regulus winked at him as they came into the greenhouse. Leaning against their workstation he looked at him expectantly. 

“So?” Regulus drummed his fingers against the table. “What happened with the two of you?”

“What are you talking about?” Harry whispered as Professor Sprout instructed the class.

“Well last time I saw you two you were snogging during flying practice. Next thing I know you both disappeared all weekend. Couldn't even find you in the library. I half expected you had run off together” Regulus chuckled.

Dread knotted in his stomach. 

“Granger?” Regulus looked over to Sev. “Trouble in paradise?”

“It’s nothing.”

Regulus began to pick up his trowel. “It better be I was having fun teasing the both of you.”

“Your bro-” he muttered before thinking better about bringing it up. Regulus didn’t need to be involved in this. 

Turning through the soil to find the root they needed to extract for today's lesson. 

Severus couldn't understand the nagging feeling that something was off. He didn't want to bring any attention to the small voice that whispered he couldn’t trust Harry. That had to be the nightmares talking. It had to be.

The last thing he should feel towards Harry was suspicion. Harry was odd, reckless, but he was also kind, someone he didn’t want to lose. If he followed the paranoid voice in his head he would lose him. Still the voice spoke  _ “he’s hiding something.” _

The vision of that dark shadowy figure right beside Harry had felt so real. And what were the piercing amber eyes and deep growl that had appeared just before that? 

Those things were nightmares; doubting Harry was illogical. Harry wouldn’t lie to him. Harry was his...

Feeling light headed he paused his digging. Something about the sight of dirt sent his hands shaking. A deep growl rumbled in his ears without a source to be seen. 

“Snape” Mulciber grumbled. 

Something in his stomach twisted as the sound grew louder. No one else seemed to be able to hear it.

“Mr. Snape?” Professor Sprout asked as she approached. 

No matter how much he gripped against the table he felt as if he were on a rocking boat. Searching the room he met Harry's eyes before everything went dark.

“Sev!” Harry rushed to his side as Sev fell to the ground with a thud.

“Mulciber?” Regulus asked in a cold tone, eyes sharp as blades.

“Fainted,” he said, stepping back.

Professor Sprout looked over Sev. “He won’t be the first to pass out. Granger watch over him until he comes to.” Professor Sprout said before clapping her hands to pull the attention back onto her. “Back to your stations.”

Sliding Sev’s head onto his lap Harry checked for marks or cuts from the fall. Luckily it didn’t look like anything had hit him on the way down. 

“Should we take him to the infirmary?” Regulus asked, clearly looking unsure of what to do with his hands.

“Soft for the Halfblood” Mulciber grunted.

Whipping around to Mulciber Regulus narrowed his eyes at him once again. “Are you in need of a reminder?” Regulus’s threat hovered between them before Mulciber silently returned to his digging. The edge of his face vanished as he turned back to Harry. 

“We’ll be fine Regulus.”

With a nod Regulus joined Mulciber. Tuning out their harsh whispering he focused on Sev laying in his arms. Being like this again made it hard not to imagine him covered in blood and dirt like he had been a few days ago. 

“This isn’t fair” Harry’s voice rang out in the darkness around him. 

_ “What wasn’t fair?” _

Severus couldn’t seem to get that question out of his mouth as he roamed the darkened void towards a singular lighted patch of grass.

“Granger” came in Potter's voice. 

“James” Harry pleaded. He could hear the tears in his voice as he called again “James!” 

_ “Why would Harry sound like that?” _

Not once had he heard him call Potter like that.

Slowly his eyes opened. Once again he found himself in Harry’s arms.

Mismatched eyes looked into his with that fear that hadn't disappeared since waking in the infirmary. 

“Don’t move just yet,” Harry whispered. 

Sounds of chatting drew him to the students gathering their things. 

“You fainted during Herbology” Harry explained running his hand through his hair. 

Taking Harry’s hand he stopped the action. 

If he could he would have told Harry that this was nothing but he knew the truth. Even if he didn't know exactly what, something was wrong. Fainting wasn't something he typically did. Nightmares, insomnia, forgetting things here and there was normal for him not this. Not even when he forgot to eat for days did he collapse like this. 

“They're gone now.” Guilt stricken eyes looked away from him. 

Slowly lifting his head off Harry’s lap he felt Harry’s hands hold him in place.

“Take it easy. We can stay for a little longer if you need to.”

“I am not hurt Harry” Cautiously he stood. The ground had stopped rocking under him.

“We could stay,” Harry repeated.

Offering Harry a hand he waited for him to take it. They couldn’t remain here. 

Immediately as Harry stood he stumbled forward. 

“Sorry.”

This needed to stop. All this guilt pouring from Harry was not helping the doubt that was growing in the back of his mind. Guilt and doubt didn’t need to be placed between them. Just a few days ago they had been happy together, the happiest he had ever been in his life. However he lost that happiness he wanted back.

If he could deny this doubt, if he stopped trying to interpret dreams, if he believed Harry's story of a misspell accident then he could get that back couldn’t he? 

Summing up his bravado he cupped Harry's face.

“I’m,”

Pressing his lips onto Harry’s he swallowed the apology. Each time he heard it he thought of the shadowy figure besides Harry. Whatever that was he wanted to keep Harry away from it.

Harry clung to Sev as their lips met. Tears threatened to fall but he held them back. If he didnt Sev would ask what was wrong and he would have to lie again. Again and again, piles of lies laid on top one another. They were keeping them safe; he had to believe that. 

Pulling back his eyes met Sev then he felt that familiar pressure in his head, not forceful like when Dumbledore clawed for his memories, but like someone was opening a door. 

A flash of Death's hand outstretched towards him, Sev’s blood covering his own hands that held the Elderwand. 

_ “No”  _ he shut the door of his mind. 

“I didn’t mean to” Sev said breathlessly, breaking from Harry. Gripping his head he muttered something to himself.

Pulling Sev into a hug he ran what he hoped was a soothing hand down his back. “It's okay Sev.”

“Why?” Sev muttered against him.

“Shh” he hushed. Reaching into his back pocket his fingers touched the Elderwand. Sev didn’t need to see that. That memory needed to be erased too. Pulling the wand a little he thought about Dumbledore. Doing this would make him no better than him wouldn’t it. “It’s okay,” he said, resting his hands against Sev’s back. “It’s all my fault.”

***

How could he go on like normal? How was he supposed to look Sev in the eye and pretend that he hadn’t barely survived a werewolf attack. An attack that had been wiped from his memory. For the sake of both of them he had to get a hold of himself. 

Death wouldn’t wait long to return. 

“Mr. Granger stop doodling in class. And Mr. Potter if you don’t stop your insistent whispering I will put you in detention as well” Professor McGonagal warned.

Glancing over his shoulder he saw James glaring at Sirius. Their eyes caught for a second before they both went back to their parchments. 

_ “Did James get his memories erased too?” _ He dipped his quill into the ink letting it splash a little. 

He didn’t know what to think about James anymore.  _ ‘I didn’t want him dead’  _ his words echoed in his head as he tried to copy the black board. What was he supposed to do? James had helped save Sev but if his memories were gone then did that mean he had to keep worrying about James planning something with Sirius against them? James had said it was Sirius’ idea to send Sev to Remus that night, but could he trust that? The Marauders had stopped harassing them until that night, but why? Why would James even try to save Sev?

There was something on Harry’s mind he could practically feel the waves of confusion reaching him. Each time he tried to gain more than that he felt the solid mental shields Harry possessed. 

_ “Potter” _ he thought with a sneer. James Potter had to be behind it. Potter was surely the one upsetting Harry. 

***

The following day Severus tallied the times Potter glanced over to Harry. It was up to a hundred by the end of their shared class. The odd thing was he didn’t feel the fiery anger that Harry had before, there was just confusion. Something was going on and he wasn’t going to naively be blinded to that fact.

Something happened and it had to do with his admittance to the infirmary and the snarling within his dreams. In all his life he couldn’t remember ever having the same dream but now even in the briefest of rest he heard that snarl, saw those amber eyes.

Pulling as many books as he could find he laid them on the library table.

Research was one thing he was sure would help make sense of what happened. Without clear answers he knew his mind would forever wonder about what happened to him a few days ago. And if he could clear Harry’s conscience in the process then they both could rest easier at night.

A little more every day he pushed his memory of that night. It had to be night based on the darkened skies of his nightmares. 

Basing research off foggy memories and nightmares was not a preferable action but there wasn't much he could do about that. If he remotely asked Harry would hold on to the story that a spell had gone wrong. That didn’t add up what so ever. In his nightmares he saw an open night sky. On his hospital gown there had been dirt. Even if they were in the Room of Requirements it wouldn’t make any sense that either of them would have needed dirt. 

Running a hand down his leg he thought about his wounds. They had been large, Madam Pomfrey had thought to use muggle means and magical. Although he didn’t know much about healing using the combination was odd. 

Something had attacked him, that was the only logical conclusion to the wounds and the snarling.

Opening the first book he started to read in hopes that something would jog his still fuzzy memory. Whatever it was that attacked him he had to have seen it. 

As he landed on the image of a dementor he stopped. The draped wisp figure almost resembled the shadow that he saw in his dreams, the shadow that he caught following Harry. A dementor didn’t fit that thing’s description. Any wizard could see a dementor. If one were following Harry around others would’ve noticed the drop in temperature and experience loss of happiness according to the book. 

Placing his head in his hands he tried to get a better mental image of the shadow figure. Straining he could make out its silhouette looming over Harry in the grass. 

“Sev?” Harry asked.

Barely he opened his eyes against the pain in his head. “Headache” he groaned massaging his forehead.

“You’re studying too much. Let's go get some food.”

The feeling of James’ eyes on him throughout dinner nearly convinced him to set fire to the banner that hung on the wall across the room. He couldn’t risk it. No more trouble. One wrong move and everything he had done would be wasted. All he had to do was keep out of trouble and keep Sev alive.

“Regulus isn’t here” Sev commented. 

Neither was Mulciber. “Miss him already?” he teased. 

“I can do without his annoying chatter.”

“You’re feeling better?” 

“I am.”

“Good,” he said, piling a nothier roll onto Sev’s plate.

Having Harry watching over his eating almost made things reset to normal. Even the way their hands sought each other as they ate was close to the happiness they had. 

_ “He’s hiding something from you”  _ a small voice in his head whispered when Harry turned to look at the Head table.

Dulmbedore’s head tilted slightly, but he couldn’t really consider it to be a nod to Harry. There lacked any emotion in Dulmbedore’s eyes as it caught him for a split second before McGonagal pulled his attention away.

Without meaning to his eyes fell to the Gryffindor table. Potter was looking at them again. 

Potter had to be up to something. Even though he hadn’t received any hexes from Potter or his gang that didn’t stop the Gryfindors from planning something. 

What made this possibility all that more noteworthy was how Potter’s gang was spread amongst the table. Usually they huddled together moving like a mass of boisterous laughter or pointent glares. Now Potter was next to Lily, not laughing, not smiling rather looking as though he were fighting to keep his mouth shut. Sirius Black was attempting to talk to Lupin who refused to look up from his plate. Petigrew appeared just as uncomfortable between them. Whatever happened within the group had clearly messed with their dynamic.

_ “Maybe they won’t try anything.” _ he thought, biting into a roll.  _ “What if they already did?” _ the small inner voice asked.

  
  


****

The limit of books he could pull out of the library was impeding his research. Over and over he tried to find a similar looking creature to a dementor without luck. It was either dementor, poltergeist, or ghost based on the shared descriptors, yet he didn’t believe what he saw was either of those. Neither of them snarled either. 

Crossing out the names on his notes he looked back at the descriptions that he wrote. Snarling was such a prominent feature in his dreams it had to be something. A ghost couldn’t have caused the long gashes he’d received. 

Something that attacked at night.... Why was he even outside at night? Harry was there so he had to be showing him something. Something in the Forbidden Forest? 

He jotted it down trying to list things that might live around. 

“Do you ever not spend your time here?” Regulus asked, pulling up a seat.

“What lives in the Forbidden Forest?” 

Regulus’s mouth quirked in a smirk. “All these books and you don’t know?”

“Answer the question” he grumbled.

“Everyone knows about the centaurs,” Regulus said smugly. “Probably some unicorns, gnomes...really anything could be in there.”

Frowning at the lackluster answer he returned to his book.

“Planning on taking a stroll with your boyfriend?” Regulus teased. 

“No. Are you planning something?”

“I already told you to stay out of that Snape. Don't keep asking if you don't want to be involved.” Regulus cautioned as he stood up. “If you do decide to take Granger to the forest don’t forget your wand.” Winking Regulus left.

What lived in the Forbidden Forest was a question that he was not willing to risk his life to figure out. 

“Unicorn and centaurs” he mumbled, opening up his copy of  Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them . Both creatures seemed highly unlikely to be the cause of his wounds. Plus he didn’t want to even remotely believe that a unicorn viewed him horrible enough of a person to strike him.

Maybe he was looking at everything all wrong. Maybe whatever it was hadn’t come from the Forbidden Forest maybe the growling wasn't the shadow figure. These maybes felt as thin as the conclusions he had attempted to draw.

***

A crumpled note hit Harry in the back of his head during their Defense class. Not caring what it said he left it where it landed on the ground. Another hit his elbow nearly making him spill his ink across Sev’s parchment. Shifting over he tried not to bring attention to it. 

“Enough writing” Professor Soledad announced, tapping the blackboard clean. Her boots clicked as she approached his desk. With a wave the crumbled paper floated into her hand. “We will be splitting into pairs” she said scanning the bench where James sat. “One Gryfindor one Slytherin.” 

Several groans were stifled from the sharp look on Professor Soledad’s face. 

Sev appeared impressed by the way she silenced the class and pushed back the desks allowing more room for them to practice.

“We should get partners,” Sev said, most likely weighing his options as much as he was. 

One thing that made him feel a little better was that Sirius had ditched class today. 

“Do you think we could get away with me just changing my tie color?” he asked, looking for untaken Gryfindors. 

“No.” 

“Granger,” James’s voice sent both of them pulling out their wands. Brown eyes shifted between them. “I need a partner.”

“Surprised not everyone is clambering to be your partner?” Sev remarked.

Arrogance was missing in the way James remained waiting for him to answer. As much as he didn’t want to partner up with James he didn’t want Sev to be with him more.

“Fine.”

Sev gripped his hand. “I promise to not burn the classroom down. I know this is one of your favorite classes” he whispered into Sev’s ear. 

With a glare Sev went off to find his own partner.

“Granger,”

Raising his wand to his face he spoke “Prepare yourself.”

Understanding, if only a little, that he didn’t want to talk James raised his wand too. 

Everywhere he looked he couldn’t find another available Gryffindor. Not even Petirgrew was in need of a partner. Catching Lupin’s eye the Gryfindor tried to shrink back into the mass of bodies but was unable to. Lupin’s actions could be deemed skittish as his eyes searched for anyone else. “I’m the only one without a partner,” he said. Lupin was a better partner than Potter any day. “Well...” The look in his eyes screamed ‘help me’, which he couldn't understand. Lupin wasn’t fearful of him. Again Lupin was bandaged up, new pinked scars poked out from the edge of his collar. 

_ “What did he do to receive those?” _ he thought, fighting the urge to touch his own new scars. Scars that he got perhaps around the same time Lupin had received these...

“Snape I...I’m... that time,”

This babiling didn’t make sense.

“Remus,” Lily called, gaining both of their attention. Her forest green eyes skimmed him the same way she had looked at him the first time they met. Having her look at him felt odd. They had been avoiding one another for so long. Years had passed without a single word between them and now she was here.

Appearing to make up her mind about something she spoke “Remus switch partners with me.”

“Thank you” Lupin muttered as he hurried off to a Slytherin girl. 

Words jammed in his throat. What did you say to someone who used to be your only friend? Apologies laid on the top of all the things he wanted to say. 

The other pairs had already begun casting spells. He could hear Harry’s voice, he knew it wasn’t necessary for Harry to speak these spells. A part of him worried that he would set the classroom on fire.

“You’re friend,” Lily said. Hearing her voice speak to him stopped his heart. When was the last time she had actually spoken to him? “He was right” her words softened. “Not about everything but,” She bit her lip for a moment before pulling out her wand. 

“Lily,”

Shaking her head she raised her wand to her face in the standard motion before a duel. 

_ “She still doesn’t want to talk to me”  _ he thought, seeing the old scars on her forearm. 

After all this time she still wouldn’t accept his apology. One practice together in Defense class wasn’t going to change the past. Knowing that he still needed to tell her. 

“I’m sorry for how things ended.”

  
  


“Granger,” James huffed as he stood from the seventh fall. 

At every moment James tried to speak he shot another spell. They didn’t need to speak to one another. All they had to do was get through this lesson. 

“Stop.” James groaned as he held onto his knees to keep himself upright. 

“I was expecting a bit more rigor Mr. Potter” Professor Soledad said as she walked around observing the students. “That will be all for today,” she said before the bell rang. “Do continue to study your wand work.”

Accioing his things he hurried out of the classroom.

“Wait Granger,” 

Picking up his pace he ran from him. Memories or not, he didn’t want to speak with him.

“Bippy” he called when it felt like a safe distance from James. 

“Harry” Bippy smiled wiggling her large ears. 

“Bippy please get me if you ever see Potter talking to Sev. Or if anything seems wrong.” 

“Okay.” 

“Thank you Bippy.”

“Anything else Bippy can do?”

Only if she could help remove this guilt inside, the anger at lying to Sev, or make Dulmbedore disappear. 

“No.”There was only so much he could ask of her. 

  
  


“So am I.” Lily said at last, lowering her wand.

“What?” he asked.

“I’m sorry how things ended between us... but we’re happy now, aren’t we?”

They had been friends, close friends. With her in his life he had been happy,but she was right. Having Harry gave him a different type of happiness, one that maybe she too had with Potter. As unimaginable as it was to think that possible.

Biting her lip she left.

Noticing that Harry had left he gathered his things. While piling his books he approached Professor Soledad.

“I do hope you aren’t here to ask about grades” she said flipping the page of her text to copy something onto the black board. 

“It’s not.”

“Very well.” Turning from the black board she sat on the edge of her desk. 

“There’s a creature I'm trying to identify.”

Her eyebrow raised a fraction “And you have found your text insufficient?”

“I don’t have a clear image of its appearance. I only know that it has glowing amber eyes and snarls.”

“Interesting. Amber eyes... Are they elliptical?”

“No.”

“So you can cross out creatures of the feline and serpent nature. Only a handful of creatures make a snarling sound,” she flipped her text to its exact middle. “Start here, these are the more commonly sighted.” She paused her finger resting against the pages for a moment. “If that is all you may leave.”

“Thank you.”

The figure stood watching them when Severus found Harry in the dorms. Its reflection almost aligning with Harry's against the glass window looking out to the lake. 

“Harry?”

Turning his head the shadow disappeared into the green sea. “Sorry I should've waited for you. I was just tired.” 

“Potter,”

“He could barely keep his arse off the ground” Harry chuckled. “And no fires just as promised.” Hugging his knees to himself he sat on the window ledge.

“What is it?”

“I was just thinking about...” Eyes landed on his leg. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“You have no idea how wrong you are” Harry said softly pressing his head against the window.

“Have you ever been to the Forbidden Forest?”

“That’s definitely not a place we should be visiting Sev. I heard there's huge spiders the size of houses. I could show you a shortcut to the astronomy tower instead. Or we can take that boat ride on the great lake.”

“I would like to do that.” 

Blinking Harry stared at him. “Don’t you have your studying to get to?”

“It can wait.” He held his hand out to Harry. 

_ “Don’t cause trouble”  _ warned the voice in his head that sounded extremely like Dumbledore. 

One wrong move would set him with a punishment, expelled, obliviated, whatever Dulmbedore had in mind he couldn’t risk it. Knowing this he still led Severus to the boat house.  _ “Fuck Dulmbedore”  _ he thought casting another disillustionment charm around them. He was sure Dumbledore could break through his spell but it at least helped them not being seen by other students or faculty. 

“You sure about this? It could cost us a few points” he joked.

“Alohamora” Sev said pressing his wand to the lock.

“I really am a bad influence on you.” He smirked hurrying inside. 

Perfectly lined up the boats were mounted on the sides of the boat house. It brought back some nostalgia of his first year. Hogwarts had looked so majestic from the small boat with the promise of endless possibilities. 

“What if,” He ran his hand over the smoothed wood. “We sailed away.”

“We wouldn’t graduate.”

Chuckling he smiled at Sev. “I guess you’re right. After we graduate then. We could sail around the world.”

“Do you even know how to sail?”

“Not yet but give me some time to figure it out.”

Together they levitated the boat into the water pulling some oars they unsteadily made their way into the boat. 

One more disillusionment charm then they were off, very slowly as he rowed them out of the boat house while avoiding crashing into anything. 

“You’re terrible at this” Sev scoffed. “I think we are better off not sailing the world.”

“Well you don’t really care for flying and I hate apparating.” He shrugged. “I thought this would be a compromise.

Stoke by stroke they drifted from the boat house. 

“You would really do it?” Severus asked, looking at the water’s reflection.

“Do what?”

“Travel the world with me.” 

“I would.” 

Pushing through the water a peaceful calm came over them. It was so tempting to really row as far as the water would carry them. They really couldn’t do that but while they were out here it felt as though nothing was going to touch them. As if this boat were some sanctuary against whatever that shadowy figure was. 

A few lights within Hogwarts began to turn on as the sky shifted. Despite the urge to finish the research he had been conducting he knew they needed this. The last time they had gone out risking possible trouble seemed years away. 

_ “Next year”  _ he thought dipping his fingers into the frigid water. Harry wanted to remain by his side for the following year. For the first time he would have someone at his side from the start of term. A possibility of a future with Harry scared him a little, but he did want that. Not imagining that future was difficult as Harry brushed up against his knee. With Harry at his side he could imagine leaving Spinners End for good. Maybe they could sail the world or they could just settle down somewhere. They could teach together or open a shop. Together anything could happen.

_ “But can you trust him?” _ the doubtful voice spoke up.

Of course he could. This was Harry. 

Standing Harry tugged off his robes. Rocking of the boat he held to the edges as Harry began to unbutton his shirt.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Care for a swim?”

“You must be joking,” he gulped as his shirt fell away revealing that toned physique that he only caught a glimpse of once. 

A mischievous smile shone on his face as Harry caught his wandering eyes. “It could be fun.”

“You’ll freeze,'' he protested as Harry loosened his belt. 

“Afraid of a little cold?” Harry teased pushing the button of his trousers out. 

“There’s also the giant squid.” 

“Right,” Harry looked at the water. “Forgot about that.” Shrugging to himself he continued to pull his trousers off. Having a practically naked harry standing in front of him made a striking image, one that set off several thoughts that all collided in his head making it hard to pull up more arguments. 

“Come on Sev.” 

Gulping he fought the pull Harry had on him. 

“Are you really going to let me swim all alone?” Harry asked with a pout. 

“This is reckless.”

“Perhaps it is.” Turning Harry faced the castle in the distance. If it weren't for their charms hiding them he was sure this sight would catch many people’s attention. 

With a hand motion that appeared to be Harry flipping off Hogwarts Harry jumped out of the boat.

The sudden motion shook the boat so violently that he thanked Merlin that it hadn’t capsized. Bending over the edge he watched the ripples of the water for the air bubbles that broke the surface before Harry reemerged. 

“Fuck!” Harry pushed back his fringe with a teeth chattering laugh. 

“Get out of there.” 

“Join me” Harry countered. “It really isn’t so bad once you get used to it.” 

Sighing he tugged off his robe and shoes. It seemed that Harry could convince him to do something so impulsive.

Pausing his hands he hesitated to fully remove his clothing. The scars that Harry claimed was his fault still were prominent on his body. 

“Don’t change your mind.” Harry begged swimming closer to the boat. 

“This really is stupid.” 

“Stupid, reckless, whatever it is will be fun if you join me.” Harry reached out a wet hand to him.

Taking it he let himself be pulled into the ice cold water. 

“This isn’t fun” he shuttered splashing Harry in the face as he tried to regain control over his cold shocked body.

Wiping the water off his face Harry’s eyes narrowed “oh it's on.” Retaliating Harry continued to splash as much water as possible in his direction. 

Twisting one hand over the water “aqua eructo” he said letting a stream of water flow seemingly out of his hand.

“That’s cheating!” 

“You never said no wandless magic” he smirked as Harry dove under the water to avoid the stream.

From below a fountain of water spouted in his face. “You are a horrible cheat Sev.”

Joyus laugher helped distract the cold that had set in his body.

“Should we call it a truce?”

Humming Harry tread water. “What would you offer to ensure this truce?”

“What would you require?”

Not saying anything Harry pushed back his wet hair behind his ear.

Trying to keep himself afloat he took Harry’s hand pulling their bobbing bodies flush against each other. Hungrily their lips met as if air had lost all necessity. Not even the cold could tear them apart as Harry’s arms wrapped around him. His own hands rested against Harry's naked torso. Slowly water rose to their chins forcing him to let one hand go to prevent them from sinking further. In all honesty he wouldn’t have half minded drowning from the way Harry clung to him. 

“Harry” he panted.

“Why can’t we stay like this?” Harry asked his chest touching him as he moved his arms to rest over his shoulder.

“We would catch hypothermia.”

Sweet laughter caught in his ear. 

Managing to get back into the boat would’ve been much more difficult without the help of magic. Harry was sure to make a note of that for the next time.

Dripping wet Sev looked more tempting than ever. The way his clothing held onto every inch of his body...

A bump from below caused him to fall onto Sev. The giant squid must’ve grown tired of them splashing around.

“Harry,” Sev’s voice broke a little his eyes averting him.

Desire burned in those onyx eyes. Willingly he would give into that desire. 

“You should put your clothes back on.” 

Holding back the complaints he removed himself from Sev. On their own they redressed drying up the best they could with quick spell work before they returned the boat.

“Sev,”

Taking a hold of his hand Sev gave a pink tinted smile. “We should get to the dorms.”

  
  


****

“Mr. Snape a moment will you,” Professor Soledad called him at the end of class.

“Go on.” Harry said letting go of his hand. “I'm going to get started on homework. Meet you in the library.” 

“I was curious about your question the other day.” She said once Harry left. “Where did you see this creature?”

“I don’t really remember” he admitted expecting her to sneer at his lack of answers. Instead she tapped the wand holder against her thigh. A serious expression on her face. “My office if you will Mr. Snape.”

Her office was located in the small attached room in the defense classroom. Not once had he seen anyone enter there. He supposed that many were too scared to speak with her. The office was more than intimidating with multiple jars of creature parts, weathered tomes chained into the shelves, and the lighting that had to be magicked to hold an eerie tone. 

“Do not mind this.” She shook her hand at the glass case filled with shrunken heads. “Ambiance is key.” She sat on the edge of her desk; he was beginning to think she had a thing against chairs.

“I’m…” she searched for a word. “concerned Mr. Snape. Your inquiry alone wouldn’t cause my concern.” Again she tapped her wand holster. “Inquiries are to be expected however, I recognized something.” Tilting her head unnervingly she held his eye contact. First instinct told him to occlude against any breach in his mind.

“Tell me Mr. Snape,” she looked to the case of heads. “This inquiry of yours is, did you bring it up because your memory is hazy?”

Gripping his hands he held his tongue. 

“You aren’t the first student to approach me. I believe that you have seen more than the others however…”

_ “There are others?” _

“When memories are distorted by magic it leaves the smallest trace,” She touched her eyes before returning her hand back to her holster. “I don’t mean to frighten you. It may have been necessary for you to forget.” 

“I want to know what I saw.”

“Are you sure? The reason may not be malicious. For some it is easier to move on if they forget an unfortunate event.”

Severus wrestled with that for a minute. If other people saw the creature that meant he wasn’t going crazy. It also meant that Harry’s story of a misspell was a cover up... but what if it was better that he did leave it alone? If he really did see anything horrific would not remembering be the best option? Or would knowing the truth assure the happiness he had with Harry?

“I do have a theory one that could be confirmed if you grant me permission to assess your memories in a pensive.” She motioned to a basin in the corner of her office.

_ “Pensive?”  _ “No. I mean I need some time to think.”

“That is very wise Mr. Snape.” She stood up. “I will not hold you up any longer.” 

  
  


The defense essay on dark creatures stared Harry down. He couldn’t bring himself to even open up to the section in his textbook. Right now he didn’t even want to see a drawing of a werewolf. Even with Sev late arrival he was still further ahead in his essay.

“I'm going to go get another book,” he whispered before moving to the stacked shelves.

“Granger,” James stared at him when he turned down an aisle. 

With one look he could tell that his memories of that night hadn’t disappeared. James’ hair was more disheveled than usual from the constant running of his hand through it. Dark circles had formed under his eyes. Taking in the appearance of how sleep deprived James was Harry could only think that he deserved that much guilt. 

“I,”

“Save it,” he said purposefully hitting their shoulders as he pushed past.

“Granger,”

Ignoring he picked a book from the shelf, which was immediately snatched out of his hand by James. 

“Granger,” James pleaded, his tired eyes trying to gain his full attention.

“You are fucking lucky” he hissed under his breath. “You get to keep your friend out of Azkaban.”

“Sirius shouldn’t have-”

“Is he even sorry about this?”

James looked to his feet. 

“Why should he? He just got off scott free thanks to you.”

“What does this have to do with me? I told Dumbledore-”

“The whole truth or just the part where you saved the day?”

“Snape he-”

“Didn’t Dumbledore tell you the good news?” he said sarcastically. “He wasn’t bitten so no worries about that. And memories wiped to ensure that your friends are safe.” 

The tension in James’ shoulders dropped. “That was the best call.”

Harry bunched up his hands into a fist.

“Neither Sirius or Remus could survive Azkaban... They can barely handle what happened...moony’s all shaken up.” 

He felt for Remus to have to come to terms with nearly killing someone on accident, but it didn’t make things right. Nothing really could. 

Severus debated telling Harry about what Professor Soledad told him. There was something in this school. 

Rising from his seat he roamed the aisles for Harry.

“...all shaken up” he heard Potter’s voice said. 

Peeking through the books he saw Harry with Potter.  _ “What are they talking about?” _

Something so soft that he couldn’t make out left Harry’s mouth before he stormed off. Behind the books he waited to see if Potter would retaliate but he remained standing looking lost. 

Returning to the table he found Harry writing. Silently he sat down waiting for Harry to tell him what that was all about but it never came. 

****

Entering the Room of Requirements he thought hard about the pensive in Professor Soledad's office. He needed to see the memories himself. If they were truly horrible he didn’t want her to know what happened. And what if it had been his own actions that caused it? What would she say? Who would she tell about it? Dumbeldore would be told. Then what? 

There were too many unknowns for him to fully trust her.

With a  _ clank  _ a basin appeared before him. The swirling liquid looked up at him as he gazed into it. Nervously he pulled out his wand. 

If he walked away from this, if he decided to truly leave this mystery alone what would happen?

“Sir,” a squeaky voice made him drop his wand. “Bippy sorry,”

“What are you doing here?”

“Friend Harry is looking for you.”

“Could you tell him to meet me here?”

“Bippy can” she smiled before disappearing in a snap.

Picking up his wand he pressed it to his temple. He wasn’t the only one who needed answers for that night. 

Conjuring up his hazed memory he pulled it from his mind. Letting it slip into the pensive the water turned dark.

They were finally going to get answers. 

Into the water his surroundings rushed away like smoke. With renewed clarity he saw himself standing in a rundown room. The deep snarling sound that had haunted him drew closer. Glowing eyes stared him down.

Lifting out of the pensive he tried to catch his breath. 

“A Werewolf.”

Werewolf fit the appearance of his wounds, the snarling, glowing eyes....

Panic gripped him as he tried to push his memory further if he had been bitten then...

Dunking his head into the pensive he watched the scene play out. 

The large canine creature snarled at him, its teeth so close to ripping him wide open before swiping at his leg. With a harsh  _ crack _ he saw his body fly to the other end of the room crashing through the leftover furniture. In a sound that may have been a whimper the werewolf struck the piano that sat in the center of the room. Dust rained down as the keys clanged to the ground. The werewolf reared its head in his direction sniffing the air. Blood peppered the ground as he watched himself drag his twisted leg across the floor behind the last piece of furniture. With shaky hands he pulled out his wand.

“Sev!”Harry arrived coming into his hazy view. 

Diving further back into the memory he heard Lupin’s voice calling out. Then he saw Lupin’s eyes turn to the color of amber. Sharp teeth protruding from his mouth followed by the sound of bones snapping out of place.

_ “Lupin”  _ he thought.

Too quickly the image faded to that of the bright full moon above.

“No Sev. No. I'm not losing you again '' Harry cried clutching his bloody body. Then the figure appeared, the one that had shown up over and over as if mocking him. Its hand held out to Harry before the memory ended.

Gasping he withdrew from the pensive. He hadn’t been bitten but Lupin, Lupin was the werewolf. Lupin had attacked him.

All the times he’d seen Potter's gang running out at night made sense. They knew about Lupin's nature- Lupin had called out for someone.. Sirius Black. 

Anger boiled in him as he began to connect the dots. Harry wouldn’t have knowingly led him to the location of a werewolf only Black would’ve done that. Black had to have messed with his memories and Harry's.

The door to the room opened with a creek.

“Sev?”

“Harry it wasn’t your fault.” 

Harry skimmed over the room landing on the pensive. Eyes growing wide as he hurried forward.

“What were you doing?” He gripped the basin as if contemplating to throw it out. “What were you looking at?”

“I've been trying to figure out what happened that night.”

“Sev-”

“It wasn’t a backfided spell. I knew it couldn’t have been.”

“Sev,”

“ It was Lupin. He's a werewolf.” 

“Sev.”

“We have to notify the ministry.” 

“We can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“Because... because,'' Harry's hand shook. “You weren’t supposed to remember... it was an accident it was my fault.”

“Why do you keep saying that? It's not true.”

“It is!” Harry insisted, his eyes full of pain.

“Who is making you say this?”

“No one.” 

_ “A lie. It was all a lie.” _ Doubt whispered in his ear. “Harry,”

“I knew about Lupin.” 

“You couldn’t have.”

“It was the reason I got to you in time... James helped me save you.”

Hearing Harry call Potter by his first name made his face scrunch in disgust. “Potter wouldn’t care if he murdered me.”

“I don’t know if that’s true.”

“He had to be in on this. Why are you covering for him after everything?”

“You weren’t supposed to remember.” Harry clenched his fists. The pensive disappeared from the room. 

Harry wasn’t making any sense. There had to be something wrong. Maybe Black had confunded him or used the imperius curse.

All the research... Harry knew that he should’ve put a stop to it. What did he think the outcome would be? Whatever he thought this wasn’t one he wanted to deal with. 

“We need to notify the ministry,” Sev said, taking his hand. “Potter, Lupin, Black. Pettigrew they all need to be held accountable.” 

“You’re alive, that's what matters.” 

“They could be gone. We wouldn’t have to look over our shoulders anymore. I’ve spent years with them making every minute of my existence here horrible.”

“We can’t do anything Sev” he said to the ground.

“Why?”

He couldn't answer that, not truthfully. 

“Is this because of the shadowed figure?”

Harry’s heart dropped to the floor. “You,” he took in a few shaky breaths “You’ve seen it?”

This didn’t make sense. No one else had seen Death. Death was messing with him. 

“What are you hiding?”

“I did something foolish.” He swallowed around the break in his voice. “I made a deal.”

“With who?”

“With d-” he paused for a second. The lies had to stop. If Death had shown itself to Sev he needed to know the truth. “Death. It’s not a fairytale...You were right I shouldn't have done it.” 

Sev;’s grip loosened against his hand. “You wouldn’t.”

“I couldn’t lose you” he said in a soft voice. 

_ ‘What about making a deal with death?’ _ Harry’s words popped up in his mind like a forgotten recording. This was far worse than a werewolf. How could you fight against this?

He needed air. 

He needed all of this not to be true. 

“I,” his word hovered in the air as he left the room. 

There had to be a way to undo Harry's mistake. Neither of them could know the price Harry would pay for it. He had to research, had to come up with something to keep Death away from Harry. He had to save him. He had to...

“Regulus?” He blinked seeing the Slytherin roaming the hall. 

“Snape what are you doing?” He hissed stopping dead in his tracks. “You shouldn’t be here.” 

He was about to say something when a familiar voice spoke into the silence “Out late aren’t we gentlemen?” 

Lucius Malfoy appeared leaning against the rock column as if posing for a photograph. His blond hair reflecting the candle light as he tilted his head to Regulus. “Mulicber awaits your company.” 

Whatever reflected in Regulus’s eyes went unnoticed as he continued through the open field. 

“I must apologize to you Severus I've been so busy I hadn't thought to write. Then again, neither had you.”

Severus schooled his face. Lucius wasn’t important to him anymore. He wasn’t the only one who acknowledged him anymore. He wasn’t the only one who put up with him. There was no reason he had to remain here. They shouldn’t be talking. Lucius shouldn’t have been here at all. 

“I’m sure you too were busy with your studies. I do hope that what I taught you hadn't gone to waste.” Lucius lips quirked into a smile.

“Why are you here Lucius?”

“I thought it would be obvious. I'm here for,” He came closer pressing a finger against his chest. “you.”

“Me?”

“Oh now don’t look so crossed with me.” Lucius smirked. “You were a valuable asset. Your thirst for knowledge alone should be revered.” 

Lucius tapped his foot as though in time with some unheard music.

“Did you think I had abandoned you Severus? I admit I was caught up with more pressing matters outside of Hogwarts but I had a few of my people look after you in my absence.”

Look after him? Not a single person had talked to him before Harry had arrived. Lucius was lying.

“Your people must’ve been slacking on your request.” He needed Lucius to leave. He had to find a way to help Harry. Harry was what mattered not Lucius.

“Is that so?” Lucius frowned. “I shall deal with that.”

“I don’t need their protection.”

“Of course you don’t Severus. Since I first met you I could tell that you had this inner strength far stronger than any other Halfblood” Lucius’s spat out the word quickly as if any second longer would be heinous. “I wouldn’t have taken you under my wing if I hadn't thought you were special. Have you looked at the card I've given you and your friend?”

“I have.” He hadn’t figured out what it meant.

“Then you know I want you to join us”. Lucius pulled out another blank card. Running a finger covered in ink over its words floated to the surface. “You and your friend.”

“Why would you want him?”

Lucuis pocketed the card. “Whether you want to admit it or not I know you Severus Snape. You know just as I what a dreadful hand life had dealt you. Your friend must hold something dear to be beside you.”

He remained silent. It would be foolish to admit that. It had been foolish to have told Lucius anything about his homelife back then.

“Our leader is like you in so many ways. Only he has risen up to take the power he deserves. Power that you could only imagine. Power said to overcome Death itself. Power that he will share with his followers.” Lucius outstretched his hand. “Will you meet him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! Another chapter down!!!  
It took a million years but here we are.  
Happy Valentine's day to everyone. Once again I know this is a horrible gift, but it had to happen sooner or later.  
The final chapter will be up on my birthday Feb. 26th!!  
Thank you to everyone for the kudos and comments.


	13. Chances

Remaining in the Room of Requirements was difficult as Sev’s footsteps vanished.

What was he going to do?

Only barely he stopped himself from ripping his hair out. He knew he should’ve gone after Sev when he heard the door slam shut. But he couldn’t. 

What was he supposed to say now? What could he say after admitting that he had made a deal with Death? 

“Harry.” Bippy appeared tumbling to the floor. “Harry. Friend gone!” she hyperventilated.

“What are you talking about?” 

“Gone” she repeated, twisting the edge of her ears. 

“Sev! Where did he go?”

“Went with blond man.”

“Malfoy.”

Bippy held out the small blank card Lucius Malfoy had given him and an inkwell. “Bippy saw him press ink to it.”

_ “Like Riddle's diary” _ he thought, sloshing ink onto the card revealing a location.

“Thank you Bippy,'' he said gripping the elder wand. With a clink, Regulus’s broom appeared in his hand. _ “It’s not too late” _ he hoped as he hurried away.

Chill set in the second he walked through the barrier with Lucius. Everything about the broken down surroundings screamed for him to return back to Hogwarts, back to Harry. 

_ “Harry,” _ he thought as he avoided the overturned cobblestones in the walkway. If he hadn’t walked away from Harry he wouldn’t be here. _ “He made a deal with Death.” _

He still couldn’t wrap his head around that. How...why? 

_ ‘I couldn’t lose you.’ _

It was for him. This was his fault. Harry shouldn’t have done something so dangerous. 

Inside they stepped into a room that had clearly been rebuilt with magic. It still held a damp smell and the lighting was so dim that all he could focus on was the steady stream of light that created a spotlight in the middle of the room where a group of hooded people stood.

“My Lord,” Lucius kneeled down. He’d never seen Lucius bow to anyone. “I have brought a guest.”

“So it appears." The man at deadcenter of the room spoke; his hood shadowing his face as he stepped forward. "Lucius speaks highly of you, Severus Snape." 

There was something about the man that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

Slinking across the floor the man called Voldemort almost reminded him of the shadowed figure of Death. With a movement of his hand, Voldemort commanded the others to step back into the dimmed background. 

“He's a half-blood,'' Mulciber's voice protested. Although he couldn’t see he knew Regulus was also in attendance. 

“Is that so?” Voldemort’s hood fell away revealing a face that contradicted the rising need to leave inside of him.

Too easily the man slipped into his mind. Flashes of his father screaming at him came into view. _“Ungrateful freak!” his father roared as a bottle met with the wall behind him. “Can’t even go to a normal school without embarrassing me.” His father turned to his mother cowering in the corner. “This is your fault.” Large fists connected with Severus’ face._

Heart pounding he was released from the memory. He’d only been six in that memory. Catching his breath he stared at Voldemort’s feet.

“It is a horrible condition to be born into isn’t Snape? To be so weak to be looked down upon” Voldemort spoke in a low tone, one that might’ve been comforting if he didn’t know better. “It is up to you to reclaim your power, Snape. It is time that all wizardkind reclaim their place on the hierarchy” he said louder. 

A chorus of cheers surrounded them.

“Join us and I can help you achieve anything you desire.”

“Anything?”

“All you do is ask.”

“Do you know how to overcome Death?”

A smile spread across Voldemort’s face. “Do you know what our members are called Snape?”

He shook his head

“Death Eaters.The fear of death is what makes us weak. We have the tools to defy it. Why should we fear it like the muggles? I could teach you those tools.”

If he joined this man he could help Harry keep away from Death’s grasp. 

With a resounding _ crash, _ Harry fell through the barrier down into the center of the room. Regulus’ broom snatched out from him. Unseen arms grabbed him pinning him down to the ground. Craning his head he tried to get a better look who was there but a hand gripped his neck fighting his efforts.

“And who is this?” the unmistakable voice of Voldemort asked. “A spy?”

Hands out turned his pockets. “He has the invitation” someone behind him spoke.

“Forgive me my Lord I wouldn’t have invited him if I knew how tardy he would arrive.”

“So you bring another Lucius yet you had not spoken of this one as Snape.”

Hearing that Lucius told Voldemort about Sev made his blood boil. Sev didn’t deserve to be here. 

_ “How are we going to get out of this?” _

“I do not know him as I do Snape” Lucius admitted, a hint of fear in his voice.

Footsteps halted right in front of him. The unseen hands released him but he remained on the floor. He couldn't do anything to risk getting Sev out of this.

With the edge of his wand Voldemort motioned for Harry to lift his chin. The snake-like creature he knew Voldemort to be was hidden behind his younger handsome face. 

“Interesting” he commented as their eyes met. “Your name?”

“Harry Granger.”

Voldemort tilted his chin further up. “Granger? Not a very magical name... But your eyes. Two completely different colors. It is said that is a true mark of darkness.” By his tone Voldemort almost sounded proud of that fact.

“Grindlewald too had eyes like yours. Of course,” The end of his wand jabbed at his Adam's apple. “I plan to do far more than Grindlewald ever could.”

A few mutters came from the others hidden in the shadows.

“Can anyone speak for you Granger?” Voldemort turned towards the crowd. “Who here speaks for Granger?”

To the side of him he saw Sev kneeling besides Malfoy. If he could just get close enough maybe they could apparate out of here.

“I do my Lord,” Regulus said, stepping into the light. “He too is of lesser blood.”

Voldemort rose stance tight as he approached Regulus. Regulus kneeled down, his face almost defeated as Voldemort raised his wand.

“I grew up with filthy muggles!” 

Voldemort paused turning to look at him.

“They convinced me I was one of them. When I grew into my magic they treated me lower than dirt. I was stashed away in a cupboard under the stairs.”

“This is the fate of the Half-blood” announced to the Death Eaters. “Taught to be below the unworthy of magic. Unable to fight against the unjust. If it weren't for muggle supporters Purebloods would not have intermingled. Magic wouldn't have been given to muggle kind. Creating Mudbloods and Halfbloods."

"These two are proof that laws for the protection of muggles do nothing to strengthen our world. The world must change. We can either be at the top or under the heel of those who have oppressed our birthright to magic.”

Cheers erupted from the group. 

“Time runs short tonight. To your duties.” Several people disapparated from the location. “Black,”

“Yes my Lord.”

“Escort these two out.”

With a tight grip Regulus pulled him close to Sev then apparated.

Falling they landed in a pile together just outside of Hogwarts barriers. 

“What were you thinking!” Regulus snapped pushing them off. 

Freeing himself from the tangled robes Severus could only stare at Regulus fuming over them. 

“You are such a little shit Snape. What happened to not getting involved? Why would you drag Granger into this?”

“It’s not his fault” Harry protested.

“This isn’t some place to go to deal with your lover spat!” Anger in his eyes shone as he clenched his wand. “Neither of you know what you’re doing!” Regulus hissed. 

“You-” Harry began but was cut off by Regulus’ spell hitting the ground turning the grass to a crisp. 

“I am a proud member of the Black family. I'm a Pureblood not like you two. This isn’t your place” he said before storming off back to the castle.

“He’s right. It isn’t our place.” 

“Then why did you go with him?” Harry said.

“Why did you make a stupid deal with Death!” he shot back rushing through the barrier.

“Sev!” he called but no matter how many times he called Sev didn’t stop, didn’t turn around. Regulus was out of sight already. 

_ Failed. _ Came Death’s voice straight into his head.

Facing off Death he wanted nothing more than to curse the figure. 

_ Help? _ Death asked, holding out its hand. 

“I can’t trust you.” He needed to hear himself say that out loud as much as he needed to tell Death.

Death had the power to turn back time, to erase his mistakes but he couldn’t take it. Not again. All he had was this last chance. 

“I don’t need your deals.”

_ We’ll see. _ Death stepped through the morning fog.

“I don’t need it” he said against the urge to chase after Death.

He could do this without Death’s help. 

***

Despite the need for sleep, Severus had been awake since they returned to Hogwarts and now he could hear his dorm mates rising for the day. 

What was he supposed to do now? Voldemort held answers to stopping Death but he didn’t want Harry to be involved with any of this. Harry wouldn't make it with people like Mulciber and Lucius.

_ “Why would you drag Granger into this?” _ Regulus’s words replayed.

Harry shouldn't have been there. 

_ “What happened to not getting involved?” _

All ties with Lucius he had insisted was over... Deep down he knew that was barely the truth. 

Punching the mattress below him he hated how easy it was to go along with Lucius; how desperately he wanted the answers Voldemort said to have. And he was angry at how Harry had followed after him into a place that he didn’t need to step into. 

_ “Grindlewald had eyes like yours.” _He could still see the glint in Voldemort's eyes as he said that to Harry.

He shook his head. Grindelwald was the darkest wizard in their history. There was nothing like Grindelwald in Harry... 

Harry had made a deal with Death. To some that might’ve been one of the darkest things a person could do. 

_ “But he made it for me.” _

That fact infuriated him even more. He wasn’t worth that sort of sacrifice. 

He needed to know how to defeat Death.

Pulling his curtains open he found Harry's bed to be empty. 

The morning cup of pumpkin juice remained untouched as Harry continued to stare into it. This was all he could think to do. Sev hadn’t spoken a word all night. What exactly he was expecting he wasn’t sure, but the way Sev had looked at him last night was enough to push him out of the dorms at first chance.

Death’s darkened face appeared in his head in the second he blinked away the tiredness of his eyes. 

Death said that he had failed. That couldn’t be right. Sev was still alive. Death was trying to trick him again. 

Things needed to be fixed. Fixed without Death’s help. 

Eyes falling onto Harry as he walked into their class Severus felt a discomforting squirm inside. It was a ridiculous feeling and yet he couldn’t bring himself to say a word or take up the seat right up against Harry like usual. 

Professor McGonagall side-eyed him before carrying on with the day’s lesson. Everything she said was drowned by his never-ending thoughts about last night’s events. 

A few times he glanced at Lupin. Lupin was a werewolf, James had helped save his life, and Harry had made a deal with Death... All of that seemed horribly wrong. 

How had his life turned completely upside down so quickly?

With the chiming of the bell releasing them he sprinted down the hall. 

“Professor?” he called rapping on the door of Professor Soledad's office.

Silence.

“Professor?” he asked once more.

If there was any professor he believed he could receive help from it was her. Maybe just maybe she knew what to do in a situation like this.

Again he knocked hard against her office door. Again he was met with silence.

Rummaging through his bag he hastily jotted down a note before sliding it under the door.

Vowing to come back until they spoke he left for his next class. 

  
  


Regulus had turned to go the other way the second their eyes connected but Harry followed after him. “Regulus!”

Regulus was all but stomping his way across the grass.

“Stop for a second.” 

“Why should I?” he casted over his shoulder.

He couldn’t have two people thoroughly pissed at him. They needed each other; he needed them.

“Reg-”

Suddenly Regulus stopped. “Do you ever not follow where you are not needed?” He continued to speak with his back towards him.

“Do you know where Sev is?”

“Guess your boyfriend didn’t think your little adventure last night was as fun as planned,'' Regulus said with a bite to his words that he hadn’t heard before.

“Please.”

“This is your problem... the both of you always...” he muttered.

“Reg-”

“You two piss me the fuck off.” Regulus snapped, turning to face him. “You’re half-bloods, you shouldn’t get involved in this. Makes me sick having your lower blood in our ranks.”

“You wouldn't have done what you did if you really felt that way.”

With a pinched face, Regulus kept his eyes to Harry’s shoes. “I couldn’t have let him kill you.” 

“Thank you.”

“Don't thank me,'' he growled.

“Regulus, you don't belong there either. You're not like them.”

“You're naive Granger.”

“Not as much as you think I am” he affirmed.

“This doesn’t end like you think it will.”

“How can you be so sure of that?”

“You,” A humorless laugh escaped Regulus. “I saw Snape go to the Defense classroom. If you aren’t naive then you will not go before the Dark Lord again.”

***

Walking up the stairs to the Headmaster office trudged up the anger he had towards Dumbledore. A part of him couldn’t help question what would happen if he hadn’t agreed to hide the werewolf attack, if he had let himself be expelled, or if Sev had been expelled would they have fallen into the one place that he didn’t want Sev to end up. Expulsion seemed not so bad compared to joining the Death Eaters. 

Before he could raise his hand the door opened. 

Peering down his half-moon glasses Dumbledore frowned.

“What brings you here, Mr. Granger? Another accusation? It was agreed that the issue over Mr. Snape's accident will be left alone.”

Holding back the bubbling comment to correct that the werewolf attack wasn’t an accident he remained silent as those cold eyes set on him.

“Do not keep me Mr. Granger.”

“I need to make another deal with you.”

“It's unwise to make deals that you are not capable of upholding.” Dumbledore snide.

Abandoning any sense of self-preservation he dropped to his knees. “I need your help. It's about Voldemort.”

“Are you admitting to be aligned with him?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this” he mumbled.

“You must be specific. You've caused quite a lot of trouble this year Mr. Granger. Trouble which you had promised on more than one occasion would not occur.” Licking his thumb, Dumbeldore turned the page of the Daily Prophet. 

Rising to his feet he wasn’t going to let Dumbledore dismiss him. “I'm not the monster you’ve made me out to be in your mind. I'm not like Voldemort or Grindelwald.”

Dumbledore looked stricken by his words for a second before his fingers steepled against the desk; the paper left to the side.

“That’s who you think when you look at me isn’t it?”

“It is not a matter of what I think” Dumbledore affirmed. “Your actions speak loud enough. Both your sudden appearance and knowledge of certain things have proved that you are more than capable of causing damage to this school.”

Dumbledore stood, any sense of calm betrayed by the way his eyes shifted to daggers. “I had to let go of a very promising professor because of your actions.”

“What?”

“Professor Soledad approached me with evidence of a werewolf attacking Mr. Snape.”

“The pensive” he muttered.

“So you do know what you’ve done. Against your assurance that you wouldn’t interfere-”

“It wasn't intentional,” he protested. “ He figured out what happened on his own. I was trying to stop Sev from going to the Ministry.”

“Intentional or not your actions have consequences.” 

“But others don’t?” he snapped. “What consequences did you give to Sirius Black for sending Sev to a werewolf in the first place?”

Dumbledore combed his beard.

“You say that you want to do what is right for the students but at every turn you’ve done nothing right by Sev. I'm trying to do the right thing here.” 

“What exactly are you trying to accomplish?”

“You can stop Sev from falling into the hands of Voldemort.”

“Mr. Snape has interacted with unsavory sort before; his joining of them was inevitable.”

“So you will condemn him for a mistake? Or do you think all of Slytherin is inherently destined to turn bad?”

“Mr. Granger, you have created this idea that I hate Slytherins. I do not believe that all students of a specific house are destined for anything. I may be Headmaster but I do not have the ability to prevent any student from making a bad choice.”

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” He bellowed the floor beneath him cracking.

“Not everyone can be saved.”

“You can’t give up on Sev! You can’t lump us all into the same group as the true supporters of Voldemort! You can’t throw us away because you think we are not of use to you.”

“I do not think that.” A strange calm came over him. “Have some tea.” A kettle appeared on Dumbledore’s desk.

Tea. Tea would be good. His hands reached out to the offered cup.

“Drink.”

Drinking would make things better. Drinking tea with Dumbledore was what he wanted to do. “No.” Shaking off the imperious curse he dropped the cup.

Tea spilled over the floor. Sharp pressure pushed into his head the second their eyes met. 

“Why do you keep doing this!” He grunted forcing his mental shields up. “ I came here for help!” he choked on a sob that wanted to escape. “I could give you information on Voldemort. Please just help me.”

“I do not trust you Mr. Granger.” 

“So you’re just going to wait around until the Death Eaters turn their wands on more innocent people? You ‘ll just sit back as more of your students join Him? Who needs to die before you realize what is happening? I don’t know why I thought you could help me.”

“Mr. Granger,”

Angry tears fell from his face. “FORGET IT!” He screamed slamming the door behind him. 

If Dumbledore wasn’t going to do anything he was.

***

Profesor Soledad was nowhere to be seen. Not even a note informing him that she didn't want to speak with him had appeared. It didn’t seem right for her presence to suddenly vanish from the head table. And her classroom remained empty each time he went to it. If her classes were canceled that meant something happened to her.

_ “I can’t rely on her,” _ he thought, rushing to the Room of Requirements. 

Closing his eyes he asked the room for a book, a scroll, anything that could be used to help him figure out what to do about the deal Harry had made with Death. 

A tome of leathered face appeared within his hand along with a copy of Tales of the Beedle and the Bard. Setting aside the child fairytale he began to read the tome. 

Combing through the tome he feared the worst. Several sections were written about dark magic that he hadn’t even known about. When he came onto Necromancy a popping sound announced Bippy’s arrival. 

“What are you doing Bippy?” he asked, covering up the image of a rising corpse.

“Friend Harry asked to keep an eye on you.” She wrung her ears nervously.

_ “That’s how he knew I had left with Lucius.” _Severus knew he needed to stop her from warning Harry about what he was doing. 

“Bippy Harry doesn’t need to know about this.”

The House Elf shook her head. “Friend Harry told her to watch.” She wrung her ears a little more. “Now he is sad. Bippy must’ve not done good. Bippy worries...”

“It’s a surprise,” he lied. Lying to a House Elf felt like another low step in his life.

Stopping her wringing she looked at him. “Surprise?”

“Yes. Harry can’t know about this surprise. It’ll make him happy.”

“Bippy understands” she smiled.

“Good.”

“Anything Bippy can help with?”

If he hadn’t just lied he might’ve asked what she knew about Death. A House Elf probably didn’t know much about the topic. It would be wrong to ask her about it.

“Do you know what happened to Professor Soledad?”

“Bippy saw Professor leaving Hogwarts.”

“Leaving on a trip?”

“Bippy didn’t ask.” Her eyes grew wide in fear of her mistake.

“It’s okay.”

Bippy looked at the tome in his hand. “Friend Harry would want you to eat while studying.”

Before he could protest she snapped away only to return with a plate of biscuits.

“Thanks Bippy.”

“You Bippy’s friend too.” She smiled before leaving him.

  
  


Heated tears continued to fall as Harry flung stones into the lake. Each cast stone felt heavier than the next. Rock after rock he continued until his arm ached and the sun began to set. Going back to the castle, back to the dorms, seemed almost pointless. Neither Sev or Regulus wanted to see him. Not that he could really blame them, still...

Footsteps shuffled across the grass behind him. Not caring, he waded further into the water. 

The water rippled against his legs.

If he remained motionless here would things be alright? Answers seemed out of reach. He was never the one who had answers. For as long as he could remember he was just moving through things, following someone else, trusting that they knew. He’d trust Dumbledore. His Severus had trusted Dumbledore. 

_ “Why didn’t he help?” _ he thought letting the cold water touch his shins.

There had to be something that he could do. He still held the last Deathly Hallow. He still had a chance. 

As if his shoes were spelled to the floor, Severus remained watching Harry standing motionless in the water. All his reading hadn’t brought him any closer to finding an answer or creating a plan to end the deal with Death. Professor Soledad was missing now and the tome was useless. There was nothing he could do besides join Voldemort. 

“H-” he stopped. All day they hadn’t spoken...what would he say? That he gave up? That there wasn’t anything he could do?

Turning away he made to leave but hesitated once more. 

Walking away now felt like it would be the end of what he had with Harry. Once again it would’ve been his own fault for losing someone close to him. He should’ve known better that night he was attacked. If he hadn’t done that Harry wouldn’t have made a deal with Death to let him live.

Shuddering, he turned back to the lake. 

The only way to help Harry was to join Voldemort. Doing so would sever what they had so until he was called again he wanted to at least be able to speak with Harry again.

Toeing off his shoes he stepped into the frigid water. Harry didn’t stir as he moved to stand right besides him. 

If this had been a day ago the sight of the sun nearly touching the water would’ve been enjoyable. They would’ve been holding hands and Harry would say something that would lead him to snog while standing in a lake.

He wished they could do that now instead of listening to the sounds of the wind passing over them.

“Are you afraid of me now?” came Harry’s question after a while.

No. The answer was always no even when doubt snuck into his head.“Why would I?”

“The deal with-”

“Don't say it.”

“You are afraid.”

“Anyone with a brain should be…” he turned back to the water. “I’m afraid of what you did.”

“I know I shouldn't have done it.” A sad laugh left Harry. “You always warned me about doing things without thinking it through.”

Moving closer he could see the red of Harry’s eyes. How long had he been crying?

“What did you give up?” The answer wasn’t something he wanted to hear. The tome had mentioned people offering first born or sacrificing something else. Although he couldn't imagine Harry doing that he needed to ask. “You have to give up something to make a deal like that… What did you give up?”

“Nothing that I couldn't deal with.”

“That’s not how it works Harry!” He moved to leave but a single hand placed on his wrist held him in place. 

“The Deathly Hallows.”

Opening his mouth he closed it at the sight of worry in those mismatched eyes.

“Those are real too. And this,” Harry held his wand carefully out. “is the last one I have. D- it reclaimed the other two.” 

“How did-”

Harry shook his head. “I can’t tell you that.”

“You gave up Hallows for me?” 

How could he stop that? Was Voldemort strong enough to deal with that?

“Why?” he said softly.

“Because I love you Sev.”

“I can’t accept that you would do something so stupid just because of that… You should've just let me-”

“Don't you dare finish that sentence!” The water around them quaked as Harry gripped his wand. 

When the water settled silence returned.

“You were worth saving. You’ll always be worth it to me.”

“You still shouldn’t have made that deal,'' Slipping his hand into his he lead Harry slowly out of the cold water. _ “I'm going to save you.” _

***

“Granger” Regulus frowned. Hanging just outside of the doorway he kept his eyes on the stone wall ahead of him. Whatever he was holding was trapped between his crossed arms. “I can’t wrap my head around why you are doing this.” He said, pulling what was a letter from him. 

Even before opening it he had an idea what was inside. He hadn’t expected a summons so soon.

Harry knew far too well what other means Voldemort used to summon his followers. 

It would be naive to think that if this remained unmarked, tossed aside, then that would be the end of things. 

Skipping out of a summons would mean what exactly? At this stage he wasn’t sure. Voldemort might arrange to kidnap them to be used as target practice, or maybe Regulus would suffer for not bringing them along. Either way he was sure they couldn’t just simply walk away. It didn’t matter how much more human-like Voldemort appeared inside he was a monster. The same monster that would kill Regulus, and his own parents, and then Severus.

“The thing you said about your relatives is it true?”

“Yes.”

There was a long pause before Regulus spoke again. “That still doesn’t mean you should've been there. Stupid Half-blood.”

“You don't have to act like that.”

“You better get used to this and more. The people you are going to be around will not stop just because it hurts your feelings.” 

Harry understood what Regulus was doing. Regulus needed to prove he upheld the same beliefs that Voldemort did about blood supremacy. 

“I’m sorry you have to act this way.”

Hurt flashed on Regulus’ face. 

“Don’t tell Sev about this.I can’t let him join Vol-” Regulus shot him a heated look. “If_ He _ wants someone he’s going to take me.”

“I don't think you are prepared for what's coming.” Placing the letter into his hand Regulus walked away.

A new blank card laid in his hands. Paralyzed he stared it down as if any second it would begin to smoke like an ignored howler. 

It had been only through luck that Harry hadn’t been around when he received it in the same blank posh stationery from Lucius. Now he was debating on pressing the ink into the paper. 

Before Harry found him he needed to do it. 

Dipping his quill into the ink he hesitated once more.

“For Harry” he whispered as the ink fell onto the card.

Soaking it up the black ink vanished then in a matter of seconds the message appeared. A date set for two days from today was scrawled with a location before it turned blank once again.

He needed to make sure that Regulus didn’t pass on the message to Harry.

***

Sneaking out into the night Harry didn’t look back to Sev’s bed. If he did he wouldn’t go through with what he needed to tonight. Sev didn’t need to pay for his mistakes. He was the one who made a deal with Death. He was going to be the one to take Sev’s place in this mess. 

Just beyond the barrier he saw Regulus standing waiting just as they planned. Hurrying he ran through the barrier. On the other side it felt far colder. 

“Reg,” he paused, seeing Sev standing behind him.

“Why are you here!” Accusatory eyes shot to Regulus.

“You said we were waiting for Mulciber,” Sev sneered.

“Both of you geniuses had the same idea. I refused to be caught in the middle of whatever this is.”

“You can’t go,” they said in unison.

“You don't even believe in blood supremacy” Sev argued.

“And you do?” he said staring straight into Sev’s eyes. Severus gripped his arm tightly, Wincing at the pressure Sev quickly freed him.

“Shut your mouth” Sev hissed under his breath, eyes scanning their surroundings probably for Mulciber. 

“You know it to be true.”

“You don’t-”

“What is _ He _ promising you?” he asked, not wanting to hear a lie. “You won't get anything _ He _promises.”

“Harry,” 

“I know what will happen if you go through with this. You'll regret it for the rest of your life... the things you'll be forced to do.” Tears pricked in his eyes. “Please just go back to the dorms. Let me deal with this.”

“If he's so horrible do you think he’ll just let me go let me walk away?” 

Sev was right. Voldemort wouldn't just let him go. They'd brushed elbows with Mulciber and Regulus. Lucius had told Voldemort all about Sev.

As much as he wanted to keep Sev out of the grasps of Death Eaters maybe this wasn't something he could change. Being a Death Eater had shaped the man Sev would become; he knew that and yet he hoped to spare the pain that would come with this life.

Severus couldn’t let Harry come. This wasn’t a fate that he deserved. 

“I don't want to lose you Sev. I-”

“I hate you,'' he lied, pushing Harry away. 

Stumbling Harry looked at him with eyes as wide as Bippy’s. 

Taking out his wand he aimed it directly at Harry’s face. “I’m supposed to be okay with you throwing your life away? I hate you.”

“If you hate me you wouldn't care if I went.”

“Of course I hate you. I hate what you did! I hate your secrets and lies. I hate that you would do this. I hate that you made a fucking deal for me!”

“ Sev,”

“I hate trying to justify why you say odd things.” He continued. “I hate that you look at me like that.”

Far too easily Harry pushed his wand to aim to the ground. 

After that night he should’ve hated Harry. There had always been things that he couldn’t explain about Harry and yet he couldn’t get his arm to raise again.

When Sev didn’t move to threaten him again with his wand Harry moved closer.

“I hate that you're here.”

“You're pushing me away again.”

“I hate that you always come back” Sev whispered.

Running a hand through Sev’s hair Harry spoke just as softly “I’m going to come back to you no matter what Sev.”

“You shouldn't go,” Sev urged.

“I already told you and Regulus that I am going.”

“But -”

“Trying to sneak out was a stupid idea. We need each other. No matter what happens I’m going to be by your side.”

Hand in hand they walked to where Regulus waited, arms tightly crossed over his chest. For a moment they stood staring at one another. 

Deep down Severus wanted to betray Harry; wanted to stun him and leave him under the protection of the tree in the distance as he went off with Regulus. He didn’t know what would be easier to forgive himself for: if he did that or if he allowed Harry to walk into this oncoming danger with him. 

_ “He already followed after me once.” _

A reassuring squeeze of his hand led him to take hold of Regulus’s hand. 

“I promise,” Harry said, catching their attention. “That we are going to get through the night together.”

Then a tug at his navel pulled them across the swirling background.

Morbid wouldn’t be a strong enough word to describe the state they found themselves landing in the center of.

Laid out on a large table were several animal carcasses their pelts still dirtied with blood. 

The stench of their rot and the red splatter around them made him want to puke. Holding back he schooled his face, blocking out the horrible memories of the werewolf attack from his mind. Dead eyes stared at them in their plea for help that never came. Carefully he took in a breath trying not to breathe in the putrid air. 

Without instruction, Regulus left their side to step into the dim light where he could barely make out Lucius.

“Welcome,” Voldemort spoke plainly as though there wasn’t a pile of death laid in front of him. “Snape.” He motioned smoothly to one of the chairs on the opposite side of the table. In a different circumstance it would’ve felt like a simple invitation to tea. 

Fighting the need to take Harry's hand and apparate away he stepped forward.

“You fear death,” Voldemort spoke low. “and you seek a means to defy it don't you?” He motioned a second time. 

Wavering he took a seat.

“Granger.” The way he spoke Harry’s name felt like needles pricking his skin.

Motioning to the other chair Harry quickly took it. A row of dead animals separated them. 

_ “He shouldn't have come.” _

“You seek power as well. This shall be the first step.” 

Violently stomach squirmed at the possibilities of what they were to do with these dead animals. 

Voldemort’s mouth quirked in a smile. “Tell me what do you imagine is asked of you?”

He gulped back the slow rise of vomit in his mouth. “Eat it?”

“Halfwitted Half-Blood. I thought you said he was intelligent” a female voice cackled.

“Bellatrix” Voldemort chided.

“Forgive me, my Lord.”

“I would not do something so crude, though you may if you wish.” There was a certain challenge in his eyes that flashed a slight red.

“No thank you.”

Something akin to disappointment crossed his face before he laid out a hand towards the dim light. From the darkness a hand placed what looked like a mask into his hand.   
“This is an important tool in our work.”

Under his hand Severus could see the skulled mask. This one was highly intricate, looking more like a finely carved ornament. 

“Today you and Granger,” His blood turned cold from the way Voldemort’s eyes slid over to Harry. “Shall have the honor of creating your own. A member of ours was kind enough to give you an impressive assortment.”

He didn’t want to meet who would hunt down animals for this purpose. 

“You shall go first Snape.”

Pulling out his wand he prepared to sever the head as quickly as possible. 

“Stop.” Voldemort held a hand out and this time a small dagger laid in his hand. Giving it a quick look he slid it across the table. “You can’t overcome your fear of Death if you don’t take it into your own hands. Those who choose to defy Death must get their hands dirty.”

Containing the twitching in his hands he reached out for the dagger. Instantly he realized that it was dulled; he probably couldn’t cut as much as a slice of toast with it. Bringing attention to this fact wouldn’t help. The anticipatory gleam in Voldemort’s eyes proved that.

Keeping his face emotionless he grabbed the first animal, a wolf. Its fangs were so sharp...If he had been bitten by Lupin...

_ “I can’t think of that.” _

Cold wetness covered his fingers as he lifted the wolf head. 

This was humiliation. Them having to tear apart dead animals alone would’ve seemed like a sick test of will; to do so without magic for their Death Eater masks was on a whole other level. Harry didn't think anyone else suffered this treatment. It was because they were of lesser blood, that’s why their masks had to be animal and not human like the others. 

The feeling of Voldemort's eyes on him burned as he waited. Sev had to do it first that was the orders but he couldn’t just wait. How could he sit here as blood covered Sev once again? 

Catching Voldemort's eye he snapped off the fox’s claw right before him. With a muttered spell he transfigured it into a knife. 

_ “Together I told him we would get through it together,” _he thought as he drove the blade against the fox head. 

“Impatient” Voldemort commented. If it weren’t for the fascinated hint to his words Harry would’ve gone for his wand instead of continuing his gruesome work.

_ “We are going to get through this.” _ He tried to channel the thought towards Sev. Running the blade in deeper he side-eyed Sev’s progress.

Severus couldn't look; he shouldn't look towards Harry who was elbow deep into the work laid before them. _ “This was the first step to learning how to defy Death,” _ he tried to remind himself. 

This was still too much for anyone. And he didn’t like the way Voldemort had taken an interest in Harry. 

Jamming his hand into the wolf he focused his magic to the tips of his fingers. It was against the orders but any longer of this he would either pass out or vomit. 

_ “Sectumsempra” _ he thought. At last the wolf head severed from its body. 

A slow clap came from Voldemort then echoed as the unseen others joined. “You two have done well.”

At last he looked at Harry. It was a mistake to do so. Harry’s face, chest, and arms were covered in blood. Anger flickered in his mismatched eyes.

“Now stand.”

Doing as they were told they stood waiting bloodied for their next instruction. 

Their animal heads levitated into their hands. Regulus and Lucius stepped forward with their wands aimed directly at their hands which rested just in front of their hearts. 

Still as a statue he stood as Lucius tilted back his long hair. 

A single sliced charm ran through the skull in their hands. Either it was purposeful or Lucius' lack of control that nicked the palms of his hands from the spell. Scolding his features he refused to wince.

“Scourgify” Regulus and Lucius cast at the same time leaving the severed skull clean in their cut hands. The rest of them remained blood-soaked.

“With this first step you begin to reclaim your rightful place,” Voldemort announced. “Power over those who have kept you under their heel and to overcome the fear within.” 

Standing Voldemort levitated a burlap sack to Regulus and Lucius. “Do take care of them,'' he instructed as the masks were placed inside. One last smirk crossed his face before Voldemort dismissed them. 

“Disgusting” Regulus spat as soon as their feet returned to the green fields beyond Hogwarts. 

“Sev.” Harry clung onto him. 

Muttering to himself, Regulus stood over them, his eyes scanning every inch of them. As quick as possible the blood splashed along them was spelled away. It didn’t matter. He still felt so dirty. 

“You two need to get out of this” Regulus said this time with sorrow in his voice. “I could find a way at the end of term.”

“No” Severus shook his head. 

He still needed to know how to stop Death, that's all that mattered. If he ran away now his cowardice would cost him everything. The thing he just did would’ve been in vain. He was going to see this through for Harry. 

Regulus tucked their wrapped masks into the folds of his robes. “You’ll need to wear them the next time… Next time won’t be as easy.”

_ “Easy?” _ There was hardly anything easy about this, it was gruesome, it was...

“Regulus is right, it's only going to get harder from here on.” Harry cupped his face looking deep into his eyes. “Listen to me Sev, anything that we have to do while wearing those masks aren’t us. Those aren't the type of people we are. Okay? No matter what we won’t become like that.”

Slowly he nodded.

“Say it” Harry begged.

“We won’t become like them.”

Harry turned to Regulus. “You too. You’re not like the others.”

“It doesn’t matter what you say Granger” Regulus said but didn’t resist as Harry pulled him. In the tightest hug possible Harry held them. 

****

Dawning the mask Harry couldn’t help think to the many times he’d seen his Severus hide his own mask from view each time he caught him being summoned. Having his own mask would’ve chilled him if he had a choice in this. Choices were limited now. 

_ “From Chosen One to Death Eater.” _

Standing here listening to Voldemort handing out orders to his followers would’ve been unimaginable before. How Severus had done it time and time again knowing that any wrong move could kill him was more insane than he thought. 

_ “This time he’s not alone.” _

“...To our newest recruits, you will be joining your proxy.”

Two masked figures approached them. From the blond hair poking out behind he knew the first one was Lucius Malfoy and the second had to be Regulus.

The twisting of his guts didn’t settle when he came out of apparition with Regulus. They had arrived right below a street lamp. Houses all asleep for the night were lined up across them. 

Neither of them spoke. 

More cracks of people apparating sounded two other groups joining further down the street. 

_ “Why are we here?” _

Another Death Eater motioned for them to move. Stepping up to one of the doors Regulus waited, turning his head left and right before spelling the lock open. Rushing in Regulus ran up the stairs. Bombarded by the motion of others pushing their way into the house Harry could only step to the side as they went about the place. A few searched through the living room and kitchen. 

“Get to work” hissed one of the Death Eaters jabbing her wand to the upstairs.

Knowing this Death Eater wouldn’t have any issue crucioing him for insubordination he hurried up the stairs. 

The bedroom door hung suspiciously open as he reached the top of the steps. 

“Don’t!” he heard a male voice cried before a thud hit the ground.

Pushing the door open he saw Regulus pushing a man off a trunk he had fallen over. 

“What are you doing?”

Jumping Regulus let the lid slam. “Granger” he hissed.

Bending over the man he laid a shaky hand over him. “You-”

“He’s not dead.” Regulus flung things out of the trunk before moving to the wardrobe. Every shelf was turned inside out.

“What are we looking for?”

“I can’t tell you. Just keep look out.”

Barking from somewhere outside pulled them to the window. 

“Quiet the dog.”

Apparating the dog snarled at his sudden appearance. “I’m sorry” he whispered before stunning the animal with a high pitch yelp.

Returning to the house he found the room empty. 

“Move your arse Half-blood!” A Death Eater screeched before popping away. 

Wand light illuminated the next door house. Off in the distance he could hear Bellatrix's cackle, the sound made him shudder. Somewhere out there he could imagine her torturing her latest capture. 

Several lights turned on around him before going out. In the darkness he saw the first spell cast over him. Someone had come to stop the Death Eaters. The initial cast drew the attention of others until a full duel was in progress. 

Ducking behind a wall he tried to peer beyond the hedge that separated him from the fight. 

The weight of the mask against his face reminded him that he was on the wrong side. He couldn't get caught here. If he was sent to Azkaban there would be no chance of helping Sev and Regulus get through this.

_ “I need to find them.” _

“Stop!” a booming voice yelled when he had been spotted.

Apparating a few feet away he just managed to dodge a spell before taking off to another hiding spot. 

The sound of his breathing echoed against the confines of his mask. Even his vision was obstructed by the narrowed slots. Only through magic did it remain glued to his face as he bolted in search for Sev and Regulus.

_ “Where are they?” _He thought jumping over a fallen wizard. 

Knocking into the wall he wanted to scream out for Harry but had to refrain. They were being ambushed; the last thing he needed was to give away his opposition or Harry's. 

_ “I'll find him.” _ he tried to convince himself as another spell flung in his direction.

“Pertri-”

“Expelliarmus” he yelled turning so quickly that he nearly caught against the long robes they had been dressed in earlier. 

Not sticking around to see his opponent fall wand less he hurried into the next room. Why were they even sent here? There was nothing of importance here. 

Dread pooled in his veins. 

_ “A trap?” _

Did Voldemort know they weren’t really on his side? No, he couldn't believe that to be true. He needed to retain Voldemort's favor. 

“Half-blood” Mulciber hissed. “Get out there.”

“Expelliarmus” he shouted, pushing as much of his strength into the spell. Several wands flew to the ground.

A few other Death Eaters rounded on the now disarmed group while the familiar mask of Lucius disappeared further into another house.

What they were going after couldn’t matter right now he still hadn’t found Harry. 

The crack of apparition caused Harry to flush against the nearest wall as he cast a disillusionment around himself. 

The purples robes of a younger Kingsley Shacklebolt caught his attention.

_ “The order,” _ he thought frightfully as he waited for Kingsley to pass by. 

Another crack somewhere far off only added to his rising anxiety. 

_ “Sev where are you?” _

“In the name of the Ministry drop your wand” Kingsley ordered a Death Eater with a less intricate mask.

_ “Regulus.” _

Flicking a stunning spell, Kingsley fell before he could apprehend Regulus.

Dropping the disillusionment charm he rushed over to Regulus.

“Where have you been? We need to get out of here! Where is-”

“I haven’t found him.”

“Behind!” Regulus warned casting a stinging hex on a witch that had popped up.

“Where the hell is he?” Regulus paused to obliviate the witch and Kingsley.

“We need to find him soon. The Order is here.”

“How do you know that name?”

“That’s not important.” he brushed off hurrying along.

Faster and faster his legs carried him in search of Harry. Against the cries and the fizzle of magic in the air that clung like static he tried to pull out the happiest thought. Harry smiling, laughing, the two of them looking out to the stars, their boat ride in the lake all hovered in his head as he cast his not fully formed Patronus. Sending it out to find Harry he hoped that his message would carry. 

A wisp of light in a vague shape met them as Harry led Regulus through the backdoor of the house. “Where are you?” it asked in Sev’s muttered voice. 

“Take me to him,'' he said to the Patronus. 

Following the light he didn’t let anything stop him. Not even Regulus who couldn't exactly keep up with his quickened stride. 

Footsteps to the side of him caught his attention. A woman who looked a little like Neville was running ahead following the call. Her eyes caught him urging them both to speed up.

He couldn't let her get to Sev. 

“Alice,” a man yelled from behind.

_ “Don’t.” _ He thought hoping that they both would just go somewhere else.

“Flipendo!” He shouted towards the woman. Tripping back he continued to follow the fading wisp towards the fourth house.

“Locomotor moris!”

Instantly his feet locked up causing him to fall.

“Expelliarmus!” quickly followed as he tried to struggle upright.

The Elder wand flew from his hand landing on the ground several feet away. 

“No. no!”

Regulus bound the Longbottoms “Granger!”

All his attention focused on the Elder wand that had been cast out of his hand. 

“Get up!” Regulus yelled.

The edge of darkened robes came into view. 

_ “No.” _ Chilling cold covered him like a heavy blanket.

Death leaned over him. 

Scurrying he picked up the Elder wand.

“Granger!” Regulus shouted this time directly in his ear.

Clutching the Elder wand he felt Regulus yank him along.

Severus couldn't stop his body from shaking as he huddled in one of the rooms. Going outside wouldn’t be safe. And if these people were Aurors they might’ve been watching the disapperating from this spot.

Covering his ears he tried to get a hold of himself.

He was a coward hiding waiting for Harry to come for him.

The door ahead of him burst into splintered wood. Dumbledore stepped through looking as angered as he ever had seen the Headmaster before.

Shakily his Patronus died out. 

“Wand down,” Dumbledore ordered.

Doing as he was told he laid it down.

“Headmaster,” he croaked as the old man pulled the mask from his face.

A pitiful look crossed those sapphire eyes as it fell on his face. “This is an unfortunate meeting,” Dumbledore said before turning away.

Dumbledore was going to let him go?

Confused, he slipped his mask back into place just as a fox skulled figure came bounding towards him.

“Harry?”

“Not now!” Regulus ordered. Gripping hands they apparated away.

Back to a dirt patch somewhere far off they landed harshly.

“Harry?” He asked, seeing him sitting motionlessly. “What happened?”

Still as a statue Harry remained in the mud puddle.

“Harry,” he pulled off the mask. Nothing about his face told him what was wrong. No wounds. No blood. 

“What happened?” he shot to Regulus.

“I don’t know.”

At last mismatched eyes looked up but not at him, far past him. Frightened, he whipped his head around the bare dirt and mudded area. Nothing was there yet Harry's eyes held the invisible gaze.

“What is it?” He shook Harry.

Harry could feel the shaking of his body but his mind focused solely on Death looming behind Sev, its hand so close to reaching around his neck. 

Not a single sound could get through the lump in his throat.

_ “Don’t” _ he thought.

Death tilted its head as if it were looking over the options laid out before him.

“What is it Harry?” he could hear Sev asking.

He wasn’t the owner of the Elder wand anymore. If it was a simple fix as disarming the next person he would’ve jumped to do just that but he couldn’t. 

Hidden in his curled fingers the Elder wand was perfectly split in half. 

It was his last bargaining piece. Death could all too easily rip him from this time.

_ I have given time. _ Death said with an unseen smirk.

_ “You can't do this it isn't-” _

_ Fair? _Death reached for the pieces in his hand.

This couldn’t be it. But already three times he had stopped Death from claiming Sev this was his last Hallow. There was nothing left to offer.

Its hands ready to take what had been promised. Death would take Sev from him again.

_ “Stop.” _

Once again Death tilted its head. 

_ “I'll give you anything! Just don’t take him.” _

Death stared at him. Then with a nod it vanished.

Tears fell from Harry as he held him. The glazed look of his eyes fading away didn't make him feel any more secure about what just happened.

“Harry.” 

He mumbled something that sounded like “more time” before burying his face in his chest.

Regulus shook his head as he looked to him for some answers.

“What happened in there?”

“The Order showed up.” Harry said at the same time Regulus said “We are lucky to make it out.”

He didn’t question how Harry knew who the other wizards and witches were. It didn’t matter.

“Dumbledore saw me” he confessed cradling Harry’s head.

“What do you mean?'' Regulus asked.

“He saw my face.”

“This is bad.” Regulus began to pace. “If he-”

“It will be fine,'' Harry said holding onto him so tightly. “It will be okay.”

***

To everyone’s surprise but mostly his own Severus found that Harry was right. They had returned to Hogwarts without incident. And when he next saw Dumbledore not a single word was spoken about it.

Severus was convinced that Harry had to have made a deal with the Headmaster or he wouldn’t be sitting in classes like any other student. 

The attacks of that night were only mildly covered in the Daily Prophet as a string of magical burglaries gone wrong. Regulus had warned not to read any further when he read that one woman had died. She was a muggle-born. 

The Elder wand was destroyed. The only thing that was holding it together was spellotape and a charm over it to disguise the damage. Sev knew that this was the last Deathly Hallow he had so he couldn’t tell him that it had already been lost. 

After that night he felt weaker. Steadily he felt himself growing numb to things. The food they ate in the Great Hall had begun to lose taste. 

Something was wrong but he wouldn’t alarm Regulus or Sev to it. 

They had to endure being Death Eaters together.

***

Filling into a double life was taxing ,yet it seemed to weigh heavier on Harry than him. More and more missions they had been assigned to, each not providing a clue to what their goal was. All three of them made it a point to do their jobs of binding unexpecting wizards and witches as quickly as they could and find one another before another ambush of Order members appeared. 

On missions that the Order never showed up were the hardest on Harry. For hours he would lay awake riddled with thoughts that sometimes floated into his own head as he wrapped his arms around Harry. 

This wasn’t a life that Harry seemed to be able to endure. 

Some days he didn’t see Harry eat or drink anything. He even involved Bippy to give him snacks just as he done,but most of the time Harry would tell him to eat and that he was fine. 

Feeling had begun to go. Harry didn’t know if it was shock from the Death Eater missions or exhaustion from using wandless magic every day. The tips of his fingers could only register a slight tingle when he touched things. When Sev hugged him or took his hand it took far too long to realize what his hands were doing. 

Taste had vanished completely into a sandy taste no matter what he ate or drank. That might’ve worried him so much more if his stomach had stopped feeling hunger. There weren't even hunger pains like the ones he got when the Dursleys starved him. There was nothing. Almost all his senses were becoming nothing.

_ “Maybe that’s what Death took.” _he thought. He had said he would give up anything.

Looking over to Regulus talking with Sev he knew it was worth it.

****

The night before the end of term they were summoned once more. Tonight felt somehow different than the other times. Or it could’ve been the full moon above that set off his paranoia. Either way he didn’t like the look of Harry as they crossed through the barrier protecting Hogwarts. 

Seeing them Regulus nodded before apparating away. 

“You shouldn’t come. You don’t look well.”

“It’s not like you can give a sick note to the Dark Lord” Harry sadly chuckled.

“Harry,”

“I'm not going to leave you. I promised that.”

Slipping on his mask he took Harry’s hand. 

They had long passed the point of no return.

When their surroundings settled out of the swirled apparition they found themselves in a open field and not some dark lit building. 

“Together” he whispered, letting go of Harry’s hand but remaining close to his side.

A ring of Death Eaters stood by each one’s face covered by their skull masks. As always Voldemort stood in the center this time with his snake Nagini wrapped around his shoulders.

Above the moonlight shone bright as the night that Sev almost died from the werewolf attack. 

If he dared to speak with Death again he would ask to rewind time. If he stopped that incident then they wouldn’t be here. But he couldn’t do that. 

Kneeling before Voldemort he knew what tonight would entail. Soon they would be branded. 

_ “At least we are together.” _

Whatever came their way he would endure it for Sev.

“These two have made amazing gains” Voldemort hissed in delight.

Nagini slithered between them. Keeping his mind blank he listened to her hissing

“They lack the smell of blood” she told Voldemort.

“Don’t fret my pet” Voldemort responded in parseltongue.

“When you first appeared before me I saw potential in you both. And though some may have thought you would remain under the heels of others you have proven your dedication to rise above your mudded blood. Your proxies have chosen well. Which is why tonight we are gathered.”

With a snap, something struggled through the crowd. Wide fearful eyes connected to him, a woman he'd never seen before looked around the group bewildered. Based on her clothes and confusion over her invisible binds she had to be a muggle.

“Granger once spoke of his abusive relatives. He came seeking power that he had been denied.”

The woman tried to speak but she had been muted by magic.

“It was difficult to produce your family Granger.”

Fear held his heart in a vice grip. None of that could be shone as he looked at the woman. 

“Most unfortunate that only your aunt remained. It would’ve been far more satisfying for you to rid them all off this earth.” Red flashed in Voldemort's eyes.

Sev’s hand twitched towards his as he rose to his feet. 

This was a test. Voldemort knew that they hadn’t been doing what they said. Nagini knew they hadn’t killed anyone yet.

Slowly he pulled out his wand. 

Soundlessly she begged.

_ “No!” _Severus thought as Harry stood by the woman. 

Harry couldn’t do this. This wasn’t something he shouldn’t do.

He wanted to look away but he couldn’t show any weakness not in front of this mad man. If he did they both could be killed. 

Just behind Voldemort stood the hooded figure that he now knew was Death. A part of him truly hoped that by doing these things he could fight against Death. 

“Crucio” Harry yelled, screams muted by magic twisted the woman's face into unworldly pain. 

Death moved closer, its robes flowing over the surrounding Death Eaters as it craned its head at the sight of Harry. 

No one else besides him seemed to notice Death. Not even Voldemort looked towards the figure, his eyes like the others were glued to Harry.

Twitching to take his wand he watched Death flutter closer and closer. He thought Death would go for the woman who writhed on the ground but it seemed more interested in Harry.

“Stop” Voldemort ordered. 

Swaying slightly Harry stood over the weeping woman. 

Behind his mask Severus tried to hold his own composure. 

“You have done well.” Voldemort’s eyes turned to him. “Now it is your turn.”

Two Death Eaters carted the muggle woman away as he stepped forward. 

Not being able to talk to Harry made standing here all the more difficult. Inside he knew Harry had to be torn apart. 

“Your family was much easier Snape.” 

Stumbling forward his father fell at his feet. Just as the woman he was tied up and muted but his eyes weren’t fearful they were filled with rage. Rage that he had seen so many times directed at him for being a worthless freak. Rage that had littered his body in scars. Rage that had ultimately killed his mother. 

Even now his father reeked of alcohol. His eyes cut like daggers, straight into him as if there wasn’t a mask acting as a barrier.

Freaks his father mouthed clearly.

“He put up quite the fight.” Voldemort mused. “It’s time that fight should be extinguished don’t you think so?”

“Don’t” he heard Harry whisper. 

Heading Harry’s warning couldn’t be heeded. Just like Harry he couldn’t go against Voldemort’s order. If he didn’t do this there would be no way to stop Death who still remained watching them.

“Perhaps with some motivation,” Voldemort smiled.

“Coward!” his father’s voice sprung up. Shocked that he could talk again didn’t last. Face curling in a sneer his father continued. “Filthy coward sending your freakish friends to get me.”

Several Death Eaters reached for their wand. With a wave from Voldemort they returned their wand to their sides. 

“Not even man enough to face me yourself!” His father rose to his knees spitting in his direction.

“Don’t” Harry whispered again. 

Trembling he lifted his hand.

“What do you think you’ll do with that boy?” 

Taking a breath he focused on the end of his wand instead of the fury of his father.

“You don’t have the guts! You were always a weak, cowardice, worthless piece of shit!” 

His father was a monster; the worst muggle he had ever interacted with. Things would be better if he was gone. If his father was gone he wouldn’t have to cower in his room when he had alcohol-induced tantrums. There wouldn’t be a need to continue feeling weak. Without his father he would be able to grow past the limitations of his lesser blood just as Voldemort had said. If his father was gone Voldemort would tell him how to defy Death.

Closing his eyes for a second he thought about all the horrible things his father had ever done to him. All the whippings with belts, all the shards of glass piercing his skin, all the times starved because their money had been wasted on alcohol….

There was nothing he could do but listen to the tirade of Sev’s father. One wrong move would result with the both of them being crucioed or worse. This was a test of loyalty to the Death Eaters. Harry had been lucky to have only tortured the stranger. 

Remaining upright was becoming difficult. Exhaustion was pulling him to the ground but he couldn’t move. Each time his eyes fluttered closed he caught glimpses of the black robes he thought was Death’s.

_ “It won’t take him” _he thought struggling the dizziness that was seeping into his head.

Sev’s wand wavered so slightly that maybe only he recognized it. 

“Go ahead!” Sev’s father snarled. 

Emotionless Sev spoke the killing curse. 

One spell in a flash of green light and his father spoke no more. Silence filled every inch around him but inside his head he still heard his last words ‘ go ahead’. 

Looking at his motionless father was no different than the times he laid blacked out from a bender, but this time Severus knew he wouldn’t get up. There should’ve been more of a feeling towards the man but he didn’t feel anger or happiness. 

A Death Eater with lycanthrope feathers nudged his father’s body. 

Receiving a nod, Voldemort's smile grew. “Excellent.”

It was over, they had passed the test. 

“Now you shall become officially one of us.”

Returning to their knees Voldemort snatched Harry's arm. Desperately he wanted to bat away his hand, take Harry in his arms and apparate to somewhere safe. That wasn’t how this night was going to end; they both knew it from the start.

If they had fled how long would it be until the Death Eaters sought them out? How long until Death came to reclaim whatever Harry had promised? 

As Harry crumpled to the ground Voldemort set his eyes on him. Presenting his arm he waited for the crushing grip that was as cold as ice.

A wicked smile flashed at him, “You will be most valuable.” 

Instantly a burning sensation ran through the veins in his forearm. Those red eyes burned him as much as the mark formed into his arm. 

“Do you care to scream?”

Pain exploded as if his entire arm had been set into acid. Taking shallow breaths he held back his screams the littlest of weakness could cost him so much. He could take it. He thought about his father’s punishments. The searing of cigarettes against his hands, the glass shards piercing his skin, the fists that swung without fear of leaving a mark. 

“You truly have endured much Snape. You will do well with us.”

Into the ground he fell as the pain turned the world black.

The pain hadn’t registered as the Dark Mark had blistered his skin. The lightness of his head made it hard to register anything. Like a flickering light his vision was going in and out.

He couldn’t hear Voldemort’s dismissal of them or Regulus asking something.

“Snape!” Regulus’s voice struck him with worry. 

Wincing at the pain in his arm he rose from the ground. Barely he recognized that their surroundings had changed back to beyond Hogwarts.

Again Harry’s eyes looked far away. Touching his hand he felt extremely cold.

“You are worrying too much” Harry said but his voice sounded as weak as he looked.

“What happened?”

Harry shook his head.

“Bippy” he called.

With a pop she appeared. Her eyes grew huge at the sight of them still dressed in their flowing Death Eater robes and their skull masks laying on the ground.

“Friends,” she shook.

“Harry needs help.”

Nodding she popped away. 

“I told you not to come” he croaked, lifting Harry onto his shoulder.

“I couldn’t let you do this alone.”

Death maintained the strides Sev and Regulus took towards Hogwarts.

Bippy reappeared with Dumbledore in tow. His face revealed little as he looked over them. 

_ “Why did she bring him?” _ he thought as he closed his eyes.

When he opened them he was laying in the infirmary. Whispers floated around him but his attention drew to Death sitting at the foot of his bed. 

_ Failed. _Death spoke in his head.

“I didn't, Sev is still alive” he said, seeing Sev’s shadow against the privacy curtain.

The muddled feeling of his head seemed to have lifted encouraging him to remove himself from the bed. 

Death stood. _ It’s over. _ Death sounded tired.

“Then why would you be here? What more would you want?”

_ You. _

The single word made him shiver. 

_ You promised anything to keep him alive. _

Attempting to rip the curtain aside Harry found himself phasing through it. Horrified he looked back to where his body remained on the bed. 

Death held out its hand. 

He couldn't ignore it.

When he told Death he would give anything he should’ve known what it would take. He gave up so much and in the end it wasn't enough.   
_ Come. _ Death instructed in its flat voice. 

Taking its hand he thought that would be the end that he would fall into a dark void. Instead Death unlatched its cloak. Draping the heavy garment over him was like jumping into a never-ending pool of pensive.

He buckled under the weight of so much knowledge, knowledge that Death had carried around. By the time it all settled down he understood exactly what deal he had made. It wasn’t only a matter of losing his own life he had to take over for Death. He would be forced to watch over everyone until it was time to usher them into the next life.   
“I...”   
_ Death now _ . the entity said before blowing away like sand in the wind.   
  


There hadn’t been a sound. Not even a little one but the drop in Severus’ chest told him to check on Harry. 

Flinging the curtain back he found him lying as peaceful looking as sleeping.

He knew Harry was gone before Madam Pomfrey rushed over to his side, before Regulus pushed him back, before Dulmbedore’s head dropped with the words “he’s gone” left him. 

All he could think was how it couldn't be true. 

  
How much time passed before he let go of Harry was immeasurable. All he knew was the weight in his eyes from the tears and the numbness in his limbs. 

Harry dead wasn't a reality it couldn't be. The world would be all wrong without him.   
The world was wrong. Complete wrong. The world was as cruel as he believed it to be. He couldn’t save Harry from being swallowed up.

It was all his fault. Harry had made a deal with Death for him. Because of him Harry had become a Death Eater, had tortured that woman, had taken the Dark Mark. All of it was in vain. Everything they’d done, the promise of defying Death if they followed the path Voldermort laid was in vain now.

“Mr. Snape” Dumbledore spoke softly. “You cannot remain like this.”

Tightly he held onto Harry’s lifeless hand. 

He saw no reason why he couldn’t remain here. Hogwarts had become empty for the summer. Even Regulus had been forced to return home.

They couldn't force him. There was no one left at home for him. 

“This isn’t what Mr. Granger would’ve wanted.”

“How would you know what he wanted?” he said in a soft voice. 

“Mr. Granger was a man who wanted nothing more than to do what was right.”

Flinching as Dumbledore pulled a chair beside him Severus thought over his words. 

_ “He did so much for me.” _

“Do you hold that same view as he did Mr. Snape? Would you do as he did?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Mr. Granger knew of the dangers of interacting with Voldemort.” 

Again he flinched.

“He had told me that he knew Voldemort’s side was the wrong one.”

_ “He did?” _

“You remember that night I saw your face don’t you?”

He nodded. Harry had told him not to worry. 

“Mr. Granger knew that Voldemort’s downfall would make the world safer. He offered to spy for me.”

How had he not noticed Harry giving information to Dumbledore? When were they ever separated long enough for him to report to the Headmaster?

“Mr. Granger was a very courageous man. He sought to grant you a way out of this,” Dumbledore motioned to the mark visible on his forearm. “He cared very much for you.”

_ “He loved me.” _ His eyes watered. _ “I loved him.” _

“Will you do as he did? Voldemort must be stopped. Will you take on the task Mr. Granger had?”

Severus didn’t know. He wasn’t as courageous as Harry. 

“Do not let his deeds go unheralded” Dumbledore said before leaving. 

****

Wondering a white room Harry found a hall outstretching to perhaps the beginning of time. 

As Death he couldn’t remain in the world he once knew for very long. That knowledge had come to him quickly while others didn’t. 

So he was left to wander the space that Death had created. Following the long hallway he noticed that the walls were covered in images that he knew were windows into people’s lives that had passed. There were so many that it would’ve made his head spin if he still could feel properly.

The images at the beginning seemed to be those who had recently died. 

A new photograph appeared before him the image was blank but on the back it read: _ Regulus Black. _

In a flash of orange light he found himself standing in the cave where Voldemort had hidden Slytherin’s locket.

“Kreacher go!” Regulus yelled as two Inferi pulled his legs.

With a pop, the house-elf vanished.

Struggling against the pull of Inferi Regulus paused as he stepped forward.

“Granger?” he scoffed. “I must be doomed.”

“Yeah,” he said softly, reaching out his hand. There was nothing he could do to save him.

“You left Snape in a bad way,” Regulus said, no longer fighting the Inferi dragging him into the water. “It sucks that I’m leaving him too.” 

“What you’ve done will help with Voldemort’s downfall.”

With a sad smile, Regulus took his hand.

An orange glow led him back to the hallway which now held Regulus’ image.

Alone he walked further down the hall in search for something to make his mistakes right again.

***  
“Potions this year will be taught by Professor Severus Snape once again” Dumbledore announced to the staff.

Why had he returned to Hogwarts? Why was he still bending to the will of Dumbledore, for protection from what? The Dark Lord had vanished. 

The world was empty. The world held less meaning without Regulus, without Lily, without Harry. It had been his fault that they all died.  
As the years dragged on he felt more like a hallowed version of a person. 

All the things he'd once hoped to have with Harry; to live a life free of pain, to accept the love they had for each other without fear of it being used against them all of that had vanished long ago. So why was he still dragging on his pitiful existence? 

“Severus,” Dumbledore said. 

“Yes, Headmaster?”

“Young Mr. Potter will be joining us this year.”

_ “Potter?” _ James Potter’s face flashed in his head before he remembered. _ “Lily's son.” _

It had been because of Lily’s son that the Dark Lord had vanished. Lily’s orphaned son.

How many years had it been? 

How many more tears would it take to not have his failure to save the people he cared for not cut deeper when they popped up in his head?

“I trust you to help watch over the boy.”

Why he wanted to ask. Wasn’t it enough that he had to live with the guilt of every mistake he made over these years? 

“Yes, Headmaster.”

  
  
If he could he wouldn’t sit among the staff tonight. Not here on the Head table looking out to the sea of students.

Lily's son would be called up any moment. After tonight there would be a constant reminder of his mistakes roaming these halls. 

“Potter.”  
He didn't want to see the boy. 

Did he know that he had unintentionally caused his parents' death? Did he hate him? 

He should hate him. Loathe him I'm the same way he loathed himself. 

“Potter” McGonagall called again. 

A nervous laugh escaped the boy, a laugh that sounded just like Harry's. Without meaning to his eyes rose to the boy, his hair wild like his father's but demeanor more shy than Potter had ever been. 

As the boy walked closer it was like seeing a younger version of Harry. The way he smiled, the way his eyes sparkled with hope behind rounded glasses. But he had emerald eyes not mismatched ones that he expected.

  
“Harry Potter!” The sorting hat announced before muttering to itself. 

_ “Harry?” _ The world seemed to want to dig in his guilt even further. 

“Gryffindor!” Announced the sorting hat. 

The placement didn't shock him; what did was the scar on Potter's forehead which was in the exact shape as his Harry. 

_ “Coincidence.” _ It had to be. 

Watching the Potter boy join the Gryffindor table sat next to Ms. Granger.

It had to be all coincidental. 

Either way, he would look after him. This time he wouldn’t fail to protect him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end!
> 
> I can't believe it. I always get so sad/ happy about finishing a story.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/ gave kudos/ left comments you all mean so much to me. Especially those who were cursing James and Dumbledore for the things they did your comments made me laugh so much.  
And so ends this little series unless I get hit with another idea for it.
> 
> If there is a story idea you would like to read I'm always open to suggestions. The first story "A Life Saved" was inspired by a suggestion a while back.
> 
> Again thank you for reading to the very end of this.
> 
> Until the next time we meet, I hope you have a wonderful day/ week/ month/ year.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter.  
To clarify some things this version of Harry has one green eye and one blue eye and doesn't wear glasses. Also, the relationship between Severus and Harry is more tamed then what was in the books/ movies in terms of the way Severus treated Harry. In this version, Severus was still snarky about Harry's fame, but he didn't compare Harry to James. Also, the whole "Snape's worst memory" pensive event didn't take place in this AU.


End file.
